Happy New Year, everybody. Let’s talk about the WCW Invasion and how much it blows.
Yes, that’s how we starting out this new year is by talking about one of the worst misses in the history of sports entertainment. Hell, I’d be inclined to include the greater professional wrestling industry, but I’m pretty sure you can dig up some worse disasters out of the old territories that fizzled out and died.
Earlier this year, the World Wrestling Federation bought out World Championship Wrestling, bringing an end to the last real feud in wrestling. Hey, everyone knows this stuff is all pretend and it’s all for show, but the one thing that was still real to folks was the “blood” feud between both companies.
That’s the story, at least.
Admit it; you picked your side of the war. I was a WWF guy. It should be obvious given I wrote a quick little thing called “Why The WWF Is Better Than WCW.” It should be obvious given all the nicknames I’d give WCW like “Wheel Chair Wrestling” or “We Can’t Wrestle” or whatever. I liked that the WWF was introducing new, hip wrestlers that had more in common with our generation than the other side who still had the old, tired stars from the 80s, some of which could barely move these days.
We can joke about WCW and its old-timer problem, but I’d be lying if I said that everything in WCW was terrible. Back in the 80s, you had the NWA – the National Wrestling Alliance. Jim Crockett Promotions. The days when Ric Flair ruled the roast and had the Horsemen to prove it. This was a period of time that was well before my heyday, but I recall a Best Of Starrcade tape that my cousin had that featured a bunch of classic stuff, like the Tully Blanchard/Magnum TA I Quit match, the Greg Valentine/Roddy Piper dog collar match… and a bunch of Ric Flair matches, too… but you wanna know something? Even though the tape quality was crap, even though the shows looked low-rent and nowhere near as lavish as the WWF productions, I was actually enjoying these classic wrestling matches. How about that? WCW had good shit once upon a time.
Even WCW in the last few years had its moments. People talk about the Cruiserweights, the Luchadores, and some of the Japanese guys they’d have on there. Those guys always put on a spectacle and they were a highlight on those shows. The one thing that WWF couldn’t do (even if they had tried and they rarely did) was take those smaller wrestlers and showcase them in a way that wowed audiences. Add to that some of the talented wrestlers in the midcard that you wish had been elevated to take WCW to that next level… rather than jump ship to WWF. Yeah, WCW could have been something special if the people in charge had a clue, but they didn’t. And now they’re gone. Bought out by WWF.
And so when they started teasing a new WCW program and planting seeds for an Invasion PPV, of course, I was excited. Who wouldn’t be? We’d have WWF guys versus WCW guys. A surefire hit! And if nothing else, we’d have something to give the WWF show some life, which had sucked every since Stone Cold went bad and Rocky left to do movies. Now all you have left are matches between the power team of Austin and HHH versus Undertaker and Kane… fuck me, this shit blows. Whatever happened to the days when WWF was awesome? Can we go back to those days? No? Well, fuck you, too.
But then we start tease WCW guys on the show. Lance Storm shows up, Hugh Morris shows up, Mike Awesome wins the Hardcore title, a couple minor guys show up here and there. Someone is stalking Undertaker’s wife and it turns out to be DDP… HOLY SHIT! DDP is on WWF television and he got a big reaction from the crowd when he pulled his ski mask off… but wait, he’s got a hot wife in Kimberly at home and yet he’s stalking Undertaker’s crabby old lady? Really? And then Booker T shows up at King Of The Ring to take out Austin… and then… that’s it? Where are the heavy hitters? Where’s Goldberg? Where’s Nash? Where’s Hogan? The main eventers people REALLY want to see?
Well, they’re at home getting paid by Time Warner, waiting out the rest of their contracts. You know what? Good for them. Earn every last buck you can out of that company, boys. You’d probably be better off… but as a fan, knowing that this group of nobodies is all that’s left of WCW… maybe a couple names I can pick out of a hat and the rest is like… eh, whatever. Hell, I’d be thrilled if you can somehow convince Bischoff to come back and be a spokesman for WCW, rather than let Shane McMahon do all the talking.
And then ECW comes into the picture… all the former ECW guys band together, join forces… with WCW to form the “Alliance” against WWF… and then we meet the new owner of ECW… Stephanie McMahon. Really, guys? Stephanie McMahon? I thought I’d be free of that walking ear rape when McSon-In-Law tore his quad, but now she “owns” ECW? So this big Invasion angle, this big crossover feud between WWF and WCW (and ECW, too, I guess…) is turning into more feuding McMahons? Seriously?
And then we get the big Invasion angle. WCW guys vs. WWF guys… and then what happens? Steve Austin joins the Alliance… because I guess we need him to be a heel even though he sucks at being a heel. Sure, he’s funny. But I don’t want my heels to be funny. Hell, Steve Austin as a heel shouldn’t be funny. He should be desperate. Steve Austin as a heel should be the opposite of what Steve Austin as a face was. But, no, let’s have him join the Alliance because we don’t have any real stars there.
At that point, I’m just like why am I even watching this shit? Because I like wrestling and sometimes, there are fun moments. I got a bit of a chuckle when Edge and Christian pulled down Lance Storm’s pants and showing off his Time Force undies. Shane Helms as a superhero parody is funny. Hell, I didn’t even mind WHAT? Because that’s funny until they beat it to the ground in a month or two. Kurt Angle as the American Hero, especially after the twin towers deal, was the thing this feud needed, so yeah, let’s have him join the Alliance too and go back to being a dorky villain. Fuck me, this deal blows.
Survivor Series comes along, the WWF beats the Alliance, everyone in the Alliance is fired, but not for long because we need to put that talent back on TV in some form or fashion… and who pops out the next night on RAW?
RIC FLAIR.
The day after this Invasion bullshit comes to an end, you bring out RIC FLAIR as a co-owner of WWF.
The glory days of WWF Attitude is dead and buried. This show has sucked the meat missile ever since it bought WCW. And then when it tried to do the whole Invasion thing that people were dreaming up in magazines and websites, they end up shitting the bed.\
Oh, and lest we forget… WHAT?
Fuck me, this show sucks and I hate it.
dtm666 