Category: Star Trek Musings

On The 31st Day… Another Declaration Of NOT Watching Section 31

It is August 31st of the year 2025 and I have NOT watched the Section 31 streaming video motion picture film starring Academy Award Winner Michelle Yeoh.

I dodged a bullet… because I may or may not have mentioned that if a certain someone I knew had send me a DVD or Blu-Ray copy of this thing, then I would compel myself to watch it. I had a Paramount Plus subscription, but I mostly used that for Strange New Worlds and some old Trek reruns… and also some Turtles stuff.

Lo and behold – that certain someone who would send me gag gifts decided on a proper birthday gift instead – the complete TMNT 80s cartoon on DVD that he probably bought from one of the Toys R Us stores that are shutting down in Quebec… yes, it seems like even Canadian ownership couldn’t keep the TRU train running. Personally, I think it was the decision to ditch their video game stock in favor of bringing back another dead brand (HMV) to sell some minor stuff that you could probably get cheaper elsewhere.

So, yes… much to the chagrin of anyone who thinks this gag is starting to be a bit tiresome, the cycle continues.

If We Pull Down Our Pants, It Will Bring Us Great Honor!

Last year, Paramount released the first clip of the then-upcoming third season of Star Trek: Strange New Worlds, which is the continuing adventures of Captain Pike and his hair on board the U.S.S. Enterprise. Said clip was not from the season premiere episode, which was to resolve a cliffhanger from the previous season involving the Gorn… but rather an unrelated episode where four of the crew were injected with a serum that transformed them into Vulcans… and supposedly, that’s where the “hilarity” ensured.

Needless to say, this got a mixed reaction… and also I didn’t care for it…

This was one of the many big swings that the producers promised for this season. And sure, why not? You can have your big swings… except nobody ever mentioned anything about these swings actually hitting anything. And this is something that soured me on the show during its second season – we need our Spock comedy hour, we need our musical episode – BIG SWINGS… big misses. I thought the Spock turning human plot point was fascinating, but was played for “laughs” and left me wondering when this would be funny… note to any aspiring comedy writers: NEVER put your audience in a situation where they have to ask when your shit gets funny.

So… the third season comes along and… this is the eighth episode of the season; by which point the closest things to what the showrunners wish to perceive as “big swings” is a Trelane cosplayer doing a fake wedding and a holodeck adventure that’s no better or worse than any other Star Trek that takes place on a holodeck… I suppose if you want to count the documentary-esque episode as a “big swing,” then go for it. I thought it was largely dull and uninspired when it should have been thought-provoking.

And then we get this pile of shit… which may or may not be worse than The Way To Eden… you know… the one with the hippies.

The difference between the two episodes is that at least the Eden writers had some idea on how to write space hippies. The people who are writing modern Star Trek can’t even script these Vulcans right; they just come across as emotionless assholes for the sake of being emotionless assholes. Even the Vulcans on Enterprise never came across this poorly. And in watching all this stupidity unfold, at no point did I find myself laughing. Nor did I crack a smile or a chuckle. Hell, I wasn’t even screaming in agony… I was largely bored. This felt like a complete and utter waste of time.

Just about the only thing that worked for me is the budding working relationship between Kirk and Scotty as they try to keep Vulcan La’an from starting a war with everyone… because that is logical… or that’s being an asshole. Fuck if I know. All I know is that those guys work well together; maybe you should put them on a ship or something, so they can work together or something.

So yeah… that was a big swing, alright…

A swing… and a huge, MASSIVE miss.

Please tell me that I need to turn my brain off in order to be entertained by this, so I can calmly reply that if I were to turn my brain off for this thing, I would have found the cure for insomnia that’s even more effective than a 20-minute HHH promo.

P.S. I would be remiss in not mentioning the post credit bit involving Ethan Peck’s Spock and Patton Oswald, but that would involve giving Patton Oswald the light of day. Two mentions of that individual’s name is more than enough and he does not deserve a speck more.

P.P.S. I would rather watch The Way To Eden than sit through that horrible musical episode from last season, too.

I think I have nothing left to say… other than it’s on my list…

Bit Of A MisFire

Sorry about the incomplete Slammiversary posting that I had completely forgot about. I was supposed to have it done soon, but then lost interest and forgot about it. I’m usually diligent on this stuff, but I’ve been preoccupied as of late.

Good news is that we’re fairly on track with videos. No set schedule for the rest of the year save for maybe a couple key dates in October (the Hell’s Kitchen Wii review as well as knocking off the three DS Castlevanias), but truthfully, I’ve been starting on getting stuff ready for 2026 so that by the time we’re ready to get started there, there’ll be no setbacks.

Finally, I saw the latest Strange New Worlds… the one where everyone turns into a Vulcan and also guest starring Patton Oswald because god forbid we can’t have a show without that fellow around… anyway, the less said, the better.

Later.

P.S. I have a poll up… for a friend. Click here to check it out.

P.P.S. New review will be up on Saturday. Feeling a bit sick and also wanted to add a bit or two to vid before going ahead. And then next week, it’s Star Trek’s 59th anniversary and we’re doing… nothing of significance.

Strange Newt Whurlds… Or Something…

I just want to spend a couple minutes to post a quick bit about how much I’ve been enjoying this third season of Strange New Worlds as of late. Yes, we had another wacky Spock episode that these people like to write because they’re such uncreative hacks (with another one on the way – fuck me), but beyond that, there have been some decent episodes.

Naturally, the season premiere puts the Gorn to bed so that we can forget about them… except not really because of Captain Plot Device and the Gorn babies in her. We introduce a new guy in the second episode for the sole purpose of killing him in the fifth. We have an episode that gives us Jim Kirk’s first taste of actual command and it goes about as well as you’d expect… hell, even the holodeck episode was actually a fun little romp.

Yes, there are some things that is keeping on yellow alert when it comes to this show. And apparently, my Paramount Plus subscription goes up just in time for them to lay down the other comedic Spock episode because the universe hates me… but otherwise, I can safely say that Season 3 is a far deal better than the second season and its atrocious swings at stupidity.

That, and no musicals… good job.

I Exist To Die – How To Introduce A New Character And Then Kill Them Off

ENSIGN NEW GUY. We hardly knew you.

The following is a dramatization…

“Hello! I’m Ensign New Guy training as a nurse to replace the nurse on the U.S.S. En-Ter-Prize! I am a likable guy who is liked by everyone on the ship because they appreciate my work ethic!”

“Hey, New Guy! We’re letting you know that Nurse Chapel is gonna stick around after all.”

“Oh… okay, cool. So I guess I’m done here.”

“Not exactly. I put in word to Starfleet to extend your stay on board the Enterprise. Everyone on the ship likes you and so do I. Therefore, you can stay if you want.”

“Goddamn, Doc! That’s pretty swell of you. I’d love to stay on board the En-Ter-Prise for as long as you need me!”

“Great! Fantastic… hmmm… I wonder how well you look in a red shirt?”

“What’s that, Doc?”

“What? Oh! Never mind. Forget I said anything. Why don’t you charge the biobeds and stuff?”

“Already took care of that, Doc. And I also did all the other stuff you want me to do because I want to impress my superiors with my awesome work ethic.”

“Great! Fantastic! Say, New Guy. How’d you like to join the landing party on the planet below to explore some ominous ruins that could be potentially dangerous?”

“Golly willickers, Doc! I’d love to be part of the landing party! Hey, this is a real cool orb. I wonder what it doe… AAARGGGH!! MY EYES! THAT ORB MELTED MY FUCKING EYES!”

“Oh, it’s worse than that, New Guy. That orb also melted your brain!”

“OH NOES! WHAT AM I GONNA DO, DOC?! I DON’T WANNA DIE!”

“Don’t worry, Ensign. I’ll do everything I can to save you… oh, hey, Captain with the Gorn babies. How are we doing today? Hey, what are you doing?! DON’T HURT THE NEW GUY!”

“Heh, heh, heh… There is no new guy! I’m the evil entity trapped in the orb and I’ve taken over this red shirt’s body. Now I will kill everyone on this ship and use it to take over the galaxy!”

“Not if I can help! Don’t worry, New Guy! I’ll save you yet!”

zap

“WHAT THE FUCK, CAROL KANE?! WHY DO YOU BLOW NEW GUY’S BRAINS OUT?!”

“Because he’s evil and must die.”

“It was HIS FIRST MISSION!”

So yes, the young handsome nurse that they introduced in the second episode of the season ends up getting killed in the fifth episode… and you want to know the amazing thing about this whole deal? They actually cast a black dude to play this poor bastard.

Finally… some diversity in our corpses.

A Bad Year For Jim Kirk

Ah yes… the year 2268… in which the young, dashing James Kirk as played by veteran actor Paul Wesley is somehow transformed into being played by daring young gun actor William Shatner and all the sets are somehow cheaper than they were when Captain Pike was in command.

I’m telling you; it’s the hair. Once they swapped captains for one that wore a hairpiece, everything went to shit and then everyone lost their memories. How do you account for all these people not knowing things that happened years ago?

But yes, through Amazon Prime, I recently gifted myself a Paramount Plus subscription service to go along with the Netflix sub that will happen this week so that I can watch the Summerslam replay. No, I will not be watching Section 31, but I will catch up on Strange New Worlds.

Oh Hey, This Is Still A Thing…

I wanted to wait on this for a couple days before dropping it; the last piece of business that will be published as I make my way back home…

But yes, the Khan audio program – a thing that was teased back in the last decade when new Trek was on the verge of being unleashed – is finally premiering in September. And it’s giving old Trek veterans like Tim Russ and George Takei some work… yes, this is a Khan thing that they somehow turned into further adventures of Captain Sulu. What a world.

To be honest, this is the thing that intrigues me the most. Not because I’m anxious to learn more about Khan and how we’re going to butcher this character even further (despite the involvement of Star Trek II director Nicholas Meyer), but I’m fascinated to see how well this performs and if it will lead to other similar projects. For all the talk about wanting to produce more legacy Trek content, I’m surprised that the thought never occurred to follow the same road as Doctor Who; pivot to audio dramas. I’d imagine it would be more cost-effective (only hire actors to speak in a booth and have some bits of music and sound here and there) and you’d be able to tell stories that wouldn’t be bound by whatever broadcast restrictions or limitations are imposed.

Star Trek isn’t about the special effects. It’s about the stories… and sometimes, the science helps too. You don’t need TV to tell good stories, just good performers and a good script.

Hopefully KHAN gets the ball rolling on that.

On The 31st Day… I Continue To NOT Watch Section 31

It is July 31st of the year 2025 and I am following the 31st Rule Of Acquisition, which is to never make fun of a Ferengi’s mother. And why would I do that? She gave me good financial advice, such as not wasting money on a subscription service like Paramount Plus so that I can continue to NOT watch the Section 31 streaming motion picture starring Academy Award Winner Michelle Yeoh.

Though, to be honest, I didn’t need Ferengi to follow that advice. I was heeding that just fine beforehand. Still, I thanked her for the advice and the tube grubs.