Movie Reviews – dtm666

And Then, There Was… Lightning Jack (1994)

I think it’s safe to say that Lightning Jack was where the Paul Hogan train started to stutter a bit. Sure, the guy hadn’t been in a whole bunch of movies and most people probably mostly know him for his two (at the time) Crocodile Dundee outings, but after Lightning Jack failed in the box office, the only other thing of note that he did before going back to the Croc 3 well is Flipper… you know, the dolphin? They made a bunch of stuff about that dolphin.

Please do not remake Flipper. Not because I have a soft spot for the fella. But because you’re just not any good at it.

For those who have not seen Lightning Jack – if you say you have, you’re probably lying – Paul Hogan stars as Lightning Jack, an outlaw from the outback who has a mute partner in Cuba Downing Jr. and they get into some shenanigans because neither outlaw is good at the whole outlaw thing. This leads to things like mute Ben (Downing) shooting himself in the foot and other hijinks. There’s bits of humor to be found here, Paul Hogan is once again a charming performer that makes Jack a likeable enough bloke that you want to see him succeed in being wanted. Downing did a fine job as the mute Ben with his mannerisms and expressions. And shit, their interactions and mishaps gave me laughs. I don’t care. Misery can be very funny in the right moments.

Here’s the thing with Lightning Jack that hurts the movie – it feels like a knockoff version of Crocodile Dundee. Doesn’t help matters that ol’ Jack Kane is only a few steps away from being another take on Mick Dundee, even if he is supposed to be another character entirely… one that’s on the opposite of the moral compass if you will. He looks too much like Mick Dundee except for those moments where you’re reminded that, “Oh wait, this isn’t Mick Dundee. It’s Lightning Jack.”

And yes, let’s get it out of the way. Lightning Jack’s plot is barebones and thin. There’s no substance to it, but then again, you’re not watching something like this for the plot; you’re mostly watching it for the mild comedy bits and action sequences. In the case of the former, the movie has its moments. In the case of the latter, it’s serviceable enough fare, but nothing too outlandish even within the realm of western parody.

It’s not the worst movie that I’ve ever seen, certainly nowhere near as bad as some critics would have you believe. There were a few laughs here and there, there’s more of that Paul Hogan charm, and the action bits, while not spectacular, were still fun bits, but Lightning Jack feels like a lesser version of Croc Dundee and probably explains why we didn’t get another Croc Dundee until two other guys wrote the thing. Neither good nor bad, it’s just okay.

A Load Of Crocodile Dundee In Los Angeles (2001)

Fun fact for you folks: up until recently, I have never watched Crocodile Dundee In Los Angeles.

I’ve seen the first two movies countless times, but for some reason or another, the stars never aligned and I never got around to seeing that third and final chapter in the Crocodile Dundee trilogy until picking up a Blu-Ray that contained all three films. And so I figured, “why not?”

Released in April 2001 and pretty bombing both commercially and critically, Crocodile Dundee In Los Angeles feels less like a sequel to the previous two films and more like one of those reunion specials where the cast of an old television show get together years later to produce one final get together. Think of all those reunion specials; Get Smart Again, Knight Rider 2000, those Incredible Hulk television movies. That’s pretty much Crocodile Dundee in L.A. Having lived in Australia for over a decade, Mick (Paul Hogan), Sue (Linda Kozlowski in what would be her final film role), and their son Mikey move back to Los Angeles so that Sue can take over her father’s newspaper, which naturally results in Mick and son feeling like fish out of water. We also get a plot involving the former editor of said paper who was murdered, leading Mick to try and solve the case, with some hijinks peppered in along the way.

I’ve heard stories that Paul Hogan had been resistant to the idea of doing another Crocodile Dundee for years, so I have to wonder what compelled him to do this one (that he had no involvement in writing.) My biggest issue with L.A. is pretty much the same issue that I had with Highlander III; it feels too much like a retread of the first movie, but nowhere near as good. Don’t get me wrong; Paul Hogan still has that charm and I do appreciate the digs at the movie industry or the way things have changed since the last time we had a Croc Dundee movie whenever they’re brought up. But we’ve already seen Mick as a fish out of water done well with that first film. What we have here still has moments where I can get a chuckle or two, but it’s not quite as much.

For what it’s worth, I enjoyed Crocodile Dundee In L.A. for what it was; one last get together with old friends going on their zany adventures. Most of it feels like retread and the new stuff doesn’t quite hit, but I didn’t come away feeling like I wasted time watching this. Did we need this movie? No, but I didn’t mind this. I thought it was fine.

There hasn’t been another Croc movie since. The closest you can arguably say we got was that Very Excellent Mr. Dundee, but that’s not even close. As far as I know, they never made another Croc movie nor is anyone really planning on it.

Let’s hope they never do.

The Strange Case Of Crocodile Dundee II

1986 saw Crocodile Dundee be a surprise hit and gave Aussie actor/writer Paul Hogan a step in the global movie stage.

Two years later, they produced a sequel that proved to be not quite as successful as its predecessor, both in terms of box office and critical reception. Make no mistake; the film still made money, but not as much as the first time around. And as far as the critical reception is concerned, the general consensus is that it’s not quite as funny (or original) as the first film and by the second film, the novelty that made the first film endearing has mostly worn off.

Personally… I liked the film. Sure, there’s going to be that inevitable feeling of rehashing ideas from the first film, but I honestly don’t mind it because one of the ideas behind rehashed is ol’ Mick Dundee himself because Paul Hogan maintains his wonderful charm that makes the character so endearing, as he attempts to settle in New York while keeping up with old habits and there’s a couple funny bits in there. But that eventually gives way to the main plot involving main squeeze Sue being pursued by a drug lord who wants photos she got from her ex, which eventually leads our heroes to stake their ground in Mick’s home turf of Australia’s Northern territory.

This is where the film slides into almost action schlock, with Mick using home advantage (and some local friends) to pick off the drug crew one by one. There’s some chuckles here and there, but going into what is essentially generic action fare with a quirky hero… I can understand if people see this as the train falling off the rails, but I’m personally engaged in seeing how Mick stays ahead of the bad guys. It’s not sophisticated fare, but it doesn’t have to be. You’ve got a likeable enough hero, you want to see him overcome the odds, and save the day. We saw Mick out of his element in the first film; now we see him in it.

If there’s any fault to be found here, it’s really in the overall pace. Sometimes, you really want to get to the next big scene, but the movie takes its time to get there and rarely during these slower moments do you get anything that can’t be just skipped with a fast-forward or two. Croc I didn’t have these moments; that had better pacing and took better advantage of the central character.

Other than that, though, I could think of worse sequels that didn’t quite live up to the original. Crocodile Dundee II might not be the splendid brilliance of its predecessor, but it’s still a perfectly fine follow-up.

Crocodile Dundee… 40 Years Later

If you grew up in the 80s, you knew about Crocodile Dundee.

Also, if you grew up in the 80s, get ready for the constant stream of reminders that you’re an old fart as many of your favorite 80s properties that you grew up watching, reading, and playing turn 40 in the coming years. Now it’s your turn to tell those kids to get off your goddamned lawn… or pretend you own a lawn, which is the more likely scenario these days, but I digress.

Crocodile Dundee saw release in Australian theaters in April 1986, while the rest of the world would get theirs in September. The story involves American reporter person Sue Charlton going to Australia to do a story on a strange fellow named Mick “Crocodile” Dundee, an individual who lives a rather interesting life in the Outback. So enamored by this strange individual that she invites him back to New York, where he is introduced to all the things we take for granted (circa 1986, of course) and oh boy, how does the strange out-of-towner deal with this zany city folk?

The classic fish out of water story, where some stranger heads into a strange land and is baffled by their surroundings. It’s the kind of tale that we’ve seen told countless times over the years to varying degrees of success. And in the hands of a lesser talent, it would have come across as hokey or mean-spirited, but Paul Hogan (who also wrote the script) plays Mick Dundee with enough charm and innocence that you can’t help but root for the guy as he adapts his new surroundings. He makes a point to never put Mick (or Hogan himself) in a situation that’s beyond his capability. Most importantly, things are played fairly straight and not treated like a hokey joke like most modern comedies would go for. Aussie Wilderness Person goes to New York and tries to fit in… great, go for it. No need to force laughs, the laughs will come naturally.

Honestly, the movie is almost entirely carried on the back of Paul Hogan because none of the other cast match up to him. Not because the acting is bad; it’s just everyone else seems a bit tame and normal in comparison. As such, they’re less interesting. Even Sue (played by Linda Kozlowski) falls into the trap of being smitten with this odd folk hero of sorts and being torn between that and the rich guy she’s dating. Spoiler: she makes the right call.

Crocodile Dundee is a fun movie and even after four decades, still holds up. The jokes and gags land where they should, the dialogue hits the right notes, and the main character sells the whole deal. It’s enough of a strong movie that when Netflix (Canada) took the movie down, I bought the trilogy Blu-Ray off Amazon because yay, I like me some Croc.

In 2025, a new version of the movie dubbed The Encore Cut was released, which removes some of the more “questionable” bits that wouldn’t land well with today’s moral standards. Some people will object to this sort of censorship, but I would suggest looking for old DVD or Blu-Ray releases instead if you want the original cut because they’re going to Lucas this as the standard going forward.

MOVIE REVIEW – The Very Excellent Mr. Dundee (2020)

So next week on the blog, we’re going to do a lookback at the Crocodile Dundee trilogy of films in celebration of the first film’s 40th anniversary. But before we do that, I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention Paul Logan’s more recent attempt to cash in on that legacy in the form of the awkwardly named The Very Excellent Mr. Dundee, which was on the verge of leaving Prime Video and I figured, “Why not?”

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War Of The Worlds (2025) Is Fucking Horrible

War Of The Worlds is fucking horrible.

No, I’m not talking about the original HG Wells novel. That’s a classic. No, I am not talking about the 2005 adaptation with Tom Cruise. Not what I would call a classic, but it had its moments. Nor am I talking about the Asylum equivalent, which I’m sure is about as high-brow as all the other Asylum films that have come and gone ’round these parts.

No, we’re talking about the Ice Cube starring vehicle that escaped the Amazon mines last year. Shot during the prevailing circumstances of 2020 when everyone was stuck at home and we had to make due with our own limited means, this new take on the novel involves lots of webcam footage, lots of screenshots of social media platforms, and also most prominent of all, endless Amazon product placement. And this was sitting somewhere in the Amazon warehouses until someone found it and decided to put up on Prime Video. And somehow I sat down and watched this thing.

And it sucks.

Everything is terrible. The acting is beyond atrocious, with bit players giving off listless, almost life-draining performances while the major characters are… well, I guess they’re happy to be getting paid and are only willing to do just the barest bare minimum of the bare minimum of effort one is willing to put into a work in order to justify whatever pay they earned from their participation. The editing is awful; everyone is doing Zoom calls, facecams, we get capture footage of people’s phones and social media. And whenever we have special effects of the invaders, they look like the cheapest of the cheapest cheap end of the old Lucasfilm table scraps that were abandoned long after the Phantom Menace wrapped production. And while we’re at it, let’s pump in every social platform under the sun and make sure it gets facetime. Let’s pump in Amazon’s presence. The product placement is dreadful and I hate it.

Some people have a tendency to call some of these bad movies “so bad it’s good.” In that you can find things to poke fun of and that’s usually where the entertainment comes from. And if a film can do that for you, then that makes it entertaining in a way that wasn’t intended by the filmmakers, but that’s on them. And granted, I’ve seen my share of bad films that I could poke fun of or at least draw out some morbid entertainment value out… but when it comes to this… thing that Amazon dared call a movie, there’s no entertainment to be found here. This was probably the closest I ever came to hate watching a product because it took about five minutes to hate this film and I willed myself through the rest of it, just so I can say that it sucked.

This is an example of a movie that deserved to be shelved and filed as a tax write-off. There is no redeemable quality to be found in this movie. There is no reason for it to exist, much less be released for consumption. Everyone involved in this piece of crap should be made to take a long, hard walk off a high clifftop and land headfirst into the pavement below to destroy whatever defective brain matter possessed these people to make this film in the first place. And no, I’m not being harsh in saying that. If anything, that’s being fucking kind.

However, if you want me to say something nice about this movie… yeah, sorry, I can’t do it. I just can’t. This may very well challenge Ready To Rumble as the absolute worst movie in human history. It’s neck in neck. I’m on the fence as to which one I actively hate worse.

Every so often, someone will ask what it would take for me to give the Paul Feig Ghostbusters a watch since it’s going to be a decade old and I still haven’t watched it.

To quote a legendary and disgraced wrestling promoter…

No chance in Hell.

And you’ve got War Of The Worlds 2025 to thank for that.

Fuck this movie.

The Late Shift Is A Bad Movie Based On A Good Book

30 years ago on this day, HBO released a little film called The Late Shift, a television film adaptation of the Bill Carter-penned book of the same name chronicling the David Letterman/Jay Leno battle over the Tonight Show after the departure of longtime host Johnny Carson. I recently got the chance to read the book for the first time in years and for what it’s worth, it’s a superb chronicle of all the details surrounding this rather convoluted mess of a situation as a result of pure, unadulterated arrogance and incompetence on the part of NBC… something that would be just as readily apparently over a decade later with the Conan O’Brien situation.

As for the film in question… well, you can watch the movie on Youtube; there’s at least a couple uploads of it that you can check out for free… although I would implore you not to do it and just go for the book. Naturally, there’s only so much you can do to adapt a book into a 95 minute film, but more to the point, the movie is just plain bad.

Why am I celebrating the film’s thirty anniversary if I’m calling it a bad film? Well, I can think of no other time in which it would be appropriate to talk about this film that it doesn’t feel… what? Timely? Something to that extent… but really, with all the noise of late night of the past year – the Colbert cancellation and Kimmel suspension – I can’t help but think of the days when late night’s worst controversy was Jay Leno holding onto the Tonight Show by staying in the lobby while Conan O’Brien fumbled. And while I had missed out on the initial Tonight Show noise in the early 1990s, at no point did I figure that I would get to live this nonsense live and in living color.

And at some point, should HBO or whoever decides to give this late night scene another movie of sorts, I pray that it is yards better than the utter tripe of a film that is The Late Shift.

Basically, it boils down to the portrayal of its two biggest stars; David Letterman and Jay Leno, which comes across as comically bad to the point of farce or parody. I know that Jay had a huge chin, but maybe the make-up crew probably overdid it a bit with Daniel Roebuck, who looks more like a poor man’s Jay Leno cosplayer than he does a poor man’s Jay Leno… and his performance here is obnoxiously overexaggerated Italian stereotype and less funny man trying to be a good guy by waiting in the lobby. As for John Higgins’s take on Letterman, other than the obnoxious red hairpiece, he almost kinda, sorta looks the part, but again, the performance is what turns me off on the whole deal. I can see why Letterman himself didn’t care for the film.

Ironically, the noteworthy performances of this film are the secondary characters. Kathy Bates puts on a good showing as bullish producer Helen Kushnik – even if the portrayal is tame compared to the real deal – the late, great Treat Williams is slick and suave as Michael Ovitz, and hell, I even felt some sympathy for some of the network people, even if they were – technically – the antagonists and instigators of this whole deal… well, except for Howard Stringer; he’s wonderful… and also wonderfully played by Babylon 5 regular Peter Jurasik.

The Late Shift is the sort of thing that deserved to get run over with a steamroller… or dropped from a high-rise building and exploding into a blissful red mist upon impact… or simply smashed with a hammer… it’s essentially one big 90-minute Stupid Human Trick in slow motion… even Big Jaw deserves better than what he got here.

This whole deal is obnoxiously bad. Stick with the book.

THE BITE COMMENTARIES #11 – The Force Undead

So, if all goes according to plan, today’s post should publish on the very same day that, ten years ago, the first Star Wars film of the Disney ownership era as well as the start of a new Star Wars sequel trilogy – The Force Awakens – hit movie theaters to usher in a new era of Star Wars that is new and different… although you wouldn’t have been able to tell from watching the movie.

At the time of release, people considered it to be a return to form after the polarizing prequels. For some, it felt like Star Wars again… for others, it felt too much like Star Wars; to the point of almost being a carbon copy of the original film from 1977.

And then The Last Jedi came along and pretty much shat the bed that The Force Awakens set with its dogged insistence in subverting your expectations; something that has become a meme over the years in and of itself. Regardless of your opinion on the film – and I’ve made my feelings perfectly clear – the fact is that the second chapter of the new trilogy was a divisive film and brought about an air of uncertainty among the Star Wars faithful. And then Solo came along… and finally, The Rise Of Skywalker ended the sequels and any subsequent hope for further annual Star Wars feature films, relegating the franchise to limited series runs on Disney+.

What began as a sign that things were going to be okay… turned out to be anything but… and when one revisits The Force Awakens ten years removed from its initial release, with all these other films out there and everything that has happened, is the movie as good as it was? Has it aged poorly? Was it ever that good to begin with?

The answer is… complicated.

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THE BITE COMMENTAIES #10 – Sith At 20

This past May marked the 20th anniversary of the third Star Wars prequel film, Episode III: Revenge Of The Sith, which finally paid off its long-running story of how Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker fell to the dark side and eventually became Darth Vader. And if you want to me to tell how I felt about the film at the time, I thought it was the only really good film out of the prequel since everyone died. And I wasn’t the only one who thought that because a bunch of people I went to see the film with thought it was the only really good prequel out of the bunch because everyone died.

Now we all know that statement is a bit of a fib. Not everyone died, obviously; this isn’t Rogue One, for cryin’ out loud. But the cast of characters that were introduced in prior prequel films were either killed off or cast aside to make way for the characters that people actually cared about to come along and have the adventures they had back in 77 and the circle would be complete or some deal like that.

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Legend Or Rehash – Some Thoughts On Karate Kid: Legends

Karate Kid: Legends is a movie that came out of nowhere.

Not necessarily in the sense that nobody saw it coming because we’ve already had a couple trailers for it and I’ve even commented on the film a couple times… but rather in the sense that a couple weeks ago, a buddy invited me to join them and some pals to watch the new Karate Kid movie and my immediate reaction was “What new Karate Kid movie?”

Yes, despite having made a mention of this thing once or twice on this blog, the news that this movie was out in theaters threw me by surprise. Regardless, though, I said sure. They were kind enough to pay for all the tickets while I offered some drinks from the concessions which may have cost more than the tickets, but I digress. So after having seen this movie, what were my initial impressions of Karate Kid Legends?

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