Written Reviews – Page 15

COMIC REVIEW – All-Star Batman & Robin (TPB, 2009) + Bonus

Frank Miller wrote The Dark Knight Returns and Batman: Year One; perhaps two of the most influential stories in the long storied history of the Caped Crusader. He also wrote The Dark Knight Strikes Again, which is a little less regarded. Unfortunately, when it came to this All-Star Batman & Robin series, we got the latter Frank rather than the former Frank… which is a shame because the dream pairing of Miller and Jim Lee seemed like a foundation for a truly great Batman book.

This trade paperback, which came out earlier this year, collects the first nine issues of the series; the tenth and (as of this writing) final issue of the series – the beginning of a new arc, mind you – isn’t included. I guess when this dumpster fire is canned, they’ll make an updated edition that includes this tenth and whatever else follows.

So let’s get the positives out of the way; Jim Lee produces some good comic book artwork and visual eye candy. There, that’s over and done with.

So basically, Dick Grayson’s parents are killed and then Batman kidnaps him, tortures him, and eventually he becomes Robin… sorry if I spoiled the story for anybody, but it doesn’t really matter. The way Miller goes about telling this story (again) borders on banal and mean-spirited. Dick Grayson is a whiny kid, Batman is an abusive psychopath who comes off as more Punisher than Batman, Superman feels useless, Wonder Woman hates men, Black Canary beats people up and then has sex with Batbrain without a second thought, all the other superheroes that show up in some form or another comes off as boobs, and at no point do I feel like this is anything more than a parody of all the usual Batman gimmicks we’ve associate with the character over the years.

Oh, and apparently, Goddamned Batman is a thing.

Fans of Frank Miller’s Dark Knight stuff will eat this up, without question. For those wanting more sensible and worthwhile reading material, skip this one and just read Batman: Year One or Dark Knight Returns again, since those are, you know, good.

BONUS – ALL-STAR BATMAN & ROBIN #10
The issue begins a new arc, which sees Barbara go into business for herself as Batgirl and be in over her head while Jim Gordon is dealing with his own family issues. Batman & Robin aren’t much of a presence this time around; the focus seems to be mostly on the Gordon family and while I appreciate a break from the usual Dynamic Duo silliness, our buddy Frank seems to have no clue on how to write a teenager, opting to give Babs a potty mouth and such. To date, this is the last issue of the series and who knows if there’s even going to be another one.

Truth be told, there’s a perverse interest in seeing how low this series can go next, but if this does end up being neglected and forgotten about, we’re not really missing much.

COMIC REVIEW – Ultimatum (2009 Mini-Series)

Stop me if you’ve heard this before, but Ultimatum is one of the worst comics I’ve read in the history of comics.

A paradigm shifting five-issue mini-series that serves as a transition between the old era of Ultimate Marvel and the new era that saw new series debut, Ultimatum can be best summed up as destruction porn for the sake of destruction porn topped with a shitload of primary, secondary, tertiary, and ancillary characters getting killed, maimed, crippled, or any combination of the above. It’s low-brow schlock that tries to pass itself off as cutting edge and compelling storytelling, but fails miserably. The whole thing comes across as depressing, creatively bankrupt, and puts even the most gruesome “gore porn” to shame.

The only highlight is the art, which is always top notch and far too good for the shitpile that is Ultimatum. Of course, when it comes to the ladies, their… physical attributes gain some notable attention to detail at the expense of everything else. Sadly, that seems to be on par with the rest of this schlock. David Finch deserved better than to be associated with this crap.

I’m embarrassed to have read this crap. Embarrassed because Jeph Loeb usually churns out quality work and part of me assumes that this whole deal was the result of someone at Marvel daring Loeb to produce the absolute worst comic book to exist. Well, brother, you accomplished that in spades. I’m hard-pressed to tell if this is better or worse than Frank Miller’s new Batman book.

Actually, that’s easy. I’d go back and re-read Miller’s book than this shit. At least, there’s a perverse humor to such drivel. Here, not so much.

This is garbage that an eleven-year-old would whip in his attempt to be edgy and mature, written by people who thought that this is what actual grown adults would consider edgy and mature, except it’s the most juvenile pile of crap ever conceived. I may not be a regular visitor of Marvel’s Ultimate line of comics, but a bunch of other people did and I don’t think they’d appreciate having a bunch of characters that they followed for years get killed off in a blink of an eye all for the sake of a petty, shallow crossover event that’s going to be forgotten about in a couple weeks once we begin the next major crossover event.

Ultimate is trash to the nth degree. Fuck this comic book and fuck this company.

GameFAQs Review – Mortal Kombat: Armageddon (Wii)

Alas, poor Midway. From being a modest developer of classic arcade games to becoming the Mortal Kombat empire to becoming bankrupt and bought in pieces by Time Warner. Such a tragic tale for such a former powerhouse and gaming legend. It’s going to be a shame that Midway is gone and that the Mortal Kombat saga is in the hands of Time Warner. One has to imagine how they’re going to handle the saga now.

But enough about the depressing side: let’s talk about Mortal Kombat: Armageddon for the Nintendo Wii!

So for those who don’t know, Mortal Kombat: Armageddon is the seventh fighting game in the Mortal Kombat series and is considered to be the closure point of that particular chapter in the MK story. Having gather just about every fighter that has been in a MK fighter (and a couple extra guys), it was a fitting and satisfying final hurrah for the PS2 and Xbox consoles before Midway unleashed their Mortal magic on the next-gen systems… in the form of Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe… what bitter irony. Guess we know who won that battle, heh heh… Ahem.

But what about the Wii?

Obviously, the Wii isn’t as powerful as the PS3 and Xbox 360 and couldn’t handle MKvsDC. So to remedy this, Midway decided to bring over Armageddon to Nintendo’s white box of wonder, but with a couple extra features – including a new character, new motion controls, and a couple other additions.

Now I’ve already reviewed the Xbox version of the game and since this is pretty much the same game, I’ve taken the liberty of “recycling” a couple blurbs here and there. This isn’t a straight copy – there are minor notes and quibbles I’d like to point out in regards to the Wii version.

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GameFAQs Review – Contra 4 (Nintendo DS)

Contra is known for its simplistic gameplay and intensely difficult challenge. Originally released as an arcade game, it was soon ported over to the NES where it gained legendary status and had become synonymous with one of the most famous video game codes of all time (even the code began in Gradius, but I digress). Contra had spawn a number of sequels and spin-offs for the NES, Super NES, Game Boy, and Sega Genesis and they were all good games. However, many fans feel that the series had gone on a downward spiral the moment it hit the Sony Playstation. And despite some decent entries on the PS2, the series never did get that feel of fun and frustration that the old school games always presented.

And then came this beauty… and it’s Contra-riffic!

Known for its GBC sleeper hit Shantae, Wayforward Technologies were also the geniuses behind the GBC mistake known as WWF Betrayal, which was a horrible wrestling-related game on the same system. In any case, these guys were given the task of developing a Contra game worthy of the number 4… and they have succeeded.

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GameFAQs Review – WWF RAW (Xbox)

Imagine a world if you will where professional wrestling/sports entertainment was the hottest thing around – when the initials WWF referred to the wrestling company and not the panda organization that sued them later. Just about anything and everything that had a WWF license was a license to print money. Well, while some of you might think that I’ve been drinking the strong stuff, that period actually did happen in the late-1990s and early-2000s. The World Wrestling Federation, on the verge of bankruptcy at the time, ultimately changed their product and made a ton of money as a result to become the media conglomerate that is known today as World Wrestling Entertainment. And while the current product is nowhere near as hot as it used to be, it’s still a very profitable venture and many products with the WWE license are still being made today.

Okay, I’ll dispense with the history lesson. Like any hot product, a ton of licenses get tossed around and you have the usual assortments of action figures, trading cards, and even video games. Wrestling video games are a varied type – some are good and some are really bad – but recent titles on the Sony Playstation and Nintendo 64 seem to give the genre a workable template that continues to see use today.

Okay, okay… no more history lesson. Eventually, Microsoft released the Xbox and a WWF game – titled WWF Raw Is War before being shortened to WWF Raw – was released on the system. How does it fare? Let’s find out.

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GameFAQs Review – WWF Royal Rumble (Dreamcast)

My first experience with a WWF arcade game wasn’t the Wrestlefest game (because I’ve never seen it in arcades around my block) but rather the Midway-produced WWF Wrestlemania arcade game, a strange little beast that involved some of the more popular WWF wrestlers of the time competiting in Mortal Kombat-style wrestling matches (without all the blood and fatalities). For the time, it was a fun little game, but involved little wrestling. Years later, I come across a Royal Rumble arcade machine that I’ve only heard about and this was more like a wrestling game than the other one was. You could either play in straight matches or compete in the Royal Rumble match itself, which was a crazy experience in and of itself. This ought to be a fun game to bring home, right?

Eventually, THQ did bring it home to the Dreamcast. Unfortunately, chances are not many people got to play it because it was released somewhat late in the Dreamcast’s lifespan before Playstation 2 arrived and demolished Sega’s hardware dreams forever… which is a shame. In any case, a few years later (more like last year actually), I had managed to pick up a Dreamcast with a few games, which included this game. So I decided to give this game a go to see if it was as memorable as I remembered it… and the end result is… it’s okay, but lacking. How lacking? Let’s see here…

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GameFAQs Review – Marvel Vs. Capcom 2 (Dreamcast)

First there was X-Men. Then there was Marvel Super Heroes. Then X-Men came back and tussled with Street Fighters. Then it was Marvel’s turn. Then other Capcom heroes joined the fray. Now we get to Marvel vs. Capcom 2, where a whole bunch of fighters from both universes show up and beat the tar out of each in pixilated fashion. Most people consider it to be one of the finest fighting games ever made while others (myself included – see my Xbox review of the same game) blast it for being a unbalanced contest of who can pull off the more impressive combo. In either case, you were getting a pretty meaty package that was a blast to play among friends and fun times can be had by all.

Marvel Vs. Capcom 2, like most Capcom fighters, started life as an arcade machine and was eventually first ported onto Sega’s Dreamcast console before being shovelwared onto PS2 and Xbox consoles a couple years later. While I have already picked up and reviewed the Xbox version years ago (before it started commanding ridiculous prices on eBay), just a couple months ago, I was able to snag the Dreamcast version for a couple bucks. And after having played the game for a couple days, my thoughts are… well, let’s just go on.

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GameFAQs Review – Power Rangers Super Legends (Nintendo DS)

In 2007, Power Rangers celebrated its fifteenth anniversary with a 2-part episode that united some familiar faces of the franchise’s past. Despite its intentions, the episode had left a sour taste in most people’s mouths that is rather hard to do away with. So in a vain attempt to salvage the anniversary, Disney has their gaming studios develop a couple games commemorating the franchise’s fifteen-year history; one for the Nintendo DS and another for the Playstation-2 and PC platforms. Both share a similar scenario (Rangers from different points in history team up to fight the bad guys), but the actual set-up and gameplay is different. For now, we’ll start with the DS version.

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COMIC REVIEW – Star Wars: Dark Empire (Dark Horse Miniseries – 1992)

So this was the first piece of Star Wars Expanded Universe fare that I think I’ve read as a younger fellow. Oh, I have dabbled in the Marvel comics stuff and maybe that Splinter Of The Mind’s Eye novel, but in terms of new stories set in that galaxy far, far away that took the narrative beyond the Star Wars trilogy – there was only one – Dark Empire was the first thing that opened up. I wouldn’t get around to the novels until much later down the road, but the comics were easy reads… as were the video games that would come along later, but I digress.

Dark Empire takes place some years after Return Of The Jedi. The leadership of the former Rebel Alliance now head the New Republic and they’re still fighting the remnants of that evil Galactic Empire after all this time. The first thing you notice about this comic is the artwork, which has really rough-looking characters that somewhat resemble those classic characters you know and love, but updated to keep with the times. Luke Skywalker has darker-colored Jedi robes, foreshadowing the dark turn he would take as the series would progress. Leia has heir hair down. The various ships and setpieces are probably the real highlight of the art because they look a little better, but even to this day, I am baffled by the coloring, which seems very all over the place, cloudy, and doesn’t help the line art all that much.

As for the story itself… like I said, the Republic is still fighting the Empire and the Emperor is back from the dead in a new clone body, which makes me wonder if this was something that could’ve happened in whatever sequels would’ve followed if George Lucas would’ve gone in that direction. Luke takes a bit of a dark turn and things go to hell… but they eventually get better. For the time, I thought it was a fairly enjoyable little read and even coming back to it years after the fact, it might not be the one of the better Star Wars stories… and the subsequent miniseries, Dark Empire II and Empire’s End, actually turn out far worse than this one, but it’s an enjoyable little romp regardless.