Definitely entering uncharted territory here, kids, as I have never seen this show before and… well, let’s get into it, I suppose.
LAX (Hernandez, Homicide) defeated XXX (Elix Skipper and Low “Senshi” Ki) in the opening Ultimate X match; that thing where you climb jungle ropes to grab an X gimmick hanging in the middle. Oftentimes, you forget how good some of these talents used to be back in the day because your memories of TNA are often the more prominently stupid moments, but Hernandez was a talented dude for his size. A good showcase of high spots and power moves, which makes for a nice table setting opener.
And then you shit the table with a reversal battle royal. A concept that I have heard horror stories about, but never actually witnessed… and now that I have, it is far worse than anyone could have sold it. For those who have not witnessed this piece of business, sixteen wrestlers start outside the ring and the first eight to enter the ring move on to the next phase of the match, which is a regular battle royal. So you are trying to get in the ring for a match where you toss people out of the ring over the top until the last two wrestlers remain, at which point it becomes a regular match. To attempt to describe this nonsense unfolding before my very eyes and try to decipher its contents would blow my fragile brains out, so I’m going to say that if you have not witnessed this cesspool of utter stupidity… please continue to do so because I envy your ignorance of this piece of material. I’m not even going to bother giving you the results because I’ve already purged this pile of shit from my memory banks.
AJ Styles and Tomko defeated TNA Tag-Team Champions Ron Killings and Pacman Jones to win the titles. Pacman Jones is a former football guy with some controversy behind him (and so of course, TNA went ahead and not only booked him on their shows, but made him a tag champion) and Tomko was Christian’s sidekick. In fact, at this point, both he and AJ are Christian Cage’s flunkies, since he turned heel at some point between now and then. The fact that AJ is playing a flunky rather than be his own man is confounding to this day. As for the match… you know what? I largely zoned out because even back in the day, I did not give two fucks about Pacman Jones and care even less so now. At this point, Maya walked in, wanted to play for a bit, and after a while, when I came back, the match was over and we can move on.
So I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the occasional bits of backstage vignettes pushing the main event, which apparently sees Nash trying to convince both Kurt Angle and Sting from going through with the match… presumably because he doesn’t want to see Sting challenge for the World title for the second BFG in a row out of fear that this might become a habit for TNA. There is so much focus on this main event that it leaks into commentary and then it detracts from what’s actually happening on screen and in the ring.
Case in point, X-Division Champion Jay “Black Machismo” Lethal (Lethal doing a Macho Man parody and honestly, a pretty damned good one – he’d have to be if it was enough to earn Lanny Poffo’s stamp of approval) defeated Christopher Daniels to retain the title. I’d probably care a lot more if commentary spent more time talking about the match rather than the main event, as if to say that this is a complete afterthought and not worth your time. It’s one thing for someone like me to think that because the match isn’t interesting, but when your COMMENTARY TEAM WHO’S SUPPOSED TO SELL THE SHOW can’t be bothered to care, then why should I? That said, it was a perfectly fine show, though I probably would’ve had Lethal win it with the elbow drop rather than follow that up with the usual finish. Just to put the gimmick over, y’know?
The Steiner Bros. defeated Team 3D in a tables match to earn their bottle of Geritol tabs. For those who wanted a dream match between these two legendary teams, I sure hope this was worth it because man, this was rough to sit through. There was a time when this could have been a hell of a hoss fight, but that time was not 2007. 2007 was an old Steiner team not quite up to snuff going over the healthier and more mobile Dudleyz and I wasn’t really enjoying this one. The only thought that came to mind was “I feel bad for Bron Breakker’s dad.”
Gail Kim wins a Gauntlet For The Gold battle royal thing, last pinning Roxxi to become the first TNA Knockouts champion, which makes sense considering this is how TNA crowned their first World Champion back in 2002… even if that was the NWA title and not the TNA title, which didn’t exist until 2007, but that’s besides the point. But yeah, it was a battle royal with a number of females both known and forgotten about. More than fine and the final sequence between Gail and Roxxi was a bit of fun. Gail Kim, of course, would be one of the more prominent stars of TNA’s Knockouts division and you could ask for a better figurehead to what would be, for a time, TNA’s best asset. No pun intended.
Samoa Joe defeated Christian Cage via submission in what might be the first genuinely great match I’ve seen all night, with Cage suffering his first actual defeat in much the same vein Joe did when his own undefeated streak was broken at the hands of Kurt Angle. Both guys were at the top of their game here, put on one hell of a match, and almost made me forget about the main event angle… and then we get another vignette to remind us once more. Guys, we already bought the PPV. We don’t need build up to a match main eventing a show we paid money for. That’s what fucking Impact was for, you morons.
Abyss defeated Black Reign (Dustin Rhodes in his admittedly worst gimmick), Rhino, and Raven in a Monsters Ball hardcore match that saw Abyss black hole slam Raven into a bunch of broken glass and thumb tacks for the win. The more I see of these Monster Ball matches, the more they start to blend together. I like a good hardcore weapons match as much as the next guy if you can get creative with the concept, but this is far from creative with the concept. This feels like stuff we’ve seen before. There’s only so many times you can witness Abyss falling on tacks before it becomes boring. And sadly, I’ve seen more than enough Abyss matches despite my admittedly infrequent dives into TNA programming that the trope had worn out its welcome. And to think that this was the worst it got, until you tune in to AEW and watch guys staple each other’s skulls and jab each other with needles and shit… ON LIVE TV. There is only so much I could put up with… but hey, if Uncle Dave gives FIVE STARS, then it must match of the year material, yes?
The ICON Sting defeated TNA World Champion KURT ANGLE to win the title… again… in the main event of Bound For Glory… for the second year in a row… because THIS TIME FOR SU— oh wait, sorry, force of habit. A perfectly acceptable little wrestling match that saw Nash run in to save Angle towards the end, but Sting OVERCOMES the odds and gets the eventual pinfall win for the title. For those who complain about AEW giving Sting a undefeated record from debut to retirement, at least they never had the gall to put him in World title matches against their main event talent… probably because they saw TNA do it and it lead to nothing.
That said, I will be fair here and say that Sting deserved at least one solid run with TNA’s new world title that was introduced that year. I’m not quite sure he needed to win it at Bound For Glory where someone could have used the rub, but at this point, TNA was all about the olds and giving them one last shot at glory… much like WWE in the modern era, as it turns out.
Look, I’ve got to be honest. I was not a fan of this show. Yes, you had a couple decent spots here and there, along with the solid piece of work that is Joe vs. Christian, but then there’s that fucking reverse battle royal that drags the whole thing down by sheer association and the main event, while fine, was probably not the thing you needed to end the show. I’ve heard someone call this a Sting tribute show and if that’s what you’re looking for, I’m sure AEW has plenty of those under their belt you can look up. Who knows? You might even get a decent wrestling show out of it, too.
