Doctor Boo and Chef Gordon debate the culinary value of fish fingers and custard. Obviously not a real thing and the AI thing helped a bit, which should strike fear in the heart of Marble Mouth Davies that ChatGPT can produce a better Doctor Who script than anything out of his return trip.
Anyway, here’s the fun portion…
CHEF GORDON
(voice echoing like thunder in a copper-walled temple)
Absolutely not. Not in my kitchen. Not on my planet. This… this unholy duet of fried fish and dessert sauce is culinary vandalism.
DOCTOR BOO
(cheerfully leaning against a counter, coat swishing)
Oh come on, it’s not vandalism. It’s whimsical. A bit of adventure for the taste buds. You humans take food far too seriously.
CHEF GORDON
Whimsical?
My friend, whimsy is sprinkling chives at an angle.
This is dunking a fish stick into custard like you’ve lost a bet with the universe.
DOCTOR BOO
You haven’t tried it! That’s the entire problem. You’re judging a book by its… well, its very odd cover. But taste! Taste can surprise you. Trust me—I once had soup made out of glowing moss that tasted like violins playing in spring.
CHEF GORDON
I don’t want my dinner to taste like musical instruments.
And I certainly don’t want my dessert sauce contaminated with deep-fried nostalgia from the freezer aisle.
DOCTOR BOO
Ah! But these are freshly prepared fish fingers. Crisp, golden, joyful. And the custard—smooth as starlight. Together they form a perfect storm of sweet and savory harmony. It’s classic comfort food… from a slightly eccentric perspective.
CHEF GORDON
No. No harmony. That combination has the energy of a romance between a trombone and a vacuum cleaner.
(Takes the plate, stares at it as though it insulted his ancestors.)
You understand Michelin inspectors would ignite into flames if they saw this?
DOCTOR BOO
Maybe that’s why they need you.
To keep them grounded.
To remind them that sometimes, joy looks ridiculous.
CHEF GORDON
Joy should not be beige. And it should NOT be floating in custard.
DOCTOR BOO
(steps closer, gently pushes the plate back toward him)
Just one bite.
If you hate it, I’ll take responsibility for the tears.
Yours, the custard’s, or the fish’s.
CHEF GORDON
(grudgingly dips a fish finger, bites, freezes)
…
Oh good grief.
It’s horrible.
But… somehow… annoyingly memorable.
DOCTOR BOO
(smiling triumphantly)
Exactly.
That’s the point.
CHEF GORDON
You are a danger to cuisine, time traveler.
DOCTOR BOO
And you are delightfully dramatic.
Now, shall we try jam and anchovies?
CHEF GORDON
Get out.
dtm666 