Last week, I discussed the abnormality that is Supergirl’s latest cinematic escapade and decided that I would rather watch the old Supergirl movie over this one. I say that as kind of a fib, but at the same time, this was one of those movies that did nothing for me. Of course, I’ve shared such thoughts here for those who want it.
True to my word, I popped in my DVD copy of Supergirl… the one from 1984 starring Helen Slater, who would eventually play other parts in other Super-related material in recent years. It goes without saying that she is probably the only real redeemable part of this entire endeavor and for all the faults this movie possesses, she is not one of them.
With that out of the way… Supergirl is awful.
You know it’s funny when we look back at some of these older superhero movies that have multiple installments and we wonder where did it go wrong. When it comes to Superman, it went wrong the minute Richard Donner was dropped from directing duties and the remainder of Superman II was overseen by Richard Lester, who apparently did such an impressive job (derp) that he was given the job of directing Superman III.
For those who don’t recall, that was the one with Richard Pryor. Also, for those who don’t recall, the movie isn’t particularly any good… although if I’m going to be fair, it’s not quite as terrible as some people make it out to be. It’s just not up to the standard of the Donner efforts. Still, not wanting to completely drop off the Super train, the Salkinds decided to branch off into other Super properties and decided to tackle Supergirl.
Unfortunately, Supergirl would not fare as well both critically or commercially, which resulted in the Salkinds selling the rights to the Cannon Group and that led to Superman IV…
Here’s the thing with Superman IV, though… as much as it is a genuinely bad movie for all the reasons that have been hammered home, I can watch that movie and believe that, with a little more work, a little more polish, and a shitload of tender love and care, there’s something of a good movie to be found here. Hell, I can recall reading the comic adaptation of Superman IV that did a better job of managing that mess of a script that what Cannon deemed acceptable fare to be put on screen. I can find little things to like about Superman IV and laugh at the rest of it. I can have fun with that movie.
Supergirl, on the other hand, offers no such respite.
The only thing that really works is Helen Slater, who plays Kara/Supergirl as well as she could with the limp material she’s given. She looks good in the suit, she has a natural charm that’s endearing, and all this time, I’m left wishing that she had a better movie to work with. Truthfully, I know little about the Kara Zor-El of the pre-Crisis On Infinite Earth days, so I’m not sure what the “ideal” Supergirl movie would have been. I don’t know if I would want it to be “whatever Superman normally does, but Supergirl instead” like the CW show did… actually, I take that back. I wouldn’t want that. I want a Supergirl movie to be about Supergirl doing Supergirl things… whatever that actually entailed in 1984 besides, you know, dying.
Now the problem is that Supergirl was following Superman III, a film that was once perceived as something else before Richard Pryor got involved and it became what it is… less of a big event movie and more of something that would be more akin to a TV episode. Because that’s what the paying audience would love to see as a follow-up to a big tentpole feature like Superman II is a low-budget TV episode… at least Superman IV had stakes, for whatever that’s worth.
And so naturally, that kind of blase storytelling bled into Supergirl. What we got was Supergirl having to go to Earth to find the power source of Argo City, which fell into the hands of an evil witch who sees it as an instrument of enhance her magical powers… oh, and both protagonist and antagonist have the hots for some dude because it’s SUPERGIRL after all. If some folks were to be believed, this plot point (that and the trucker bit) was what could have saved the Milly Alcock film. These folks are dumb.
You have big name actors featured in this thing giving half-assed performances. The dialogue and plotting for this thing is also somewhat half-assed. Some of the stuntwork and flying effects aren’t too bad, but the rest of the effects come across as less than stellar. Nowhere near the depths of Superman IV, but clearly not at the level we’ve seen with the first two films. There’s a bunch of different cuts of Supergirl that were released over the years and I’ve seen a couple of them, but none of them fix the biggest problems with this movie. Not even a Richard Donner cut could salvage this thing.
With the failure of Supergirl, the Salkinds sold the rights to Cannon Group, who made Superman IV before selling the rights back to the Salkinds, who decided to make a Superboy series that lasted about a couple years before getting cancelled in favor of ABC’s Lois & Clark show… you know, the one with Dean Cain. Only saw bits and pieces of the Superboy show. Heard good things. Hopefully, I get to watch it one of these days.
With all that said, I don’t regret watching Supergirl. It’s not a particularly good movie, but there’s a certain level of camp to it that I can divulge some sort of entertainment out of it and on that base level, I can derive some modicum of enjoyment out of this one… but not much more than that, I’m afraid.
