More Hyperbole from Dixie

TNA President Dixie Carter left the following on her Twitter:

“It’s 6:30 am. Been up for hours. So excited I can’t sleep. TNA’s about to change forever. Can’t wait to share it w/you, my staff, the talent” 

Uh-huh… yeah, sure. I’ve heard THAT one before. The next great experiment that will garner that 1.0 rating that you guys are so used to.

Still, you can’t fault her for trying. And people seem to attain some remote interest in what may change TNA forever… even if that promise has been made countless times before, giving the phrase even less weight than before each time it’s pulled out of the gutter.

Maybe I’ll be surprised, who knows? Or maybe I won’t care because WWE actually DID surprise me on Monday.

Oh wait, TNA has a PPV this coming Sunday? Yep, time for predictions as soon as I get the full rundown on the PPV.

PLEASE Don't TRY THIS AT HOME + Cena FUs the Invasion

Somehow, I had this idea to combine bits and clips of the NXT Invasion from this past Monday’s RAW with the audio track for one of those WWE PSAs (the clips where a superstar informs viewers not to try this at home). I lucked out in finding one with John Cena… and so here we go.

Before anyone brings it up, yes, I included the spit. Also, I liked the dramatic music piece that they used for the original PSA. It works nicely with the clipshow actually.

Speaking of Cena, here’s a snippet of his Twitter in giant Twitter type:

CeNation. Sorry for delay. Checked out fine. Mild concussion and some back and hip trouble, but I am in 1 piece. Thank u for your concern.


Yep. Eight guys beat the crap out of you and you ONLY suffer a mild concussion and some back/hip problems… and you’ll be going on RAW this coming Monday, jumping all about as if nothing’s ever happened… because that’s your thing.

John? Yeah, I know we don’t see eye-to-eye and I know you enjoy doing all that Superman bullshit that you do every single night. But please do me a favor and SELL the injuries. I know it’s difficult, but you’ve had two movies under your belt to pretend you’re somewhat hurt. You have that experience. Use it… because all the NXT Invasion storyline depends greatly on this ability. Thanks.

AVGN has lost it…

You know the angry reviewer shtick is lost on you when the guy who originated the concept is no longer interesting.

Case in point: AVGN’s Cheetahmen episode was informative and filled with gameplay for Cheetahmen, the unreleased Cheetahmen II, and the Genesis version of Action 52, but as informative as it was, it was also pretty damn boring. I don’t know; maybe it’s just me, but AVGN’s recent stuff has been somewhat lame as of late. Just seeing this guy attempt to be angry is becoming damn-near embarrassing. Just about the only guy I’ve seen who could convincingly pull off the angry gimmick is Dr. Ashen – doesn’t scream or bellow to get his point across, but  does convey anger in a way that is both funny and not ridiculous.

So, sorry, James. Less quantity didn’t bring out more quality.

This will lead to a rant on the angry reviewer cycle soon. Just wait.

COMIC REVIEW – Mighty Morphin Power Rangers #1 (Hamilton Comics – Vol. 2)

So not long after the conclusion of their first miniseries, Hamilton Comics begins their second miniseries of MMPR comic books – although this one lasts about four issues before being abruptly cancelled due to an expiring license, as Marvel would pick up the slack by the time the movie rolls around… for better or worse, but we’ll get to that.

Right off the bat, the miniseries does a far better job of matching the paradigm established in the middle portion of the second season. One of the issues with the first mini is that the stories were written with the first season in mind and newer elements like Lord Zedd and the new Rangers were swapped in with the old stuff without so much a change in their actual mannerisms. Here, Lord Zedd is very much his own character, the new Rangers are very much their own personas, and Tommy is established as the leader after not being much of one in the back end of the previous mini. Baby steps, kids.

As before, we have two stories in this issue. The first story, “While The Cat’s Away,” sees Lord Zedd heading off to some other galaxy to take care of business, leaving Squatt and Baboo to concoct their own plan to defeat the Rangers. Said plan involves a droopy monster that is eventually defeated by an oven that shoots awful food. Said oven cooks awful food because Bulk & Skull fixed it… or ruined it… or whatever you think. This is standard fare with a smart ending and I like the attempt at giving Squatt and Baboo more than the bumbling roles they usually adopt on TV.

Unstoppable Force is the second story, which involves inertia. A monster with stretch limbs is attacking, nigh invincible, and is eventually defeated when it falls off a cliff after the Megazord steps aside… it’s a unique ending to an otherwise average story.

Both stories feature are by returning artists; John Heenik for the first and Sparky Moore for the second. Both have stepped their game and continue to produce some of the best art in this Hamilton run.

Mr. T declares WAR on A-Team remake

So according to this article, Mr. T was offered a cameo in the A-Team remake, but declined due to the fact that the original A-Team’s “light-hearted approach has been replaced by gritty realism” in the new film. Also, he doesn’t care for the fact that in this version, people died and things get sexed up while in the original show, nobody died and sex was down to a minimum – usually an attractive girl or two per show.

Mr. T, you may recall, originally played B.A. Barracus in the original TV show, a role that is filled by UFC fighter Rampage Jackson.

While some might be saddened by the lack of Mr. T in the new movie, give the guy some credit. Unlike Dirk Been-A-Dick, he stuck to his principles and didn’t accept a cameo in a project he didn’t agree with. He didn’t berate the remake either, just said it was vastly different from the show he made famous… although it must be brought up that the show wasn’t necessarily all roses either, but I’ll wait until I check out the movie… when it comes out on DVD.

Kickassia Does Not Kick Ass

So for the past day or so, I’ve been leaving some comments on Asalieri’s YouTube channel. A good majority of these comments pertain to Kickassia, a six-part miniseries produced by website That Guy With The Glasses which serves as their second anniversary event. Anyway, I realized that as much as I was expressing my thoughts and reply to a couple comments, I was taking it a bit too far with my endless spamming of comments. While it engaged some replies, ultimately it isn’t fair to anyone and especially to Asalieri that I use his channel as a place to vent my disappointment on a video that he has nothing to do with.

As a matter of fact, I received a PM suggesting I do a video review of Kickassia as opposed to continually post endless ramblings. I don’t intend on doing that (I posted a perfectly simple five word review that says all), but I do want to make up for the trouble I might have caused. Therefore, I sent Asalieri a PM a short while ago apologizing for the recent behavior and told him that I won’t be beating the dead horse anymore. It’s just not worth the trouble.
(2023 Update: For the record, Asalieri had replied back and wondered what the fuss was all about since he was in agreement with my feelings that Kickassia wasn’t any good. In hindsight, I probably shouldn’t bothered with an apology, since it was a complete waste of time and others have done much worse.)
Now that we got that out of the way… for anyone who absolutely needs to know my thoughts on the recent six-part borefest known as Kickassia, I present my thoughts on the project (hint: the title should give you a pretty good idea). I’m not going to call it a review because it’s more like a rambling, but I guess it could pass as one.

Continue reading “Kickassia Does Not Kick Ass”

Shot at the AVGN And Clones

YouTuber Asalieri thinks Nostalgia Critic jumped the shark and after a few more posts, I somehow came up with this reply (split into two bits but lovingly re-assembled for your reading displeasure… and yes, this is how I actually feel and not some attempt to be a dick):

I pretty much gave up on NC months ago due to general lack of interest. I mean, you can only watch him pull Big-Lipped Alligator Moments so many times before it gets boring. That, and I’ve been slowly veering away from anyone clinging to the ridiculous “angry reviewer” gimmick like it’s gold or something. It’s sad seeing these guys attempt to be angry by screaming their lungs out and using colorful analogies that make no sense whatsoever. There’s a difference between being angry and being ridiculous. And a good majority of these “angry reviewers” tend to be ridiculous… and yes, that includes the internet darling, AVGN.

I also don’t care for any attempts at adding “narratives” or “storylines” to a review – not strictly a Critic thing, but it’s something common with most of the TGWTG. That’s what really turns me off over the constant crossovers and obligatory masturbatory meme fillers. What’s the point of these storylines other than to distract from the review or utter pretense of a review? It’s ridiculous. If they want to do storylines, they should keep them separate from the reviews… or don’t do them at all. I kind of expect this act of stupidity from the Bores, not from anyone remotely competent.

TWO walls of text… wonder how many people will bother to read through this?

By the way, flame shields are up. Red Alert. Arm the photon torpedoes.

COMIC REVIEW – Mighty Morphin Power Rangers #6 (Hamilton Comics)

The final issue of the first miniseries is another two-story issue.

The first story, “Attack Of The Gargantutron!”, poses an interesting premise; a monster is attacking and the teens are summoned to take it on, but they can’t answer because they’re in the middle of class! There’s a couple little bits that I liked here; Alpha recording a log entry (recording in MORPHIN MODE no less), the P.E. teacher calling for a new, unseen character called Kimberly Smith (either that or nobody knew who these characters’ full names were), and the Rocky dream (not THAT Rocky or THAT kind of dream, either). Story is nothing special; your usual Ranger fare. Al Bigley returns for art duties here and somehow the line art is just all over the place. The most you can say that characters look like what they’re supposed to, but they’re drawn in the most exaggerated manner possible that it comes across as goofy. I want to say that this gets better, but it really doesn’t.

Shop Till You Drop… Dead! is the second story in which Finster concocts a shopping mall as a trap for anyone involved, since all the shop merchants and staff are really monsters in disguised. Rocky and Kim eventually get caught, but then escape and help save the day. You know, maybe this should’ve been in the last issue and the “Grounded” story should’ve been placed here; then there’d be continuity. In any event, this is another story concept that would’ve benefitted from a full issue, but otherwise is fine. Gray Morrow returns to handle art duties for the first time since the very first issue and it’s pretty rough goings. The costumes are drawn more like  something out of a bootleg production, not proper MMPR. There is one particular frame that would probably appease some horny teens back in the day, but other than that, the art is pretty poor here.

So that’s the conclusion of the first miniseries. Next up, we’ve got the second Hamilton mini that comprises four issues. Will the writing be a little more consistent? Maybe…

COMIC REVIEW – Mighty Morphin Power Rangers #5 (Hamilton Comics)

From this point on in Hamilton’s run, each Power Rangers comic comes with TWO stories. And as such, we have two creative teams telling different stories. Both are returning artists and probably the two best artists on the book in my opinion, which is good because both stories have good art.

The first story is “Grounded”, which sees the Rangers facing off against a goofy three-handed cowboy looking fellow who can only be defeated with an arrow from the Pink Ranger’s Power Bow… because you know, cowboys and indians and all that jazz… Alas, Kimberly is grounded by her parents for overspending… which is something that I’m surprised hasn’t happened on the show because you’d think someone who likes to shop as much as she does would eventually get to that point. The story isn’t much and the smaller page count as a result of the new format doesn’t do it much favors, but again, this is a fairly basic idea that would have fit in nicely as a possible episode idea for the show. John Heebink’s art compliments the piece quite nicely.

On the other end of the proverbial Power Coin, we’ve got “Stranger In A Strange Land,” which depicts the teens practicing their skydiving moves for the upcoming movie (er, not really, but work with me here), only for Aisha to be whooshed off to what looks like Angel Grove, but somehow really isn’t. And when she encounters someone who looks like her, things get a bit weird. There’s actually an intriguing element behind this one, but the short page count hurts this one more than anything and the end result is something that is rushed through and not given enough time to breathe. As such, it’s just a thing that happened, complimented with Sparky Moore’s solid illustrations.