First Impressions – Circle of The Moon (GBA)

(2023 Update: In retrospect, calling this post a “First Impressions” is kind of a white lie, since my first time playing Circle Of The Moon would’ve been years prior, albeit through the “evil art” of emulation. My guess is that I had acquired an actual cart of Circle Of The Moon and wrote this shortly afterwards. So, in a sense, it’s my first impressions of the game played on its native hardware rather than though some spotty emulation… that’s my logic behind it, at least.)

Some time after Konami released Symphony of the Night on the Playstation, they released Castlevania 64… and it sucked. So they released a sequel… and it sucked too. A couple non-significant games later, Konami released their first GBA title, Circle of the Moon.

The story revolves around a trio of Vampire hunters attempting to kill Dracula yet again, only to be separated. As Nathan, you have to save the other hunter before he becomes a sacrifice or something. In any case, you’re equipped with a traditional leather whip and can spin it around like a lasso (but can’t brandish it like in CV4). You can also equip yourself with DSS cards that alters your whip to become flame whips, ice whips, poison whips, and even a gun! Neat-o.

The graphics are fairly decent for a first title and are varied from each other. Sure, most of the halls look alike, but it’s a common flaw even with Symphony in a couple levels, so no complaints there. The controls are responsive and the challenge is fair, with only a couple bosses being complete pricks. While it isn’t as expansive as the later GBA titles, at least this one has a decent soundtrack worthy of the GBA, unlike the later “sequels” and its NES-esque soundtracks.

If you have a GBA hanging around and you want a decent Castlevania game, don’t bother with the other two and get this one. Aria may have that Soul trading thing and Lament has Simon’s grandson, but this is actually the better game of the three.

Warrior Returns To Wrestling Wearing Suspenders

(2019 Update: Amazed that the video link still works. And so here it is in an embedded format.)

Warrior made his return to a wrestling ring some time ago at a NWE event in Europe. When Orlando Jordan shows up to heckle a young fan, Warrior beats the crap out of him in vintage Ultimate-style. He does his usual shtick (shaking on the wobbly ropes, pounding his chest like a madman) and gets a decently good reaction.

Looks like he hasn’t lost a beat. Not that what he did required much of a beat to lose, but whatever.

There’s two trains of thought in this: the longtime fan who grew up watching the Warrior will get a kick out of his long awaited return – and I mean that sincerely, since Warrior’s last stint in wrestling was less than a decade ago. And the guy who didn’t watch the Warrior, haven’t heard of the Warrior, or even care for the Warrior will be asking “Who the fuck is this guy? And why is he ripping off Batista?”

And then there’s the other train of thought that remembers his speeches… the less said, the better. In any event, who cares? I’ve embedded the video for the rest of us to share in the experience.

Welcome back, Warrior.

When? You Mean You Didn’t Know…?

At an undisclosed press junket, Marvel editor-in-chief Joe Quesada sat before a bunch of random journalists and field questions.

“So, Joe,” one reporter asked. “Marvel has all these overblown event storylines coming up? When do you suppose Marvel will go back to normal stories not requiring extensive readings?”

“You mean when are our books going to suck again,” Quesada joked.

The quip got a bit of chuckle from the audience before another reporter spoke out. “You know it’s funny you’d say that because I kinda thought the books were already sucking since Civil War. Brand New Day? World War Hulk? Red Hulk? Another fucking Skrull storyline? What the hell, man? Whatever happened to the good old days of Marvel when you weren’t fucking with the status quo?”

The question raised some boos, and Quesada answered that “At the end of the day, what it means to me, is that our stuff is so compelling that you want to get it. My job and Dan’s job and all our jobs here are to make you want to buy everything we put out.”

“But that’s the thing,” another reporter asked. “Your stuff isn’t that compelling now. In fact, your stuff is so fucking boring and terrible that it’s not even worth pirating. How does that make you feel about producing shitty-ass stories charging people five bucks a pop to suffer through incredible stories such as Bucky as Captain America or Marvel Apes? Marvel Fucking Apes? Are you a fucking moron, man?!”

Fine. Fine. I’ll just give my money to DC.

DTM BLOG Classics #37 – Mike Adamle

After watching ECW, I’ve come to the conclusion that Mike Adama… er, whatever – is generally bland and boring. It seems to me that the wrestling fans are pissed because they replaced Joey Styles with a guy who constantly screws up lines, but the way I saw it, ol’ Mike has nothing remotely redeeming to offer other than he screw ups. Even when he did fuck up Jeff Hardy’s name at the Royal Rumble, I didn’t think he was anything special nor would he last long.

So he’s got a regular gig at ECW, a wrestling show that almost nobody watches… almost as much people watching TNA Impact as they continue to announce new innovative directions and still manage to secure the same 1.2 rating from when they first started. According to Paul Heyman, the reason behind this move is because Vince is so convinced that people hate Adamale (again, whatever) that he is banking on the fact people will watch ECW so see what Mike will screw up next.

It’s sort of like that Britney Spears situation. People are somehow fascinated on the trainwreck of the singer’s life as of late that they’ll buy tabloids to see what and how she fucks up her life next. While I’m sure that kind of audience exists – and no doubt scientists around the world are trying to figure why this kind of moronic audience exists – I sure as hell don’t give two shits about Britney Spears or her personal mindfuck of a life (and I’ve made it quite clear in the Bite) and so I sure as hell don’t give two shits about how Mike Adamama (who cares?) fucks up his lines. After all, I sat through Tony Schiavone and his ability to falsely advertise every night as being “the single greatest night in the history of our sport.”

One thing is certain – as dull and incompetent as Mikey is on the mic, he’s still remotely better than Vince McMahon on the mic. That guy was fucking awful – who made the decision to give that idiot an announcing gig?

Oh yeah…

DTM BLOG Classics #36 – NES Buyer’s Guide For Those Wanting To Relive Nintendo’s golden boy

Originally DTM Blog Post #828

It’s probably not too evident (or maybe it is) to some people, but I enjoy the old retro video games from the 1980s-90s moreso than I do the current next-gen ones. They’re simple, fun to play, and focus more on being great games than being pretty ones with lots of extraneous features. Suffice it to say I’d rather pay fifty bucks for a copy of Super Mario All-Stars than I would playing the latest FPS game focused on aliens trying to take over the universe and an online component I almost never use. And ever since I picked up the FC Twin console back in October 2007, I’ve been on the retro-kick for the most part. To think I almost forked five hundred bucks for a Wii, a classic controller, and some Wii points just to play the much-vaunted Virtual Console. Woo – just what I needed in my life, a motion-sensored remote control to swing around like an idiot and pray to God I don’t let go or the strap breaks so that the stupid thing smashes into my TV or someone’s nutsack.

Continue reading “DTM BLOG Classics #36 – NES Buyer’s Guide For Those Wanting To Relive Nintendo’s golden boy”

Classic Bite Commentary #75 – March 30th, 2008

Hey look! It’s Wrestlemania 24! It’s another short and useless Bite commentary. Let’s get started! VERY little to say today, as I just did my best ranting a couple weeks ago in the last Bite commentary, so forgive the shortness of this reply. Also, I want to get started on finishing up some new stuff for the site.

Continue reading “Classic Bite Commentary #75 – March 30th, 2008”

This Is What It Comes Down To…

So Screwattack has posted another video on their site: one called “A Day In The Life of Screwattack.” Anyone thinking this would be a nice look in the back would be disappointed to find that it’s just Jose running out in the snow without his shirt on and jiggling his man-tits. Some found funny, but I found it… meh.

What happened to videos where they go to cool video game stores or show off peoples’ games collection? Even the clips of the weeks have degraded into nothing more than obscene comedy pieces. As much as I want to support these guys through their own site instead of their GameTrailers videos, I can’t really do that when they’re trying too hard to be a lousy sitcom.

What happened to the site that was supposed to be about video games and fun? Because I’ve been seeing neither as of late.

Man, I miss Tom. When is the GameHeroes coming up?

Next Mutation… Something Best Left Forgotten

Sometime in 1998, Saban had acquired the rights to produce a brand-new Ninja Turtles live-action series. Naturally, being a fan of the TMNT back in the day, this obviously peaked my interest. So when I started watching the show… to say I was disappointed by the end result is an understatement. Some time later (more like recently), I got a chance to revisit the series.

First off, let’s talk about some of the positives. They managed to re-create the Turtles’ lair as it was last seen in the movies fairly well given the limited budget they threw in with this. There tends to be this darker atmosphere overall in terms of the sets and whatnot. And the Turtle suits, while not the greatest piece of puppetry and whatnot, were functional and seemed pretty sturdy for most of the action stuff that would follow in the series.

People tend to complain about getting rid of Shredder quickly and replacing him with these original villains who could have easily been used in a Power Rangers show. But you can only have Shredder get beat so many times before it gets boring and undermines his worth as a villain… and besides, most fans don’t realize or don’t remember or just plain ignore the fact that in the original comic, the Shredder was offed in the very first issue! Never mind the countless resurrections that would follow. So on a personal standpoint, I was sort of glad they got rid of Shredder because then the anticipation would build to the point where they would eventually bring him back in a later episode. I find that Shredder in small quantities work best because then his encounters with the Turtles are all the more memorable.

Unfortunately, they end up replacing him with these original villains who, as stated, seemed more fit for a Power Rangers show than a Ninja Turtles show. And with these new magic-wielding generics comes a new female magic-wielding turtle, the infamous Venus De Milo. I’ll be honest; I never got comfortable with her. I’m not against the idea of a female turtle; I’m just against the idea of one who uses magic and thus sticks out like a sore sight among a clan of ninja turtles who seem somewhat out of their domain. I almost get the impression that this could have easily been the Venus De Milo show dealing with her make-believe enemies and the TMNT are just there to provide the star power (or whatever was left considering the timeframe this was released). Fortunately, they all share the spotlight together.

Next Mutation was canned after a season on the air and the creators were more than happy to ignore it. Given time and maybe another season, I really believe this live iteration of the TMNT could have been something and might have gotten a chance at greatness. But while the idea was sound, the execution was flawed (although there are a couple good episodes in this series). As it stands, Next Mutation is one of those oddities in Turtledom that is best left buried and forgotten.

Handsome Tom (and others) Leave Screwattack

This is a bit of a shocker.

So in any case you haven’t heard, Handsom Tom – the smooth-talking half of the original Screwattack crew that started that whole site up a couple years back, has apparently left the site he helped founded. Leaving with him is Perfect Liz, the Screw-A-Dog, and even New School Mickey… he of the curly hair. This sucks. This sucks so much that it needs a kick in the face…

IN THE FACE.

But seriously, I care not speculate. It’s been a great time for Tom. Hopethey moves on to bigger and better things… whatever that may be.