CM Punk Successfully Defends WWE Title Against Piston Honda

(The following piece is a work of fiction.)

Unemployed WWE champion CM Punk, who was lasted spotted attending a Chicago Cubs game while tonight’s edition of WWE Monday Night Raw was running a tournament to crown a new WWE champion… which he found ridiculous since he alone has the championship title, has had his first successful title defense when he soundly defeated former 2-time WVBA Minor Circuit Heavyweight Champion Piston Honda in a hotly contested Punch-Out match.

Punk, who had won the WWE Championship by defeating John Cena last night on his final contractual WWE event, immediately went hold and place his title in cold storage while facing off against Honda-san in a fierce match-up that saw Punk take down the legendary veteran in two rounds on a TKO. We anxiously await Punk’s next WWE Title defence, which is rumored to be against Edmund Honda, who has vowed revenge for Piston’s defeat.

We’ll have more news as this becomes available.

RAW (July 18th, 2011) – Vince Is Gone?

THE GOOD:
– CM Punk did not show up and do the job.
– Rey vs Miz for (fake) WWE Title is postponed for next week
– Vince inadvertently says WWF… Quick! Call the Pandas!!
– HHH is apparently the new boss (guess nobody at the board got the memo about Sin Cara)

THE BAD:
– A one-night tournament? Seriously… and on top of that, it was weak
– Zack Ryder isn’t in the tournament
– Divas Match = Piss Break
– John Cena is not fired
– Vince is relieved or something…
– No more awesome CM Punk promos…
– The show ended with two grown men crying…

Wow, that hot angle fizzled, didn’t it?

Despite the many tweets from CM Punk letting the world know that he was going to watch the Cubs win tonigh, people were hoping that he MIGHT show up on RAW. Instead, what we got was a show that was deflated and… really paled in comparison to the past couple weeks worth of television. Honestly, I was damn near BORED TO TEARS. That wasn’t the case last week… and I’d like to think that wouldn’t have been the case at the PPV, given the praise it has gotten due to the “right people” winning.

It’s just too bad that they couldn’t follow up that great feud with something that could keep viewer’s interest… look, I’m sort of glad they’re going with this tournament thing instead of having CM Punk do the job and ruin this thing… and some of the wrestling was alright (hey, it’s mostly wrestling… for once)… but I look at the brackets and I’m like, “Who gives a shit?”

You’ve got Dolph Ziggler, former World Champion for all of five minutes.

You’ve got Rey Mysterio, former two-time World Heavyweight Champion… and both times, he was made to look like one of the most ineffectual and weakest champions that ever existed.

You’ve got the Miz, former WWE Champion who spent most of his reign feuding with the 60+ year old Jerry Lawler and playing second-fiddle to a Rock-Cena confrontation at Mania 27.

You’ve got Jack Swagger, former World Heavyweight Champion… but most likely remembered for playing second fiddle to Michael Fucking Cole.

You’ve got R-Truth, insane former rapper obssessed with lil’ Jimmy… does anyone remember when he was NWA World Heavyweight Champion less than a decade ago? Didn’t think so.

You’ve got Alberto Del Rio, the current Money In The Bank winner… no way he’s going to win this tournament. He’ll probably cash in on the winner. Not to mention every time he tried to achieve destiny, he tends to drop the ball.

You’ve got Kofi Kingston, former IC and US champion… probably deserves the top spot if only for a short time… but probably not going to get it anytime soon…

And then there’s Alex Riley… a guy who’s most likely NOT to be champion.

You want to know the last tournament I saw that I was even remotely interested in? Survivor Series 1998, the Deadly Games tournament. There were a couple favorites, sure, but there were just as many potential winners as there were challengers. Here? There’s probably two or three guys who might get a shot… and then it’s all irrelevant because there’s a guy with a free title shot cash in. So what?

I think, in retrospect, the reason I wasn’t thrilled with the tournament and just uninterested is because it was simply out of the blue. The timing, I find, was awkward. The Deadly Games tournament was announced ahead of time… it was on PPV, but there was a build-up to that tournament. Even the Wrestlemania IV WWF Title Tourney had a nice grace period and build-up before the PPV… Here? It’s just out of the blue and it feels really tossed together. Hey, I’m glad there’s a bit of wrestling… and on second viewing, some of the matches are alright, but at the same time… this is following one of the best PPVs in recent memory and for RAW to turn out the way it did… well, it was lacking.

(Another reason I could care less about this tournament – wait for it – is because the “WWE Championship” under contention here is not the real deal. It’s just going to be a matter of time before either CM Punk comes back or somebody swipes the title from him… that’s assuming he’s still champion, but judging from the pictures  he took at the Cubs game, we can safely say that he took care of Piston Honda just fine.)

And the fact that we’re avoiding the Cena firing (for the best, since it didn’t work out the last time he was ‘fired’) and instead dumping Vince because he wants to fire Cena…yeah, because the Kiss My Ass club and hitting on employees half his age are “sane business decisions.”

For fuck’s sake, this is like really bad fanfiction written by a 3-year-old Cena fan.

Overall, they had a chance to follow up this hot angle with something big… and they BOMBED. The show was alright, but as a follow up to what was essentially a money feud, it was a lot less than it needed to be.

P.S. HHH taking over as kayfabe boss? Not a big deal… only time I would consider it a big deal is if it were real. Thus far, no indication has been made that this is the case… and no, Syxx-Pac’s word does not count.

P.P.S. CM Punk’s Twitter was/is more entertaining than this show… sorry to say.

Review #044 – Star Trek: The Next Generation (NES)

(2025 Update: New video upload with new title card and slight edits.)

Space… the final frontier of mediocrity. These are the simulated voyages of the Starship Enterprise. Her continuing mission… to endure tired, repetitive campaigns. To engage in futile struggles with limited lifesigns. To boldly… why bother finishing the rest?

VLOG – Picked Up The WCW Nitro DVD

VLOG ADDED

ORIGINAL POST
Kinda sad that they had to condense six years worth of history onto a single 3-disc set, but for the most part, I actually liked this one and thought it was a pretty good compilation. I’ll probably go into further detail in a VLOG or something, but there’s quite a bit of good stuff here. Some stuff I can recall watching back in the day (the Lex Luger World Title win, the Bret Hart/Goldberg encounter in Toronto, the dreaded Fingerpoke Of Doom being a few examples) and then there’s stuff that I missed the first time around that I’m actually surprised they put in, such as the whole “reboot” segment in 2000, the Sting/DDP World title match where Sting would have a one-hour title reign before dropping it back to DDP on the same night, and the other Triple-Decker Cage Match.

If there were any complaints with the content, it’s that three discs isn’t enough to showcase some of the amazing stuff that WCW Nitro had produced during its tenure, and even during its final, limping days, there was just some good stuff hidden in there.

All in all, this is a nice little set. Here’s hoping they do a second set.

About This CM Punk Thing

You know… this whole CM Punk thing feels a bit original. A bit fresh. And I have this nagging feeling that they’re going to fuck this whole thing up. It’s a sad case where you see this hot new thing that WWE has on its lap, ready to be harnessed and pushed to the next stratosphere in an effort to make this whole gimmick cool again… and then you realize there’s no way they’ll give this the proper push it deserves.

Nexus came to mind after all. They had a hot start and then fizzled out because WWE had no clue on what to do with these guys. Green as grass? Maybe, but so long as people are interested and you present these guys as something unique, what does it matter?
But that never went anywhere… and I have a feeling this CM Punk thing won’t either.
But hey, I wouldn’t mind being wrong in this case. It’d be a heck of a show.

DVD Review – Best Of WCW Nitro Volume 1 (3-Disc Set)

WWE just put out a Best Of WCW Monday Nitro DVD set… I’m sure there’s also a Blu-Ray version, but I don’t have that. I have this, so… yeah.

I find it sad that they had to condense six years worth of history onto a single 3-disc set, but for the most part, I actually liked this one and thought it was a pretty good compilation. I’ll probably go into further detail in a VLOG or something, but there’s quite a bit of good stuff here. Some stuff I can recall watching back in the day (the Lex Luger World Title win, the Bret Hart/Goldberg encounter in Toronto, the dreaded Fingerpoke Of Doom being a few examples) and then there’s stuff that I missed the first time around that I’m actually surprised they put in, such as the whole “reboot” segment in 2000, the Sting/DDP World title match where Sting would have a one-hour title reign before dropping it back to DDP on the same night, and the other Triple-Decker Cage Match.

If there were any complaints with the content, it’s that three discs isn’t enough to showcase some of the amazing stuff that WCW Nitro had produced during its tenure, and even during its final, limping days, there was just some good stuff hidden in there.

All in all, this is a nice little set. Here’s hoping they do a second set.