War Of The Worlds (2025) Is Fucking Horrible

War Of The Worlds is fucking horrible.

No, I’m not talking about the original HG Wells novel. That’s a classic. No, I am not talking about the 2005 adaptation with Tom Cruise. Not what I would call a classic, but it had its moments. Nor am I talking about the Asylum equivalent, which I’m sure is about as high-brow as all the other Asylum films that have come and gone ’round these parts.

No, we’re talking about the Ice Cube starring vehicle that escaped the Amazon mines last year. Shot during the prevailing circumstances of 2020 when everyone was stuck at home and we had to make due with our own limited means, this new take on the novel involves lots of webcam footage, lots of screenshots of social media platforms, and also most prominent of all, endless Amazon product placement. And this was sitting somewhere in the Amazon warehouses until someone found it and decided to put up on Prime Video. And somehow I sat down and watched this thing.

And it sucks.

Everything is terrible. The acting is beyond atrocious, with bit players giving off listless, almost life-draining performances while the major characters are… well, I guess they’re happy to be getting paid and are only willing to do just the barest bare minimum of the bare minimum of effort one is willing to put into a work in order to justify whatever pay they earned from their participation. The editing is awful; everyone is doing Zoom calls, facecams, we get capture footage of people’s phones and social media. And whenever we have special effects of the invaders, they look like the cheapest of the cheapest cheap end of the old Lucasfilm table scraps that were abandoned long after the Phantom Menace wrapped production. And while we’re at it, let’s pump in every social platform under the sun and make sure it gets facetime. Let’s pump in Amazon’s presence. The product placement is dreadful and I hate it.

Some people have a tendency to call some of these bad movies “so bad it’s good.” In that you can find things to poke fun of and that’s usually where the entertainment comes from. And if a film can do that for you, then that makes it entertaining in a way that wasn’t intended by the filmmakers, but that’s on them. And granted, I’ve seen my share of bad films that I could poke fun of or at least draw out some morbid entertainment value out… but when it comes to this… thing that Amazon dared call a movie, there’s no entertainment to be found here. This was probably the closest I ever came to hate watching a product because it took about five minutes to hate this film and I willed myself through the rest of it, just so I can say that it sucked.

This is an example of a movie that deserved to be shelved and filed as a tax write-off. There is no redeemable quality to be found in this movie. There is no reason for it to exist, much less be released for consumption. Everyone involved in this piece of crap should be made to take a long, hard walk off a high clifftop and land headfirst into the pavement below to destroy whatever defective brain matter possessed these people to make this film in the first place. And no, I’m not being harsh in saying that. If anything, that’s being fucking kind.

However, if you want me to say something nice about this movie… yeah, sorry, I can’t do it. I just can’t. This may very well challenge Ready To Rumble as the absolute worst movie in human history. It’s neck in neck. I’m on the fence as to which one I actively hate worse.

Every so often, someone will ask what it would take for me to give the Paul Feig Ghostbusters a watch since it’s going to be a decade old and I still haven’t watched it.

To quote a legendary and disgraced wrestling promoter…

No chance in Hell.

And you’ve got War Of The Worlds 2025 to thank for that.

Fuck this movie.

They’re Having The Rematch At The Pearly Gates

Courtesy of BingeSociety Youtube channel, from The Way Of The Dragon (a.k.a. Return Of The Dragon), perhaps one of the most famous fight scenes in cinema history as the late great Bruce Lee takes on the late great Chuck Norris.

Other people can have their Chuck Norris Facts or share the Walker: Texas Ranger memories or his many, many Cannon-helmed action films, but to me, this is peak Norris… even if he ended up losing the fight.

R.I.P Chuck.

THE BITE COMMENTARIES #15 – Star Trek Through Apathy

Star Trek is celebrating its sixtieth anniversary. The original series first aired in 1966 and has been on a roller coaster ride of sorts since that time, having seen multiple motion pictures, feature films, and animated projects under its belt. It has ridden the wave of fan support that produced a multitude of side material such as novels, comic books, interactive games, action figures, starship models, and other things. And it currently has a hit show on the Paramount+ streaming service. It should be a great time for Star Trek.

“Oh, but here comes crusty old Dave to rant and rave about how the current product sucks and how he misses the old days.”

Well, you’re half right. I do miss the old days when I actually looked forward to new Star Trek shows and movies. You’re kinda wrong about the show sucking, though. I’ve yet to see Starfleet Academy – never been big on young adult fare and me being a not-young adult anymore doesn’t help matters either – but I’ve heard generally favorable things from those who have. It’s hard to be invested in a franchise whose future seems to be in a state of flux, what with all the rumors surrounding ownerships and mergers. Will there even be new Star Trek after this current crop ends? Should there even be new Star Trek at this point?

Continue reading “THE BITE COMMENTARIES #15 – Star Trek Through Apathy”

Review #1297 – Aerofighters Assault (Nintendo 64)

I’m doing you a solid of sorts by putting this one up early. Next Friday’s though… tough one.

Star Soldier did a solid by sticking with what worked for the series. Aerofighters, on the other hand, went in a different direction… and effectively killed the series. Yes, they called the recent one a reunion, but it’s more like a revival of a long dormant brand that probably should have stayed dead if I’m being honest… but, hey, the more nostalgia you can dig out of mothballs, the better… allegedly.

Anyway, there may or may not be one more N64 game before we close out the month depending on how things turn out over the weekend. Honestly, I’ve been under the weather as of late and also there are other issues at work. I am hoping that things work out where we’ll have some sort of stream as scheduled, but if not, I’ll cook up something else in the interim and move the live show for another time.

New/Old MMPR… Eh…

Source: https://comicbook.com/comics/news/new-mighty-morphin-power-rangers-series-confirms-major-time-jump-and-a-returning-villain/

So your new MMPR comic thing is going to be a time jump thing where the Rangers are older, doing their own thing, but have to get back together to fight off against another Rita Repulsa type thing who isn’t actually Rita Repulsa, but a knock-off Rita because… fuck.

You know, I’ve soured on the Boom stuff after the whole Shattered Grid thing. It felt like reading someone’s shitty fanfiction, except you actually had to pay money for it. And I’ve read a lot of shitty fanfiction; I’ve written a bunch of shitty fanfiction. And you know what? I actually didn’t mind that Prime series because, hey, it’s trying something different and that’s what they needed was a new take on familiar material since that’s all they really want to do is take the toybox, shuffle these things up, and mash them up in a new narrative that isn’t bound by what came before. I was fine with that. Hell, just the fact that they dragged the VR Troopers out of mothballs and actually made a compelling series out of them gave me just a little bit of hope that maybe – just maybe – Boom was going to deliver a genuine quality Power Rangers series.

And then that gets shitcanned in favor of this pseudo-future thing where they redesigned the costumes to look like shitty dollar store knock-off toys. They produce a preview for a story that doesn’t inspire much hope it’s going to be offer anything new to the table. It feels like rehash and change for the sake of it rather than… why am I even bothering?

The really sad thing is that Boom already had a viable MMPR product that could be expanded upon. It’s called The Return. There’s no reason why you couldn’t cook up a deal to have OG Pinky Amy Jo Johnson, Matt Hotson, and others get together and whip up a follow-up to that series, especially since that last issue left the door open for further adventures. And look, I’ll be frank; The Return is the best thing to come out of Boom’s Power Rangers comic output in years. It was a good, solid reunion story, the art was fantastic, the characters were fleshed out, and it felt like a fresh take that was both familiar and new. If you had decided to make a new series that continued where The Return left off, hell yeah, I’d be on board with this.

This thing, on the other hand? I’m not exactly sold on it. It feels like a rehash with liberal needless changes made for the sake of changes. Not to mention, aren’t people sick and tired of more MMPR rehashes? Granted, it’s the one with the most mainstream recognition. It’s usually the first thing anyone thinks of when the words “Power Rangers” come up, but I also hear talk about how they need to move on from this or that or whatever the case may be.

Yeah, anyone remember Samurai? Anyone remember Megafarce? Rehashes of Mighty Morphin in all but name and even the ones after that basically reuse elements of MMPR (no more unique morphing calls, some variation of Go Go Power Rangers in the theme song, etc.). Even when they’re not doing MMPR, they’re still doing MMPR. You simply cannot get away from it.

Personally, I don’t care. If they want to do MOAR MMPR, then have at it. Would be nice if they tried something else… in fact, they did try something else and it was good, but now it’s ending because… fuck knows.

Eh… whatever. Doesn’t matter. Going to bed. Bye.

Whom You Hate And Refuse To Support… Or Something

Source: https://www.nintendolife.com/news/2026/03/saudi-investment-firm-acquires-a-significant-number-of-capcom-shares

So the Saudis now own a bit of Capcom… or rather their Public Investment Fund owns a bit of Capcom, which adds to their list of video game stakes including EA, Nintendo, Activision/Blizzard, Take-Two, and others… and also they own SNK wholesale. That’s the controversial one because that apparently means Fatal Fury gets real-life soccer players and anus-relaxing DJs with funny accents as “guest” fighters. So does that mean we can’t enjoy Capcom games anymore because they’re partly owned by folks from a country who has a spotty history with human decency? Do we boycott them the same way we boycott SNK… or is it just business as usual?

My answer is… meh.

Continue reading “Whom You Hate And Refuse To Support… Or Something”

Review #1296 – Star Soldier: Vanishing Earth (Nintendo 64)

Kind of last minute while also at the same time sort of lingering in the backlog and bucket list of reviews that desperately need to get knocked off. And this one’s nice and quick, too.

Oh, and Star Soldier continues to underwhelm on Nintendo. Oh goodie.

“But WAIT!” you yell, “What about Star Soldier R, which you are?”

To which I say, “You mean the WiiWare one? The one you can’t get anymore?”

Exactly.