Clean Slate… Except Not Really

And so begins a new year… hell, we’re kicking off a whole new decade today…

And with that… a clean slate…

In theory, at least…

It’s the year 2010… a decade ago, that would’ve sounded futuristic. Hell, it might’ve sounded magical, even.

I don’t know, man… thus far, I’m not feeling this brave new decade.

Started off almost as bad as the last decade. Lots of snow. Very cold. And feeling very bloated.

I bought myself a camcorder. Took it to a New Year’s Eve party. Figured I’d get some good picture to keep me awake… and it almost did.

But I really don’t have the stomach for such things anymore… as a matter of fact, I have to go to the bathroom right now and… relieve myself, if you get my drift.

And then I’ve got another party to go to… the annual New Year’s family get-together.

Joy.

MOVIE REVIEW – Highlander: The Source (2007)

Highlander: The Source is a piece of shit.

What’s that? You want me to tell you how I really feel? Okay, how about this?

I fucking HATE this movie.

How’s that? Better? Good.

I could end it right there because this movie genuinely hurts my soul. It hurts that I actually forked over REAL MONEY to buy a retail DVD copy of this piece of shit. It hurts that the box is sitting on my shelf among all the other DVDs that I’ve collected over the years. It hurts that THIS EXISTS. And let me tell you people something; in all the years that I have been on this earth, having seen countless movies from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows, not one time have I ever come across a movie that made me genuinely, physically ill as much as The Source. This may have been the movie that gave me Crohn’s disease. That’s how much I hate this film.

But you’re not here to read the baring of my soul… you’re here to read a review of this thing… and I will do my best to provide you with one… but seriously… all you need to know is that if you’re a diehard fan of Highlander, the movies, the series, the lore, and all that stuff, you owe it to yourself and your clansmen NOT to watch this filth. This deplorable load shits on everything you ever knew about the Highlander series. Every character that they bring back into the fold is violated in ways that even Endgame wouldn’t stoop so low to doing. I am telling you – both as someone who enjoy the Highlander series in earnest as well as someone who enjoys their share of schlock – this thing posing as a movie is not worth your time and effort. After watching this thing, you may want to dig out your own broadsword, head down to your garage or basement, and in a fit of depression, cut off your own head.

Please… don’t do that. Don’t watch this film… But anyway, here’s the review… for whatever that’s worth.

Released in 2007 as a Sci-Fi Channel Original Movie – good lord, that tells you everything right off the bat, doesn’t it? So it’s another dystopian future, things are looking bleak, and the few remaining Immortals have decided that rather than fight for the Prize – which has been the key thing in all these fucking Highlander movies and shows – they’re going to band together and find “the Source.” But they’ll have to deal with the Guardian of the source, who can kill immortals and break all the rules. Not only that, but as they get closer to the source, these immortals lose their mortality and what the fuck am I watching?

Everything about The Source is shit. The storyline is shit. The settings are shit. The fight scenes are horrifically bad and that’s even before you slap on the utterly craptastic special effects that is worth of the now-defunct Sci-Fi Channel. The acting is absolutely subpar. Guys like Adrian Paul, Peter Wingfield and Jim Burns – the cast from the Highlander show – were mostly winging it and probably doing this for the paycheck. I’ve only seen a handful of episodes from that show and I know they’ve done better than this. Even Endgame was a better showing for Duncan MacLeod and friends than this tripe and I even said as much in that review.

The new characters they got for this movie are shit… and then there’s the Guardian, a guy in a goofy costume with goofy dialogue and a goofy voice. For someone who is supposed to be the ultimate big bad, he comes across as a total fucking geek and makes me long for the days of Michael Ironside as General Katana. And I offer my deepest apologies to Mr. Ironside for even indirectly associating his name with this tripe.

Highlander: The Source is a wretched film. At least with Highlander II, there was stuff I could laugh at. The Source doesn’t even that much going for it. Instead, it was such a lousy movie that I had gone to the garage in a fit of depression and anxiously looked for a sword so I could cut off my own head, much like that Fasil person in the first movie.

A disservice to both the films that came before and the television series from where these characters came from.

They haven’t made another Highlander film since this one. Thank fuck for that. Let the series rest in peace. I don’t want another sequel, prequel, reboot, remake, or whatever that’s going to suck worse than what came before. I’ve got the original film, I’ve got the TV show… I can give or take the previous films… yes, even Endgame. Just let this be the last one.

Happy New Year. Fuck this movie.

The Winners And Losers Of 2009

This list is nothing major, nothing special. A bunch of stuff which peaked my interest in 2009 (whether in a positive or negative light) can be found here. Nothing more noteworthy than that. And so, let’s get this over and done with. Just to show hastily done this is, improper and unstable formatting is in place… and also this is a partial list for the most part.

Continue reading “The Winners And Losers Of 2009”

VIDEO – Biodome Trip 2009

Originally recorded in December 2009 using a digital camera with weak batteries – just a short clipshow of my trip to the BioDome museum in Montreal – all the while totally unrelated music is playing in the background. This video is totally unrelated to the film “Biodome” starring Pauly Shore.

This was actually uploaded a couple years ago on YouTube, but for some reason, I never put it up here… so here it is. I do plan on making another visit to the BioDome some time this year for a remake, since I’ve long since gotten a better camcorder rather than the digital camera I used for this thing.

Classic Bite Commentary #91 – December 26th, 2009

(2023 Update: Another long-lost Classic Bite Commentary dug up from the ashes, never having seen the light of day until now. This was around the time where I abandoned all hope of every relaunching the Webstation and focused more on the new Blogger space; hence why this never saw the light. It’s a bit of a shame, because it’s one of the more level-headed commentaries I wrote back in the day. It’s also one of the first times where I considered shuttering the Bite commentaries for good and that would only come along a year later.)

Hello, everyone. It’s another Bite commentary for you to read… although I’m not quite sure how long I’m going to keep doing these.

In case you’re not aware, I’ve started up a new blog; dtm666.blogspot.com is where you’ll find it. And I’m actually quite liking it, so far. The thing is easy to operate, I can write and publish posts rather quickly, and it seems to be much more versatile than the usual stock. I’m going to be brutally honest here; I’m almost considering putting all my chips into this one blog and close off the rest of the stuff. Considering how many times I have launched and relaunched the Webstation over the years, maybe I should go towards something where it doesn’t take much work to get things published.

Not that I dislike the whole webpage making process; I like to think that I’ve learned quite a bit and I consider to be something useful… but at the same time, I’m kind of wishing that I can have a stable web presence instead of one that’s always closed off because I’ve had a sudden brainfart and decide to redo the whole site all over again. I’ve heard the complaints from the few people who bothered to e-mail me regarding this and I thank you for your messages. I try to stick with something, only to mess around with a new layout and decide to go for that instead.

And then look on in disappointment as my wonderfully-constructed webpage layout is hammered with a billion ad banners that practically destroys the whole thing. That’s what you get for sticking with a free webspace provider… and I get that. I just wish I had the foresight to stick with something simple and… just stick with it altogether.

For now, we’ll continue as we always have, but I did wanted to bring up a couple things that might be worth talking about.

Holiday Greetings

Got back from family dinner for Christmas. Lots of turkey, lots of card playing, lots of dominoes, lots of talking, and eventually falling asleep. Good times.

Anyway, I just wanted to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, Happy Kwanzaa, and other holidays I missed. So Happy Holidays. And if you don’t like that, then to take a cue from the recent AVGN showing, Happy Shut-The-Fuck-Up.

VIDEO – Krion Conquest works on the FC Twin (So Far)


I had filmed a sample clip of me playing Krion Conquest as visual evidence that the game indeed does work. I might do a similar visual clip with Dragon Warrior II, which is another game disputed to not work on the FC Twin (but it does – on my end at least).

It can be argued that it might have to do with the individual cartridges, similar to certain . I’ll give it a go on one of my lesser NES clones to see if it works there, but for the most part (on my end), it works fine.

Maybe it’s a glitch later in the game. I’ll have to find that out by playing further.

COMIC REVIEW – All-Star Batman & Robin (TPB, 2009) + Bonus

Frank Miller wrote The Dark Knight Returns and Batman: Year One; perhaps two of the most influential stories in the long storied history of the Caped Crusader. He also wrote The Dark Knight Strikes Again, which is a little less regarded. Unfortunately, when it came to this All-Star Batman & Robin series, we got the latter Frank rather than the former Frank… which is a shame because the dream pairing of Miller and Jim Lee seemed like a foundation for a truly great Batman book.

This trade paperback, which came out earlier this year, collects the first nine issues of the series; the tenth and (as of this writing) final issue of the series – the beginning of a new arc, mind you – isn’t included. I guess when this dumpster fire is canned, they’ll make an updated edition that includes this tenth and whatever else follows.

So let’s get the positives out of the way; Jim Lee produces some good comic book artwork and visual eye candy. There, that’s over and done with.

So basically, Dick Grayson’s parents are killed and then Batman kidnaps him, tortures him, and eventually he becomes Robin… sorry if I spoiled the story for anybody, but it doesn’t really matter. The way Miller goes about telling this story (again) borders on banal and mean-spirited. Dick Grayson is a whiny kid, Batman is an abusive psychopath who comes off as more Punisher than Batman, Superman feels useless, Wonder Woman hates men, Black Canary beats people up and then has sex with Batbrain without a second thought, all the other superheroes that show up in some form or another comes off as boobs, and at no point do I feel like this is anything more than a parody of all the usual Batman gimmicks we’ve associate with the character over the years.

Oh, and apparently, Goddamned Batman is a thing.

Fans of Frank Miller’s Dark Knight stuff will eat this up, without question. For those wanting more sensible and worthwhile reading material, skip this one and just read Batman: Year One or Dark Knight Returns again, since those are, you know, good.

BONUS – ALL-STAR BATMAN & ROBIN #10
The issue begins a new arc, which sees Barbara go into business for herself as Batgirl and be in over her head while Jim Gordon is dealing with his own family issues. Batman & Robin aren’t much of a presence this time around; the focus seems to be mostly on the Gordon family and while I appreciate a break from the usual Dynamic Duo silliness, our buddy Frank seems to have no clue on how to write a teenager, opting to give Babs a potty mouth and such. To date, this is the last issue of the series and who knows if there’s even going to be another one.

Truth be told, there’s a perverse interest in seeing how low this series can go next, but if this does end up being neglected and forgotten about, we’re not really missing much.

More Crappy Comics On WWE? Sign Me Up!

Apparently, Titan Publishing (the guys who publish various trade paperbacks) has inked a deal to do comic books based on WWE. You can read some of the press release here if you want.

I’m not too keen on the idea. I’ll admit that the run by Chaos Comics was actually pretty good (the highlight being a 10-issue miniseries on Undertaker, which I actually enjoyed for the most part – and a few other oneshots). But that was during a different time.

This time, I’m not sure. But hey, it can’t be all bad, right?

EDIT: PWPix has some previous pages of the first issue of WWE Heroes, which features medieval knights, demons, and Hell In A Cell… and a Royal Rumble. Looks promising? See for yourself.