Classic Bite Commentary #99 – May 21st, 2010
Greetings, it’s presently May 21st, 2010… and it’s time to ramble on some stuff. I figure I try something new and do this in an audio-video format rather than the usual typing diatribe. (2024 Update: The video has since been taken down, but I can get you a downloadable MP3 eventually if you really want the torture.)
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RAW (May 17th, 2010) – Sure Glad They’re Pushing That Young Bret Hart Fellow…
Getting to watch the RAW replay (still with commercials and thus with significant chunks missing), I actually found the show to be a nice little average show, which is about a step about the usual below-average stuff they crap out.
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COMIC REVIEW – Mighty Morphin Power Rangers #4 (Hamilton Comics)
So here we are; the very first MMPR comic book I ever picked up and one of the few comics I still possess in my small-ish collection to this day. And coincidentally enough, it’s the first issue in the series to feature the White Ranger. We’re four issues in and we’ve only seen Tommy in two of these damn things, it’s really shocking.
Unfortunately, Tommy the White Ranger is written like Tommy the Green Ranger; someone who feels like a sixth wheel on this well-oiled five wheel machine. Even more unfortunate is that even though we have new Rangers, there’s no explanation as to how we’ve got this change in cast. Even worse, the new Rangers are written so that they act much like the old Rangers. So Aisha’s translating Billy’s technobabble and Rocky’s the defacto leader of the group. Amazingly, at no point during these early issues is Adam depicted as a master of hip hop kido; something that would’ve been a sight to behold.
Fortunately, the stories in this miniseries are so basic and barebones that it really doesn’t matter who’s filling what shoes. There’s a monster that’s turning all the parkland into poisonous swamps and the Rangers have to take care of him. Swamp Man sounds like a name of a rejected robot master pile from Mega Man (or at least, something out of the numerous fan games out there) and his design is just that of a simple mud man design, but the way he’s killed off is fairly ingenious and gives Tommy something to do in this comic book.
Sparky Moore provides the art for this issue and would be back for several issues. His art is simplistic and nowhere near as messy as the previous issues, though this means that the fight scenes are somewhat underwhelming. On the flip side, however, Moore has a tendency to get the faces right, almost to the point where some depictions almost capture the likeness of the actors as though they were tracings of still shots or promotional material. Moore would do more issues later on, including the next one.
A pretty standard, run of the mill issue. Next issue, we begin the two-story format and Tommy has more stuff to do here… so there we go.
Flyers cream Habs 6-0 in Game 1
That’s gotta hurt.
That’s all I’ve gotta say.
But I have to say… even with that major beating, Price shouldn’t start next game.
Or any game.
Ever.
TNA Sacrifice 2010
WARNING: Steve Austin is nowhere to be found on this PPV. Quite frankly, not even he could save this pile of shit.
It’s TNA Sacrifice. The first PPV of the new age where Impact sees a return to Thursdays after being humbled and tapping out (and they can sugar-coat it any way they want, but that is the case) and the tag champs are Scott Hall and Kevin Nash. What a pile of shit. Fuck you, TNA.
Okay, okay. Let’s get this over with. I have more notes that this pile of shit show deserves.
PPV Predictions – TNA Sacrifice 2010
Yep. I’m doing picks for a TNA PPV. Go figure.
It’s TNA Sacrifice. The first PPV of the new age where Impact sees a return to Thursdays after being humbled and tapping out (and they can sugar-coat it any way they want, but that is the case) and the tag champs are Scott Hall and Kevin Nash. What a pile of shit. Fuck you, TNA.
Okay, okay. Let’s get this over with. Updated with results.
IMPACT (May 13th, 2010) – Back Where They Belong
So, if you haven’t checked out my spoiler thoughts, do so here.
I will give TNA a sliver of credit – their first Thursday show since tapping out on Mondays turned out to be a better show than I was expecting and certainly not as horrifying as I had initially believed after reading the spoilers. It’s not a particularly good show – let’s not go crazy in our limited praise – but obviously, the advantages of being a taped show means you get to edit the bullshit and bring it down to a tolerable level.
Sadly, it’s still TNA. And there’s still plenty of bullshit to be had here.
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GUEST VIDEO – The Entire Monday Night “War” In 4 Minutes
YouTuber Cardium has compiled a beautiful clipshow detailing TNA’s attempt at Monday Night Domination. It is much better than anything I can put together, so I’ll just leave the video embedded here for all to enjoy.
VIDEO COMMENTARY #01 – Contra 4 by the Angry Pissed Off Game Guy Who Ate Siberia
(2021 Update: Due to changing Youtube algorithms, the old Youtube embed has been replaced with a newer Youtube embed.)
Now I’m going to admit that I’m not the greatest Contra player ever. If anything, I’m rather mediocre at the titles, barely able to make it through the halfway point. For the most part, I was able to beat Contra 4 on a fluke (on Normal) and had more fun with the challenges than the main game. But even with that said, Contra 4 has all the solid makings of an exciting adrenaline rush due to its hyper difficulty and classic arcade gameplay that has made the series a classic franchise.
I’m certainly not going to make a video and say that the game sucks.
Of course, because Contra games tend to be difficult (as is the case with most old-school Konami titles, actually), they tend to be fodder for would-be angry game reviewers who simply don’t know any better. Perhaps the most jarring example would be a YouTube video by a user Vib-something, but posted under the name sizzler07. You might have seen this video as some kid calling himself the Angry Nerd XD or something and complaining about how he can’t beat the first level. It’s really, really, REALLY sad.
But we’re not touching that today.
No, the one we’re going to be looking at is a review of Contra 4 by a large man who calls himself the Pissed Off Angry Video Gamer or something. His most famous video seems to be his Nintendo Gamecube review, where he smashes a Wavebird controller and cooks his Shitcube in a microwave. Yeah, in addition to that and his Shitbox 360 review (where he shot Cheetohs or something), he also did this.
Unfortunately, the horrendousness of this video review is so utterly heinous that a text format could NOT do this thing justice. Therefore, in the spirit of Asalieri’s Reviewing A Reviewer videos, I decided to go ahead and do a commentary/review/critique/rambling/whatever video in regards to the POAVGer’s opus.