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RAW (Jan. 8th, 2007) – About As Exciting to Watch As JR’s Ass…

So I’m watching RAW and I see a Great Khali mumble his way through an interview. Oh great. Just what RAW needed: another tall worthless fuck. As if that’s bad enough, they have these fake impersonators doing the Donald and the Rosie. And they’re having a match and it’s about as entertaining as playing with dog feces.

Want to be entertained? Check out the greatest spectacle on Earth… JR’s Ass. *

Later.

* Link leads to a rap video made by a YouTuber and does not contain any pictures of JR’s ass. This is a semi-family site, boy. Mind your manners.

The Winners And Losers Of 2006

Yeah, it’s been a while. But then again, there’s only three more years to repost unless I decide to give 2010 the updated treatment. Who knows?

Post 400. New Year. Hope everyone’s sober. Good.

And so as we kiss 2006 good-bye and send it on a trip to the retirement home, we look back on some of the good, bad, and tweener events that have shaped this great year. If you were around for my 2005 in Review post, you’ll notice that there are a few repeat offenders in this list in addition to some new ones and some of the repeats have changed their position as of late.

A word of warning: the following are my picks and my picks only. Nobody else chose these for me, nobody influenced my decision. It’s based on my own personal opinions. Also, unlike the 2005 post, this one’s being written in advanced. Which means certain references might be outdated by the time this actually sees post. So without further delay, let’s get it on.

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GameFAQs Review – WWE RAW 2 (Xbox)

For quite some time, wrestling (or sports entertainment) has been in existence. Sometimes, it’s the hottest thing going on while oftentimes, it’s nothing more than an afterthought. The whole real-or-fake question often comes into play even though the business was exposed a few years back. In any case, what is well known is that since the 1980s, there have been a multitude of wrestling-based video games. Some good, some bad, and some strange. In the case of the X-Box, there were a few of them, but were lacking compared to games on other consoles. For this review, I decided to review the one I felt was the best of the bunch on the console.

WWE Raw 2 is the follow-up to the lackluster WWF Raw game that appeared on the X-Box prior. At first glance, it seems like the game has added much needed features and gimmicks to what was essentially a poor barebones package. But is it really deeper than before or is it more of the same?

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GameFAQs Review – Showdown: Legends Of Wrestling (Xbox)

In the late-90s, Acclaim made some WWF wrestling games. Well-regarded but criticized for their use of button sequences to perform even the simplest of wrestling holds, Acclaim eventually lost the rights to the WWF franchise to THQ. They managed a couple of games based on the cult promotion ECW before that company went under. Now with only one company in the wrestling threshold (WWE), Acclaim had managed to sign some names of the past to use their likeness in a game called Legends of Wrestling. It was a moderately good game, though not without its issues. The same can be said for the second game in the series. So Acclaim decided to bring in a new game engine, sign more legends, and aim to create the ultimate wrestling game for the old-school fan.

The end result isn’t what they hoped to achieve… and the final product, while still a decent game, has too many problems going against it that it’ll turn off some people. But let’s not jump ahead here and get on the review.

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RAW (Dec. 18th, 2006) – Three-hour RAW? Zzzz….

Of course, just to reiterate, WWE put out a great PPV this past Sunday in Armageddon, featuring a sick ladder match and a man being set on fire. Can’t get any better than that.

But then comes the three-hour RAW, which is as pointless as you can get. I mean, really, what’s the point of going three hours? It’s an hour more of the same old monotonous shit that we’ve been seeing for years now. It’s starting to get a bit predictable seeing the same guys feud for the title. It almost makes you long for the days when people were complaining about Hunter’s long title reigns, because at least the wrestling was good, if not consistent.

Sorry, Vince. You had a good thing going with your PPV, but then you have to throw in your three-hour snorefest which did nothing but put me to sleep faster than the Undertaker match.

Later.

WWE Armageddon 2006

Let me be honest with you. I haven’t been following Smackdown that much as of late. All the stupid gimmicks and brain-twisting illogics behind the booking makes ECW look inept, not to mention the shows have been getting progressively worse. However, there were a couple of matches worth watching, so I thought “To hell with it. If it ends up being a good show, great. If it ends up being a stinker, then at least it makes up for missing the ECW PPV.”

My first thought on Armageddon when the show was over? It was a good show for once. Something Smackdown has been lacking as of late, but enough about that. Let’s get on with the matches.

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Mortar Attack in Iraq injures people… fortunately, none were WWE employees!

The following is a post from WWE.com:

WWE personnel were setting up a makeshift arena in a parking lot at Camp Victory, Baghdad, when three mortars were fired into a crowded street less than a block away. A number of people were injured in the attack; luckily none were members of WWE.

Well, we’re certainly thankful that while a number of people were injured and in need of critical aid, it’s nice to hear that no WWE employees were injured.

Oh well, I guess I should vent on who was stupid enough to publish the article as it was presented, but you know what? I’m not. It’s nice to hear that while some people were injured, none of them were killed or mutilated… nor were they members of the WWE family.

I guess I can rest easy knowing that now.

Big Show “Retires”

It’s been confirmed by WWE.com what was speculated by the IWC: Paul Wight, known as the Big Show, is “taking time off” to heal injuries. He might be retiring, which if he is, I thank him for many great moments, such as getting stuck in the crapper.

But some believe he may be “healthy enough” to face “healthy” Hulk Hogan in a Wrestlemania 23 match to celebrate the 20th anniversary of the historic Hogan/Andre confrontation at ‘Mania 3.

Yeah, that’s right. They’re going to celebrate the biggest wrestling match in history with a match that has been witnessed by many who were watching WCW years ago. And they weren’t even good matches back then, and with Show’s injuries and Hogan’s old age, what makes them think that this’ll do any good?

Whatever man.

(2024 Update: He’d be back two years later to earn a Wrestlemania payday with Floyd Mayweather. And then he’d stick around for another decade-plus before jumping ship to Tony Khan’s All Elite Wrestling promotion.)

RAW (Dec. 4th, 2006) – In A Few Words, Heyman Gone

So a quick recap of RAW for those who missed it… nothing happened other than Chris Masters tapping out to his own hold, a crappy match dedicated to Roddy Piper (get well, Rod), and of course, attempts at making Cena INTENSE and EXTREME failing miserably. In other words, you didn’t miss much.

Paul Heyman is apparently gone from ECW. Wish I could say I cared, but it wouldn’t have made much of a difference whether he had been there or not considering how the show is being run anyway.

So Lashley is a World champ now? Big surprise… another big, talentless lug is carrying a world championship. And Vince says Paul E. is living in the past too much. Apparently the new vision for ECW is to show the same repetitive nonsense that’s on the other two WWE shows. Just great.

Okay, I’m outta here.

Extremely Crummy Timing

In case anyone is aware, there’s an ECW pay-per-view coming up this weekend.

No, I didn’t forget any words because nobody even knows ECW had a PPV coming up because WWE never bothered to promote it.

Then again, can you blame them? This PPV is coming a WEEK after the Survivor Series PPV.

Even worse, there’s only two matches on the PPV and it’ll be a miracle if people who bought the wretched Survivor Series PPV will buy another poorly-conceived PPV a week later.

But it’s also brilliant planning; as it is designed to fail, the higher ups will eventually place the blame on ECW not being pushed hard as a WWE brand… DESPITE THE FACT THAT IT IS NO DIFFERENT THAN OTHER WWE SHOWS SUCH AS WWE HEAT AND WWE VELOCITY.

This is brilliant planning. Vince books the promotion to oblivion and re-invents it.

BRILLIANT. THAT’S WHY HE’S A GENIUS.