Movie Reviews – dtm666

Legend Or Rehash – Some Thoughts On Karate Kid: Legends

Karate Kid: Legends is a movie that came out of nowhere.

Not necessarily in the sense that nobody saw it coming because we’ve already had a couple trailers for it and I’ve even commented on the film a couple times… but rather in the sense that a couple weeks ago, a buddy invited me to join them and some pals to watch the new Karate Kid movie and my immediate reaction was “What new Karate Kid movie?”

Yes, despite having made a mention of this thing once or twice on this blog, the news that this movie was out in theaters threw me by surprise. Regardless, though, I said sure. They were kind enough to pay for all the tickets while I offered some drinks from the concessions which may have cost more than the tickets, but I digress. So after having seen this movie, what were my initial impressions of Karate Kid Legends?

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25 Years Later And Ready To Rumble Is (Still) The Worst Movie In Human History

Twenty-five years ago, on this very day, Ready To Rumble was unleashed onto the world.

I never watched this thing in theaters, but even back in 2000, I’ve heard about how bad this film was. Not just in terms of being a bad wrestling movie, but also just a bad comedy in general. It wouldn’t be until a couple years later that I’d eventually get around to renting a copy of Ready To Rumble from the video store and see for myself what I was missing. After pressing PLAY, I bore witness to what everyone else had been raving (or raging) about these past few years. Shortly afterwards, I opened up Frontpage on my computer, started a new document, and proceeded to write the words “Ready To Rumble is the worst film in human history.”

This would have been back in 2003-2004 when I was still renting videos and also when I was first putting up stuff on the IMDB site. At some point, I was going to post this little write-up on there until I realized that I had more than whatever the usual word limit was for IMDB user submitted reviews… and also there was more than a fair share of colorful metaphors… so it never saw the light of day… well, until the move to this blog, which you can find here.

About a decade later, I’d revisit the movie as part of my Slideshow Movie Review series and I’m not quite sure that I truly vocalized my disdain for this film. So now, here we are and… listen, I am not going to try and convince you that this is a misunderstood masterpiece. That much is obviously when the title of this post is “25 Years Later And Ready To Rumble Is (Still) The Worst Movie In Human History.” And to this very day, I have yet to see a movie that I would consider to be worse than Ready To Rumble. I’ve seen plenty of juvenile films in my day. I’ve seen plenty of utterly terrible films. But none of them were as bad as Ready To Rumble.

Hell, if the day ever comes and I break my long-standing moratorium on Ghostbusters 2016 to give that a watch, you know what? Yes, that movie is gonna suck, but I can guarantee you that it won’t be as bad as Ready To Rumble.

(Maybe that’s why I don’t want to watch that movie now that I think about it. Imagine the horror I’d feel when the possibility exists of a movie that is WORSE than Ready To Rumble. I don’t even want to contemplate that.)

Look, I’m sure there are movies. People can come up and tell me that the Deuce Bigelow movies are the nadir of comedy films. And yeah, those are bad… but you already know going in that those movies are aiming for the lowest common denominator. Ready To Rumble aims a little lower than that. It’s a terrible movie that is so unfunny and yet reprehensibly stupid that it somehow makes you stupider with each passing second that your eyes and brain are exposed to this vapid piece of garbage. Now would I have had this same kind of contempt for this film had I not been a wrestling fan? And the answer would invariably be yes. In fact, if I had not been a wrestling fan or if I had downright hated wrestling, I probably would’ve despised this movie even more.

Look, I just rented a painfully dull and unfunny film called Leonard Part 6 from Amazon for the expressed purpose of watching a movie other than Section 31. Yes, the one with Bill Cosby… and yes, it is every bit as bad as people made it out to be. But you want to know something? The worst thing that I could say about this movie was that it was BORING. None of the jokes landed. None of the bits worked. All the actors were phoning it in. It was deathly dull. And yes, I would have considered this a big ol’ waste of time… but on the flip side, I did not walk away from Leonard Part 6 with the same kind of contempt and utter bile that I got from watching five minutes of Ready To Rumble.

Some time ago, F4WOnline guy Bryan Alvarez teamed up with former wrestler Lance Storm and indy wrestler/former MMA guy “Filthy” Tom Lawlor to review this movie. Alvarez, a former wrestler and a normally intelligent fellow, had claimed that this movie is not the worst film ever made. When pushed to name a worse one, he admittedly couldn’t name one, but maintained that this was not as bad as people say that it is. This proves that Ready To Rumble has the capability of rotting brain cells of any person who willingly exposes them to repeated viewings of this thing.

Anyhoo… here we are.

Twenty-five years later AND STILL the absolute worst movie in human history… Ready To Rumble.

See you all in another twenty-five where we get to do this shit all over again.

I Watched Leonard Part 6 Instead Of Section 31

Last week, I posted on this blog that I had an epiphany of sorts when someone asked me about that Section 31 film. The epiphany was that I would much rather watch Leonard Part 6 – the much reviled box office bomb starring disgraced comedian Bill Cosby – than the Section 31 film. I had then teased that I would have something special for today… I didn’t say what, but smart readers who read that post and then read yesterday’s semi-monthly proclamation that I did not watch Alex Kurtzman’s Section 31 film starring Academy Award Winner Michelle Yeoh should have been able to put two and two together.

And when you did, you probably thought, “Oh, sure. Yeah, sure. You don’t want to watch the newest Star Trek thing on Paramount Plus because it looks like shit, BUT you have no problem spending money on a shitty comedy movie from the eighties starring one of the shittiest men in the world. HAR! HAR! GOOD ONE, PAL!”

You fuckers thought that I was joking. Hell, you figured that after a whole afternoon of radio silence, there was nothing to this whole deal and my little tease was an early April Fool’s joke.

Well…

Turns out the joke was on me…

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Captain America’s World That’s Neither Brave Nor New

Captain America: Brave New World came out a week or so ago and by chance, I got to see it recently. This fourth movie in the Captain America series is the first to feature Anthony Mackie’s Sam Wilson in his first big adventure after assuming the Captain America mantle in that Falcon and Winter Soldier miniseries, which was probably the last real Marvel thing that I actually watched with any semblance of interest or enjoyment.

There’s been a lot of noise surrounding this film beforehand. It was originally titled New World Order before someone figured that we might offend someone – mostly the Orange Goblin, brother – and then there were the reshoots and all the talk about “how dare they replace Steve Rogers with Captain Falcon” or the usual nonsense. My only real concern here was whether the people behind the creative for this thing was capable of crafting a story that was worthy of the films that came before it. The previous Captain America films have been – in my book if no one else’s – the best films out of the MCU. Good storytelling, fantastic performances, and .

Brave New World had a lot going on its shoulders. It needed to convince the world that Sam Wilson was a worthy successor to the Captain America lineage and it need to live up to the standard that past films have established… and I think it’s safe to say that Brave New World fails on both counts.

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I Finally Saw Tetris

After what seems like ages, I finally resolved this whole Apple TV business for the expressed purpose of watching one movie and one movie alone. It’s the movie that’s been teased on every video I’ve done of every interpretation of the game that this film is based on to the point of it becoming a running gag.

So after all this time, what did I think of Tetris: The Movie: The Game Game game?

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Yes… I Actually Saw The Flash…

So my brother and I went to see the Flash… he wanted to go, asked if I was interested, and I said… “sure.” Even though I said, I had no real incentive to go myself, I did say that unless there was a get-together and someone else was footing the bill, I’d consider it. So… listen, I gave him a live concert playing Jedi that cost a hell of a lot more than tickets to a movie screening. Although I will consider that the Jedi thing was money well spent, while the movie… I guess we could talk about it.

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Return Of The Jedi – The Final Star Wars Film… Until It Wasn’t

2022 marked the 20th anniversary of Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones and… well, I wrote a thing on that a while back, so I will spare you that piece of business here.

However, 2022 also marks the 30th anniversary of the third and final film in the original Star Wars Trilogy: Return Of The Jedi. And for seventeen years, it was exactly that; the last Star Wars film. Once the prequels came out, it merely became the final chapter in the Star Wars saga… until the arrival of The Force Awakens in 2015. Now I’m going to set aside all those other films for a moment – or at least, the majority of this write-up – so I can offer the following thoughts on Return Of The Jedi and why it was a satisfactory conclusion to the saga.

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Attack Of The Clones… Every Bit As Bad As I Remember It

Twenty years ago, on this very day, the fifth Star Wars film and the second episode of the Star Wars Prequel trilogy, Star Wars: Episode II – Attack Of The Clones, was released in theatres worldwide. As the second chapter of the prequels, it continued the story of Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi and his young padawan Anakin Skywalker, who are charged with the mission of protecting the young Senator and former Queen Amidala from assassins, all the while trying to uncover the mystery of a clone army created in Kamino. The movie raked in about $650 million in the box office, but the reaction has been decided mixed.

Over the years, I have made no secret about considering Attack Of The Clones to be the absolute worst Star Wars movie ever made. I have held this belief since the day it premiered when I first saw it in theatres with my older brother and a bunch of his buddies, and even with the release of the recent films – which I tend to forget exist, coincidentally enough – it neatly lines that proverbial bottom of the Star Wars bottle. Now, it’s entirely possible that I may have been a bit harsh and maybe a fresh viewing through new eyes and on the eve of its twentieth year of existence, I may have gotten a new appreciation for this often misunderstood film.

So I pulled out the Blu-Ray disc that I had laying around, popped into my Blu-Ray player, resisted the urge to dive into the extras, and I watched Attack Of The Clones for the first time in years. And you know, I had the DVD release, I popped that into my DVD player, I kicked back and watch this film for the first time in years… and you know how some people would revisit something that they hadn’t touched in years because they had a low opinion of it and then they would go “Well, this isn’t as bad I remember it.”

Well, if the title isn’t much of a clue, then I give you my utmost assurance that no such thoughts came to mind after my viewing of Attack Of The Clones. It is, for all intents and purposes, every bit as bad as I remember it.

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For Those Who Really Need Details On Solo

My hard-hitting review of Solo: A Star Wars Movie… well, let’s be fair. The banner pretty much sums up my thoughts on the film as a whole. Hell, I even did a quick dooble on the BoogieBoard gimmick (included after the break) that I posted shortly prior to this post.

But if you really want further thoughts…

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The Last Jedi… Meh… But With Spoilers!

For those who want a spoiler-y version of my thoughts on The Last Jedi… for whatever reason… here it is… It’s not a deep or detailed analysis nor is it a review – AW HELL NO, SON – but it is very spoiler-y and will address things that I both liked, didn’t like, and just wondered. Suffice it to say, those who would prefer a spoiler-free musings on the film can just scroll down and read my thoughts on the previous post.

(Note: I bounce around a lot and there’s a somewhat in-coherency to the whole ramble. But hopefully, whatever thoughts come to mind go through clearly, and if not… well, I tried.)

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