dtm666

COMIC REVIEW – Ultimate Spider-Man #55

In a couple months’ time, there’s a new Spider-Man movie. So naturally, Marvel produced several story-arcs and mini-series that features a newly redesigned Doctor Octopus, who just so happens to be the main villain in the flick. That’s just fine and dandy, but this is Ultimate Spider-Man, where Humberto Ramos’ new Doc Ock (which kicks @$$ by the way) doesn’t make an appearance here, but rather the regular Doc Ock that’s indigenous of the Ultimate line of books. In any case, it’s the same intent.

If the fact that the latest arc in the Ultimate Spider-Man series pits the wall-crawler against Doc Ock isn’t a dead give away that this is another one of those oppurtunities to cash in on the hype of the upcoming Spider-Man movie sequel, then the disappointing plot element of an unauthorized movie being made on Spider-Man will. So Spider-Man gets upset that a movie company is producing a movie about him without his consent or input. Doc Ock gets upset that Spider-Man is getting a movie made about him. Gwen Stacy, still distraught over the recent death of her father due to stupidities in super-heroics, is upset because Spider-Man’s getting a movie. I get upset because the entire storyline revolves around the production of a movie, which is something that should have been a one-shot deal, not necessarily an entire story-arc that could have been good for something else.

I don’t follow the Ultimate Spider-Man series, so I don’t know what has happened before this issue and thus, I can’t really comment on the serial aspect of it. Then again, I really don’t care for serialization to begin with, so that’s a non-factor. The art in this issue is pretty good. Everything is pretty much laid out nicely and everything has a clean look to it. On the other hand, it’s nothing special and certainly nothing that I haven’t seen before.

Of all the Doc Ock-centric stories that are being shot out recently, I’d have to say that this one is a little weak, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a bad story. If you really need to go out and get something with ol’ Otto, I’d suggest you pick up the Countdown arc in the Spectacular Spider-Man series (or wait for the trade – it’s almost the same thing). You should only pick this up if you’re into Ultimate Spider-Man or don’t mind the “movie” plot, but if you’re somewhat interested in what the arc has to offer, there’s nothing stopping you.

COMIC REVIEW – Teen Titans GO! #5

For the uninformed, the strange looking comic series is based on the latest DC cartoon series. Unlike the previous cartoons that came before it, which had some slick animation and presented pretty good storylines, Teen Titans had anime-style animation and storylines that seemed way too kiddy. Perhaps you’re not supposed to take it seriously, since it’s a team of kids, but the bunch of kids that the series is based on were a tad more serious than what we have here. But we’re not here to look at the cartoon, we’re here to look at the comic.

Of all the issues I could have picked to review, I had to review the one where the main plotline revolves around Raven getting a pimple. No, you’ve read right. And no, the cover of the issue is real. The whole story revolves around a pimple. This little pimple is the main villain of this story. Granted, it’s an interesting idea that is rarely thought of or implemented, but… oh good god, what am I saying? It’s a zit. For the majority of the book, the other Titans make fun of poor Raven’s zit, which reduces the issue to a poor man’s guide to zit jokes that are not only unfunny, but they really distract from the flow of the book, or lack thereof. The book tries to be humorous, but it doesn’t really work for me.

On a more positive note, the art is actually pretty good and it replicates the anime-style of the cartoon. I was a little reserved about the show’s choice to forego the regular graphics and go with that form of animation, but on the comic, it works fine. I find it suits the printed format as opposed to the small screen. I could say more, but… it’s a zit.

There isn’t much else I can say about the comic. If you’re a fan of the cartoon and haven’t tried the comic, it doesn’t hurt to give it a try. If you don’t mind a comic book where half of it contains poorly-executed zit jokes, this is for you. As for the rest of us, I’d take a pass.

MOVIE REVIEW – Street Fighter (1994)

Street Fighter is a 1994 action-adventure feature-film loosely based on the 1991 hit arcade game, Street Fighter II. It has nothing to do with the Street Fighter series of films starring Sonny Chiba from the 1970s; this very important, very obvious fact is worth mentioning because despite the popularity of the Street Fighter franchise and the cult status of the Street Fighter film series, there are a small number of people who believe that there is a connection between the two… other than the fact that the two share the same name. I’m serious; those people exist.

In any case, whenever most people bring up Street Fighter to any Street Fighter aficionado, they tend to look down upon the movie because it isn’t entirely accurate to the original video games. Watching the movie, I sort of understand why. Whereas Street Fighter II The Game was about a number of fighters taking part in a global tournament, each with their own motivations and whatnots, the Street Fighter movie reconfigures the plot into a U.N.-esque military operation headed by the American Colonel Guile (played by Belgium Van-Damme) to rescue hostages from a terrorist group headed by General M. Bison (played by Raul Julia).

The end result of this shift in storyline is the reconfiguration of certain characters that is different from the source material. Rather than being friendly rivals, Ryu and Ken are now street hustlers and smugglers looking for a quick buck. Chun-Li is a news reporter with a camera crew of Balrog and Edmund Honda, rather than an Interpol agent, an agressive boxer banned from the sport (although that detail is brought up in a scene), and a champion sumo wrestler respectively, Dhalsim is apparently a scientist for some reason, T. Hawk is actually scrawnier in comparison to his roided-up video game original counterpart, and the Brazilian beast Blanka is actually a mutated version of Guile’s best friend, Charlie… who would eventually be introduced into the Street Fighter Alpha series of fighting games later on and be a derivative of Guile’s fighting style as opposed to having anything to do with Blanka… whose real name is actually Jimmy… which is the furthest thing from a Brazilian name there could be.

Yeah, it’s easy to see why the hardcore fans would hate on this movie.

If you were to put aside the numerous inaccuracies and liberties taken in porting the source material to the silver screen, you would find a film that has its shining moments among the layers of cheese and camp. Some of the set-pieces were rather nice and did a good job in depicting war-torn country and a makeshift command center. Some of the costume work was rather nice (Bison costume especially) and there was some attempt to make these actors look like their video game counterparts – with varying degrees of success. The action sequences were pretty cool with plenty of explosions, and the fights were somewhat serviceable, given the varied experience of the cast. And hey, they even managed to toss in a couple moves from the game – albeit in a limited or drastically altered state… but it’s the thought that matters. Funny how a much later live-action adaptation attempt missed this mark

Some people have issues with Guile being the focal point of the movie and thus the guy who defeats Bison. I would admit that Van-Damme as Guile… meh, not the best choice, but he does what he can with the material given… and that cheese has to come from somewhere. But setting aside the casting choice… in my mind, it made perfect sense for an American production studio to place the American soldier in the protagonist role of their Street Fighter motion picture. Surely, if Russians had conceived a Street Fighter film, it wouldn’t surprise me if they made Zangief the hero of the story. Street Fighter II, at least at the time and long before the convoluted storytelling attempts and retcons that made the whole series plotline much more ridiculous than any third-party medium ever did, always seemed like a pretty open-ended tournament that had eight (later twelve, later sixteen, later thirty-something… ARGH!) possible outcomes.

I rather liked Raul Julia’s portrayal of M. Bison in this movie; he manages to convey while bringing some class and dignity to the role… something I felt was lacking in later, more truer interpretations of the character. The rest of the acting is rather hit or miss. But any scene involving Zangief and his backwards way of thinking did earn me a chuckle, so there’s that.

Overall, Street Fighter is a pretty okay movie. For what it gets wrong in terms of adapting the source material, it also provides some good, dumb, cheesy fun. If you’re willing to forgo any nitpicking tendencies and just want a decent action flick, then Street Fighter is a worthwhile choice. There are certainly worse movies out there, but this isn’t one of them.

My Top 6 Star Wars Games Not Named X-Wing Or TIE Fighter

Here’s a list of my top 6 Star Wars games that doesn’t include the incredular X-Wing or TIE Fighter games, because those are beyond reproach… well, mostly TIE Fighter is beyond reproach; the X-Wing stuff, I can take or leave… but there’s plenty of other Star Wars games worth playing. Here’s six of them… because there’s six movies in this saga. Maybe if they make a sequel trilogy, we’ll adjust this to nine or something, I don’t know…

Listed in no particular order…

Game #1 – Dark Forces
Here’s a brilliant idea. Doom was a popular thing, so let’s make a Star Wars version. And it was awesome. Great weapons, great atmosphere. … And then they’d make the Jedi Knight games, which I heard were also good, but I haven’t played those yet. Hope to change that soon.

Game #2 – Empire Strikes Back (2600)
It’s simple stuff; you fly a snowspeeder, you pick off AT-ATs with your guns until they blow up, lather, rinse, repeat. It’s a daring campaign to pit one snowspeeder against an infinite fleet of walkers, but it’s easy to pick up and play. And there’s a whole bunch of variations for you to try out if you want to spice things up a bit.

Game #3 – Super Star Wars Trilogy
I’m cheating a bit here because I’m including three games under the list, but Factor 5’s Super Star Wars trilogy of SNES action games have always been top-tier stuff. Yes, it might rough and tough in some places and liberties are taken with the source material, but damn if they don’t make good action games. If I had to pick one, Super Jedi takes the cake; multiple characters with different playstyles, some solid action bits, and some of the vehicle bits aren’t too shabby, either. Play them all, though. They’re great.

Game #4 – Star Wars Trilogy Arcade (1998 Arcade Game)
A rail shooter that has you partaking in major battle sequences of each of the three Star Wars films (we only had three, boys and girls) and with bonus stages featuring duels against Boba Fett and Darth Vader. When the newest Capcom fighter was indisposed, this was usually the other go-to arcade game for my money. Incredibly fun yet challenging fare.

Game #5 – Star Wars Racer Arcade (2000 Arcade Game)
Not one to be left out of the whole Prequel hype, Sega followed up Trilogy Arcade with their own version of the Podracer game. Not sure if this is the same thing you play on the consoles, but I’d say this arcade game is tremendous; featuring a control layout similar to a podracer, bringing that extra bit of detail and authenticity. Whatever you want to say about The Phantom Menace, at the very least, its racing games are top notch.

Game #6 – Star Wars (NES)
Another Star Wars platformer on NES that takes liberties with the source material; hell, the first chunk of the game where you’re on Tatooine is practically non-linear stuff where you can theoretically leave the planet without recruiting any of the usual suspects, thus turning it into a true adventure of Luke Skywalker and no one else. Yes, it can be difficult as hell with falling damage and some spotty moments, but if you can put up with the rough spots, there’s a damned fine game to be found here. And how many NES games based on movies or TV shows can you count that aren’t total garbage?

Oh, and on a sidenote, there’s also a Famicom version from Namco that’s not the same game as this. I’ve not played that one, but I’ve seen some of that in action. The less said, the better.

And that’s it. That’s my list.

Classic Bite Commentary #48 – May 2nd, 2004

FUN FACT: Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson’s birthday is May 2nd, you stupid son of a bitch!

WARNING: Contains language and some material unsuitable for younger readers. Discretion is advised.

How long has it been since I wrote a commentary or even made an update? A month? Are you serious?

Nothing noteworthy to add in this commentary other than a few notes here and there.

Continue reading “Classic Bite Commentary #48 – May 2nd, 2004”

Classic Bite Commentary #47 – March 14th, 2004

For today, this is going to be restricted EXCLUSIVELY to wrestling, as we’re counting down the hours to what may be the biggest hyped wrestling show, Wrestlemania 20. So as a bonus, I’ll have match predictions AND for the first time, I’ll pull out some sheets for an old wrestling game, where I had to book the twentieth Wrestlemania.

But first, a couple of notes on WWE’s moves. Because I haven’t done a retrospect at WWE’s moves recently, so let’s get this on:

Continue reading “Classic Bite Commentary #47 – March 14th, 2004”

DVD Review – The Best Of Power Rangers: The Ultimate Rangers (2003 DVD Release)

So we’re looking at the 2003 DVD compilation called The Best Of Power Rangers: The Ultimate Rangers, which collects some of the series’ best episodes or at the very least, the highlights. If I’m not mistaken, this is the first time that the Power Rangers franchise has seen a DVD release; unless the movie 2-pack had already been released around this time. In any event, let’s see how this DVD release stacks up.

THE GOOD: The disc collects five Power Rangers television stories; the two-part MMPR episode “White Light”, the two-part Power Rangers In Space finale “Countdown to Destruction”, the Lost Galaxy/In Space team-up episode “To The Tenth Power”, the Lightspeed Rescue/Lost Galaxy team-up episode “Trakeena’s Revenge”, and finally, the Wild Force episode “Forever Red.” In terms of the three two-part episodes, they have been edited to form a single, longer episode rather than two parts. For what it’s worth, you have some of the better Power Rangers stories presented here and while one could argue of more episodes being included, what they have here is fine… somewhat.

THE BAD: Not much in terms of bonus features; just a couple promos for other products and that’s about it. The set includes only one episode of the In Space/Lost Galaxy team-up and not the second episode. Also, there isn’t any sort of chapter selection where you can skip to a particular scene; instead, you skip episodes, so you’ll need to fast forward to reach a particular scene of an episode. The episode selection, while solid, also seems a bit random, as “White Light” seems tacked on for the sake of having an MMPR episode on there while the rest of the package were team-up episodes (though Countdown isn’t technically a team-up per se, it does feature characters outside the usual PRiS sphere of influence). Video quality also isn’t fantastic, as some noticeable grain and noise effects can be seen during sequences that feature lots of dark colors.

OVERALL: For a cheap-o DVD release, the Ultimate Rangers isn’t the worst thing out there as it collects five of the better Power Rangers stories up to that point. Arguments could be made as to which episodes should or shouldn’t have made the cut, but as a nice primer of the franchise’s high points and a collection of its best stories, it’s more than adequate. Fairly cheap, not bad, it gets the job done well enough.

RATING: 7/10

MOVIE REVIEW – Gigli (2003)

“Ever wonder how Uwe Boll feels when people crap on his video game movies without ever having watched them? He should try and sit through the J’Lo/Affleck mess called Gigli.

“I rented this movie once, hearing all the bad rap. Then I popped it in. Five minutes into the movie, I rewind the tape and brought it back to the video store. Five minutes into a movie and I hated it… what does that tell you about the rest of the movie?

“As years went on and I grew more of a spine, I eventually decided to sit through the entire movie… and after that, arranged for an immediate lobotomy so that I can purge all memory of this drivel.”

That’s how I started my imdb review posting back in October 2003… the movie came out in August… how could I have rented the video? Through the magic of instant cassettes… or a bootleg copy that I saw at a friend’s house. And yes, after watching more of this garbage, I certainly FELT like I’ve aged years. However, the last paragraph in that review holds very true.

“Gigli is pure garbage. There is not ONE single, solitary positive aspect to be found anywhere within this picture. There is not ONE aspect that can deem Gigli one of those “so bad it’s good” films that I’ll find enjoyment out of. If there is any high point to be found, it was ultimately sucked into the black hole of ineptitude that is Gigli, a film with an unlikable cast of “characters” or lack thereof, a convoluted storyline, terrible pacing, and an utter lack of chemistry among any of the cast. It’s just a mess of a motion picture that somehow got approved and shipped out for public consumption, reaffirming my lack of faith in humanity.”

I know what you’re asking. “Ah, Dave. Aren’t you being overly dramatic? It’s just a rom-com.”

Oh, you poor bastards. I’m not being OVERLY dramatic… if anything, I’m being OVERLY nice.

Gigli plays out like a shitty parody of a mobster movie. Ben Affleck has been in better stuff, he has done better performances, and this is neither. The same can be said for Jennifer Lopez or anyone else in this film. Was this a vanity project for the Bennifer couple or just something everyone was doing for the money and they weren’t even going to try. You can try and convince me of one or the other, but there’s no reason to believe that BOTH can’t be true at once.

There is no reason to watch Gigli. If you’re one of the many who skipped on this movie when it came out, continue to do so. And if anyone suggests that you need to watch this movie as a rite of passage, disown them. They don’t deserve to be part of your life… or any realm of existence for that matter.

Fuck this movie.

DVD Review – Power Rangers Fox Double Feature Set (2001)

One of my first DVD purchases was this Power Rangers Fox Double Feature, which collects the two movies; Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie from 1995 and Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie from 1997. Released as a double-sided DVD, both films include subtitles, a theatrical trailer, and a short behind the scenes video originally seen on older Fox VHS tapes. This DVD was released in 2001 and was the only semblance of Power Rangers on DVD until that Best Of compilation that was released a couple years after.

THE GOOD: You’re getting the two Power Rangers movies for the price of one, which is a pretty sweet deal from the get-go. And depending on your point of view, the films either held up extremely well or they were never good to begin with. The picture quality, for the most part, is pretty good and are presented in widescreen, which may or may not be a good thing depending on your point of view.

THE BAD: It’s a single, double-sided disc, which means you need to flip the disc in order to watch the desired film. I’ve always hated this idea because while it is cheap, it just means both sides are susceptible to scratching and easy damage. Not surprisingly, both movies skimp on extras, with only one theatrical trailer and a short making of vignette for each film. Quite disappointing since both had longer BTS specials that would’ve been a cool bonus. There’s also some weird cropping issues where there’s significantly less picture than the VHS releases, which seems odd. Oh, and the first movie is missing “Mighty Morphin” from its title, implying a UK cut or something to that extent.

OVERALL: It doesn’t take much to see that this is a pretty lazy package that’s assembled here with little care put to the final product. Still, both movies on DVD is still a pretty sweet deal, but here’s hoping that somewhere down the line, these films will either get individual releases or possibly released as a two-disc set, which would be preferable.

REVISITING… The Super Mario Bros. Super Show

Contrary to what many claim, Mario’s first initial cartoon appearance was NOT the Super Mario Bros. Super Show. Rather, it was in an obscure Donkey Kong cartoon that aired as part of Saturday Supercade during the early-1980s, before Nintendo rose into prominence. You wouldn’t have noticed, because in that cartoon, Mario was a generic guy who pursued the big dumb ape. But that’s irrelevant, because before 85, Mario wasn’t a big deal. After ’85, he practically salvaged the video gaming industry and got a cartoon out of it.

Every Mario cartoon had the same basic plot; evil King Koopa (Bowser, although he never goes by that name in the cartoon) wrecks havoc in various worlds of the Mushroom Kingdom and it’s up to Mario, faithful brother Luigi, loyal Mushroom Retainer Toad, and the Princess (when she isn’t kidnapped) to spoil his nefarious plans. Rinse, lather, and repeat.

Odd thing was that this had more in common with Super Mario Bros. 2 (Mario USA to Japanese folk – the less said, the better) than it did the original game, but I’m not complaining.

The way I see it, the cartoon (and even the Captain Lou Albano live skits) was what truly defined Mario as an Italian plumber from Brooklyn who enjoyed eating pasta rather than this fat plumber who ate mushrooms, something that the games depicted. The cartoon stayed true to the original games, as opposed to the later movie which was a bastardization of what was good and wholesome. The stories are rather cheesy, crude, and cheap parodies of certain series and movies, but who cares? They were fun and back then, that’s all you really needed.

The animation was decent for its time. You have some minor technical errors here and there (sometimes Mario would be speaking with Luigi’s voice, or his hat would be the wrong color), but these things happens in all the old cartoons (see the old Ninja Turtles as a good example – yes, you know who you are!) The voices were pretty good; nothing great, but alright nonetheless. Characterizations were pretty good (even though it’s based off a video game and you actually had no frame of reference as far as characterization goes).

Of course, the cartoon is only part of the show. Bookending the cartoon are live-action skits featuring Captain Lou as Mario and this other guy as Luigi, in their Brooklyn basement, where they have to deal with these guest stars’ problems. I’m not just talking nameless hacks looking for a quick buck, but actual stars whom were popular at the time. Like the cartoons, the skits were cheesy but fun. And it’s always a welcome sight to see Captain Lou make an idiot out of himself by doing the Mario. (Now, if the REAL Mario were to have done that in any of the modern Mario games, it would have actually prompted me to buy a modern Nintendo system.)

Every Friday, they’d throw in a little Zelda cartoon. Back then, when I first saw them, I never touched the original game, but still enjoyed them nonetheless… although these days, hearing Link whine “Excuse Me, Princess” every fifth minute irritates me to no end.

After some time, the Super Mario Bros. Super Show changed its format and became Club Mario. While you had the same IL’ good cartoons, instead of live Mario and Luigi, you had two ‘hip’ guys in a messed-up apartment with lots of stuff that boggles the mind. Every once in a while, they have actual ‘storylines’ such as one guy’s evil twin trying to take over the show. Sometimes, I wish good IL’ Koopa showed up during the Mario Bros’ off-day and took over the show so he could cancel it, because even back then, it was bad.

Even today, it’s still a good wholesome cartoon that’s good for a few laughs and maybe can be genuinely enjoyed. I think you can find them on Yahoo somewhere, who airs the shows online. Check ’em out if you have the chance.