…typically when someone loses a match through some shenanigans, they are upset. But in the case of John Cena, he laughs it off… The Rock better find something else to do with his time, because this big tag-team match is going to BLOW.
Save yourself, Dwayne.
Where’s that facepalm? Oh wait, here it is…
Source article can be read here. If you want to read the press release, you can do so from the source or after the break.
You know what? I have to applaud TNA for making this move, especially when you consider OVW’s track record in producing top-notch talent when they were WWE’s developmental territory. It gives TNA a chance to develop their own homegrown talent instead of relying on WWE table scraps. We’ll see how this turns out in the coming times, but this is a good move on TNA’s part.
* The label stays… until TNA can make their product seem watchable on a regular basis and not in short bursts, I’m not changing it. Besides, I think it’s rather clever…
DOA: Dead Or Alive is a film that involves women in skimpy clothing or less. It’s funny because the Dead or Alive video game series that the film is based on is about the same thing. The difference between the two is that in the games, the women’s boobs bounced… whereas in the movie, the women’s boobs are way too small to do the game justice.
Now was the above statement a bit crude and degrading? Perhaps… but how the hell else am I going to start this review off? By talking about the movie itself? It would have been nice if I remembered a damn thing about the movie.
The games’ story involved a corporation holding tournaments to capture data on the participants… and on the side, the women play volleyball and… their boobs bounce. A pretty flaky and ultimately uninteresting storyline if there ever was one… think the movie would do any better? Not a chance… because the plot of the movie is just as paper-thin and uninteresting as the games. The only difference is the lack of bouncing boobs… but you do get quite a bit of skin… I guess… I suppose…
I’m sorry, but that’s all I’ve got. It’s probably not the most informative review out there, but the truth is that DOA: Dead Or Alive is a pretty forgettable film and quite honestly, there’s no real incentive to give this movie another viewing. The plot is dull, the characters are not all that interesting, and perhaps most depressing of all, the titilation sequences are pretty boring. When the sexual deviations puts a straight man to sleep, then something is seriously wrong.
Not even Kevin Nash could save this thing from mediocrity. Even if you’re a fan of the Dead Or Alive series, your time and money is best spent on something else.
Weak.
I hadn’t seen Revenge of the Fallen in theaters. I waited until it was on DVD.
And before watching the DVD, I watched the first Transformers flick for catch up. While the movie was lacking in depth and wasn’t really good, it did managed to keep me awake and it was a fun movie if nothing else. So despite all the bad reviews and word-of-mouth (which did nothing to prevent this movie from making a shitload of cash), I went into Fallen with the optimism that it’ll be somewhat shallow fun if nothing else.
Two and a half hours later, I suffered irreparable brain damage that may last a lifetime. That Ashens facepalm – taken from a brief “review” of the film that he posted around the time of the film’s release – perfectly sums up my mental state after watching this pile of shit.
This movie is an abomination; there is no cohesive story to follow, no interesting characters to care about, no fun moments to be had, and ultimately nothing of substance that could contribute to the enjoyment of this thing they call a motion picture. This is visual pollution in its most literal form, bombarding you with a powerful exposure in a long winding dose.
Cohesiveness and plotting are not the movie’s strong points. There wasn’t any one time through the movie where I wasn’t scratching my head in confusion, wondering what the fuck was going on. Yeah, I know that a popcorn flick isn’t supposed to be heavy on story, but then again, popcorn flicks are generally entertaining.
This movie lacked decent action sequences; they’re all really hard to follow and actually caused a bit of eye strain. It’s just a very unappealing movie to look at.
The acting in this movie isn’t the worst I’ve seen, but it certainly helps in not making me give a damn about any of these characters. They’re all seemingly impervious rag dolls that can walk and talk, yet can’t do either of them right. It’s almost a sign of epic failure when the most robotic thing in a movie about robots are the “human” characters.
Just about the only thing I could say good things about is the soundtrack; it’s actually not that bad. It’s a shame that I can’t hear enough of it amid all the loud, ugly explosions and piss-poor dialogue.
Bottom line, this movie sucks ass. It is perhaps one of the more putrid attempts at a motion picture that I’ve ever seen and I’ve seen a lot of really shitty movies. If you’re one of the few people who hasn’t seen Revenge of the Fallen, do yourself a favor and don’t watch it. You’re not missing a damn thing and quite frankly, you’re much better off.
So I was able to get my hands on the first three issues of IDW’s current Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles comic and so far, I thought it was an enjoyable series. Essentially serving as a reboot of the franchise (forgoing any of the prior comics), the series reintroduces us to the TMNT and tweeks the origin story a bit, with the turtles no longer being pet turtles, but rather test subjects.
It’s an interesting twist on the origin story and it (among other things that I honestly don’t want to dwell on here… not yet) results in the dynamics of the family being somewhat different from what came before. I’ll probably hold off with a full overview until this current arc ends, but like I said, I’ve been enjoying this run so far and it’s been pretty fun to read a new TMNT book.
As you could probably tell, there hasn’t been any Raw Bytes in recent weeks. I’ll be completely honest with you here; I just don’t have the time to catch these things due to work and other things. Not only that, but the Johnny Ace era of RAW is about as appealing and entertaining to watch as it was a few months ago when they had a chance at something big… so until something happens that’s worthy of my viewing hours, I’m probably not going to be following the show and thus… not watching as often.
Meanwhile, I managed to catch last week’s Impact and the World title changing hands… again. I have to admit; the show is actually starting to get good… and I’m not just saying that because Hulk Hogan is OFF my television. Hopefully, they can build on their good fortunes instead of shitting on it… oh, how I realized what I did just now…
Also, I’m forgetting who has a large hand in the creative on that program…
Um… I’ll be going now.
From TJ at CGR Undertow, this four minute review of Bugs Bunny Crazy Castle shows off the gameplay, dwells into its interesting origins. There’s more said about the game in this short video than in that entire eighteen minute epileptic aneurysm of a video that AVGN put out a couple years ago. I know the Undertow guys often get somewhat of a bad rap (I honestly don’t care for Derek… sorry, man), but sometimes they put out good stuff.
I’m presently uploaded Part 5 of the Simon’s Quest run.
(2026 Update: This commentary/longplay of Castlevania II: Simon’s Quest was originally posted as a seven part video series before being reassembled as a single video in July 2014, which is the version being presented here despite the October 2011 publishing date. There’s also a little extra bit at the end of the video.)
So I had originally written the following piece of business as a script of sorts for a possible video review that is not going to come to fruition because… well, Channel Awesome fans are ravenous, spiteful people who will villify anyone who doesn’t treat their material as pure fucking genius… well, I assure you that I am more than to treat their “films” as pure fucking genius, as long as you understand that my use of the word “genius” does not necessarily mean the same thing that you would normally associate with the word.
Henceforth, I’ve decided to post the script here as is. Please excuse some of the typos and stuff; this wasn’t intended to be posted in text form, but since I’m not doing the video review (maybe some other substitute instead), might as well toss it on here. So enjoy.
Continue reading “MOVIE REVIEW: Suburban Knights (Channel Awesome, 2011)”
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