Category: Wrestling Musings

Anyone up for a funny story? Yeah, me neither, but here goes nothing.

So last Friday, I picked up the WWE book, Big Apple Takedown. For those who don’t know, it’s a novel about WWE Superstars as government agents to bust a drug ring. It is a concept that is absolutely absurd and can only be conceived within the somewhat delusional WWE universe that the company occupies.

So I pick up a copy of the book and gave it a quick read for a bit before dozing off to bed. Yes, the concept is as absurd as you’d think and comes off even moreso when you read the first couple chapters explaining the backstory behind this thing.

The next morning, I wake up with a goddamn flu.

It’s horrible, it lasts through the whole weekend, it keeps me in bed for a good chunk of it, and I ended up staying at home as a result… which is totally fine by me. The weather is kinda shit at the moment.

So Saturday’s sudden flu attack had consisted of lots of coughing, a slight fever, and a running nose (not that kind of running, dumbass). Despite extended hours of sleep, said flu apparently got worse the following Sunday as my slight fever became much worse and I had lost all energy to move. It was an effort to just to make it to the bathroom which is only a few feet across and it usually doesn’t take much to go there from the minute I wake up. As a result, I had to skip work yesterday… which meant another number of hours staring at a fucking ceiling.

Of course, after a while, the bedroom got too hot and it was thought it wouldn’t be a good idea to have me lay there. So I put on some warm clothes and made my way to my den (where all the computer stuff is) and just aimlessly browse the Internet. As time passed and many forms of medication were taken, the fever died down with only a sore throat and snotting nose remaining. Not much, but better compared to how I was feeling that morning.

So I went back to work. Business as usual. Now the coughing’s been  dropped down a bit thanks to some timely interference from Halls and some cough syrup. It’s still a long way to a full recover, but it shouldn’t take any longer than the end of the week to get there.

The following is a post from WWE.com:

WWE personnel were setting up a makeshift arena in a parking lot at Camp Victory, Baghdad, when three mortars were fired into a crowded street less than a block away. A number of people were injured in the attack; luckily none were members of WWE.

Well, we’re certainly thankful that while a number of people were injured and in need of critical aid, it’s nice to hear that no WWE employees were injured.

Oh well, I guess I should vent on who was stupid enough to publish the article as it was presented, but you know what? I’m not. It’s nice to hear that while some people were injured, none of them were killed or mutilated… nor were they members of the WWE family.

I guess I can rest easy knowing that now.

It’s been confirmed by WWE.com what was speculated by the IWC: Paul Wight, known as the Big Show, is “taking time off” to heal injuries. He might be retiring, which if he is, I thank him for many great moments, such as getting stuck in the crapper.

But some believe he may be “healthy enough” to face “healthy” Hulk Hogan in a Wrestlemania 23 match to celebrate the 20th anniversary of the historic Hogan/Andre confrontation at ‘Mania 3.

Yeah, that’s right. They’re going to celebrate the biggest wrestling match in history with a match that has been witnessed by many who were watching WCW years ago. And they weren’t even good matches back then, and with Show’s injuries and Hogan’s old age, what makes them think that this’ll do any good?

Whatever man.

(2024 Update: He’d be back two years later to earn a Wrestlemania payday with Floyd Mayweather. And then he’d stick around for another decade-plus before jumping ship to Tony Khan’s All Elite Wrestling promotion.)

 

In case anyone is aware, there’s an ECW pay-per-view coming up this weekend.

No, I didn’t forget any words because nobody even knows ECW had a PPV coming up because WWE never bothered to promote it.

Then again, can you blame them? This PPV is coming a WEEK after the Survivor Series PPV.

Even worse, there’s only two matches on the PPV and it’ll be a miracle if people who bought the wretched Survivor Series PPV will buy another poorly-conceived PPV a week later.

But it’s also brilliant planning; as it is designed to fail, the higher ups will eventually place the blame on ECW not being pushed hard as a WWE brand… DESPITE THE FACT THAT IT IS NO DIFFERENT THAN OTHER WWE SHOWS SUCH AS WWE HEAT AND WWE VELOCITY.

This is brilliant planning. Vince books the promotion to oblivion and re-invents it.

BRILLIANT. THAT’S WHY HE’S A GENIUS.

Don’t look now, kids, but earlier this week, WWE.com announced that they were going to be debuting a new webtoon about… Vince McMahon’s ass. I’ve checked the preview for this thing and all I gotta say is that there are flash cartoons on Newgrounds that are better animated than this. This looks like it could very well be the 2007 version of the Tim White Suicide skits they did earlier this year.

Or not, earlier today, WWE.com posted the following statement:

Mr. McMahon’s “Kiss My Ass” cartoon, which was to have debuted today, has been delayed due to the stubbornness of one of its stars. The cartoon’s director claims that although Mr. McMahon was great to work with, his ass often refused to leave his trailer, demanded daily massages, and would “butt” heads with everyone around him. The ass was not available for comment, but sources close to the prominent posterior say his mood of late has been crappy. Stay tuned to WWE.com for the premier of Mr. McMahon’s “Kiss My Ass” cartoon.

So, is anyone else really looking forward to this? Because I’m not. And really, it’s nothing special. They probably delayed it to improve upon it. Hopefully, it’ll be indefinitely delayed.

(2019 Update: Who knows? This might be perfect for the WWE Network.)

Later.

“You know you have a competitor up here who isn’t making your life easy.”

That quote above supposedly came from a Connecticut police officer to a TNA official when news broke that the TNA house show in Connecticut was canned. For those not in the know, Connecticut is conveniently where WWE Headquarters is situated. As it stands, WWE denies any involvement in the cancellation of the TNA show, but it would make sense if it did… after all, how would you feel if a competing wrestling company was holding a show on your home turf?

Whatever WWE says doesn’t matter… because they’ll be the primary suspect to the cancellation. A show was canned because of a small crack on the EXIT sign? That’s ridiculous… plain and simple. There has to be more to it than that.

Later on, in a vain attempt to try and fall asleep by thinking too hard about things that don’t require much thought, I came up with a couple theories on what might have been the case;

1) WWE has some involvement in the TNA shutdown and are denying it.  This seems like the most obvious theory to those who don’t know any better… although it’s not beneath Vinnie Mac do pull something off, but why bother? If word got out that his company did have something to do with it, it’d be a black mark in the company’s already-faltering reputation.

2) WWE didn’t have anything to do with it and the State of Connecticut did deem the arena unsafe for the show to take place. And if that seems to be the case, then it can be made official that Connecticut’s officials are a bunch of pussies. I mean, come on guys. A broken EXIT sign with a small crack is a safety hazard? There’s no garbage bag in this trash bin? These are significant enough to shut down a wrestling show? Are you fucking kidding me? And even if WWE didn’t have anything to do with it, they’d still get fingers pointed at them simply because of the simple fact that the show would have been held in their own backyard.

3) And not a lot of people have touched on this, but let’s suppose for a second that TNA never intended on holding a houseshow. Let’s suppose that the shutdown of the TNA house show was part of a bigger angle concocted by TNA themselves to place some of the heat on WWE.

Those would’ve been fine theories and honestly, I wouldn’t have been surprised if one or two or all three were true… but as it turned out, the whole issue with the TNA house show shutdown did not stem from conspiracies or backstage shenanigans, but rather unsigned permits and procedures that TNA didn’t follow when they switched arenas. This is from a police conference. When asked about Vince McMahon’s involvement, all they had to say was “Even my superiors had to ask who is Vince McMahon?”

So there you go, kids. There’s what really happened. Things happened not because of a Connecticut Conspiracy, but because of pure trademark TNA incompetence.

We can all rest easy now.

Anyone who has been to a wrestling website or has seen the recent TNA PPV knows what I’m talking about: former Olympian and former WWE champion Kurt Angle has signed with TNA wrestling. When people last saw Angle, he was fired by WWE so that he can heal. Roughly a few weeks later, he signs with the distant competition.

It’s not a big surprise. From the instant Kurt got canned, almost everyone was calling it. Some people saw through the transparent desires of doing MMA bouts and said he would show up on TNA.

So yeah, I can say I saw it coming… but not this soon.

I wonder what Vince is thinking now…

More on this later tonight…

Today, we’ve got some random postings from random sources, not to mention a lot of territory to cover, so let’s get to it.

Continue reading “Extreme Crap – Rob Van… Damn – Hogan Injured Again, No One Cares”

According to insidepulse.com, WWE’s latest edition of Saturday Night’s Main Event was dead last in the national TV ratings, earning a 2.65.

When approached about the news, the Orange Goblin had to say: “Well, you know somethin’, brutha? It shows that John Cena isn’t ready for the main event, dude! The main event should have been me wrestling Edge for the title and winning it again for the umpteenth time, jack! And the rest of the card would have been replays of my daughter’s cool video for the whole night, brutha! So whachagonnado, brutha?!”

Note that the above quote isn’t true. For the original story, click here.