2001 was a year of transition for the wrestling business.
It saw the closure of both beloved indy promotion Extreme Championship Wrestling as well as global powerhouse World Championship Wrestling, both of whom would be acquired in some form or fashion by the World Wrestling Federation. It was during this time that the glory years of the WWF Attitude Era had come to an end, with Stone Cold Steve Austin – one of, if not, THE biggest star in wrestling history – turning heel and aligning himself with his arch-nemesis of many years Vince McMahon… and then came the Invasion angle, which should have been a surefire hit if done right and… it wasn’t.
Fast forward to 2002 and due to legal issues, the WWF was forced to rebrand itself as WWE (World Wrestling Entertainment)… something that I’m still trying to get used. Some people would consider Vince jobbing to the Panda people in court as the turning point where things started going to shit… but that’s a bit of a fib because the fall began a bit before that. But the name change is a nice, convenient excuse to separate the good old days of the WWF and the current bad times of the WWE.
2002 saw some hiccups, sure, but the year 2003 seemed poised for big things. There was some stuff to look forward. Stone Cold was making his return to WWE. The door was open for more WCW old timers to show up in WWE and job to McSon-In-Law add some much needed starpower to the brand split. And they’ve got a new young face in Brock Lesnar that could very well be that next big thing that Paul Heyman likes to tout him as being (before he turned on Brock and went with FUCKING BIG SHOW of all people.)
And then they shit the bed.
Look, there are very few highlights in 2003 worth mentioning. I enjoyed the new Ninja Turtles cartoon for the short while I was able to watch it before time became an issue. A couple games I enjoyed playing, even if they were old… but you know what? This is all about the venom and how you spread it. And there is no one company that has given me cause to deliver that venom than WWE.
Yes, NWA-TNA, or rather, just TNA nowadays, is still a thing, still doing their weekly PPV things and I probably only saw a couple shows at most that someone else got and lent their tapes for me to watch. I swear, these guys need a proper TV deal so they can air on TV. Even if it’s a shit channel nobody watches, it’d be better than this format. I can’t imagine anyone spending ten bucks a pop getting the same kind of shitty program you can get for free by watching RAW.
Yeah, let’s start with RAW, which got a surefire unfuckable talent in BILL GOLDBERG, who does one thing and one thing only; he kills people. He takes a few licks for the other guy to get their shit in, then he spears them, jackhammers him, 1-2-3, almost an easy payday if you manage to not get killed for real in the process. And so what happens? They book him in a match with Rock and they have a shit match where Rock – the guy who is likely living for Hollywood to make more movies after this – is getting the upper hand over the guy whose sole purpose for existing is killing dudes. The crowd, naturally, shat all over this. And then he had a feud with Jericho that was a thing that happened. And then Summerslam comes along, which sees Goldberg eat sledgehammer from McSon-In-Law who gets to pin the WCW interloper in the wrongest of wrong moves possible. Oh, Goldberg does get to beat Hunter for the belt, but it means nothing and he drops it back to Hunter a couple months later anyway… and then you wonder why Goldberg is in a foul mood.
But yeah, let’s talk about McSon-In-Law, who has kept a firm grip on the ol’ Big Gold Belt that used to be the WCW World title, but now it’s just the World title and it’s pretty much HHH’s belt since he’s the only one allowed to hold it outside of maybe Shawn for a couple weeks or Goldberg for a couple months. Any other time, though? Holy fuck…
We begin the year with Big Poppa Pump himself, Scott Steiner, one of the last WCW World Champions before the promotion’s formal closure in WWE and challenging HHH for his Big Gold Belt. They have arm wrestling contests and posing contests to hype this match up… and then the Rumble happens and both guys have a shit match. Apparently, both guys were sporting injuries… okay, fine, so let’s have a rematch where Steiner jobs to HHH and it sucks just as bad. Were they still hurt then?
Then comes Booker T, who… hey, a step up from X8 when he was wrestling Edge over SHAMPOO. Now he’s challenging for McSon-In-Law’s title and ol’ Hunter is doing racist promos, saying that Booker’s kind of people don’t hold World titles… this, despite the fact that Booker T is a FIVE-TIME! FIVE-TIME! FIVE-TIME! FIVE-TIME! FIVE-TIME! WCW Champion (shake head)… you know, that title you’re holding on your shoulder, Gonzo! But hey, here’s a chance to have Booker T beat Hunter for the belt, right?
NOPE! HHH hits a Pedigree on Booker, they lay there for a whole minute before HHH wakes up, drapes an arm over Booker, and gets the 3-count. Yes, despite enough time having passed to fit an entire episode of Smackdown, Booker laid there prone and dead the whole time and wasn’t allowed to kick out of Hunter’s move. Fuck you. And then Kevin Nash shows up and they haz a couple matches that mostly suck. Finally, we get to Summerslam; the chamber match with GOLDBERG… who doesn’t win the belt, but instead eats a hammer before getting pinned by McSon-In-Law.
Oh, he gets the belt eventually, but after that, it’s like “Who cares? He’s keeping it warm for a couple months before McSon-In-Law wins in back.” At least this lasted longer than Shawn’s run… for what little good THAT’s worth.
Okay, so what else was there? Well, Stone Cold came back and he had a match with The Rock at Wrestlemania… and then he was sent home because medical reasons (which turned out to be real). But then he’s back at the co-General Manager of RAW, sharing responsibilities with Eric Bischoff… hilarity ensues in theory, but not in practice. Only thing that I liked was Austin trying to get people to provoke him so that he could stun him… funny how that worked out. The year before, he walked out on WWE because he didn’t want to lose to Brock Lesnar – his reasoning being a big match like that should be saved for PPV with the proper build rather than tossed on free TV without notice, which makes a bit of sense when you think about it. Even Goldberg vs. Hogan in 1998 got a week’s notice before the match took place on Nitro.
But yeah, Austin went away… some trouble at home and with the law that we don’t really talk about anymore because why let a dour note ruin a good thing? Sad reality for most folks, business as usual for wrestling fans who enjoy watching people entertain them while turning a mostly blind eye to their transgressions… that’s a big word I’ve picked up recently. Did I use it right?
And now Austin is back… apparently retired from all accounts because his neck is so bad… but he can still do Stunners and that’s all people care about… but then they got rid of him in November, only to bring him back as the “Sheriff” of WWE. What does that even mean?
Now… with all that in mind, is there any good in WWE worth watching?
Sure… I dig the Guerreros. Those guys are fun. I thought Rock’s whole deal with Hogan and Austin were fun rides, not to mention a fresh new character for him to play with the Hollywood angle. His eternal thrashing of Toronto remains a particular highlight because he’s being honest. There’s still some solid talent working the midcards. Every once in a while when creative is not stuck up their own collective assholes, they’ll let Goldberg kill people and that remains a fun time because that’s Goldberg’s schtick; he kills people and who’s next? Is it a limited character? Sure. Can it last forever? Probably not. Am I bored with it? Nope. I got bored with Hulkamania faster than I got bored with Goldberg killing dudes.
You dig through the shit and you’ll find some nuggets of gold that almost makes the whole thing worthwhile… almost.
The rest of it, though, can run off a cliff and land head first on a rock face somewhere.
But not Rock’s face… he needs that in one piece for the movies.
And that’s my year in review. Hopefully 2004 will turn out better and I can talk about other highlights besides how shit one company has been.
Happy new year, everyone. I’m going to bed.
Later.
