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COMIC REVIEW – The Kevin Nash Comic Book (1999)

Image Comics was hoodwinked into giving Kevin Nash a comic book…

Actually, let me take that back…

Image Comics was hoodwinked into not only giving Kevin Nash a comic book, but also allowing Nash himself to WRITE the comic itself and let him do whatever he want… you know, I never got around to reading the Ultimate Warrior’s comic book – I only know of it through reputation alone – but I would have to assume that giving a wrestler creative control over the direction of his comic book, especially if he had no prior experience in the field, would be a very bad idea… and sure enough, here comes NASH to prove that very point.

The deal is this; it’s the post-apocalyptic future where the rich are rich and everyone else is left to fend for themselves. The world is a wasteland of despair brought about by a corporate scumbag’s deadly virus so that he could control the remaining food on Earth… but among the homeless rubble and those without hope walks a man – a legend – named NASH. This is the story of his struggles against the very evil Cyrus Storm and his Citadel to bring back hope to a populace that desperately needs it. Now whether he eventually accomplishes that task is left up in the air, as Image cancelled the series after two issues.

Listen, I enjoyed the Chaos Comics output of WWF stuff. I wouldn’t call it high caliber material, but in terms of taking the WWF characters and telling interesting stories with them… I think they did an admirable job. On the other hand, though, you have Kevin Nash, post-apocalyptic warrior in the same vein as Mad Max, except he’s much more vulgar in his actions and is not afraid to get it on with whatever female specimen he comes across, even if they end up trying to kill him or be killed afterwards. Honestly, this reads like every post-apocalyptic story ever written relegated to low-budget direct-to-video releases and probably would have slid under the radar if not for the guy whose name is on the marquee.

There’s a reason this thing only lasted two issues. The story isn’t very good, the writing borderlines on amateur, and the art is pretty bad even by Image standards. People say Kevin Nash is a pretty smart guy, but stuff like this feels like a counterpoint to that claim. You could probably find the issues for dirt cheap if you really need this in your life, but there’s nothing here that you can’t find in any other dime-a-dozen Image Comic but done way better.

Oh, by the way, a kid’s head gets blown off. You don’t see it, but it’s implied.

Just in case you’re still on the fence.

Waste of time. Don’t bother.

The WCW Invasion BLOWS! (a.k.a. The Loser Of 2001)

Happy New Year, everybody. Let’s talk about the WCW Invasion and how much it blows.

Yes, that’s how we starting out this new year is by talking about one of the worst misses in the history of sports entertainment. Hell, I’d be inclined to include the greater professional wrestling industry, but I’m pretty sure you can dig up some worse disasters out of the old territories that fizzled out and died.

Continue reading “The WCW Invasion BLOWS! (a.k.a. The Loser Of 2001)”

My Deepest Wish For Christmas

Well, it’s Christmas… or at least, it should be by the time I publish this page… assuming that I hadn’t forgotten to do so.

I’m writing this before the clock strikes midnight, which is usually when the family starts opening up all their gifts. I keep my expectations to a minimum. As I get older, I realize that we’re past the point of getting fancy gifts we might actually and instead settle for more clothes and possible knick-knacks. The only person whom I’d expect to get the fun gifts from is my older brother… that’s fine by me, though.

Honestly, no matter what gifts pan out, I just want to make it through this Christmas in one piece and in a good mood. Let’s hope nothing bad happens. Would be nice. For once.

Too dramatic? Maybe… but I don’t know… I always get a funny feeling.

Later.

RAW (November 19th, 2001): The Invasion Is Over… Good Riddance

2026 Note
Retroactively labelling this as a RAW Byte entry, despite the fact that it has little to do with RAW.

And so after months of… whatever the fuck you want to call what we were watching on WWF television since June, this stupid Invasion angle finally came to an end, with the WWF team vanquishing the WCW/ECW Alliance team at Survivor Series, where the fate of both entities was determined by the remaining captains of both teams, The Rock (representing WWF) and Stone Cold Steve Austin (representing the Alliance.)

Both were contracted WWF wrestlers. Austin is the biggest draw in WWF history outside of, maybe, Hogan in his heydays. All the non-WWF guys were eliminated early so that the spotlight would stay on the WWF guys who had been there forever. This whole Invasion thing was a farce and I’m just happy that it’s over and done with.

So what happens the next night on RAW?

Jerry Lawler makes his return to the commentary table and dejects Paul Heyman. I guess he got over the Kat or whatever… I don’t know. I don’t care to know. All I know is that I’m going to miss Paul E. on commentary, but JR and the King back together ain’t a bad deal, either.

And then later that night in the main event segment, who should appear to great Vince McMahon in the ring but the one and only Nature Boy himself, Ric Flair… who was last seen jobbing to Sting on the final Nitro all the way back in March.

Oh, and Flair is apparently half-owner of the WWF with Vince because he bought Shane and Stephanie’s shares. Flair waited until this whole Invasion shit was done to finally appear on WWF television. I guess I can’t blame the guy. If I were Flair and I had seen how guys like Booker T or DDP were being portrayed on television during that debacle, I wouldn’t want anything to do with that shit, either. That was the right call on his part.

Still, though, I don’t know when the deal with Flair went through. So if they signed him recently, then fine. But if they’ve been sitting on him for months while they nuked this Invasion thing to oblivion…

Remember, the common reason given for WWF not signing all the big WCW names like Goldberg, Sting, Hogan, or the like (according to those in the know… or not, who even knows with this shit?) was to not disrupt the pay scale and the locker room culture. I would like to think that some of those guys were happy getting free money from Time Warner while their contracts were still running than go for a release to appear on WWF TV and be booked like absolute jokes.

After all, Vince needs members for his new club.

Anyway, that’s the end of the Invasion. Good riddance to all that. I’m wondering why you’d want to keep the Big Gold, though. That’s a WCW thing…

Oh well…

MOVIE REVIEW – Highlander III: The Sorcerer (1994)

Highlander III: The Sorcerer, also known as Highlander: The Final Dimension, is less a sequel to the original Highlander film (ignoring the events of the sequel, which takes place in the future) and more of a remake of said film. The settings might be different, the players might not have the same names or likenesses, but if you were to compare some of the story beats between the two films, they’re both playing out of the same playbook. I suppose that, when it comes to make a further adventure of Immortal highlander Connor MacLeod, rehashing what came before is pretty much your safest bet and I don’t necessarily say that as a bad thing. Sometimes, a slight rehash of what came before can work and for what it’s worth, this approach makes Highlander III a far better sequel to the first film than the quirky cheesefest that is Highlander II.

Like I said, the players have been changed around. Instead of Brenda as the damsel of the first film – she’s been fridged via line of dialogue – we have MacLeod’s adopted son, who I can at least say is on the least offensive scale of child acting performances. There’s no Sean Connery for this go-around; the closest you have is Deborah Unger who plays both one of Connor’s love interests in a past life and the modern-day Sara Johnson who is interested in metals and takes a liking to our immortal Frenchman from the Scottish Highlands… and she’s more than fine. Mario Van Peeble’s Kane has a bit of posh camp to him that comes across as less imposing compared to past villains, but he puts on a fine show, indeed.

Despite my griping about this being a remake, Highlander III isn’t that bad of a movie and not quite as soulless as some made it out to be. The movie also seems to exist in its own universe; it obviously does tie in to said second movie, but also doesn’t make mention of anything related to the TV show, which was a thing around this time. I do enjoy the few sword fights that take place with some unique settings like the old brewery towards the end of the film. There’s little character moments like Connor going back to his old stomping grounds to fix his broken sword and of course, the obligatory sex scene that was apparently added in later in production. And the acting isn’t too bad, either. I say Kane is campier than Katana, but that ain’t necessarily a bad thing.

Highlander III has its moments and if you haven’t seen the first movie, you’ve got a fairly pedestrian low-budget film. I’m sure some Highlander fans were disappointed that the third film in the trilogy was just a remixed version of Highlander 1, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. If anything, it makes for a better sequel than the previous film.

MOVIE REVIEW – Highlander II: The Quickening (1991)

Highlander was a cult hit in 1986 and seemingly ended with no room open for a sequel… but in 1991, out came Highlander II: The Quickening, a film that would end up being somewhat reviled due to its controversial changes to the lore of the first film. It came such a running joke that the producers would eventually put together a “Renegade Edition” that some saw as damage control, but clearly the only to control this kind of damage would have been to not release the film in the first place.

On a personal note, Highlander II would actually be my first exposure to the franchise and… yeah, listen. Only having fleeting knowledge about the Highlander lore and then discovering that all these Immortal beings are actually aliens from another planet is kind of a hard pill to swallow. I could only imagine those who had seen and adored that first film would have felt at the sequel’s utter dissection of its predecessor’s lore. The later Renegade version would remove all references to planet Zeist or outer space, retooling these immortal beings as being sent from Earth’s distant past… a distant past of an unrecorded period where we had time travel technology and laser-based weaponry. Honestly, trying to fit this in within any context of Highlander lore is an exercise in futility and having this be ignored by other films and television series that would come along afterwards is probably for the best.

With all that having been said… I don’t dislike Highlander II as much as others do. As a part of the larger Highlander universe, it’s an odd piece of the puzzle that doesn’t quite fit… but taken as its own thing, this is one of those films that you know is pretty bad, but you can help but admire the absurdity of the whole thing. And I’d be lying if I said that there weren’t things to like about this film.

Christopher Lambert and Sean Connery reprise their roles from the previous film and pretty much continue where that relationship left off being Ramirez lost his head. Michael Ironside’s General Katana is pure ham and is absolutely beautiful. Not quite as imposing as the Kurgan, but the glee in the misery he brings is absolutely infectious. The few sword fights and action sequences are actually quite well done and I can almost admire the grander setpieces that the film attempts to depict, even if most of it takes place in perpetual darkness. And of course, there’s the bombastic orchestral soundtrack by the great Stewart Copeland, which sounds great even if it’s saddled with a largely bad movie that’s taken down by a largely terrible script that the cast tried as best as they could to make the most of what they were given.

If you’re going to watch Highlander II, get the Renegade Version. It changes a few plot details here and there, but also the editing is a bit tighter and some things are moved around here and there so that the whole thing simply make more sense. It’s still not a good movie and ultimately a completely superfluous entry in the Highlander legacy, but if you just want a bad movie to take the piss out of on a late night, you could do far worse than this.

MOVIE REVIEW – Highlander (1986)

1986 saw the release of Highlander, a film that not many people saw domestically but was a hit overseas and has since become something of a cult classic that has spawned several films and series that fail to live up to the standards that made the initial film great. And while it may seem rather dated by today’s standards (the 1980s-style soundtrack and special effects, as good as they are for the time, doesn’t help matters here), it does hold up rather well in terms of its story and action.

For the most part, I enjoyed the sword fights tremendously, with each battle becoming more intense as the stakes become higher. The non-linear aspect of the story – alternating between the present day and flashbacks of the past – was almost baffling, but never gets confusing and the two compliment each other rather well.

Highlander also offered an interesting view of immortality; its high points and its tragedies. Whereas we would always wish to be able to live forever, these immortals do live on, carrying the burden of watching friends and family die, as well as having to deal with being an outcast to the mortal world. It’s something that reflects greatly on Connor and something that is sadly lost in later entries.

Overall, Highlander is a perfect starting point (dare I say the only thing worth watching in the franchise) for those who are interesting in checking it out. If you can get past the eighties-ness of the whole deal, you’ll find a surprisingly deep and rather enjoyable film. Recommended.

Chris Jericho Is Finally A WWF World Champion…

…and an UNDISPUTED World champion on top of that. Something we haven’t had in years.

I guess, at some point, Jericho has won all the other World titles in the world that nobody knows about. The ones in New Japan, All Japan, NOAH, those Lucha promos, and many others all over the World. You can’t have an UNDISPUTED WORLD CHAMPION when other promotions around the world still have World champions to call their own… which is probably why he has since been downgraded to Undisputed WWF Champion, instead.

Hey, congrats to Jericho for the win. Probably should have gotten it sooner if I’m being honest and would have spiced up the main event scene instead of having the same tired faces stink up said scene… especially if this year is anything to go by. And having to beat Rock and Austin on the same night to win that very accolade has to be worth something, right?

But let’s be fair. Jericho is probably dropping the title to Hunter come Wrestlemania and then we can do the same old dance all over again… but now he’s a good guy or something.

So I say enjoy the Jericho WWF title run while it lasts, people. I have a feeling it’s the only one he’s getting for a long, long time.

Quick Thoughts On The New Planet Of The Apes

Not going to lie here, I’ve never actually saw any of the original Planet Of The Apes movies, so how this compares to those movies is something that is beyond the scope of my brief thoughts because what I know of those films are mostly through synopses and second-hand accounts. Just about the only thing I could say is that this somewhat made me want to watch those flicks one of these days. I liked the movie well enough, I thought the ape designs were well done, and the ape stunts were pretty good. The acting is kinda hit or miss, but for what is essentially sci-fi schlock, it was fine. Again, it sates that curiosity of wanting to watch the old movies to see how this compares to those. Some day, I guess…

In the meantime, we’ll see if this Tim Burton remake or reboot or whatever you want to call it ends up doing well enough for a sequel because that’s certainly a tease if there ever was one. For what it’s worth, the original Apes movie had a somewhat similar grim ending that didn’t quite tease a sequel, but we ended up with four of them. I don’t think we’ll be getting that much out of this because that would require Tim Burton sticking around to do more than one movie. Even today, I’m amazed Batman Returns is a thing.

WWF Buys WCW… And Somehow Loses.

It’s over.

After a long, hard-fought battle, the World Wrestling Federation has outlasted its rival promotion World Championship Wrestling and bought off its remains, putting an end to the storied rivalry in years and giving Vincent K. McMahon the sports entertainment monopoly he’s always wanted.

It was tight in the beginning. WCW Monday Nitro started in 1995 and went head to head with WWF during a time when the show was an hour long and ran a bunch of bad matches and stories featuring largely cartoonish gimmicks.

And then Scott Hall and Kevin Nash jumped ship to WCW, wrecked havoc (in more ways than one), and formed the New World Order with a Hulk Hogan who had gone bad in an effort to change his stale act. And for the first time in a good long while, WCW was on top of the world, beating the WWF in the ratings, pay-per-view buys, and other areas that the geeks would consider important. The WWF struggled, but couldn’t quite nudge.

But WCW proved two things; they had one good idea and most of their top stars were old guys from the WWF’s prime years in the eighties. Eventually, people got tired of the nWo gimmick and clamored for something new… and that something new came from Stone Cold Steve Austin feuding with Vince McMahon. Suddenly, people were hot for WWF again to the point where WCW was suddenly feeling left behind.

In an effort to gain back their dominance, WCW made stupid mistakes. They ended the streak of their hottest star, Goldberg, and went back to the nWo well one time too many. They hired one of the creative minds behind the WWF’s recent run and they ended up with the same stuff that was on the other show, which begs the question why anyone would want to watch second-rate WWF television on the WCW show when they could just watch RAW. They let four talented wrestlers leave for the competition. They brought back the two guys responsible for the company’s woes to try and liven things up again, only to fail miserably and harder than before.

And these are just scratching the service.

Eventually, the heads at Time Warner decided to sell the thing off and then someone else decided to cancel all the WCW shows, leaving Vince to come in and buy his competition. He might not have the shows, but he has the trademarks, the titles, and some of the stars… but not the big guns. No Goldberg, no Steiner, no Jarrett or anyone like that… well, they got DDP… that’s something, I guess, right?

So this is it… WWF is the only show on television right now… and how do they celebrate this big milestone?

They make Shane the new owner of WCW and have Steve Austin turn on the Rock to join forces with Vince McMahon.

The next day, a friend of mine who had been watching wrestling since the 80s was so upset by this turn of events that he swore off wrestling forever. We’ll see if he actually means it… but if that’s the case, then I wonder how many other people would feel the same way. More to the point… how many people who used to watch WCW until the very end – still feels funny saying that – are actually going to make the jump to WWF?

I was not the biggest WCW fan in the world; the old guys and the constant nWo stuff killed it for me… but it was the place for great wrestling. And there used to be this mentality that WWF was more focused on the entertainment aspects while WCW was more about the sport… something that wasn’t readily apparent the first time around when you had a bunch of old guys in the main event.

So two shows with two different styles… and one goes away… does the one show get the other audience or do they go away?

One thing’s for sure; this acquisition could very well make this whole WWF vs. WCW thing a reality… even if it feels half-assed