Category: Star Trek Musings

The following letter is not an open letter, but the approximation of what would be written in an open letter to Mr. Shatner should I feel compelled to do so. It does however reflect my own opinion of the whole Shatner/Star Trek XI affair.

Dear Mr. Shatner,

Word has it that you will not be in the new Star Trek movie and that you have decided to let people know about it, expressing your opinion about how it is a foolish move not to have you in it. I suppose in your mind it’s not fair, considering your old buddy Leonard Nimoy was convinced to return to acting to play the role of “Old Spock” in said movie developed by that guy who did Felicity, Alias, Lost, and some other fine shows. I suppose in your mind, it could be unjust that since you were involved in the “second” birth of Star Trek (I don’t see Jeffrey Hunter rising from the grave complaining about how HE’S not digitally recreated for the new movie since he was involved in the “first” birth of Star Trek) you should involved in the rebirth. Fortunately, Mr. Shatner, I have some soothing words to calm your nerves.

Please shut the fuck up. Pretty please.

So you’re not in the new movie. Big deal. You apparently never made a big deal of not appearing in the Next Generation show despite your best friend Leonard Nimoy appearing in two episodes. You didn’t complain about not being featured in Deep Space Nine (even though you were featured in stock footage) or Voyager. And the last time I checked, you were holding out on a possible cameo for the last Trek venture, Enterprise. And now all of a sudden, you want to be featured in Trek again.

Fuck you, Shatner.

Do yourself a favor, Billy. Just forget about showing up in Star Trek XI. It’s not going to happen and all your moaning and bitching is doing more to make you look like an egotistical asshole than it is to get you into the movie. All this bullshit you’re spewing isn’t making me feel sorry for you – it makes me nauseous. If anything, it makes me feel sorry for all the other fools who buy into your shameful bitching. I mean, I don’t see George Takei complaining about not being involved in the new Trek… he had his share with New Voyages. Same goes for Walter Koenig… and Nichelle Nichols whose name I probably misspelled and for that I apologize in advance if I did, madam. Regardless, they’re not complaining about not being in the movie. In fact, they support the movie and the actors who are playing the roles they once held. Why can’t you?

Just forget about Star Trek. Just stick with your horseback ridings. Stick with Boston Legal. Stick with writing crappy Starfleet Academy novels. Just forget the movie. If you’re lucky and you’re alive when casting for Star Trek 24: The Voyage To The Home comes around, I’m sure they’ll give you a call.

In your own immortal words, Bill… GET A LIFE! FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, IT’S JUST A MOVIE!

Thanks for listening. Good night.

Sincerely yours,
DTM

Apparently the campaign to get Shatner on Abrams’ Trek flick continue as the former “Kirk” is whoring himself out in an attempt to get someone to convince Abrams to stick the Shat in there. And… the talks over at Trekweb are amusing as hell, with the Shat-fans saying that Nimoy betrayed his best friend or some other bullshit…

Doesn’t Shatner already have a TV show he’s doing right now? Shouldn’t he just stick with that? His days as Kirk are long gone and no amount of makeup or toupees is going to bring him back to form just for a useless cameo. Would it be cool to see Kirk back in action? Sure… when a younger guy plays him. If Shatner doesn’t fit into the equation, there should be no reason why he ought to.

Maybe it’s because I was born in the eighties when Trek movies were starting to come out, so I don’t have the same time of love for Kirk. Yes, I do believe he defined Trek. He’s a cultural icon that Shatner has molded into his own. That much cannot be taken away. However, the man is way past his prime as far as that role goes and it’s time for the mantle to be assumed by someone else.

Would it be nice to see Shatner in a Trek movie?

Sure… as the Enterprise chef.

I find it absolutely amazing that a couple years after Enterprise is canceled, co-creator and writer Brannon Braga is still getting flak from Trekkies over the direction of the series and some of his episodes.

Now Braga admits that he has regretted somethings that have come to pass, but that doesn’t change anything. And you know what? He’s right. Regardless of whether he regrets something or not, it doesn’t mean a damn thing. It doesn’t change a damn thing.

So do me and everyone else a huge favor and give it a rest, guys. Enterprise is dead and buried. It is not coming back. The guy’s moved on to other projects and so has everybody else. Leave him alone.

Good lord, can’t we be happy that somebody else is working on a new Star Trek movie? I, for one, am looking forward to someone else’s take on someone else’s property.

Now fetch me my tea… Earl Grey… hot.

Contrary to an earlier blog post, you didn’t need SIX actors to portray Spock back in the 1980s. Instead, you needed NINE.

1. Leonard Nimoy – the original Spock

2. Launched Photon Torpedo – dead Spock

3. Photon Torpedo Tube – rotting Spock’s casket

4. Carl Steven – Spock at age 7

5. Vardia Potenza – Preteen Sexmate Spock at age 13

6. Stephen Manley – Teenage Spock at age 17

7. Joe W. Davis – Vulcan-Rage Spock at age 25

8. Director Nimoy – Nimoy-Spock hybrid

9. Baby – Baby Spock in Star Trek V flashback

(2019 Update: I guess you can add Ethan Peck to the list, who plays Spock in Star Trek: Discovery.)

So yeah, that’s a lot of people/things/stupidities to play one Vulcan. Wonder how many actors Tuvok has:

1. Tim Russ – Tuvok

2. A shitload of stunt doubles.

Okay, so what about the Vulcan chick on Enterprise? Well, see Tuvok but swap Tim Russ for that other chick. What was her name again? Jolene something or other… forgive me, I’m terrible with names.

(2025 Update: It’s Jolene Blalock… or just Jolene nowadays.)

So yeah, Vulcans are hard for one person to handle…

Or maybe it’s just me.

Good night.

A recent posting on Trekweb has revealed from the mouth of William Shatner that Leonard Nimoy might be in the next Trek movie, but not the Shat. Fanboys are protesting because Shatner might not be in it and they’ll boycott the movie unless Shatner’s in it.

To all the fanboys who want them to bring back Shatner and are having a pissy fit over it, here is some sage advice once given by your hero:

GET A LIFE, will you people?!! I mean, for crying out loud, it’s just a freakin’ movie! I mean, look at you, look at the way you’re dressed! You’ve turned an enjoyable little job, that I did as a lark for a few years, into a COLOSSAL WASTE OF TIME! HEY, YOU GUYS ARE… THE LAMEST BUNCH… I’VE NEVER SEEN…

Some people will never know better.

Here’s a really cool thing I came across (and don’t remember if I had mentioned this before, but won’t be bothered to check): former Trek wonderboy Wil Wheaton reviews classic episodes of his old show, Star Trek: The Next Generation. They’re pretty good reads and offer decent insights into the shows from a guy who’s been there.

(2019 Update: The link to the site is long dead. However, Wil Wheaton did compiled the few reviews from that old site and turned it into a book called Memories Of The Future. Check it out; it’s a pretty good read.)

So I’ve visiting the ol’ Trekweb site – my go to hub for all Star Trek news (2025 Update: Long since dead. R.I.P.) – and I noticed that they conducted an interview with former Trek exec Rick Berman. He still seems to have no clue as to why his last Trek movie venture (2002’s Star Trek Nemesis, for those who don’t know) failed miserably in the box office. While I’ll be one of the few to admit that I actually enjoyed Nemesis, even I have to admit that it wasn’t that great a movie in comparison to other Trek movies; more of a popcorn flick than anything else. The fact that Berman is lost on this concept even years after the movie’s release and failure goes to show why the Star Trek franchise is currently in limbo as far as on-screen affairs are concerned.

Continue reading “Move THIS Forward: The War On Trek”

So a few months back, I had written this short little non-comedic piece called The Adventures of Captain Wesley Crusher. In simpler terms, a terrible event occurs in which wizkid Wesley Crusher, still in his child genius stage as depicted in the first season of Next Gen, is promoted to captain. Hilarity ensures, right?

Two reviews are posted and both of them tell me the same thing; that I wrote the story as is because I hate Wesley Crusher. Now, I’ve cleared things up with said reviewers in a calm, polite manner since their reviews were written in a calm, honest, and polite manner. But since there are obviously those who are going to assume the same thing, I felt the need to address the story on a public forum… namely mine.

Two things need to be cleared up: first off, I have no ill will towards the Wesley Crusher character. Sure, I thought he was a snotty child genius character, but over time, he evolved into a young officer-in-training who earned his stripes, got a fair chance to contribute as an officer, and eventually managed to forge his own destiny. He’s not my favorite character, but he’s not exactly number 1 on my death list, either.

Another thing is that I had written in the disclaimer that characters wouldn’t portrayed the same way as they are in the show. It’s a necessity since you couldn’t overexaggerate the more mature Wesley Crusher of the latter days prior to his departure, but his early-first season role as the child genius was perfect fodder. The ending was written that way because it had to be for a happy ending. Either that or he died, and I didn’t want to kill him. Now would I have done that if I hated the character? No, but then if I hated the character, I wouldn’t have written about him, much less made a parody of him.

And that’s my two cents. Hopefully this clears up some misconceptions you might have about the story. And now that we got that out of the way, anyone who thinks Captain Wesley is a story that will go away into obscurity… well, think again. For I’m in the planning stages (with a friend) to write another epic master

That’s right, kids. A sequel.

There are a couple of changes made in terms of the treatment of characters. Unlike the first “epic” tale, this takes place a couple years later when Wesley is a little more mature and responsible. This means all the bad jokes and ugly portrayals of the first story is out, replacing it with proper narrative (don’t get too comfortable – some bad portrayals have leaked through the shields). The other change is that the story will have a darker slant to it and no doubt the challenges will put our Acting Ensign to the test.

Now would I be writing a serious story about a guy I hate?

JJ Abrams, creator of such hit shows like Lost, Alias, and even that Felicity show, is going to produce and possibly direct the next Star Trek movie. Thing is this movie isn’t coming out for another year (or more), no concrete details as to its plot has leaked, and yet people are thinking it’s gonna be about young Kirk and young Spock blah blah blah…

People either love the idea or they hate it. Either they love the prospect of these guys back on screen in a fresh new light or they only want the older guys back replaying their roles one final time. My thoughts are pretty clean cut. Who cares about young Kirk? Who cares about young Spock? Who cares about these characters coming back for one last hurrah only to get disappointed even further by their final outing?

Yes, these guys are iconic characters, but it’s time to move on. Shatner’s doing just fine… and so is Nimoy. They’ve seemed to move on, why can’t everyone else? Kirk’s death may seem retarded to some people, but then again, it’s the passing of the torch. His time has come and pass… it’s time for a new gen to continue onward.

This has been a useless post.

From a Trekweb posting:

Well, now that’s all said in done. Let’s let our final voices be HEARD!

I, for one, resent UPN for NOW finally promoting ENT now that it’s ending.

Star Trek has been it’s flagship show for as long as it’s been in existance.

BOYCOTT them even it if hurts. Let them feel the loss of our total viewership!!

EFFECTIVE MAY 14th..join me…in NO MORE UPN.

Gee, man. I would absolutely LOVE to boycott UPN, but I haven’t seen UPN since I found out Smackdown aired an hour earlier on another Canadian sports channel years ago. And besides that, Enterprise aired on other channels besides UPN too.

So yeah, I’d love to Boycott UPN, but I never touched the network to begin with…