Category: DTM’s Fiction

Tony Khan Uses Black Magic To Ban Joe Hendry From Ever Appearing In AEW

They say that if you say his name, Joe Hendry will appear.

Already making waves in his current home promotion of TNA Wrestling, the Scottish sensation and former Local Hero recently made waves by appearing on WWE’s NXT television show on Tuesday nights, much to the delight of the crowd. Not only that, but it seems that Hendry’s appearances have had effect on the ratings and overall television product.

Hearing about this and fearful that Joe Hendry’s magic might effect his own promotions, AEW president and ROH owner Tony Khan had administered some black magic hocus pocus to prevent Joe Hendry from ever appearing on AEW television for the foreseeable future. Not even saying his name would cause the former WCPW Champion to appear at either AEW or ROH events for the foreseeable future. While Khan considers Hendry to be a great wrestler, he’s nowhere near the greatness of his many big wrestling stars like Jumpin’ Jack Perry or the Warhorsemen. Hendry’s appearing in AEW could invoke some much needed energy and enthusiasm into the show, something Khan clearly doesn’t want to detracted from the main event angle of the Elite running roughshod in AEW ever since they attacked the AEW head… even though he’s back in the office.

Morale in the AEW locker room is said to be at an all-time low, but Tony Khan promise that they have all the talent they need right here… before announcing the signing of ten more free agents from some obscure Japanese wrestling promotion that nobody outside of the hardcoriest of hardcore fans could honestly give two fucks about.

Also in other news, Drew McIntyre played a game of Pong against a vacuum cleaner. He was on the verge of winning until that fucking asshole Phil came along and distracted Drew, allowing the vacuum clean to mount an incredible comeback for the win.

But Dave, What Did You Think Of Discovery’s Finale?

A short while ago, I wrote a quick blurb on Discovery’s final season. That season has long since concluded and a couple folks have inquired about what I thought about the ending?

It was fine.

Yes, it was obviously tacked on. I knew that they added something to the backend since they originally didn’t intend on ending the series after five seasons, but I thought it was just fine. Were there questions? Sure. Will we get any answers? Probably not. Did the whole thing feel like a convoluted attempt to tie back to a Short Trek nobody short of the people in charge of Star Trek could possibly remember? Perhaps…but on a whole, it was just fine. I neither liked it nor hated it.

It was fine.

That’s really all I’ve got to say about it. Other than everything else I’ve said about Discovery that I won’t repeat here because you can look that stuff up elsewhere.

Yip.

Fantasy Booking An Entirely Different Wrestlemania Scenario

I have a braindead idea for a Wrestlemania booking scenario that will blow nobody’s socks off. It’s absurd, but I don’t see why it can’t happen.

Cody comes out and decides he wants to challenge for the one title that his father has never held. That, of course, would be the 24/7 championship. So Cody decides to forgo his World title shot at Mania to challenge for the 24/7 title. Unfortunately, there is no 24/7 Championship as the previous champion, Nikki Cross, tossed it in the trash (or at least tried to). Fortunately, WWE official Adam Pearce got one from the souvenir shop, gave it to Cody and declared him the new 24/7 championship.

Roman Reigns, the reigning WWE champion, is left without a challenger at Mania. And so he challenges Bad Bunny to a title match. Bad Bunny main events Wrestlemania and gets brutalized by Roman, setting up the rematch at Puerto Rico, which sees Roman victorious once more. Roman Reigns then celebrates his 1000th day as undisputed universal champion by defeating Man Soir in Saudi Arabia… and then the reign continues until Roman is challenged by the newly signed MJF at Wrestlemania 40. MJF would end Roman’s reign as champion and then proceed to tank the ratings.

Gunther continues his reign as Intercontinental champion for the next ten years. Even when he is released from his WWE contract, he continues to make IC title defenses at local indy shows. WWE, meanwhile, would introduce another crappy IC title belt design.

Oh, and KO and Sami would win the tag titles at Mania and enjoy a couple months with the belts before they drop it to New Day and proceed to feud with each other again.

Yeah, that’s all I’ve got. Bye.

Female Captains Declare Themselves “Inspirations” In Uninspired Advertisement

The following post is a complete work of fiction and should not be taken seriously by anyone.

Captains Hardway and Michaels participated in a virtual advertisement to Federation channels declaring themselves to be inspirations to younger generations, not sex objects. The ad was largely seen as uninspired tripe, falling back on the usual preachings of antiquated feminist dogma that has long since been considered outdated in the 25th century.

“We need to inspire hope in the next generation,” Hardway explained in a brief statement to the Federation News Service. “We need to dispel this belief that captains such as ourselves are to be seen as sex objects to be desired.”

“Yeah!” Michaels hollered, “We inspire young women to be better! We need to show them that women can also be part of the world of starship captains!”

When asked why Michaels is wearing a different uniform from what is standard issue, she tried to explain that she was part of a special ops. When the reporter didn’t buy her answer, Michaels simply blurted out, “Er… Classified.”

The reporter raised an eyebrow. “You traveled through time, didn’t you?”

Michaels shifted nervously and raised her voice ever so slightly. “I don’t know what you mean. And quite frankly, I don’t like the way you’re looking at me, Mister.”

“Excuse me, Captain,” the reporter huffed, unphased by Michaels’ accusing tone. “But I consider myself non-binary and would prefer you address me as such. After all, aren’t you supposed to be an inspiration? Shouldn’t your actions be cause for inspiration, not your empty platitudes?”

“Um… er…” Michaels stammered before she tapped her communicator and shouted, “ENERGIZE!”

Before the reporter could say anything, Michaels was enveloped in a flash of light before vanishing for good. The reporter glanced at Captain Hardway, who shot back a shrug and slowly stood from her seat before heading for the exit posthaste. The reporter then checked their notes and shook their head. They knew they should have taken the day off.

Flash Fiction #27 – Sunday

I’m going to indulge myself with a slightly longer edition of these quick stories. Apparently, a story that is written in less than 1,000 words is the absolute maximum word count of what one would qualify as “flash fiction” fare. So this is going to be a slightly meatier endeavor, but it’s a good one.

Continue reading “Flash Fiction #27 – Sunday”

The Deforestation Of Hyrule: An Adventure Of Link

Well, it’s Earth Day, kids. Celebrate our wonderful planet by reading this Zelda fanfic about Link cutting down trees and plantlife with his sword and suffering the consequences. It’s the first piece of fanfic that I’ve written… mostly as a lark.

DISCLAIMER: Legend Of Zelda and all related characters and names are trademarks of Nintendo, who do not endorsed or approve this written work.

Continue reading “The Deforestation Of Hyrule: An Adventure Of Link”