VIDEO – Does This Woman Eat The Skulls Of Children To Survive?

The question is in reference to an old Rangerboard meme regarding Tracy Lynn Cruz (she who played the Yellow Chick in latter-half Turbo and entire In Space) and her seemingly ageless appearances in which she needs to feed off skulls of children in order to maintain such youthfulness. Tracy didn’t answer the question because it sounds stupid… but then again, who could blame her? It’s such a stupid question to begin with…

Then again, you knew it had to happen sooner or later… just like this one time when someone asked Austin St. John about his alleged gay porno career that he never had so shut the fuck up, son. Jason will fuck you up, motherfucker. You hear me?

JASON WILL FUCK YOU UP, SON.

DVD Review: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles – Turtles Forever (2009 Release)

So in 2009, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise celebrated its twenty-fifth anniversary and as such, the event was celebrated not only with a change in ownership from Mirage Studios to Viacom, but also resulted in Turtles Forever, a film that serves as a crossover between the 2003 cartoon Turtles and the much beloved cartoon Turtles from the classic 1987 cartoon. And then it was released onto DVD. Unfortunately, the DVD release is a very barebones release that only includes the film and not much else in terms of features.

The Good: The only good that could be said about the DVD is that the film itself is top-notch fanservice and a satisfying conclusion to not only the 2003 incarnation of TMNT, but in a way, also closes out an era of Turtle-dom that dates back to its origins in 1984. The 87 Turtles aren’t voiced by the original actors, but they sound close enough if not a bit too goofy. Still, it’s a fun little movie that is a celebration of what’s come before as much as it is an ending.

The Bad: The DVD itself is slim pickings; only packing the film and chapter selection. Not even captions or alternate languages. Also the film is the edited version and not the uncut version that is supposed to feature eight minutes of additional material. It’s not a bad film and without having seen the longer version, I don’t know how much I’m actually missing here… but man, what a missed opportunity to include a more complete version, even if the extra stuff might seem a bit extraneous.

Overall: Turtles Forever got a cheap-o DVD release and given what it represents, I do wish more was done to give this a better treatment. Even a trailer or two would’ve been nice. Still, having some form of Turtles Forever in a consumable format is nice to have and the DVD is pretty cheap, so if you haven’t seen this one and find the disc laying around somewhere, why not give it a shot?

About Chyna’s WWE Parody Porno

So Chyna is featured in a porn parody of WWE. They had pictures previewing this thing, but the link’s been taken down. The only thing I could say is that the guy parodying Triple H doesn’t have a big enough nose.

Did anyone send her the memo as to why Vince wants nothing to do with her?

Anybody at all?

Fucking hell.

And before anyone asks… fuck no, I’m not watching this shit. I still bare scares from 1 Night In China. And the less said about THAT, the better.

Against All Creativity

Bobby Roode retains his world title at the main event due to shenanigans. Get this; Roode spits on special referee Sting’s face, who retaliates with a belt shot. Roode steps aside and Sting ends up hitting Hardy instead. Roode goes for the pin and Sting does the slow count for the win… GEE, HAVEN’T I SEEN THIS BEFORE?

Yes, it’s been ages since the last time such a finish was booked, but J.H.C.
Sad part is that this looks to be building towards Sting vs. Roode for the title.
I hope not. I honestly don’t want another Sting title reign.

TNA is just starting to not suck now.

Oh, and on a sidenote, I saw Garrett Bischoff show up on my TV and thought it’d be the perfect opportunity to take a dump. Man, that had to be one of the longest dumps I ever took. Imagine my surprise when Uncle Eric’s son was still on TV and in a match. Thus I sat through the rest of the match… which bored me to tears.

Are we sure Vince Russo isn’t heading creative anymore?

COMIC REVIEW – TMNT #5 (IDW)

So I’ve been recently playing catch-up with IDW’s new TMNT comic book and came across the newest issue, which features its own take on the classic TMNT origin story… kind of an interesting angle to say the least. The idea that the Turtles and Splinter are basically re-incarnations of Hamato Yoshi and his children in a past life is certainly something out of left field and credit where it’s due; it’s a rather unique way of framing things. I’m not sure if I can completely buy into it, but maybe as the series progresses down the line, this will be explored further down the road.

Perhaps the biggest change to come out of this – and I don’t think I’m spoiling anything here since there are already cover previews of future issues that give this away – is that three of the Turtles trade in their original red bandannas for the colored ones that have been prominent in all the various television, movies, and other media that isn’t the original Mirage comic books. I figured this was going to happen sooner or later, so this wasn’t much of a surprise. I do feel some people are going to be a bit miffed that they’re ditching the red masks for the colored one, but at the end of the day, this isn’t the old Mirage universe. It’s a reimagined one with fewer shell puns… fucking Dirk.

I kinda like how they’re taking various elements from the various mediums (one of the micro-series books apparently feature human Bebop and Rocksteady) and merging them into a new narrative storyline. It’s a different take on the Turtles and whether it ends up being worth a damn or not, at least you can’t say that it’s going to be predictable. As long as they maintain the style and substance that made the original TMNT such a joy to read and such, then it’s damn well going to be a fun ride.

If nothing else, it’ll give me some fodder for more Turtle talk around here.

NC and Linkara "review" Star Trek: Insurrection

So Doug Walker (a.k.a. Nostalgia Critc and other gimmicks) and Lewis The Lovehog Original Character Do Not Steal (a.k.a. Linkara) did a “review” on the ninth Star Trek motion picture. Said “review” is the typical crossover thingy with skits and stuff featuring lots of yelling and migraines. Honestly, though, there’s no point. RedLetterMedia did it so much better and doesn’t beat you over the head with loud noises.

Also “Fuck you, Rick Berman” is a better catchphrase than anything coming out of the TGWTG camp these days.

Amazing Spider-Man Trailer Is Kinda… Meh.

http://www.comingsoon.net/news/movienews.php?id=86680

So they just put out the Amazing Spider-Man trailer, the reboot of a ten-year old series that was needed because we couldn’t let Sam Raimi do the Spider-Man movies he wanted and thus we go with this somewhat uninspired take.

Looks nice, but I’m not digging this “untold story” angle that they’re going for here. Not only is the Spider-Man origin story the furthest thing from “untold story” you’re going to get, but it seems like they’re retooling it to be some sort of destiny thing as opposed to being by chance. Not to mention that I’m not a fan of the suit… but hey, they brought back the Spidey wit; something that was missing from the Sam Raimi entries.

Cautiously middle of the road on this one; looking forward to it, but not particularly impressed thus far.

WWE on YouTube

WWE finally made use of their long-dormant, half-assed YouTube page and began to add new content, including Dolph Ziggler becoming WWE’s version of Ray William Johnson, an Inbox show, and Zack Ryder’s long-running YouTube show that got him noticed. So glad that WWE is giving fans great content. It’s just too bad you can’t share your thoughts on the show, since all comments have been disabled on their videos. What class, WWE.

Hey, say what you will about TNA and their product (and I’ve said my bit on their 2011 output) but at least they LET fans comment on their YouTube stuff. If nothing, that company seems very fan-friendly and I can’t really fault them for that.

(2014 Update: WWE has long since allowed for content and their YouTube page now has lots of classic matches and moments. Good stuff, actually.)