Category: Wrestling Musings

I’ve yet to see the final Monday show and I’m discussing the Impact tapings for their grand return to Thursday. If you don’t want to get spoiled, don’t click this post. For the rest, my thoughts after the commercial break.

I’ve been reading Steve Austin’s book, The Stone Cold Truth, and found a chapter that was pretty interesting. The chapter – Stone Cold’s Bottom Line on the Wrestling Business – basically outlines some of the things Austin would do if he ran WWE. It’s actually a pretty decent read (along with the rest of the book, mind you)

One of the things that Austin mentions (and teases constantly throughout the book) is that he believes performers should go back to doing unscripted promos and coming up with their own ideas. Just a couple points here and there to cover, the rest is up to you, champ. That’s one of the reasons why I don’t find the current product appealing – everyone is simply following a script or regurgitating what’s been fed to them. I honestly feel that nobody in WWE, outside of the guys still around from the Attitude Era and maybe a couple other exceptions, are particularly noteworthy and can be easily interchanged at random without anyone noticing the difference.

But if you just let these guys cut their own promos – give them a couple points and go from there – they might either surprise you with a good idea or they may fade away. I’m not exactly saying that they should just say whatever they want or anything, but suffice it to say, backstage writers would have never come up with Austin 3:16… crap, they couldn’t even come up with a good name for the guy.

I liked RAW better when it was RAW. Anyone remember the original premise of RAW; uncooked, unscripted, uncensored, or whatever that dumb slogan was. And that was still during the relatively PG-esque early-1990s before the Monday Night Wars when everything turned into Crash TV. In the words of Stone Cold, “RAW is so damn slick right now, it ain’t even raw.”

I have to agree.

This mentality applies to one time Stone Cold Steve Austin’s speech on Mr McMahon Appreciation Night was completely ad-libbed by him as he rejected the script Brian Gerwitz had written for him. God forbid Austin follows a script supplied by Brian Gerwitz or anybody else.  Then again, given the scripts Brian usually writes, it’s probably a good thing Stone Cold came up with his own words. Much more effective.

Interesting choice of words? Impactful… even when you’re trying to avoid TNA, you fuck up.

Anyway, it’s a list I’ve come across through a secondary source… primarily an online article that features Lisa Marie (aka Victoria in WWE and Tara in TNA) being snubbed from the list. Yes, despite being a fairly talented woman wrestler and making more of an impact than a good chunk of the current Divas, ol’ Lisa Marie is snubbed because she’s in TNA. Someone commented that it was bound to happen… why else would Jeff Hardy not be listed on WWE.com? You don’t think it has anything to do with the drug-related charges and court issues he’s having right now, would it?

Oh… oh, right. The list. So here’s the list, along with my thoughts on each entry.

25 – Torrie Wilson
She brought a puppy to the ring which gave Jerry Lawler a distraction from her other “puppies” so to speak. She was hot and I guess she made somewhat of an impact.

24 – Bull Nakano
Really? Surprised you didn’t mention Bertha Faye… Honestly, I never saw Bull Nakano in the ring outside of a Survivor’s Series match, so I guess I can take your word for it.

23 – Ivory
Ivory was a former GLOW girl, you know. That isn’t exactly impactful, but damn she could put out a good match… even through those terrible RTC months where she’s wearing the granny get-up. So yeah, impact indeed.

22 – Kelly Kelly
What?… What?… Really? Kelly Kelly? Really? Kelly Kelly? Maybe if it was Kevin Kelly, but… Kelly Kelly? Really?… Boy, this list is going downhill already, isn’t it?

21 – Jacqueline
I don’t know. Don’t get me wrong. She’s a fairly competent wrestler and has great form. But I don’t know if you consider her impactful… unless showing off your boobs to a U.K. crowd is considered impactful. If that were the case, we might as well toss Miss Kitty on the list for the same reason. But instead we get…

20 – Vickie Guerrero
You’re kidding, right? What was her impact? Eddiesploitation? So Lisa Marie got snubbed for Vickie? Seriously? Look, I’m not going poke at her physical stature or anything (because people higher on this list look far worse), but what impact has Vickie ever done to deserve a spot on this prestigious list of respectable… oh who am I kidding? NEXT!

19 – Molly Holly
Started off as a Macho Man valet during the Macho Roid year of 1999 before becoming a Holly cousin, getting her head shaved bald, and making an impact with her big fat ass that was neither big or fat. Those kooky WWE writers… it’s probably a good thing that they have all these interchangeable Barbie dolls, because if a talented and gorgeous woman like Nora was around, they’d have no clue what to do with her.

18 – Stacy Keibler
Last seen Dancing With The Stars. Stacy was known for her long, juicy legs… so there’s your impact, so to speak. I guess anything would be better than being David Flair’s on-screen boyfriend, getting pregnant and losing the fetus in a mud wrestling match… sad that I actually remember this. See? Now THAT’s making an impact.

17 – Beth Phoenix
Unlike Beth Phoenix, whose only impact was that she gave Santino something to do. Um… yeah. It’s not all bad, though. Beth’s a toughie, for sure. I barely remember her first stint before she got sidelined with a broken jaw and she’s actually a fairly competent wrestler. But impactful? Only in Santino’s pants, I’m sure.

16 – Luna Vachon
If impactful means being the first female to be playable in a 16-bit WWF video game, then yeah. I guess you could say that. Then again, she’s another tough cookie that could make an impact in your skull… with her fist. Outside of her brief feud with Sable in 98, I haven’t seen enough of Luna to be mindful… so again, I’ll take your word for it.

15 – Miss Elizabeth
The First Lady of Wrestling… deserves to be much higher than this. Not too high considering she didn’t really do much, but higher than some of the higher ups.

14 – Melina
I guess she made somewhat of an impact. I sort of see Melina as the Latina equivalent of Trish-lite; began her WWE stint as manager of the tag-team MNM, guiding them to multiple tag-team championships, before becoming a wrestler herself and garnering multiple titles. She’s seemed to have regressed a bit though. I guess that’s what happens when you’re surrounded by Barbies.

13 – Alundra Blayze (a.k.a. Madusa)
Nice to know that Madusa is represented… even after she literally trashed the WWF Women’s title on live television. Again, haven’t seen enough of her to judge.

12 – Mae Young
If I’m going by what I’ve seen of her lately, then… I’d agree. Her appearance at the 2000 Royal Rumble is a highlight deserved to be seen by all. But I’m assuming that this is based on her earlier exploits as a wrestler and not the person who gave birth to Mark Henry’s hand. No, I’m not making this up. This actually happened… and this was after Vince Russo jumped ship to WCW.

11 – Wendi Richter
The one ended Fabolous Moolah’s reign on top and was part of that whole Rock N Wrestling movement. Haven’t seen her stuff outside of her one match at Wrestlemania I… the one that started in 1984 or something. At least according to the WWE braintrust who thought it appropriate to celebrate the 25th anniversary of Wrestlemania last year. (For those who still don’t get it, THIS YEAR marks the 25th anniversary proper of Wrestlemania.)

10 – Michelle McCool
Impactful? Only in Mean Mark’s pants… and that’s possibly the only reason she’s this high on the list. I’d tend to underestimate the current crop of Divas, but only because they give me no reason to overestimate. I look at Michelle McCool and I ask “Who’s this chick? They all look the same.” That’s not exactly the impact you’re looking for.

9 – Sunny
The original WWF Diva (so to speak) and the one to thank (or blame) for providing the current template… again, deserves to be higher than this. Damn, she was hot back in the day. Nowadays… I honestly don’t know. What? I don’t.

8 – Lita
High-flying Diva who got involved in a live-sex show (and brought in ratings) who later decided to retire and sing with Luchagores… What an impact (and what a woman… back then. Not so sure about now.) But perhaps the biggest impact she made in recent years… was not going to the Diva Battle Royal at Wrestlemania 25. Now that’s something you have to respect.

7 – Mickie James
Startred off as Trish Stratus’ psychotic fan who went down there at Mania 22 to claim her first Women’s title… the only other competent WWE Diva who could actually wrestle a good match. And she sings country music too.

6 – Sable (a.k.a. Rena Mero)
The other Diva that contributed to the current template and thus deserves your thanks (or blame) on the matter. Started off as a valet, then became a wrestler, then became a Playboy bunny, then became Vince McMahon’s plaything (lawsuit? What lawsuit), then dumped Marc Mero for Brock Lesnar. A Sable Bomb indeed.

5 – Stephanie McMahon
This is a surprise. Stephanie only on Number 5… I’d expected her to top the list based solely on her last name. Maybe this is a impartial list after all. And yes, she was a former Women’s Champion… but you’d never know because she never did anything with it until dropping it to Number 8.

4 – Sensational Sherri Martel
Sherri did it all… manager, wrestler, Hall of Famer… but did she do Playboy? Okay, that was dirty, I apologize. But still, Sherri did it all… and did it well.

3 – Chyna
Known for becoming the first women to hold the IC title by beating TNA founder Jeff Jarrett in a good housekeeping match. This is probably the only period in time that you’d want to remember Chyna by and not… whatever she’s doing right now.

2 – Fabulous Moolah
Big surprise. Moolah’s Number 2… wait, that didn’t sound right. Moolah’s on the second spot? That’s better. Well played; her 28+ year reign as Women’s Champion will never be topped… certainly not by the current crop of Divas.

1 – Trish Stratus
Trish tops it off and for good reason, starting off as a manager (and I even remember her from her appearances on that TSN show with some guy named Lansberg… it’s a Canadian issue), Trish eventually became a 7-time Women’s champion for good reason; she was one of the few Divas who could actually wrestle and do a damn good job of it.

So that was the list… meh, it was alright. A couple questionable choices here and there, but otherwise, it was okay.

But yeah, I agree. Victoria got snubbed.

On the one hand, TNA Impact is airing another live episode of Impact, with no means for reruns. On the other hand, RAW has Stone Cold Steve Austin.

Difficult decision…

Actually, I tell a lie. Austin will at least make the show worth watching… even for a sliver.

For the first time anyone can remember, TNA’s television ratings were discussed at WWE TV this past week. Michael Hayes reportedly noted the lowest-rated quarter hour of last week’s episode of iMPACT being the one where Hulk Hogan appeared.

In response, Vince McMahon said, “Ouch.”

Oh, by the way, for those wondering, here’s the ratings breakdown of the amazing IMPACT episode featuring the Hulk Hogan announcement that aired on November 5th (source: rajah.com)

Q1: 1.21 – Desmond Wolfe/Angle promo; AJ Styles/Samoa Joe promo
Q2: 1.27 – Tara vs. Alyssa Flash; Team 3D promo
Q3: 1.26 – Motor City Machine Guns vs. Team 3D; Scott Steiner promo; Bobby Lashley vs. Eric Young
Q4: 1.30 – Bobby Lashley vs. Eric Young; Scott Steiner run-in; Kevin Nash promo; AJ Styles/Daniels promo
Q5: 1.24 – The Beautiful People vs. Christy Hemme, ODB and Hamada
Q6: 1.19 – Abyss vs. Dr Stevie; Matt Morgan vs. Rhino
Q7: 1.24 – Samoa Joe/Daniels promo; Homicide attacks Don West; Kurt Angle promo
Q8: 1.18 – Kurt Angle vs. Desmond Wolfe; Hulk Hogan press conference

Oh yeah, Hogan is definitely a step in the right direction.

SPEED OF LIGHT!

Here’s the link to Shane McMahon’s statement on WWE.com.
I honestly don’t know what to make of this, as to whether this is legit or not. But whatever the case… it shows Shane has more balls to step down than the senile old man running the company. Oh well.