Category: Wrestling Musings

Alba Fyre, one of Chelsea Green’s Slaygents or whatever they’re called, is gone. RIP Alba Fyre. Welcome back, Kay Lee Rey.

The entire Wyatt Sicks faction (Bo Dallas, Joe Gacy, Nikki Cross, Dexter Lumis, and some other dude) got cut. A group of folks that got a strong introduction that was certainly memorable if nothing else, only to fizzle out because nobody had any clue on what to do with them. Kind of sad that their last big program was over a lantern against the Bloodline B-Team. Could you have done more with them? I don’t know… maybe… I get wanting to continue the legacy and creative drive of the late Bray Wyatt, but it rings hollow when all you have is a spooky entrance and not much substance. This is something that just doesn’t fit in the wrestling landscape because nobody would have any clue on what to do with it.

Aleister Black and Zelina Vega are also gone. Aleister Black, who returned to WWE after a stint in AEW, no doubt figured that he’d be better off except not really. Closest was a couple cursory involvements with Sami Zayn and Randy Orton before TKO decided that PAT MCAFEE can save Wrestlemania. (Spoiler: He didn’t.) I hope TK is forgiving… or maybe TNA has a spot open for Lucius Black or something. As for Thea… well, there’s always Twitch.

KAIRI seems to be the big surprise here, as she was a pivotal piece in the ASUKA/IYO SKY feud and without that element, what do you have left for these two to fight over? Also gone are the Motor City Machine Guns, Santos Escobar, Apollo Crew, and some NXT guys and gals whose names I don’t recall.

Wish these folks all the best in their future endeavors.

First, it was the MYSTERY BOX and who did it turn out to be?

Danhausen.

Not a big deal for me, perfect fit for WWE, but clearly people wanted someone else and they’re not getting them.

Now, we have the MYSTERY CALLER of Randy Orton. Oooh, lots of hype for that, huh? Big time Wrestlemania main event that was booked almost last minute and we have a mystery caller?

And who did it turn out to be?

Pat MacAfee.

No, really.

Could this have something to do with that one person who was rumored to show up for months, only for him to show up on the other show instead?

I don’t know… maybe…

But I do know one thing: McSon-In-Law should really stop doing mystery angles. The payoff for these things suck and with this and all these empty promises of era-defining moments that never happen, he’s practically turning into Dixie Carter. That’s not a good thing.

You know… sometimes, finding out about these things online is the only real way to go. It saves the time and investment wasted on underwhelming pay-offs.

…to AEW last night.

From Winnipeg, you idiot.

Okay, now that we’ve resolved that piece of business, we can all move on with our lives.

“But what about the mystery caller talking to Randy?”

Who cares? It’s not coming out of a box.

Don’t give a fuck.

“Oh, but they brought back the Queen Of Ear Rape to slap the taste out of-”

Do. Not. Give. A. Fuck.

Next.

You know… there are a number of announcements that can get me to drop everything, subscribe to Netflix, and dedicate a whole weekend to watching what could very well be the most underwhelming Wrestlemania showcase in WWE history… at least, until next year.

Announcing that John Cena is going to host the thing… is not one of them.

Can he just fuck off and do movies now? What is he going to do now? More MEMES on Twitter?

Gah…

Earlier today, I came across this headline on the Inside The Ropes website, which you can check out here:

So you’re reading that headline and you figure, “Oh man. Heartbreaking end of an era? What could that possibly be? No more Hall Of Fame? No more commercials. Going back to smaller arenas? Cutting back on pyro? No chance in hell they’re bringing back the ring carts?” Clearly something terrible must have happened if we’re going to label this as “heartbreaking.” The kind of buzz word that baits people into clicking your articles.

Inside The Rope has a tendency to do this quite a bit, using very vague terms to avoid telling you what the article is all about. “42-Year-Old WWE Star Pooped Their Pants. Blames Tony Khan” or “Former WWE Champion Pissed On Wrong Side Of River” or “38-Year-Old AEW Veteran Gives Dave Meltzer A REDACTED” and so on and so forth. I mean, it’s incredible the lengths these people will go to avoid telling you what the article is about in their headlie.

And so what was this heartbreaking update on a Wrestlemania tradition that spurned curiosity?

Continue reading “Inside The Ropes Can Kiss My Clickbait”