Category: RAW Bytes

Happy Star Wars Day, everybody… because that’s a thing.

Let’s talk about RAW, instead…

So Sami Zayn showed up on RAW last night… he had a good match with John Cena… and he apparently hurt his shoulder… that Cena guy is dangerous… he should know how to work less stiff…

So they added Dean Ambrose to the main event at Payback, so it’s now a four-way match. Sure… why not? Maybe they can have Dean Ambrose job to a house fly or something along the way?

By the way, how refreshing is it that the top contenders for the WWE World Title were defeated by the reigning tag team champions instead of the other way around? If only they’d do this more often…

So they’re really doing the King Barrett thing, are they? I guess you can only have so much bad news before it gets boring… I miss Bad News…

All in all, not a bad showing for Monday Night RAW. I’m almost impressed.

Some random thoughts about RAW…

– So John Cena has these weekly US Title defenses where some random midcard talent comes out and subsequently gets squashed by Cena. I get what they’re trying to do here and I do applaud WWE in sticking Cena in that mid-level tier so that they can try and set a new main event scene, but I honestly don’t think anyone is buying that Cena is, by any means, “elevating” the status of the U.S. title by having weekly matches where the chances of his losing the title are less than zero. The matches fly by so quickly and so effortlessly that you’d often wonder why they even bother… but hey, as long as Cena is stuck doing U.S. Title matches and far away from the main event scene, I can’t say I’m too disappointed in this scenario.

– Meanwhile, you’ve got the other mid-card champion, Daniel Bryan Danielson, being stuck in tag-team matches and backstage skits. You’d figure he’d be the one to make these weekly title matches because he’d make them more believable – the threat of some guy beating him for the title is always there – but instead, they’re doing little with him. Some folks are suggest this is due to health concerns, but if this were the case, then WHY THE FUCK DID YOU PUT HIM IN A LADDER MATCH?

– A shitty Divas battle royal is not giving them a chance. It’s just throwing them a bone. Can we just kill the division and reboot the whole thing? Just retire the Diva moniker, bring back the Women’s title, maybe chuck in a few of the NXT ladies in there, and give the pre-existing females some semblance of personality that gives the audience a reason to care about them beyond the superficial level.

– Roman Reigns vs. Big Slow… fuck me. Poor Roman… the fans didn’t accept you because creative didn’t make you look strong, so you’re forced to partake in a go-nowhere feud with Big Slow.

– Seth Rollins vs. Randy Orton in a cage match at the upcoming PPV and the RKO is banned at said match? Sure, I can dig that. I don’t dig the blatantly obvious edit that WWE made in swapping the crowd reactions between RKO and Cesaro. Nor do I did the waste of time that is Seth Rollins vs. Kane and the attempt to try (again) and rehabilitate Kane’s character, who has gone through so many fuck-ups and hardships since Katie Vick that he might as well retire the Kane character and go back to being Isaac Yankem or something… or maybe the new Diesel, since Kevin Nash doesn’t want the part anymore.

Is it Wednesday yet?

A couple thoughts on last night’s edition of WWE Monday Nyquil (where the big boys play with each other!)

– For those clamoring for the Divas to get a chance, they got a two-minute match on RAW last night and it was the most underwhelming two minutes ever. Meanwhile, we’ve had the Bellas cut a promo that made me continue to be as invested in this match as I am in stocks… And then people wonder why we don’t give these Divas a chance. My guess is that they should get new women to perform for them; preferably those who have no qualms about not being featured on a rather worthless reality show.

– Every time I show signs of interest in a feud, WWE finds a way of killing it. Case in point, Paul Heyman’s reminder that his client, whose name I forget, beat the Undertaker… which served to remind everyone how worthless it is to have an Undertaker match after the fact. Also, it’s nice to see Bray Wyatt pleased that his rocking chair got struck by lightning. Suddenly, I’m not reacting anymore.

(Although credit where it’s due; I think it’s smart of them to keep ‘Taker off television until Wrestlemania 31 in order to keep the suspense of Taker’s condition. It almost harkens back to Wrestlemania XX when Undertaker was being re-introduced under his original-ish Deadman gimmick in his match, but only debuting at that pay-per-view’s main event match. Because Undertaker vs. Kane was the last match on the card, right? There were no others…)

– Randy Orton turns on Seth Rollins because Seth Rollins is stupid… almost as if that ball shot from Jon Stewart got to his brain.

Thank fuck for the WWE Network. That is all.

…that out of everything that took place on RAW a short while ago, the only two things that vaguely kept my interest are the Miz/Dolph Ziggler feud and the Rusev/Swagger feud? Is it wrong for me to say that I have more vested interest in these midcard feuds than what WWE is trying to push as the big matches?

Forgive if I seem to be in the minority in this regard, but I could honestly care less about Brock/Cena III. Brock is essentially the new Undertaker; you’ve seen one match, you’ve seen them all… which makes me less worried that a Brock Lesnar WWE Title win will result in WWE “special events” sporting main-events of bland, uninteresting MMA-style worked matches that only makes you wish you were watching a real MMA event instead. And again, I could give two shits about the Brie/Stephanie wankfest if I could be bothered to care… and I don’t.

Shit, this is making me want to watch Sharmell vs. Jenna Morasca.

And I’m not even sorry.

So Big Show is “fired” because he did what he was told… but isn’t his contract iron-clad, which means they can’t fire him? Or did someone find a strong enough blowtorch to cut through iron? I am confused… and quite honestly, I don’t care anymore.

But hey, John Cena is coming back to wrestle Del Rio for the World Title, so things aren’t so bad…

I guess I should pull out one of my stock images to sum up last night’s Monday Nitro…

Nothing exciting happened on RAW last night for the most part… more bickering McMahons, another John Cena promo nobody cares about, a Mark Henry promo, and announcing the folks in that MiTB match thing. Del Rio/Ziggler wasn’t a bad match, though, but the highlight was the main event match between Daniel Bryan and Randy Orton that ended the fucking show. Imagine that; RAW closing out with a honest-to-god wrestling match. And it was a good one too. Came in skipping the fluff, stayed for the wrestling, very happy with the match.

A few quick thoughts on last night’s RAW, which was actually quite watchable despite the constant McBullshit in effect. The less said about that, the better.

So we’re really going forward with the CM Punk vs. Brock Lesnar feud that we all knew was coming, right? You know what? I have no problem with this; unlike Brock vs. HHH times 3, this is a fresh match up and could possibly be a fresh encounter. It’s possible they might drag out for the Summerslam payday, which is a good idea. But I would suggest that Paul Heyman petitions for a match where STEEL STEPS ARE BARRED FROM RINGSIDE. Because Lesnar has trouble with them steps. Or something.

Meanwhile, it looks like Mark Henry’s next up to job to Vanilla Cena… I’m okay with this too, since Johnny C is done with Mark’s sloppy seconds. On the up side, I like the salmon blazer. It’s a good look on the guy.

Alberto Del Rio… the next generation of  insomnia relief! Yeah, not even “The Best In The World” (trademark) could save this one… although Randy Orton could come real close.

That’s about it. It was an okay show for the most part. Moved some angles forward, which was nice.

How do you sell a PPV that one has no interest in watching?

– Have John Cena come out and call Skip Sheffield a coward and a whiner. Then have Skip declare the match to be a Last Man Standing match. Yeah, Skippy didn’t learn anything from Dave Batista’s own Last Man Standing match. That SO gets me to watch this PPV… not.

– Have Brock Lesnar show up at WWE HQ and trash the office of some guy named Paul Levesque (‘cuz it’s a shoot and all that) only to have HHH shrug the whole thing off mere minutes later. I SO want to get this PPV… not.

– Lame-Us and Mark Henry do a promo for their match or something… Unfortunately, I’m not that interested in the match-up. Not because of Mark, but because of Lame-Us.

Um… I got nothing else. Much to my surprise, they still haven’t fucked up The Shield… so that’s a good sign.

After a hot crowd last week, we go back to a dead one this week. Did WWE hold a show in the Impact Zone without anyone knowing or what? Anyway, here are some quick thoughts;

– Despite having funny looking ears that keep me from taking the guy seriously, I actually enjoyed Ryback’s promo on John Cena. I also enjoyed how Ryback accused Johnny C of using Ryback for his own meticulous purposes and leaving him out to dry when Cena was top of the world. And I especially enjoyed how Ryback just let the Shield have their way with Cena. After what seems like an eternity, Ryback is starting to develop a character and I’m actually starting to get into him a little more. Too bad he’s going to be fed to Stupid Cena.

– Kofi Kingston defeated Antonio Cesaro to win the U.S. Title. This match was actually fun to watch and both guys put on a good show. Rare highlight to see a good match on RAW, but there you go. Definitely one worth tracking down.

– CM Punk walks away… implying retirement… wait, what? THAT’S how you’re writing him off… um, okay.

You know what? That’s not a bad idea. I’m gonna walk away now.

By the way, I give this show a 4/10.