Category: Wrestling Television Musings

So last Sunday night, I saw the series finale of the Sopranos. Wasn’t so much a show that fit the bill of series finales (loud, climatic). In fact, it felt pretty much like any other episode and it works. The ending is perhaps the best ending ever conceived (despite people thinking otherwise) because it’s different. It doesn’t give you an ending per se and perhaps that’s a good thing.

Apparently Vince saw the finale and felt the people needed a worthy ending. So they filmed his “death” involving an exploding limo. God, do we have to play this death card again? What if they decide to bring back Mr. McMahon again? Man, who cares really? In three months time, they’ll bring him back and say he suffered some minor burns and lost his best two-piece suit. And if they decide that’s what they’ll do, they don’t even have to cook up a graphic. I got one for them right up there.

What a stupid ending. What a piece of fucking god-damn shit.

*drinks rolling rock*

Continue reading “RAW (June 11th, 2007) – This Draft Blows… Just Like Vince’s Limo.”

Didn’t catch the One Night Stand show… from most peoples’ reaction and the results of that show, it’s probably a good thing, but let’s forget that and talk some RAW.

Yesterday was an utterly pointless show. I mean, it wasn’t a really “bad” show or anything. It was just pointless. I don’t get the idea behind it.  Let’s see some highlights:

– Cade and Murdoch beat the Hardys with a swerve tactic to win the tag belts. It wasn’t a great match by any stretch, but why wasn’t this on a PPV when it could have meant more?

– Next week is going to be a draft. That show is going to be three hours long, so you know it must be something that it’ll really shake things up… not really. The last time we had a draft; Kurt Angle left for TNA while RVD was busted for smoking pot.

– Randy Orton continues his killing spree of giving “legends” concussions. Well… it’s a step up from his RESTHOLD thing he likes to do often.

That’s about it. You noticed I didn’t mention John Worthless. Well, I did say highlights, didn’t I?

Later.

Seems to me that I’m doing these RAW bites on a regular basis, so I’ve decided to make it a regular topic called RAW Bytes. I’ll hunt down the older entries and add them to the list. Anyway, let’s get to the show.

Why am I watching a music video on a wrestling show? Outside of showing the Most Worthless Women On Television, what contribution is made to the show in general? What is the point of this stupid music video anyway? Why should I give a shit about some rapper, even if he is a recognizable name?

I mean, what’s with this obsession of getting rappers into wrestling? Most often, they contribute nothing but low ratings and forgettable music. Also, their videos suck balls most of the time. So what?

Outside of that, it’s not a truly offensive show from what I’ve seen. The Cena/Khali segment is fairly dull but too short to be truly hideous. The Lashley matches are short and sweet too. It’s a fairly average show with no outstandingly good stuff, but it’s miles better than last week’s pile of crap RAW show.

Good enough for me.

One of the better shows put out, RAW saw an hour-long bout between ol’ Shawn and “Useless” John Cena. I’ve enjoyed the match much more than their Mania encounter and was surprised that it would last as long as it did. See, this is the match they should have had at Mania with the right guy winning. The only thing that would have made the win sweeter if it was a title bout and if it featured someone other than John Useless, but you can’t have everything.

All in all, the show, while filled with useless time-wasters not named Cena, was better because of that one single match. Maybe if useless lugs like Orton were sent home more often, we’d have quality products such as this.

Last night’s episode was okayish. Certainly an improvement over last week’s piece of dogshit episode. A couple of noteworthy points:

– Shane McMahon winning the ECW World title would have made my night if it had happened last night. Instead, they went the cheap route and gave a DQ and a beatdown instead to pimp a silly 3-on-1 title match. I still don’t care enough about Lashley (and there isn’t a whole lot of people who do either – despite the meager chants that are popping up here and there) and his overcoming two McMahons and a monkey penis isn’t going to change my mind. At least the match was mildly entertaining, although it was a given Shane did all the work.

– So the next main event for Backlash is a four-man title match booked by a Make A Wish kid. If a Make A Wish kid was general manager on every single episode of RAW, the show would be doing better ratings than it is now.

All in all, a slightly better show than last week. Nothing great, but can’t complain really.

If you love battle royales, the first hour was for you. Otherwise, the show blew. Apparently, Lashley/Umaga for fifty bucks wasn’t bad enough, so we have to suffer through it for free. Fuck you, McMahon. Fuck you and your disproportionately tinny weeny peaball-sized bald head.

Shithead.

(2019 Update: You know, something like this normally wouldn’t make the cut or would just be stuffed away in a compilation post. But this gave me a good, hard laugh. So, for that, it gets its own post.)

As a bonus, I’ll toss in some quick thoughts on Mania 23. Despite the promising card, the show really didn’t do much for me. The Lashley/Umaga match was unsurprisingly shitty and the main event (Cena/Michaels) left me a bit deflated. On the bright side of things, Batista/Taker was a fairly good match for what it was and Money In The Bank was also pretty good.

All in all, it’s a better show than what was given to us last year, but hardly a show worth writing home about. I’ll have a more detailed review later tonight.

While you Americans get the dog show, we get RAW. And for the most part, it was fairly enjoyable… certainly a lot better than the crap it usually shoots out. So here are some important notes: Continue reading “RAW (Feb. 12th, 2007) – We Get RAW. You Get SPOILED.”

So I’m watching RAW and I see a Great Khali mumble his way through an interview. Oh great. Just what RAW needed: another tall worthless fuck. As if that’s bad enough, they have these fake impersonators doing the Donald and the Rosie. And they’re having a match and it’s about as entertaining as playing with dog feces.

Want to be entertained? Check out the greatest spectacle on Earth… JR’s Ass. *

Later.

* Link leads to a rap video made by a YouTuber and does not contain any pictures of JR’s ass. This is a semi-family site, boy. Mind your manners.

Of course, just to reiterate, WWE put out a great PPV this past Sunday in Armageddon, featuring a sick ladder match and a man being set on fire. Can’t get any better than that.

But then comes the three-hour RAW, which is as pointless as you can get. I mean, really, what’s the point of going three hours? It’s an hour more of the same old monotonous shit that we’ve been seeing for years now. It’s starting to get a bit predictable seeing the same guys feud for the title. It almost makes you long for the days when people were complaining about Hunter’s long title reigns, because at least the wrestling was good, if not consistent.

Sorry, Vince. You had a good thing going with your PPV, but then you have to throw in your three-hour snorefest which did nothing but put me to sleep faster than the Undertaker match.

Later.

So a quick recap of RAW for those who missed it… nothing happened other than Chris Masters tapping out to his own hold, a crappy match dedicated to Roddy Piper (get well, Rod), and of course, attempts at making Cena INTENSE and EXTREME failing miserably. In other words, you didn’t miss much.

Paul Heyman is apparently gone from ECW. Wish I could say I cared, but it wouldn’t have made much of a difference whether he had been there or not considering how the show is being run anyway.

So Lashley is a World champ now? Big surprise… another big, talentless lug is carrying a world championship. And Vince says Paul E. is living in the past too much. Apparently the new vision for ECW is to show the same repetitive nonsense that’s on the other two WWE shows. Just great.

Okay, I’m outta here.