MOVIE REVIEW – From Justin To Kelly (2003)

Alert the medical profession – the cure for insomnia has been found!

Everyone knows Kelly Clarkson, right? That chick who won that American Idol ages ago and made a career for herself with a couple decent-selling albums? She seemed to do fine as far as I know. Don’t really follow her all that much (not my kind of music), but she’s making a career out of it, at least.

Lucky for her too, because Justin has been off the radar somewhat as of late.

In 2003, Kelly (the first Idol winner) and Justin (the first Idol runnerup) were shoehorned into a movie called From Justin to Kelly, without a doubt the best movie that ever put me to sleep… I’m not joking. I have rarely seen a movie which bored me to tears, but this takes the cake.

Maybe it’s because I’m not a big fan of the movie type where every one breaks into song for no apparent reason, but I’ve seen Grease and that didn’t put me to sleep. It probably wouldn’t help the movie’s cause any way, as it has a cliché plot, uninteresting characters, and acting that makes pre-school make-believe sessions seem like Shakespeare in comparison.

The only thing that could have saved this movie is Simon Cowell showing up after every song and berating the cast and crew for such a dreadful number. Oh well.

Moral of the story: when starring in rubbish like this, having a rack helps. Someone should have clued that Justin fellow in on that trade secret.

Please don’t watch this movie. It’s not worth your time.

Classic Bite Commentary #41 – September 12th, 2003

Hey yo. I’ve been hit by a common-cold to headache to insomnia combo attack recently that has impaired me somewhat. I’m not at a hundred percent yet, but I am feeling much better and much more hospitable. Which means I can rant again. So here we are.

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COMIC REVIEW – Superman/Batman #1

Superman and Batman are stuck together in this new ongoing series. In all honesty, I’m rather split on the necessity to create another book for the Man of Steel or the Dark Knight, let alone one that features the both of them. It’s hard to tell if it’s really worth it to put these two guys together in an ongoing series. Of course, they did have an ongoing World’s Finest series a couple decades back, so a modern-day take on that idea probably wouldn’t hurt.

The first few pages is relatively simple. Half of each page dedicated to each of the two as their origins are retold in under 30 seconds, which is actually pretty neat. But then again, these characters don’t need five hundred different takes on their origin stories, even as an entry point because even most non-comic readers already know who they are. The story after that has the World’s Finest against Metallo, who’s causing trouble again. As a series opener, I have my reservations about the plot, but if leads to something bigger and better next issue, then it’s alright. Superman/Batman is fine color wise: the Superman moments are bright and colorful, while the Batman moments are dark and… not that dreary, but close enough. Ed McGuiness still does good Superman and his Batman is actually pretty good too, so no big surprise there.

The problem I have with this book is simple: it’s called Superman/Batman. That tells me it’s going to be mainly a Superman comic. That tells me it’s going to be a nice colorful book with a lot of bright moments. That doesn’t sit too well with me, because when you have a book that feature two opposites, there has to be some kind of balance between the two. It’s okay to have the colorful stories that fits Superman, but only if you can follow the dark tones that fits Batman. This first issue manages to balances things nicely, but it does still feels like a Superman book, not a Superman/Batman book.

Bottom line, Superman/Batman #1 is a good read that’s worth a look. I would probably recommend it to anyone who enjoys Superman comics, but wouldn’t go as far as recommended it to the Batman readers, because it is predominantly a Superman book… not that it’s a bad thing. Maybe the series will surprise me down the road, but for now, check this issue out. Worth your time.

Classic Bite Commentary #40 – August 23rd 2003 (and bonus material)

(2014 Update: The following post originally featured Hulk Hogan inadvertantly gave away spoilers for taped editions of Impact Wrestling. The video in question has since been removed, so in its place, I posted another Bite commentary, along with a couple additional bits that were posted days later, but weren’t long enough to merit their own individual posts. As per the case, any modern reflections is added in bold)

Hello, young whippersnappers. I’m back after a busy couple of weeks. I assure you, however, that the tardiness of this commentary has nothing to do with the virus going around… but it’s the hottest thing since the east coast power blackout!!! Which means it’s not hot at all, but it sounded so good I’ll say it again…

THE HOTTEST MOTHERFUCKING THING SINCE THE EAST COAST POWER BLACKOUT!!!

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Classic Bite Commentary #38 – July 14th, 2003

Good morning. Sorry I didn’t post last week’s Bite on schedule, but it’s up now. Unfortunately, you may not want to read it, so… Things have been pretty hectic this past week and thus all my plans were put in the back burner. Anyhoo…

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GameFAQs Review – Vs. Gradius (Arcade)

Around the late-80s during the NES craze, Nintendo decided to take some of their top titles and convert them in arcade games. You had games like Vs. Super Mario Bros, Vs. Baseball, Vs. Castlevania, and others like that. The one addition that struck me as odd was Vs. Gradius, which is the NES port of the original arcade game Gradius. Curious. Out of all the NES games they could have converted to the arcade Vs system, they had to choose a game which started out as an arcade game… and a pretty good arcade shooter. In any case, I’ll review this game for what it really is: an arcade port of an NES port of an arcade game.

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GameFAQs Review – Vs. Castlevania (Arcade)

Argh! Too hard! Great game though…

Around 1987, Nintendo created several arcade games that each featured a slightly different Nintendo game. Some of the popular games at the time received this treatment. One of them, conveniently enough, was Castlevania.

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GameFAQs Review – Vs. Super Mario Bros. (Arcade)

It’s been a long time since I’ve seen this game. For those unaware, there indeed is an arcade version of the original Super Mario Bros. video game. While mainly a gimmick by Nintendo to try and sell more NES systems, the arcade version is somewhat different from its home counterpart.

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