Author: dtm666

Well, today is the day that a lot of people are anticipating for some reason or another. It’s the day where Disney’s latest attempt at converting one of their classic animated films into live action – this being Snow White – finally hits movie theaters and by Monday, we’ll see if people went “Shut Up And Take My Money!” or “Thanks, But No Thanks. I’ll Stick With Netflix.”

I, of course, will fall in the latter category.

This shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone who has frequented this blog in the past; I never cared for any of Disney’s attempts at turning their animated fare into live-action. I’ve seen maybe one or two and that was enough for me… and also, I don’t have enough nostalgia for the original works that would entice me to give these a look in any way, shape, or form. And I’m sure there’s a lot of people making a big stink over this Snow White film, but on my end, I’m just like… eh, whatever.

That said, while I have no interest in the film itself, what DOES pique my curiosity somewhat is the potential aftermath of Snow White’s release. It’s no secret that Snow White has been catching a lot of flak from anyone with a means of communication and I’m going to assume that you know pretty much what I’m talking about. If not, Goggle Is Your Friend. I want to say that I’ve never seen a film cause this much of a divide over opinion, but chances are there’s a Star Wars film or Marvel Cinematic property that’s also seen its share of flak. In this day and age, what HASN’T seen its share of flak and noise? So while the movie is like “eh,” it is the noise surrounding the film that somehow sucked me in and became one of those things where, on an off day where I had absolutely nothing better to do, I’ll look up what’s going with this film. Has one of the cast said something stupid to ire the fanatics? More than likely. Has the preview material been underwhelming? Possibly. Are we shitting on this thing because it’s Disney and thus we have to shit on everything Disney does – justified or not? Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s a given too.

I hear some people claiming that Snow White is going to be the worst Disney film ever made… even though the movie isn’t out yet. If people are expecting this to be the worst film ever made, that’s another story, entirely. But flat out saying that this is the worst thing Disney has ever made because of all the noise before… eh, I don’t know. I’ve seen the trailer for this thing and to me, it’s just another lame animated-to-live-action Disney thing that does nothing for me and thus I have no interest in. That’s all I have to say on the film itself; it’s continuing a trend that I didn’t care for in the first place and nothing about this feels any different from what came before.

That said, one trailer did not kill the entire movie. There have been bad trailers for good movies in the past and there have been excellent trailers for movies that didn’t quite live up to the hype. The only thing that one trailer killed was any interest you had in seeing this movie. And if that means spending your movie ticket fare on something else… well, hope you spend that money wisely. Unfortunately, the naysayers saying these things are probably going to feed the machine to justify their opinions on Snow White being the worst film ever made and they’ll probably contribute to this film being something of a success story… or maybe they’ll be the only audience feeding this machine while the rest of the moviegoing community attempt to find the next cinematic masterpiece to dub “Absolute Cinema” or some hokey bullshit like that.

I won’t be doing that, however, because one trailer convinced me that this wasn’t worth my time… it did, however, convince me to pull out The Asylum’s version of Snow White out of mothballs and give that another watch. As I recall, that movie wasn’t particularly good, but it looks way more interesting than this.

Actually, now that I think about it, we’ve had a bunch of live-action Snow White films over the years… DECADES even. Aside from the aforementioned Grimm’s Snow White, there was also Snow White And The Huntsman (the one with Chris Hemsworth and the Twilight chick), there was the 2012 comedy film Mirror, Mirror movie, A Tale Of Terror with
Sigourney Weaver, there was the 2001 TV Movie with Kristin Kreuk (Lana from Smallville, who was also Chun-Li in that abortive Street Fighter movie) or… shit, even the fucking CANNON GROUP made a Snow White movie in 1987 for Walt’s sake. Good lord, what is the world coming to where the possibility exists that Disney’s live-action take on Snow White could potentially be WORSE than anything coming out of THE ASYLUM or THE CANNON GROUP of all people?!

So yes, dear reader… as you can probably tell, I’ve given you a small sample of live-action takes on Snow White that have been done in the past and are more intriguing takes on the material than Disney’s Xerox-ing of their animated feature. Hell, there’s a Wikipedia page that can give you the full list if you want… there’s even a couple porn movies listed if you’re willing to venture outside your comfort zone… all I’m saying is that if you’re in the mood for live-action Snow White and you don’t want to give Disney your money, you have options aplenty. Don’t give your money to the machine if you feel this new take is going to be the drizzling shits.

On the other hand, if you’re highly anticipating this film and are looking forward to it, by all means, go out and have fun. Hope you enjoy the film and that it lives up to your expectations. I’m not telling you not to watch. I’m just telling you that I’M not watching it. My interest, as it relates to this film, is more surrounding the noise that will come along afterwards. Will this be as bad as some folks claim it is or will it fail to live down to the fail hype? I’ve heard people shit on the recent Captain America movie and then I saw it and I was like “eh.”

That’s the same feeling I have with this Snow White movie. Just… “eh.”

Problem is that nobody wants to hear about “eh.” They want “BAW GAWD, KING! THIS MOVIE IS GOING TO BE FUCKING SHIT AND NOBODY SHOULD BE WATCHING IT!” or “OH MY GAWD YOU GUYZ THIS FUCKING RULES EVERYONE SHOULD WATCH IT AND SUBSCRIBE TO MY FUCKBOOK AND REDTUBE CHANNELS!” That’s what sells apparently… that’s what America operates on.

Thank fuck I’m not American.

Anyway, that was my Five Cent Theodore Verbiage. Thanks for listening.

I wonder if I still have my copy of Snow White And The Three Stooges somewhere. They made that in color, you know…