Steve Austin Lost His Balls

from wrestlenewz.com:

Steve Austin was asked on Twitter about his favorite WWE Diva. He replied with Kelly Kelly:

“She’s my fave Diva. Super nice young lady. Keeps improving in the ring. Very easy on the eyes.”

Everybody knows about Austin 3:16, but if you flip down a few pages, you’ll eventually come across Austin 12:45 and Austin 12:46, which states “Damn, son. I lost my damn balls! Does anybody have a WHAT?! for Steve Austin?”
I should probably read the next verse in Austin 12:47:
“And somewhere in the vastness of space, the Extreme Stunning Superstar shed manly tears.“

IMPACT (Apr. 26th, 2012) – First IMPACT in months…

So, against my bitter judgment, I decided to forgo my long standing directive to ignore TNA while Hogan’s on the air and check out last night’s Impact Wrestling episode, where they supposedly introduced new concepts to the show such as Open Fight Night and TV Champion Devon defending his title every week against worthwhile challengers. I’ve been keeping track of TNA through results and a couple clips here and there, so I figured I give it a shot, especially after RAW’s anemic effort.

Honestly, I thought IMPACT was a pretty good show… and I’m not just blowing smoke. I was thoroughly entertained by the show. It had some good moments and the wrestling was actually pretty good. So here are some quick random thoughts;

– Match between Bully Ray and Devon (who retains) was actually pretty good – far better than I would have expected the two to have. But I guess when you team with a guy for as long as these two, you tend to know what your partner is capable of and produce quality stuff. People have been given high praise to Bully Ray these past few months and I can see why. What few clips I’ve seen of his stuff on YouTube is not that bad and if TNA decided to give him a run with the World Title, I wouldn’t be against it because the guy deserves a run on top.

– Liked the fact that Hardy/Anderson ended up being fodder to Joe/Magnus, but otherwise, I thought it was a nice match that was enjoyable. Not much to say on this one…

– Hogan wants Eric Young to be productive. I second that notion… Holy shit on a stick, did I just agree with Hulk Fucking Hogan?!!

– If only he’d say the same thing to Eric’s boy… god damnit, man. You make me long for the days when David Arquette was WCW Champion!

(That was a lie. I never want that… ever.)

– Uncle Eric tossed into a porta-potty filled with shit… and you thought getting dumped into a garbage truck by Mister Mack-Man was an embarrassing way to go.

All in all, pretty good show. If TNA produces more shows like this, then I might actually watch this on a weekly basis… hell, I may even change the TNA tag… again.

Before There Were The Hunger Games, There Was Battle Royale

Yeah, so last week, I picked up the Battle Royale Complete Collection. Have yet to see the second film or the first film’s theatrical cut, but the Director’s Cut was pretty damn brutal… in a good way. I’ve been wanting to see this film for ages (even settling for the manga at one point) due to its somewhat controversial nature and I’m pleased to say that it’s been worth the wait. Tremendously enjoyable with students killing each other in many brutal ways and I’m generally not into gory stuff in general. I’m not going to say a whole lot here; only that there’s a good story in there, there’s an insightful message if you’re willing to look deep, and it is a powerful haunting depiction of a future that could have been… and perhaps can still be.

Will shed some thoughts on the second movie when I get the chance to watch, but the original Battle Royale is definitely one that met my expectations and worth the long anticipated wait.

Need For Speed Gets A Movie… And Nobody Cared.

Before we get into it, here’s the source article of the news… and the Moviebob blog post in question.

So, according to Moviebob, there’s going to be a Need For Speed movie under development and Bob is apparently pissed that it’s not a “classic” video game franchise getting the movie treatment. Because, you know, the world is clamoring for a poorly made Metroid movie or something. Then again, I don’t think anyone was clamoring for another car movie to be made. What does Need For Speed have exactly that you can’t already find in other films such as, say, The Fast And The Furious?

Considering the movie industry’s track record in converting a largely interactive medium into feature films, I like to think that a lot of these franchises that are far more “worthy” of being adapted are fortunate not to suffer such a misstep. Aside from that, some franchises simply wouldn’t work as high-budgeted Hollywood productions considering their fantastical nature and the limited scope and vision of some of these producers. Ask yourself this; is it really worth turning Zelda into a Lord Of The Rings knockoff just so we can get a movie based on it? Is it really worth watching a Castlevania film degrade into depths that isn’t worth exploring?

Comic book movies are sort of reaching that level of respect to the source material that they’re true to the spirit of the original comics – the recent string of Marvel movies are good examples. Video game movies still have a long way to go if they’re going to get that same respect, especially if duds like DOA: Dead Or Alive, Legend Of Chun-Li, and the endless stack of Uwe Boll travesties are anything to go by.

TMNT Games?

A friend was asking me the other day why I haven’t touched any of the TMNT games I owned for review, especially one that has been the subject of a past Grumble, Grumble commentary. The only answer I gave him is that I’m waiting for the right time… whenever that happens to be. For those who are wondering what games I have, here’s a quick list off the top of my head.

  • Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (NES and PC MS-DOS)
  • Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Arcade Game (NES)
  • Teeange Mutant Ninja Turtles III: The Manhattan Project (NES)
  • Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles IV: Turtles In Time (SNES)
  • Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Tournament Fighters (SNES)
  • Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Tournament Fighters (Genesis)
  • Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Fall Of The Foot Clan (GB)
  • Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: Back From The Sewers (GB)
  • Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (PS2)
  • Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: Battle Nexus (PS2)
  • Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III: Mutant Nightmare (PS2)
  • Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Smash Up (PS2 and Wii)
No guarantee that all of these games are up for review anytime soon, but I am going to do some of them… when the time comes.

RAW (Apr. 16th, 2012) – Fucking Good RAW

Some quick thoughts on last night’s RAW:

– First of all… I’m digging this Brock Lesnar/John Cena feud a lot more than I dug Rock/Cena. It partially picks up on an old rivalry and it has that big fight feeling that I never got with Rock/Cena. All the promo work that took place last night was really solid stuff and did a much better job of selling me on their Extreme Rules match than the past year’s worth of Twitter Wars and Roody Fruity Poo Loops promos that tuned me out… Strange that Cena is perfectly fine with Brock coming back to demolish him, considering how his last tenure in WWE ended. I guess they’re either not playing that card or that they forgot… I’ll give them a rare benefit of a doubt and go with the former.

– Lord Tensai getting a win over John Cena? John Cena actually looking concerned beforehand? In another time or place, Albert wouldn’t be getting that big a shot. Still, I’m surprised that they would blow their wad on the Tensai/Cena match this soon, but anything to get the former A-Train over, I suppose. I’m not really feeling it, but Tensai could be a big deal if they play their cards right.

– This Jericho/CM Punk thing going on? Why ruin it with booze? Seriously, why?

– Speaking of which, CM Punk/Mark Henry was surprisingly fun to watch. Funny that I’d be saying “fun to watch” about anything involving Mark Henry, but the guy definitely sold me on the goods this past year.

– Daniel Bryan getting a nice reception during his match with Coffee Kingston (very good match, by the way) while Sheamus gets booed for his run-in. Yeah, I get the feeling this isn’t going to go over well if this kind of reaction keeps up.

You know what? This was a fucking good RAW. A couple good matches, a couple good promos, and just enjoyable all throughout. Why can’t WWE (or TNA, for that matter) produce more quality television shows like this?