Category: RAW Bytes

Quick notes:

This is the first time I’m watching RAW in HD and it looks about the same as an SD show. I honestly cannot tell the difference.

Figured they’d go with the whole Paul Bearersploitation thing this early on. But hey, I guess people have a reason to want Taker to kick CM Punk’s ass… and at the very least, Kane was upset by this sudden slight against his daddy… As for the match… I was just watching the PVR’ed show and I found myself wanting to go to bed. And on top of that, none of this made me give two shits about this match.

Speaking of matches I don’t give two shits about, Brock Lesnar agrees to give McSon-In-Law his win back. And he does this by beating up the Old Age Outlaws… wait a minute. I’m sorry, for a second there, I thought I was watching WCW.

And while we’re at it, let’s play a video package for a championship match I honestly don’t give two shits about.

So… the Bella Twins are back. Not sure if this is a good thing or not, but hey, I guess I can bring back that old running gag I used to do. Let me dust it off a bit… “Why do the Bella Twins still have jobs?”

Too soon?

You know… a thought just occurred to me. Since they’re calling Jack Swagger a “Real American” and all that, wouldn’t it make sense for him to come out to “Real American?” I mean, sure, it’d be a dickish move of sorts, but… my train of thought was just lost as I realized how utterly horrible Dutch Mantell’s beard look. I guess razors and trimmers aren’t “Real American” enough.

Fandango… Touts… Shitty movie trailers… these are all things that should be destroyed forever.

Good lord, this show sucks.

Only a couple points… and ONLY a couple points because last night’s show didn’t warrant much thought;

You hear that sound? That is me tapping after sitting through another tepidly worthless episode of RAW.

Just as I begin thinking that there is no way that these shows can progressively get worse, they manage an even worse show. And you would think a show without lame John Cena promos would be a step up, but they manage to kill that chance at freshness with stale Big Slow promos, a stale Big Slow push, a lame plug for a video game that is still months away from release, and more soul-siphoning boredom from Johnny Ace. Not even the solid CM Punk/Daniel Bryan Danielson match could save this stinker.

That does it for me. I’m already been flaking on this show in recent months, but this takes the cake.

I guess I’m sticking with YouTube and DVDs.

So at the next PPV, it’ll be John Cena against the Big Show… again.

Some observations regarding last night’s RAW

– Once again, it’s Big Show vs. John Cena at the next PPV. I honestly don’t give a shit. Seriously, how many times have I seen this thing? Far too many and the sad part is that every feud comes out to the same thing… OVER AND OVER AND OVER. Everybody knows Cena is winning this one. He always wins this one. What the fuck does it matter?

– Chris Jericho: best in the world… at choking. Maybe he should change his name to Jeri-Choke. Unless it’s his intent to portray a loser deluded as being the best at what he does… if it is, I want my stake in anyone who uses Jeri-Choke.

– Daniel Bryan whines because CM Punk apparently tapped while pinning Bryan. If this means another rematch at the next PPV, then I’m fucking sold. These guys put out a great match at Over The Limit and didn’t put me to sleep.

I’ve got nothing else… this show has nothing… and I will say again: how the fuck do these jokers expect to fill THREE HOURS of this crap? They can barely fill two!

Some quick notes and observations from last night’s RAW:

– How are we building towards this Brock Lesnar/HHH match that apparently everyone wants to see? By having Lesnar sue HHH… this feud is already starting to suck, isn’t it? Especially with HHH’s opening 20-minute-too-long promo basically belittling Lesnar’s UFC career. I understand Lesnar’s signed for a couple dates per month and I actually would very much like to see Brock and HHH go at it since it’s a relatively new match that nobody’s ever seen before… but if this is how they’re going to be build towards that match, then it’s pretty weak sauce. Which means expectations for the eventual encounter will be quite low.

– Actually, you know what match I would rather be seeing? Paul Heyman vs. Puppet HHH in a No-Holds-Stupid match. I’m totally convince that the combined promo ability of both characters would be far more entertaining television than whatever HHH can pull out of his promo depository of boredom.

– There was a decent tag-match between CM Punk/Santino Marella and Daniel Bryan/Cody Rhodes; I seemed to enjoy that one. I’m actually kinda glad that Punk/Bryan are getting a main event at the PPV and hopefully, the internet geeks that are always singing their praises will put their money where their mouths are and buy this goddamn PPV.

– Big Show is apparently fired and reduced to begging for his job… prelude to a heel turn, maybe? Who knows? I’m not so sure if it’s such a good idea, though. People seem to like his character now; you really want to kill it with an ill-advised heel turn that would benefit jack shit?

– Speaking of which, Johnny Ace is upset that the board has declared that if he loses to Cena at the PPV, he is fired… so I guess Cena’s losing here. Isn’t he? Oh yeah, and Green Bean? Your ex says hi.

This is a pretty shit show, folks. I’ve got nothing…

Some quick thoughts on last night’s RAW:

– First of all… I’m digging this Brock Lesnar/John Cena feud a lot more than I dug Rock/Cena. It partially picks up on an old rivalry and it has that big fight feeling that I never got with Rock/Cena. All the promo work that took place last night was really solid stuff and did a much better job of selling me on their Extreme Rules match than the past year’s worth of Twitter Wars and Roody Fruity Poo Loops promos that tuned me out… Strange that Cena is perfectly fine with Brock coming back to demolish him, considering how his last tenure in WWE ended. I guess they’re either not playing that card or that they forgot… I’ll give them a rare benefit of a doubt and go with the former.

– Lord Tensai getting a win over John Cena? John Cena actually looking concerned beforehand? In another time or place, Albert wouldn’t be getting that big a shot. Still, I’m surprised that they would blow their wad on the Tensai/Cena match this soon, but anything to get the former A-Train over, I suppose. I’m not really feeling it, but Tensai could be a big deal if they play their cards right.

– This Jericho/CM Punk thing going on? Why ruin it with booze? Seriously, why?

– Speaking of which, CM Punk/Mark Henry was surprisingly fun to watch. Funny that I’d be saying “fun to watch” about anything involving Mark Henry, but the guy definitely sold me on the goods this past year.

– Daniel Bryan getting a nice reception during his match with Coffee Kingston (very good match, by the way) while Sheamus gets booed for his run-in. Yeah, I get the feeling this isn’t going to go over well if this kind of reaction keeps up.

You know what? This was a fucking good RAW. A couple good matches, a couple good promos, and just enjoyable all throughout. Why can’t WWE (or TNA, for that matter) produce more quality television shows like this?

Last week’s episode of RAW dropped a bombshell of sorts with the return of former WWE and UFC Champion BROCK LESNAR into the fold, where he proceeded to give John Cena a much deserved pasting. Why did John deserve said pasting? I don’t know… maybe Brock was a Zack Ryder fan or something. (Speaking of Zack Ryder, remember when people were into his act? That seemed like a lifetime ago… before the awful John Cena got involved.)

This week’s episode of RAW followed up that incredible piece of business… by bringing in the cast of the new Three Stooges movie… and not just the cast, but actually having them perform as the Stooges… in character… yep…

In a way, I almost feel bad for these actors, who simply stopped by to promote their new movie (which, if I’m being honest, doesn’t seem too promising and I say this as a one-time Stooges fan) and then somehow got coaxed into doing some skits in characters. They partake in a couple backstage bits involving Santino Marella (who has a Moe socket puppet dubbed the Moe-Bra… someone actually got paid actual money to think this shit up) and eventually, we get a Stooge in-ring segment and the crowd could not be bothered to care about their act. Then they drag out Will Sasso as Curly dressed as Hulk Hogan… and it’s just sad to watch… I think the only good that came out of this is Kane coming out and chokeslamming Sasso/Curly Hulk out of his misery to get a minor pop that ends this bit… and I say that because Will Sasso, being a wrestling fan and somehow who has done this sort of thing before, was at least trying to make this work. He failed… miserably… but fuck me, HE TRIED… which is more than what you can say for roughly 90% of these guest spots.

So once you get the Faux Stooges nonsense out of the way, the rest of the show isn’t too bad. Brock and Cena continue to have brawls and Brock even had a chance to cut a quick little promo (and not a bad one for a guy who doesn’t talk often). Punk and Jericho continue their feud of words, which leads to a match between Punk and Mark Henry that lasts all of a minute with Punk bashing Henry with a chair, and some other matches of minor consequence. I can’t say that I completely hated this show because it went by relatively fast, but my lord, those Stooge bits almost killed it for me.

Worst. Kept. Secret. Evar.

So does that mean John Cena’s going to recycle his material for Brock?

Because Brock… Brock don’t do that shit… especially after a UFC run that had its high points.

Little Johnny is peeing himself…

Oh… and there was the rest of the show, too…

…but the Rock Concert almost nailed it.

Almost.

Sad truth is… I’m even LESS excited about Cena/Rock than I was before… and I had already thought my excitement had hit below rock bottom… har, har, har.

As for the rest of the show… meh. Pretty forgettable fare.