WWE Heck In A Cell 2015

So, this write-up is being posted a couple days after the event because I’m only watching it a couple days after the event. For those who missed it, I ended up watching No Mercy 2002 instead and posted a write-up on that. But I eventually did watch the show and here are my less than impressed musings on the show, along with some other ramblings along the way.

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WWE No Mercy 2002

So… there’s a PPV event coming up… and for the first time in a good long while, I’m not particularly inclined to watch it.

Let’s be honest here; I wasn’t the biggest fan of Brock Lesnar vs. Undertaker when they had their ‘Mania and Summerslam matches – other people thought they were the shit, I thought they were shit sandwiches with a side order of piss –  and putting them in a Hell In A Cell match – a match that is severely hindered by PG limitations – isn’t going to make me clamor for another one that will most likely end in the proverbial “fuck finish.” Seth Rollins vs. Kane is not interesting in the slightest, nor is the guessing game of whether the soon-to-be-abayent John Cena will do the favors or the the 1,291,091,938,471th match between Roman Reigns and Bray Wyatt… I might want to check out Kevin Owens defending the IC title against Ryback, but that might be opening match or even relegated to the pre-show or something.

Now for all intents and purposes, I did PVR the damn thing and I’ll probably watch it some time during the week, so chances are you’ll still get your usual write-up somewhere down the line, but as far as watching it live, not interested.

So what I ended up doing last Saturday night – aside from other stuff worthy of my time – was pop in an old recording of one of the older WWE PPVs that I had on DVD-R. The PPV in question? No Mercy 2002, whose only real significance is its main event – reigning and defending WWE champion Brock Lesnar facing off against the Undertaker in a Hell In A Cell match.

Now it’s time for context building. 2002 was the first year in which WWE divided up its roster into two shows; RAW and Smackdown. RAW was the more “sports-entertainment” oriented brand (as well as the HHH show for the next three years) while Smackdown was the more “wrestling” oriented brand (as well as the only watchable thing to come out of WWE during that three year period.)

Okay, context building over. On with the show.

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WCW Halloween Havoc 1995

WCW Halloween Havoc is instantly my favorite WCW show of 1995 for one reason; it ended the horrible reign of Hulkamania and began a shift towards actually producing something that people would actually want to watch. Imagine that.

Much like most of my WCW PPV viewings these days, this is being shown off the WWE Network. Some bits may or may not be missing, I imagine.

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TNA Bound For Glory 2015

“Hey! Look, kids!
Marty Jannetty FINALLY won a World Title!”
– My buddy after last night’s TNA PPV

Whatever you want to say about this year’s Bound For Glory event, it is bound to be better than last year’s edition of what was once TNA’s flagship PPV.

For those who missed it, Bound For Glory 2014 was essentially a cross-promotional vehicle with Japanese promotion Wrestle-1, featuring a bunch of Japanese wrestlers that no one in their right mind would give two shits about unless they were extremely well-versed in Japanese wrestling or Wrestle-1 in particular. It was a telling sign of TNA’s woes when their flagship PPV event – something that’s supposed to be on par with a Wrestlemania or a Starrcade or other major event that’s touted as the promotion’s biggest show ever – is treated with about as much pomp and circumstance as an episode of Sunday Night Heat. It became something that you didn’t need to see because it wouldn’t affect the narrative taking place on the Impact Wrestling show.

So the good news is that a little more effort was put in making this year’s edition a far stronger showing in that, hey, something is bound to happen here that will affect the promotion… at least in terms of the narrative and not necessarily in terms of the state of the company. For example, we actually have a World Title match, something last year’s edition lacked completely and utterly. The bad news is that, in light of TNA’s latest woes and impending cancellation from Destination America, Bound for Glory 2015 was treated as something of an afterthought with only two weeks worth of build.

Certainly doesn’t paint a pretty picture when the main event had a last-minute change from a one-on-one World title match between champion Ethan Carter III and challenger Drew Galloway to a triple threat match also featuring Matt Hardy. And when I say last minute, I literally mean last minute as the stipulation was added in the closing minutes to the go-home edition of Impact Wrestling.

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Wrestle-1 Bound For Glory 2014 (Also Featuring The TNA Superstars)

TNA Bound For Glory 2014 has no real, viable purpose for existing. It is simply there.

Bound for Glory is essentially supposed to be the TNA equivalent of a Wrestlemania or a Starrcade, the biggest event in the promotion, as it were. While nowhere near the pedigree of the aforementioned granddads of them all, Bound For Glory is oftened touted as TNA’s biggest show, where things end and begin here and there… I guess. Diehard TNA fans would probably do a better job of giving Bound For Glory’s legacy that hard sell that I just can’t see myself. Whatever importance Bound For Glory had in the past was quickly exised for its 2014 iteration, which became less of a turning point in the TNA narrative and more of a “one night only” affair where TNA would team up with Japanese promotion Wrestle-1.

So instead of TNA’s biggest event showcasing the best they have to offer… they’re showing a Wrestle-One promotion with TNA guys in it… and on top of that, nothing that happens on this show has any baring on the TNA narrative going forward, as the episodes for Impact Wrestling set to air AFTER the event were already taped beforehand. What a way to spend fifty bucks… on a wrestling show that has no reason to exist.

So I haven’t seen this show when it was new – mostly due to the fact that I wasn’t following TNA beyond reading online taping results as well as following the company’s woes and their ill-conceived efforts in making people believe otherwise, but a friend of mine managed to tape a copy of the show and offered to lend me said copy for the sake of a musings on the blog. I didn’t really see the point since I had little to no familiarity with TNA beyond what I’ve read online and even less so with Wrestle-1, but eventually I caved and said, “Fine. As long as you get this year’s BFG event.”

So here we are. Looking at last year’s Bound For Glory event scant moments before this year’s iteration takes place. The write-up on THAT event will take place much later… but that’s another story.

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WWE Night Of Champions 2015

So I’m watching this with something of a stomach ache and a sore throat. So I imagine that I’m in for a long night… but, in a bit of good news, Brock Lesnar vs. Undertaker has been announced for next month’s Hell In A Cell PPV event, so there goes my fear of having this become another Wrestlemania match that doesn’t need to happen. Have it at a B-level PPV, put them in a Cell, book it as their final battle, and let ’em beat the shit out of each other to the point where I never have to see either one of them again. If even ONE of them walks out on their own power, this match will suck.

God, I’m somewhat bloodthirsty… In any event, let’s get this over with.

Kevin Owens defeated Intercontinental champion Ryback with a down-and-dirty raking of the eyes and a roll-up to win the title. Well, that finish should make Jim Ross happy that a heel got to win with dirty tactics. Nice touch adding the shoulder injury in there and making it seem like a key part of the match. All in all, this was a fun opening content and I’m happy to see my fellow Quebecois win a major title in WWE. So far, we’re off to a great start.

Dolph Ziggler defeated Rusev when Summer Rae (who seems destined to be the eternal “sloppy seconds” Diva in WWE) threw a fit and ended up throwing a shoe at Rusev, which allowed Ziggler to score a ZigZag and the pin… don’t worry, Ru. Hulk Hogan once jobbed to a shoe… wait, he don’t exist no more, doesn’t it? I suppose this wasn’t too bad, but it felt like it went on forever and I lost interest after a while. Please let this be the end of it. Bad enough we needed to endure bad acting from Lana before she got hurt, but the last thing we need is more bad acting from… everybody.

The Dudley Boyz defeated WWE Tag-Team Champions The New Day via DQ when Xavier Woods jumped in. New Day retain the titles as a result. My guess is they’re probably going to have a rematch somewhere down the line… maybe next PPV or something. As long as the rematch turns out to be as good as this match was, I’ve no complaints… also, major props to Xavier Wood’s trombone playing. He should stick with that from now on.

Oh boy, they’re talking about the #LOLDivasRevolution… I guess it’s time for a pissbreak, right? I mean, for fuck’s sake, they’re really treating this like a thing people give a shit about, aren’t they? I suppose if they really cared, the four Divas that really mattered would be n the upcoming video game… oops.

So Charlotte defeats Divas champion Nikki Bella to win the title and end the wretchedly bloated reign of the world’s most undeserving plastic-boobed bimbo… as if it means anything at this point. I mean, seriously… what’s the point? Charlotte had her chance on Monday and blew it. A few days after Nikki got the record reign (a move that I firmly believe was to spite the former record holder’s husband), Charlotte finally gets the big win and I’m like… so what? I guess from what little I paid attention to of the match, it was alright… might’ve been one of the better Divas matches in a while… I’d like to believe that… if I cared enough… but I didn’t care, so I can’t believe that.

So I guess we can count down the days before Eva Marie shows up and wins the title in a couple months or so… because it’s not about diva revolutions or some corporate bullshit buzzwords like that. It’s all about teh Total Divas… and as long as THAT show exists, a “revolution” in the truest sense of the word is never going to happen

Oh well… back to not caring about the Divas division unless it’s on NXT.

Oh look, Ric Flair’s in the house… I wonder if he’s gonna turn on Sting… because god forbid we haven’t seen that in a while. (Spoiler Alert: He doesn’t… not that it would’ve mattered.)

The Wyatt Family defeated Roman Reigns, Dean Ambrose, and mystery partner Chris Jericho, whose sole purpose was to job to the new guy whose name I don’t remember… can’t complain, actually. If it were a new guy, I probably would… but Jericho has been used mostly to “put over” others that this doesn’t bother me. For what this was, it was alright. Nothing special, but alright.

John Cena defeated U.S. Champion Seth Rollins to win the title for the fifth time. Well, that was disappointing. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised (and I wasn’t) but it would’ve been interesting to see Seth win here… setting that aside, those guys put on a great showing on par or better than their Summerslam match. Whether you approve the ending or not, at least the match went way above and beyond what you’d expect.

WWE Champion Seth Rollins defeated Sting to retain the title… Hey, look… all things considered, I expected a hell of a lot worse and this was actually alright. There was a moment where doctors were looking at Sting and they were gonna have to do some shit ending, but Seth won with a roll-up and there’s nothing wrong with that. (Update: Turns out Sting might have suffered a legit injury during that corner bomb bit.)

All in all, not that bad of a match, and Sting actually looked good out there and looked like he gave a damn. Didn’t surprise me that Sting didn’t go over here, but I actually wouldn’t have minded it… shocking. Amazing that Sting could have a decent match with Seth, but with McSon-In-Law… well… I could blame McSon-In-Law for that fail of a match.

Wait a minute… here comes Sheamus… wait a minute… here comes Kane… wait a minute… Kane chokeslammin’ Seth… wait a minute… Kane tombstonin’ Seth… wait a minute… it’s gonna be Seth vs. Kane, isn’t it?

Where’s that image? Oh, here it is…

You know what, though? I have little cause to complain about this show. Couple title changes, handful of good matches, a couple returns, near cash-in, and a showcase of what Seth Rollins could do if given the chance and he brought the house down… All in all, this was a far better show than it had any business being and I enjoyed it. So there.

WWF Summerslam 1995

I purposely held off this one until the very end of the run. And there’s a very good flipping reason for that. It’s Summerslam from 1995.

*shudder*

If you’ve been following the blog over the course of this month, you’ll probably notice that when it comes to the various ’95 events that I’ve mused over, my reactions have been rather negative. Perhaps I’m being too kind. 1995 was a shit year for wrestling; whether it’s the Hulk Hogan wankfest at WCW or… whatever the fuck they were doing in WWF… Look, kids. There’s a reason ECW got hot during that time and it wasn’t because it was the best looking product out there.

So, here we are… Summerslam 1995. Your main event for the evening is WWF World Champion Diesel defending his championship against 1995 King of the Ring winner, Mabel.

Fuck me. This is going to be painful.

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WWF Summerslam 1993

It starts with Wrestlemania IX… where Bret Hart lost the WWF title to Yokozuna… who would then lose the WWF title to Hulk Hogan in an impromptu match… who would then do fuck all with the title before dropping it back to Yokozuna at the King of The Ring PPV, which would signal the final appearance of Hogan in the WWF for eight years. Yokozuna would then hold an open challenge on the U.S.S. Intrepid, where many have tried (and failed) to bodyslam the 500-pound behemoth. Then, when all was said and done, along came Lex Luger to fulfill the deed, earning himself a shot (his “only shot” according to Jim Cornette) at the champ at Summerslam. What followed was a cross-country tour, kissing babies and getting support from the paid extras posing as locals.

And then, we come to the match itself and… well, that’s jumping ahead here.

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WWF Invasion (July 2001)

It was supposed to be a PPV that would feature WWF Superstars competing against WCW Superstars for the very first time. A cataclysmic encounter that would have been a major moneymaker if done right.

But as history has shown, the Invasion angle that ran throughout 2001 was anything but done right. For you see, it went from being about WWF vs. WCW to being another glorified reinactment of the McMahon family feud that had been beaten to the ground considerably. Vince representing WWF, Shane-O-Mac owning WCW, and because she has nothing to do at the time, let’s give Stephanie ECW and have her join forces with Shane for whatever reason and then you had Austin jump ship to that Alliance and… my head hurts.

There have been potshots made prior to the event; the occasional run-in from low-tier WCW guys such as Lance Storm and Mike Awesome to Diamond Dallas Page’s stalking of the Undertaker’s wife (for reasons that are baffling to anyone with any semblance of common sense) to the eventual WCW matches on WWF programming (kicked off with a horrific Booker T vs. Buff Bagwell match that granted Buff his walking papers shortly thereafter)… and then ECW comes along and joins forces with WCW and… shit.

And then we come to Invasion… I can remember the anticipation of how they’re going to pull this off and thinking it might be the greatest thing ever, how could they possibly fuck this up… and then I can also remember the disappointment and utter contempt that I had for this entire feud. Even today, when I look back at that entire angle, it still leaves a really bitter taste in my mouth. There are very few wrestling storylines that really make me sick to my stomach. Many letdowns, but none of them to a sickening level. The Invasion angle was the sole exception. Perhaps the easiest thing to book and they end up fucking it up. If there is one thing that the whole Invasion angle does succeed at, it’s cementing WWE’s long-standing talent in taking sure-fire wins and turn them into unbelievable failures.

But I digress… anyway, let’s sloth through this thing.

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ECW Guilty As Charged 2001

This is the final PPV event produced by the original Extreme Championship Wrestling promotion before going bankrupt and left in relative obscurity until a DVD set revitalized interest in the brand… but that’s not part of this story. The story of ECW’s final woes is a sad one – no more television deal, no more PPVs, no more money, very few worthwhile talent remaining, even less exposure – and that’s the overall environment that we see ourselves in watching this show.

Now a disclaimer and a disclosure, if you will; the individual featured in the above image is the Zombie, a one-time gimmick featured in the first episode of WWE’s rebooted ECW series in 2006. While it might seem ill-fitting to feature an image from WWECW on a musing of an original ECW event, in another way, it’s perhaps the more fitting… as I will touch on later.

Let’s get on with it.

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