The Amazing, Spectacular, Sensational Wall Crawler…
Until he sold his soul to the devil…
Fuck you, Joe Quesada.
I know nothing about the Spider-Man Noir that this is based on… but you know what, I’m intrigued by this. And I like the fact that you can either watch it in color or in black and white… the latter as your wormhole aliens intended, I’m sure.
Spider-Noir premieres on MGM+ May 25th, with Prime Video getting it a couple days later. Genuinely looking forward to this one.
How bad is a game that I’d much rather watch the movie of the same name that came out a decade or so later?
In case you missed, the new Thunderbolts* movie came out in theaters… or are we supposed to call it the New Avengers now? Does it really matter?
I’ve heard good things about it, for whatever it’s worth. And it’s probably one of those movies that I wouldn’t mind watching if I had nothing better to do… but at no point did I felt compelled to want to watch this in theaters and a title change isn’t going to change matters. Instead, I just went back and watched the old Avengers movie and… lo and behold, that still holds up. I actually want to go back and write a quick thing about why that Avengers work and this one… kinda doesn’t… but that’s another story.
And hey… don’t feel too bad, Marvel. It takes a rare film to actually make me want to put with up with the overpriced experience of sitting in a stinky hall with a bunch of obnoxious kids flashing their FUCKING TELEPHONES (GET REAL) and being irritating little shits who wouldn’t shut the fuck up. I’ll watch your Thunderbolt Avenger thing when it hits Disney+ and I can be bothered to put up with your shitty, shitty, interface.
Anyway, that’s not what I really wanted to talk about. It’s just something that conveniently fits with the title of this post… but even before this whole thing became a thing, there was a sudden thought that came to mind one day that I wanted to share… and believe it or not, it’s not entirely dreadful or negative… maybe partly, but not mostly… close enough, I suppose.
So I’ve read somewhere – not going to link the source because it’s a “problem” site for some people due to certain triggering viewpoints that I don’t share, but they do make me laugh – that some people have issues with the title of the next Spider-Man film with Tom Holland. For those who don’t know, the next Spider-Man film will be called Spider-Man: Brand New Day. Why do people have an issue with Brand New Day as a title? Because it’s the same title as the storyline that immediately followed the controversial and much derided One More Day storyline… you know, the one where Spider-Man made a deal with the devil to end his marriage for the life of Aunt May.
Now, it’s no secret that I absolutely despise One More Day, both as a storyline and also as an attempt at a soft reboot of sorts. It is the absolute low point and creative nadir of Spider-Man that pretty much destroyed any interest I have in the character. I can go back and re-read old Spider-Man comics just fine, but anything that has come out afterwards – with the exception of the brief Superior Spider-Man run – I refuse to give even a passing glance. I’ve read stuff here and there, but for the most part, I couldn’t give two fucks about Spider-Verses or whatever bullshit they got going on where they bring Spder-Man up to a higher level, only to take him down several pegs because “down on his luck Parker” is something we can’t move past because the people involved in the creatively bankrupt direction of the character are a bunch of talentless hacks.
So naturally, I should take exception to the fact that the movie shares a name with a storyline that follows the lowpoint of Spider-Man creative… except I really don’t. And the simple reason is that Brand New Day the comic event and Brand New Day the movie are two different things that share a similar premise; a brand new start for Spider-Man.
In the case of Brand New Day the movie, this is following No Way Home, where – spoilers – the world has forgotten Peter Parker and the character is pretty much given a clean slate. The next movie is essentially a soft reboot where he’ll have a new supporting cast, be involved in a new situation, and stuff happens from there. In this particular context, Brand New Day makes sense as a title because it is a new beginning, as it were.
Also, last time I checked, Dr. Strange is not Mephisto, who is supposed to be the devil… now if you want to make a case for Benedict Cumberbatch being the devil, that’s another story entirely, but for now, we’ll give Sherlock the benefit of the doubt.
So, it’s the same deal when they decided to dub the third Captain America movie Civil War. Both the comic event and the movie shared similar plot points and both went in similar directions. And again, I was not a fan of the Civil War event in the comics – in part due to its contributions in the progressive destruction of the Spider-Man character as a result of One More Day – but also, I just didn’t like the story in general. On the flip side, I did enjoy the movie. I thought it was good and it did introduce the world to Tom Holland’s Spider-Man, which I still think is a great take on the character at a younger age. I had no issues with the movie sharing the same name as a comic event I didn’t care for, because I know it wasn’t going to be the same thing.
So, for anyone who has some quibble over the name of the next Spider-Man movie, the movie isn’t following Spider-Man making a deal with the devil to end his marriage. It’s following Peter Parker in a world that has no knowledge of who he is. Brand New Day denotes a clean slate and this fourth movie is looking to be pretty much that… and I can’t help but be curious as to where they go from here. Because at the end of the day, I still enjoy Spider-Man. I don’t enjoy what they’re doing with the character these days, but a part of me still wants to see that character endure and do well.
And hey, I tell a little fib. I actually do enjoy the current Ultimate Spider-Man book. That’s a good comic. I just hope Marvel doesn’t fuck that up like they’ve fucked up everything else they do these days, but… I’ll try to enjoy the ride while I can.
Happy New Year, kids. Here’s the annual Winners And Losers Of 2024.
No much of an intro this time around, as my hopes for 2025 aren’t high and honestly, 2024 wasn’t completely terrible despite terrible moments taking place in it. In any event, have fun and see you in a little bit.
Have fun.
No fear of missing out on these programs on the Disney+ app that I’m not subscribed to. I’m sure there’s a minute part of me that regrets having subscribed to Paramount+ instead, but at the very least, I’m getting what may very well be the best season of Discovery yet.
(I say this based entirely on the fact that the show hasn’t turned me off and the overarching storyline is at least somewhat interesting. And while I do consider this to be the best of Discovery’s five seasons, it’s still Discovery when all is said and done and thus there are lots of Discovery tropes that annoy me, but I can willfully put up with to see this season through.)
In any event, I’ve had a couple people (for some reason) wonder about the new Doctor Who as well as the X-Men 97 series that supposedly serves as a continuation of the original 90s X-Men cartoon… and I can answer both with the same answer.
I have not seen them.
With Doctor Who, I wasn’t even aware that the season had started, so chances are I may have to give it a watch when I have the chance. As far as X-Men 97 is concerned, that is simply due to a lack of interest. Mostly because I only saw the first couple seasons of X-Men when it first aired, enjoyed it for the most part, and then gave up on it once Power Rangers became the thing to watch… and also, Batman: The Animated Series was also a thing… and also Spider-Man… and eventually, Superman… and… you get the idea.
Hell, I hadn’t even watched anything from the last couple seasons of the show until a few years afterwards, where I had noticed a drastic drop in the overall quality of the animation and it seemed to have suffered from the Captain Planet syndrome of cheap-as-shit animation in the latter years of its run. That said, I have been keeping up with the plot threads going on in that show and given the direction that it took several characters and some of the stories that it’s been aping as of late, let’s just say that I’m in no hurry to get back on that particular bandwagon anytime soon.
So apparently, Marvel Comics… yes, they still do comics. Largely terrible ones, these days, but that’s besides the point.
So Marvel has decided that their Miles Morales character needed more classic Spider-Man failures to certify his status as a Spider-Man for all people and are going to give him his very own Clone Saga… because everyone loved the first Clone Saga so much, it drove Marvel into bankruptcy.
Look, I’m largely unfamiliar with the Miles Morales take on Spider-Man. I’ve only read a couple issues and also that Spider-Men mini from a couple years back. Seems like a pretty cool character and I even saw that Spider-Verse movie where he played a focal point and was subsequently the best part of the movie. I’ve got no ill towards anybody trying to give Miles as many Spider-Man tropes as they can, even if I don’t believe it necessary. Let Miles stand on his own and forge his own path.
But… if you are going to recycle old Spidey bits, can’t you do recycle something that isn’t total shit? The Clone Saga was one of many, many, MANY stupid decisions that Marvel made in the nineties and none of that stuff was ever any good. So to give Miles that similar idea (if not execution) is just… well, it’s so Marvel, I guess.
I don’t know. Maybe it’ll be good, but I doubt it. Like I said, a lot of Marvel stuff these days outside of their earliest MCU flicks have been kind of trash and I don’t have high hopes for this one.
Oh well… good luck, Miles. You’ll need it.
This comic book is terrible… there is no other way to say it.
Filmmaker and mystery box fetishist JJ Abrams and his son Henry were tasked with creating a Spider-Man comic book; a six-issue mini-series set in an alternate timeline where Peter Parker is no longer Spider-Man and a deadbeat dad with a son named Ben… Ben then turns to the Dark Side and joins the Knights Of Venom to become Kylo Venom… oh wait, I’m sorry. I got that mixed up.
So this book has a twist that involves a woman character and a refrigerator that sets up the current world this series is set in… hint: she’s the lady on the cover of this here comic book. This immediately pisses me off; not because of the tired woman in refrigerator gimmick that is a tired trope in and of itself, but it immediately gave me flashbacks of that one Spider-Man story where Spider-Man made a deal with the devil… only this time, the devil’s name is Abrams and he wears thick glasses.
And then we jump to the future; Peter is abroad, Ben is a dick kid, and then things change or whatever… this is the story of the kid taking up the mantle eventually and the mystery box that is the least interesting new villain in Caviar or Cadavaria or whatever his name is. The guy looks like something that even Rob Liedfeld would wince at. Think of the ground that covers.
If I can give Spider-Man #1 one sliver of credit, it’s that Sarah Pichelli’s artwork is rather gorgeous stuff. Honestly, she’s probably the only thing that makes this somewhat worthwhile, even with the somewhat muted color scheme that kills the splendor somewhat. It’s just too bad that it’s quality artwork attached to a wretchedly mediocre story.
I’ve no bone to pick with Abrams; I think he’s a perfectly fine filmmaker that gets a bit of a bad wrap at times for better or worse. With that having been said, this first chapter into the Abrams’ take on Spider-Man left a sour taste in my mouth and while I went into this with the best of intentions, it seems as though this is one mystery box that I would be perfectly content in leaving closed.
From Spider-Man Unlimited #2, the final issue of the 12-part Maximum Carnage event that inspired a hit video game. Note the headstones as Spider-Man talks about monsters staying dead and buried.
A few years later, Norman Osborn would be brought back to life at the conclusion of the much-maligned Clone Saga.
A near decade or so later, Harry Osborn would be seen alive and well in the much reviled One More Day storyline.
Suddenly, that one quote doesn’t seem so true…
dtm666 