Category: Movie Reviews

Last week, I discussed the abnormality that is Supergirl’s latest cinematic escapade and decided that I would rather watch the old Supergirl movie over this one. I say that as kind of a fib, but at the same time, this was one of those movies that did nothing for me. Of course, I’ve shared such thoughts here for those who want it.

True to my word, I popped in my DVD copy of Supergirl… the one from 1984 starring Helen Slater, who would eventually play other parts in other Super-related material in recent years. It goes without saying that she is probably the only real redeemable part of this entire endeavor and for all the faults this movie possesses, she is not one of them.

With that out of the way… Supergirl is awful.

Continue reading “Supergirl ’84 Is (Still) Awful”

Suicide Squad is a strange film to pin down. You look at all the advertising for this thing – the tagline of “Worst Heroes Ever” chief among them – and some of the choice clips that they used to sell people on the movie.

It’s no secret that Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice was rather… divisive in its reception. I made no bones about my disdain at the time for the film… mostly because I didn’t think it was a good movie. Because of that divisive reception, DC shifted gears for its upcoming line up. One of the films affected would be Suicide Squad, a film that had gone through a few phases before eventually coming out in August 2016.

I shared some thoughts on the film, which you can check out here. In short, I thought the film was fine, largely enjoyable, and probably the best DC movie up to that point because of it. I haven’t seen that movie since then and things have obviously changed quite a bit. We had another Suicide Squad film a few years ago from James Gunn, which spun off the John Cena starring vehicle Peacemaker… and of course, James Gunn is currently overseeing the entire slate of DC film and television production. Clearly, he must have done something right in making something involving John Cena that didn’t suck.

And then I come back to this Suicide Squad film, which had an extended cut released some time after the theatrical run. It largely retained some of the issues I had with the movie the first time. That is to say, I could have done without the wacky editing and musical inserts, which felt deliberately tacked on and not at all a natural part of the film. The attempts at adding a more lighthearted tone to a film that was clearly intended to be much grimmer in tone… doesn’t quite sit well with me. Levity is something that should be natural in regards to certain characters – Superman, for example.

But with Suicide Squad, you kind of want that darker tone. These reprehensible people who are on a leash and under threat of literal termination via remote bomb… yeah, you want the audience to feel for these characters and their plights. They almost managed that to a point with little character moments and motivations here and there. But then we break in a music video montage that just feels out of place. People had accused DC of giving this a vibe similar to Guardians Of The Galaxy – oh, look. Another James Gunn project namedropped here… but it fits because that film was a giant success for Marvel. DC, naturally, wanted their own and shoehorned this movie to be that… which they failed because Suicide Squad isn’t designed to be that. So those attempts at lighthearted rapport and quippiness (is that a word? Who cares?) sort of stick out.

In a sense, this sort of mentality was what plagued Justice League once Zack Snyder dropped out after the death of his daughter. And full disclosure; I actually liked that movie when it came out and appreciated it for giving Henry Cavill the opportunity to actually play Superman as opposed to whatever the fuck Snyder wanted him to be. That said, I’m not sure I want to watch it nowadays given my current malaise with that style of storytelling permeating all the Disney properties.

Once again, the action scenes were on point. Yeah, a lot of it is shrouded in perpetual darkness – another complaint I have with this film, but to be fair, the movie needed that – but at the very least, they looked well choreographed and executed. The writing and the acting is pretty solid; obviously, the standout being Margot Robbie’s take on Harley Quinn, which some folks at Mattel watched and went “She’s our Barbie.” Will Smith’s Deadshot is also quite good and further testament to Smith’s acting chops – in terms of on-screen performances, not in terms of clocking Chris Rock. Hell, even some of the minor players get some moment to shine.

Again, my misgivings towards not enough being done with Katana since that was one of my favorite Outsiders… but I guess that small nugget was enough for Karen Fukuhara to get a gig with the boys. Never a bad thing in my book.

So, yeah, ten years later, Suicide Squad still holds up as a fairly entertaining movie… though its crown as the best DC movie of the bunch would eventually be claimed by the likes of Wonder Woman and Aquaman, but that was going to happen regardless. With that in mind, I do hope that David Ayer gets the chance to do the cut of the film that he always intended, much like Zack Snyder got with Justice League. If anything, I’d be more inclined to support any movement involving the realization of the Ayer cut.

But more than likely, the only Ayer cut I’ll be seeing is anything involving the similarly-named David Ayers… that zamboni driver who served as an emergency goalie in that one game in Toronto and gave that Dangle person a conniption fit.

Oh well… maybe some day…

Came across this Check Point film a couple weeks ago and figured I’d give it a shot. Released nine years ago and starring Kenny Johnson and someone named *checks notes* Bill Goldberg, Check Point is your low-budget direct-to-video action schlock where a drifter who happens to be a former marine discovers a terrorist plot to overthrow a quaint American town and must convince some buddies to help him win back their country or something. Well, I know at least one group of people that might be interested in a film like this.

I am speaking of very patriotic Americans, of course.

I don’t know what you were thinking.

Check Point is one of those movies that would merit a short, quick review posting on IMDB and you’d move on to something else. To its credit, you’ve got some notable names on here including Kane Hodder (Jason in multiple movies), Tyler Mane (Sabretooth in X-Men), and William Forsythe (lots of bad guy roles). There’s also quite the playlist of licensed music from bands that I may or may not be familiar with that plays every so often because the filmmakers couldn’t be bothered to make their own.

The issue isn’t that Check Point isn’t a bad movie, but rather it’s a bad movie that’s also boring. The plot is non-existent, the acting is rather atrocious, the special effects and action bits are so bad that even Asylum films would come across as Marvel spectacles in comparison, and by the end of the movie, you wonder why anyone even wasted their time with this film. There is a nice tribute to the Marine Corps, but given the movie around it, you may as well as pop in a copy of The Marine starring John Cena if you wanted a good marine tribute.

All in all… not a good movie. Why did I even watch this?

The story goes that when Roger Moore decided to step down from the role of famed British agent James Bond, the search was on for the next 007. Most people presumed the role would go to Remington Steel star Pierce Brosnan, who seemed like the surefire choice. Instead, the role would go to Timothy Dalton, whose tenure as Bond would last two films until he dropped out… at which point, Brosnan would get the gig.

In the meantime, however, Brosnan would do other films in the interim. One of these films is Taffin, an action-thriller based in Ireland, where Brosnan plays the eponymous debt collector Mark Taffin, who finds himself at odds with not only ruthless business people who want to develop a new plant at a small Irish town, but also the very citizens that once stood by his side. In fairness, the story isn’t all straightforward and could have been cleared up in a couple places. Perhaps ending the movie on a better note – not necessarily happy, but a more satisfying end that feels earned and not just thrown out there.

Taffin is largely low-budget fare; it’s not shot in the most sophisticated manner with a slow start that takes a while to get going. Once things start to pick up, there’s some decent action bits being played out. The cast put on decent showings; Brosnan has a couple moments of cheese with a couple line readings, but that trademark charm shines through Taffin’s rough shell.

It is not what I would call a “lost gem” or anything like that. Taffin will not be to everyone’s liking, but I found it entertaining enough for a slow afternoon. Perfectly acceptable low-budget fare.

I’ll do you a solid, 80s kids. We’ll cover a movie that isn’t turning 40.

How about one that just turned 30? That’ll make you feel better, no?

Oh… oh well…

The Cable Guy is a movie starring Jim Carrey as the titular Cable Guy, who often has one favorite customer (Matthew Broderick) whom he constantly visits and eventually torments. It’s that classic trope of someone who comes to your house, fixes your stuff every so often, get somewhat familiar, and eventually becomes part of the family whether you want them or not.  The Cable Guy sort of takes that concept to the extreme; Carrey’s Cable Guy is a constant, obsessive presence in Broderick’s life to the point where he becomes a menace.

This is a movie that I recall watching once or twice back in the day and remember very little about it. There’s a scene in a medieval themed restaurant where Carrey and Broderick are play jousting and you’ve got the music from Star Trek where Kirk and Spock are fighting each other, which is the only real memorable bit because me likes the Trek. The only other thing I know of this movie is that there’s a guy at the flea market who specializes in cable boxes and has a huge ass poster of this film as a shop sign. Still in business today, by the way… in 2026. Go figure.

In rewatching it again… I find The Cable Guy to be a mixed bag of sorts. On the one hand, there are some funny moments here and there, Jim Carrey got to flex his acting muscles a bit by playing a much darker character than what audiences were used to before hand (Ace Ventura, The Mask, etc.), and I can appreciate the grimness in having that fellow in your life who’s just there to leach off you. I know those kinds of people.

On the other hand, though, the movie didn’t quite leave an impact. There’s a couple bits that are funny, but the rest of it is just… I don’t know. I’m just watching this thing as it goes along, having a couple chuckles here and there, getting into the story as much as I could, and appreciating as best as I could what they’re trying to convey, but it’s just one of those things that never really clicked. It remains a poster at some guy’s shop at the local flea market and not so much a memorable movie.

Still, I wouldn’t call this bad. There’s good performances, there’s some funny bits, and Carrey showing range here opened the door for further acting opportunities. The Cable Guy didn’t quite work for me, but it could be more to your liking. Worth a shot if nothing else.

I think it’s safe to say that Lightning Jack was where the Paul Hogan train started to stutter a bit. Sure, the guy hadn’t been in a whole bunch of movies and most people probably mostly know him for his two (at the time) Crocodile Dundee outings, but after Lightning Jack failed in the box office, the only other thing of note that he did before going back to the Croc 3 well is Flipper… you know, the dolphin? They made a bunch of stuff about that dolphin.

Please do not remake Flipper. Not because I have a soft spot for the fella. But because you’re just not any good at it.

For those who have not seen Lightning Jack – if you say you have, you’re probably lying – Paul Hogan stars as Lightning Jack, an outlaw from the outback who has a mute partner in Cuba Downing Jr. and they get into some shenanigans because neither outlaw is good at the whole outlaw thing. This leads to things like mute Ben (Downing) shooting himself in the foot and other hijinks. There’s bits of humor to be found here, Paul Hogan is once again a charming performer that makes Jack a likeable enough bloke that you want to see him succeed in being wanted. Downing did a fine job as the mute Ben with his mannerisms and expressions. And shit, their interactions and mishaps gave me laughs. I don’t care. Misery can be very funny in the right moments.

Here’s the thing with Lightning Jack that hurts the movie – it feels like a knockoff version of Crocodile Dundee. Doesn’t help matters that ol’ Jack Kane is only a few steps away from being another take on Mick Dundee, even if he is supposed to be another character entirely… one that’s on the opposite of the moral compass if you will. He looks too much like Mick Dundee except for those moments where you’re reminded that, “Oh wait, this isn’t Mick Dundee. It’s Lightning Jack.”

And yes, let’s get it out of the way. Lightning Jack’s plot is barebones and thin. There’s no substance to it, but then again, you’re not watching something like this for the plot; you’re mostly watching it for the mild comedy bits and action sequences. In the case of the former, the movie has its moments. In the case of the latter, it’s serviceable enough fare, but nothing too outlandish even within the realm of western parody.

It’s not the worst movie that I’ve ever seen, certainly nowhere near as bad as some critics would have you believe. There were a few laughs here and there, there’s more of that Paul Hogan charm, and the action bits, while not spectacular, were still fun bits, but Lightning Jack feels like a lesser version of Croc Dundee and probably explains why we didn’t get another Croc Dundee until two other guys wrote the thing. Neither good nor bad, it’s just okay.