RAW (Sept. 5th, 2011) – RAW Sucked What Passes As Balls In That Company

I didn’t watch a whole lot of RAW last night. I caught the opening promo with CM Punk (extra points with the Super Shredder name drop, by the way), and tuned out on the Divas match to play some BPS Tetris and never looked back. Fortunately, the Score replays RAW a couple more times and thus I caught the replay. Honestly, I kinda wished that I hadn’t, because this show was horrible.

Just some quick notes…

– So it turns out that Kevin Nash sent HIMSELF the text message to stick the winner at Summerslam… and then HHH fires him. WHO THE FUCK WRITES THIS SHIT?!

– And even worse, HHH changes the match between him and Punk to a No-Holds-Barred match (after the contract is signed, of course, rendering that piece of business to be a colossal waste of fucking time!!), with the added stipulation that HHH must resign from his COO position if he loses the match, thus telegraphing the obvious result of HHH going over Punk at Night Of Champions and killing whatever good will WWE might have built with CM Punk’s story. Isn’t it bad enough I have to sit through another sleep-inducing HHH borefest? Must I see him kill another guy’s heat to sate his own ego?

– A question to the supposed WWE Universe: What the fuck is wrong with you people? You had a chance to give Coffee Kingston and Evan Bourne a cool tag-team name and you go with AIR BOOM? Are you fucking me, bro?

– Divas match? No thanks… and speaking of which, I don’t care for the Diva Drama taking place online. By the way, insert Bella here, to paraphrase a Simpsons episode from years past; You’ve got no attitude, you’re barely outrageous, and I don’t know what you’re in, but it’s not my face. NEXT!!!!

– Just a stray thought that came to mind and it’s one that has been floating around my brain for the longest time possible, but why did the brainfarts at WWE decide to rechristen Joe Hennig (son of Curt “Mr. Perfect” Hennig) with the name Michael McGuilicutty? Seriously, I keep thinking that he’s somehow related to Beulah… oh well.

– Okay, I gotta admit. The video package re-introducing Zack Ryder… rather nice job they did with that. The tag-match he was in? Not so much…

– No, Hunter. I don’t want to see your fucking pickle movie! Can’t you see what it did to poor Foolkiller over there?

– Oh goodie, another eight-man tag-team elimination match which features John Cena overcoming the odds (I’m surprised WWE didn’t trademark THAT phrase) and making the heel WWE champion look like a complete and utter tool. With that having been said, it was a rather enjoyable match. Nice variety of talent there… I suppose. Seemed hastily put together, but at the very least, there was a nice bit of wrestling there, so that’s fine.

Seriously, what the fuck happened here? This is like the fucking Nexus all over again! You had a really hot storyline going on, it actually garnered you some media attention, and then you start to fuck it up! Nobody asked you to bring Nash into this, nobody asked you to book him in a match with Punk, only to switch up to HHH. And then before Punk is allowed to even have his chance to get back at Nash, Nash is fired?! What the fuck? Who the fuck wrote this shit? Am I watching fucking Impact all of a sudden?

It’s this kind of “let’s tease change, but just go back to the same shit we usually do” booking that has me hesitant to invest so heavily into any major angle that WWE churns out these days. They manage to reel you in with its “new” and “different” style of storytelling and then they revert to the same old complacent style that they’ve stuck with for years – just ask TNA how well that’s been working for their growth or lack thereof. All the things they could have done to roll with their newfound relevancy and build on that relevancy in hopes of reaching a higher level… and they proceed to do absolutely NOTHING with it. What a heartbreaker.

Maybe I’m assuming too much. Maybe they’ll surprise me at Night Of Champions and Punk will defeat HHH. And then what? That’s the thing. My hopes… such as it is… are not so high right now…

New Format For Star Wars… MORE Changes…

It has become apparent over the years that George Lucas likes to spite the fans who complain about the constant changes to the Star Wars saga (especially the original trilogy) every time that series is introduced on a new format.

Case in point, the Star Wars Blu Ray release that’s coming in September.

More changes have been made to the original trilogy (and some to the prequels)… including blinking Ewoks designed to scare people into horror beyond imagination, a CGI Yoda to replace the puppet Yoda in Phantom Menace (a chance that kinda, sorta makes sense, but goddamn, the puppet displayed more acting range than the CGI model), and of course, the most infamous changes and the one that’s been getting the most venom since Greedo shooting first in 1997…

They added the Noooo to the throne scene.

You see, it makes sense to add the Noooo because they think the audience is stupid (fuck you, Rick Berman! oh wait…) and won’t get the subtle build to Vader’s redemption… or something.

The sad thing is that it comes off as an amateurish dub job rather than… something.

Yep, thank god I didn’t upgrade to Blu-Ray. Say YES to Betamax!

TO TOP IT OFF…
The countless reviews over at Amazon.com for this set (a set that has YET TO BE RELEASED!) is downright hysterical. Mostly one-star reviews bashing the set, with the few five-star “reviews” being nothing more than spiteful people telling other spiteful people to quit their whining because they haven’t seen the final product yet.

People, news flash for you… STOP YOUR WHINING!

The people bashing this Blu-Ray release haven’t seen the movie. The people bashing the people bashing this release haven’t seen the final product either. I think it’s downright ridiculous that something that isn’t even out yet is up for review. Wait until it comes out and then bash/praise it. You’re all looking like idiots here!

One Ends… And Another Begins… And it's all Barry Allen's fault.

So the final issue of Flashpoint came out… touching stuff here. The ending still tears me up a bit even after several reads. It’s a rather neat way of transitioning from the old continuity that has been around since 1985 to the New 52 that’s starting with Justice League #1… which is okayish. Maybe I need another read or two…

But yep… nice capping of twenty-five years. And a nice reinforcement of  a life-long lesson; if the timeline is somehow fucked up in any way, blame Barry Allen. It’s always gonna be Barry Allen’s fault…

Bring back Wally West!

Later…

Smackdown (Aug. 30th, 2011) – Super Smackdown II Turbo NXT HD Remix Available for Super NES Live Arcade

Some quick notes on tonight’s Super Smackdown show for Super NES:

– Yeah, that’s right. Open the show with a John Cena promo to make me tune out early. On top of that, you have Ricardo Rodrigues talk… boo. I didn’t even watch the Cena/Barrett match in its entirety. Only the tail end where Cena wins…

– By the way, Josh Matthews, you’re an idiot. “An amazing concept – Raw AND Smackdown superstars together!” WE JUST HAD THAT FUCKING SHOW YESTERDAY! Forget all the other times when superstars from opposite brands visit each other. Even THIS year! For fuck’s sake, man!

– Sin Cara beats Daniel Bryan Danielson in an okay match. Amazingly, Sin Cara didn’t botch his entrance… and I guess he’s a heel now because he just kicked Daniel Bryan Danielson down… yeah, way to push your MiTB winner.

– Oh no, a contract signing featuring HHH talking. RUN!

– Funny note; despite being supposedly portrayed as a monster Punjabi heel, the Great Khali is still wearing his Punjabi Playboy pants… yeah.

– Crap, they’re showing the trailer for HHH’s latest crappy movie. I think this video sums up the whole thing… and this was a full year or so before the movie’s release. Dang.

– Yeah, the steel cage match… great match for a TV main event. Loved the fake-out by Christian towards the end there. I mean, the ending was a foregone conclusion, but even so, it didn’t detract from my enjoyment of the match. For that, it was good enough. It’s a shame this feud’s over, though. I’d much rather see these guys headline several more PPVs than sit through one Mark Henry main event.

Overall, this was a much better show than last night’s RAW SuperSnore… not really saying much, though.

However, I now fear that CM Punk might be on the path to burial thanks to the involvement of Big Lazy and McSon-In-Law. I might shed some more thoughts on this in a future vlog, but suffice it to say that I’m now getting Summerslam 2010 vibes of Cena overcoming the odds when he really shouldn’t have. And it’s already bad enough that CM Punk is starting to look like a chump against a 50-year-old man who can barely walk without tearing a quad or two.

Is Vince Russo Booking Matt Hardy's Channel?

Give it up, Matt. Nobody’s buying into this bullshit.

Even your sister-in-law is calling you out on this crap.

Seriously, man… what happened to you? You used to be beautiful…

UPDATE:
YouTube took down the video… so in case you missed it, Matt Hardy posted a short, cryptic video on his YouTube channel that was perceived as a suicide note. Suffice it to say, a lot of people were upset, a lot of people were concerned… and then there were the folks who thought the whole thing was stupid. Judging by the header of this post, you could probably guess which group I fall into.

Matt made a little statement… and then posted a video called GENESIS.

So, again… I must ask; is Vince Russo booking this crap? Because it looks like something he could regurgitate out there to the masses.

So stupid.

RAW (Aug. 29th, 2011) – HHH’s definition of a Supershow is different from everyone else’s. Zzzz…

Quick notes:

– So HHH’s new initiative is to disregard any pretense we have a supposed brand expansion and feature talents from both shows on RAW (and presumably vice-versa). So, if anybody was hoping for Zack Ryder to get on television, your hopes may very well have been dashed right then and there… seriously, why are they making a big deal out of all this? They make it sound like it’s never been done before… Geniuses, I tell you.

– Of course, after the sleep-inducing HHH promo that put me to sleep, here comes CM Punk to wake me up again. Then Nash shows up (coming out to nWo music for some reason… at least it’s better than that rubbish theme he got in 2003 that sounds like a cover for his old Diesel theme) and Punk hurls. We supposedly get Nash vs Punk for the PPV, but then that gets cancelled and we’re getting HHH vs Punk instead… Wow, Hunter. What a way to blow your wad…

– Honestly, I don’t know which match I was LEAST looking forward to; the one with flimsy Nash or the one with McSon-In-Law. Let’s be honest here; there’s only one master of making people Go To Sleep and in this regard, it ain’t CM Punk, who’s the master of keeping me awake.

– Here’s a legit surprise on my part; the Randy Orton/Dolph Ziggler match was actually enjoyable and gosh darn it, it was even a GOOD match. Pretty clear that Orton benefited from his feud with Christian and Ziggler’s no slouch either. Good match, gents. I enjoyed it.

– John Cena appeared on my TV, so I used this opportunity to take a dump. Quite a long one, too. Unfortunately, I missed the CM Punk/Miz match, which ended with Nash powerbombing Punk for a match that isn’t happening. Genius.

The rest of the show was rather meh, in all honesty. All the luster of watching another Sin Cara botchfest (even if it’s another guy under the mask) has been lost on me, I’m not really feeling this Air Boom tag team (maybe if they called themselves Team Coffee or something), and I tuned out during the Divas match, as usual.

When I tuned back, they were showing boobies. No, seriously. There were boobies. It turns out someone at The Score (the Canadian sports station that airs WWE programming) jumped the gun and started showing the next episode of that Kenny Powers show before realizing they fucked up and tuned back to the sleep-inducing main event tag match. It was towards the tail end of the show where they made the switch from Nash vs Punk to HHH vs Punk… Whatever.

By the way, tonight is SUPER SMACKDOWN for the SUPER NINTENDO ENTERTAINMENT SYSTEM! I guess I might post some thoughts on tonight’s show… or something.