Thanks to Captain Archer, Enterprise and her crew have been reassembled and their mission restarted. Their first mission takes them to a strange new world… or does it?
This is a sequel to my two other parody fanfics, These Were The Voyages and There Aren’t The Voyages (You’re Looking For).
Disclaimer: Paramount/CBS owns Star Trek, not me.
Captain’s Starlog, December 13th, 2006
Now that our mission has been given the green light to resume despite studio grumblings, Enterprise has already encountered a fresh new planet. The crew is looking forward to assembling landing parties to explore this strange new world…
Wait, what’s that…?
You’ve got to be kidding me…
That damned Moonie…
Captain’s Starlog, Supplemental
Turns out that Enterprise has left space dock without any shuttlepods and so we’ll have to use the transporter to beam down away teams to explore this world. Despite improvements made to our transporter system, many crew remain skeptical over its use over…
“Tucker to Captain Archer.”
Computer… actually, belay that. “Go ahead, Trip.”
“Cap’n, I don’t know how to break this you, but the transporters are malfunctioning.”
“What do you mean malfunctioning?”
“I mean, they don’t work. We’ve tried to beam down a small crew, but the transporter refuses to work.”
“Have you discovered why?”
“Well, I did a little digging and…”
“Well?”
“Cap’n, I don’t know how to tell you this, but…”
“What is it, Trip?”
“We don’t have any transporters.”
“What do you mean ‘We don’t have transporters?'”
“Well, turns out this isn’t a transporter. It’s a television set made to resemble a transporter. All these instruments are just a bunch of lights and switches that make noise whenever we touch them.”
“…”
“Cap’n, are you still there?”
“Yes, Trip. Have we figured out how this happened?”
“My crew’s looking into it, sir, but apparently, this had to have happened before we left space dock?”
“And how did you not catch this before?”
“Must have been a false reading throwing us off. Nothing gave it away until just before I contacted you.”
“Figures.”
“I don’t know what to tell you, sir.”
“Don’t worry about it, Trip. Somehow, I don’t think it’s your fault.”
“It’s those bastards at the studio, isn’t it? They did this to us.”
“That’s enough, Trip.”
“Sorry, sir.”
“No, Trip. I mean that’s enough of them messing with our mission. I’m done having this ship be pawns in this network’s life long mission to sacrifice our existence for the sake of Dawson. The line must be drawn here! THIS FAR, NO FURTHER.”
“Uh, Cap’n?”
“Yes, Trip.”
“The warp drive is off-line.”
“What do you mean?”
“…”
“Trip?”
“…”
“Archer to Commander Tucker.”
“…”
“Archer to T’Pol.”
“…”
“Archer to anyone on this ship.”
“Tee, hee, hee…”
“Who is this?”
“Ooh. Much anger in you, there is.”
“You’re damned right I’m angry. Who is this and what have you done with my ship?”
“YOUR ship? Your ship, this is not. To the studio, this belongs.”
“Not on my watch it doesn’t! Where are you? Show yourself and face me like a man.”
“Think so, I do not. Afford Me, Studio cannot.”
“Bastards.”
“Such language, you have. Cancelled, this show is.”
“You can’t do that, you little…”
“I can and I will.”
THE END.
dtm666 