Why does it still hurt?
Why won’t this pain go away?
Why can’t I move on?
Why can’t I think straight?
Why am I still sad?
Oh, Sacha…
Why did you have to be gone…?
Just random musings on random stuff.
Why does it still hurt?
Why won’t this pain go away?
Why can’t I move on?
Why can’t I think straight?
Why am I still sad?
Oh, Sacha…
Why did you have to be gone…?
It’s been a week since you left us…
The slowest week there ever was…
My heart still aches…
Your absence still hurts…
Oh, Sacha…
How I miss you gravely…
Hey, Sacha.
How’re you doing today?
It’s been a few days since I last saw you…
A few days since you’ve left us…
Are you doing well?
Did you pee on the pearly gates?
Did you hump any clouds?
Did you find one cloud that is comfortable to lay in?
Most of all… are you feeling any better?
I want to believe that you are…
I want to believe that you’re in a better place…
I want to believe that your days of suffering has ended…
I want to believe that…
I want to believe that so that I sleep well at night…
But every day I wake up on this world…
Is another day knowing that you’re not around…
And that makes me sad…
Oh, Sacha…
How I miss you dearly.
Family thought about getting another dog…
I’m not too keen on the idea…
Not because I don’t like having a dog around…
It’s been a little quiet around these parts…
But here’s the thing…
I don’t want another dog…
I want my dog back…
I want my friend back…
I miss her so much…
And to just replace her with another one?
So soon?
It wouldn’t be fair to the new kid…
Especially if I’m still missing the old one.
The pain is still there…
The grief is still there…
I can’t just set it aside…
I need a little more time…
A little more time…
More time…
Oh, Sacha…
How I miss you…
It’s been 72 hours since my friend left this world…
And yet the hole in my heart still remains…
Others have seemingly gotten over the pain…
Seemingly moved on with their lives…
Seemingly putting up a front to hide their feelings…
So why can’t I do these thing?
Why does my heart still ache for my lost friend?
Why do tears still flow from my eyes days later?
Why do happy memories not ease my pain?
Why do I still cry over my missing friend?
I woke up this morning and saw the sun shine bright…
I step outside to feel the cool yet gentle breeze…
I go on with my day, making a note to take the dog for a walk…
Only to realize that there is no longer a dog to walk…
And then I am overwhelmed with grief…
Oh, Sacha…
Why did you have to go?
Why did you have to leave us so soon?
Why couldn’t you have stayed a little while longer?
Your gentle warmth and love is sorely missed…
And the world is all the worse without it…
I want to move on…
I really do…
But I don’t know how…
And I don’t know…
If I ever could…
Was given Friday off…
Figured it was a way to grieve…
Question is…
Do I really want that time off?
Will it really help?
The more time I have to myself…
The more time I have to dwell…
And the more time I have to dwell…
The more I realize…
That my friend is no longer here.
And that’s when it hurts the most.
I’ve been digging through some old boxes and I discovered some stuff that I haven’t seen in years; a box of old books, novels, and comics from 20-30 years. Some of this stuff have been talked about on this blog, such as some of the wrestling autobiographies, but there’s also a bunch of other stuff that hasn’t been touched on all that much. And it got me thinking… is this worth writing about on the blog down the road?
Don’t expect too much into this right now. With the Ramblemania Rewind coming up, I’m keeping all the written stuff to a minimum, but come April once Wrestlemania is over and done with… things will be picking up to a degree.
No, seriously… just stop.
Every time you try to cater to my nostalgia, you’re just reminding me of something that I’d much rather be watching right about now. Why watch another rehash of Terminator when I can go back and watch the superior first film… or the second for that matter? Why feature Michael Keaton’s big return as Batman in a movie starring someone else when I can go back and watch the classic Bat films from back in the day? Oh, look. Another Indiana Jones film featuring 120-year old Harrison Ford just tagging along for the ride… yeah, no thanks. I’ll stick with the trilogy; that’s more than enough for me. What’s that? A live-action remake of a classic Disney cartoon that’s going to be shittier than the cartoon it’s based on? Why the fuck would I want to watch that?
Also, stop trying to introduce your shitty next generation characters to your nostalgia acts. You can’t do that all that well, either. If you want to do the next generation, then do the fucking next generation and only have a couple old guys or gals around to send our new heroes off. I could think of one show that did that wonderfully. It’s called Star Trek: The Next Generation.
Enough with the nostalgia acts. They only remind me of things that used to be good. They also remind me of things I could be watching right now instead of your shit film.
Later.
At least he gets to grow old and never loses an eye… so that’s something, I guess.
If you know what I’m talking about, then you know what I’m talking about.
But if you don’t know what I’m talking about, then don’t worry about it.
Either way, I have some thoughts coming soon… eventually.
So it’s been about a week since I got my PC back from the shop and so far, so good… I guess?
I suppose I should bring you all up to speed.
So I’m doing whatever one day and I turn on my PC. For the record, it’s a HP Omen gaming computer from 2017 – 6th or 7th generation, 32 GB of RAM, 2 hard drives, higher end graphic card for its day. So I turn on this PC and the next thing you know, the fan starts blowing really fast and really loud. It’s been like that for a while and I’ve done a couple things; opened it up and had it cleaned out a bit, reset the whole system, that sort of thing. Fan went down a bit at the end, but I’m worried that it might crap out on me again. Because the thing I’m not sure if it’s the case fan that’s acting up or even if it’s a CPU fan thing that might need replacing and… while the former might not be much of an issue, the latter is another story, because that means dipping into thermal pasting and other things that are beyond my capabilities.
See, kids. I can do some basic maintenance on PC. I could swap hard drives and ram sticks. Add in a DVD drive if I really need one, but when it comes to the more advanced bits that involve swapping chips and heavy duty stuff like that, I would like that shit to be handled by somebody else. So I’m going to find a place close that can get the thing checked out. Best case; they replace the parts that need to be fixed. Worst case; it’s a lost cause and I should get a new system… which really sucks because the type of hardware I’m going for… which is mainly for video production, but I’d like to be able to run a few decent games on there… that shit don’t come cheap.
I take my tower to the PC shop and I explain my problem. In hindsight, I wish that I had taken some video of the fan on the fritz so that he’d have something to look for rather than my failed attempts at impersonating a fan on the fritz. So he took the PC into the shop, ran it through 12 hours of the most intense stress tests and outside of the usual activity, he wasn’t able to recreate the problem. Maybe it was software related or poor ventilation. In any event, he cleaned out the inside of the box and even replaced the thermal paste on the CPU. And he told me that if the fan started acting up again, we could replace with a regular fan. Good dude, smart fellow, and it wasn’t a huge colossal dent on the wallet.
This was about a week ago and so far the fan hasn’t acted up on me and on top of that, I did most of what I did before without a hitch… which is just as well because other than the fan, it’s still a fine PC that performs more than admirable. And it handles everything I throw at it quite nicely. I’ve been slowing adding back all my old programs and we’ll see how long before the fan begins to act up again… but so far, it’s been smooth sailing. Actually, smoother than usual, all things considered. The fan has not acted up on me once.
Now, while the PC was out of commission and seeing that I was going to need to eventually get a replacement to continue doing this stuff, I started shopping around for a temporary solution of sorts. I considered one of those refurbished gaming PCs on Amazon and some of them have models similar to the stats I need for decent prices. I had bought a refurbed PC for my father, who needed a new system because his old Acer was on the verge of crapping out and that’s been working fine so far… even if all he does with it is play dominoes and watch Facebook videos.
The caveat was that this was a refurbished PC from the last decade. There might be new components, but it also came with a bunch of dongles for Wi-Fi and Bluetooth; stuff that would normally be built in to PCs today. Most refurbished PC listings on Amazon mentioned something about adapters and things of that nature, which left me realizing that maybe this wasn’t the best idea after all.
So what I ended up doing was buy one of those mini PCs that were on sale. This wasn’t a sudden decision out of left field or anything because I had bought a lesser model for myself a couple years (for minor stuff) and generally speaking, I was quite happy with how it performed. So it made sense to try and go for something stronger. The winner ended up being a Beelink Mini Gaming PC with a Rysen processor, 32 gigs of ram, ’bout 500 bucks… and yes, it’s a step down from the Omen. Obviously, the smaller form factor meant no DVD drive, so I need to use an external… though in fairness, the disc drive is something that was phased out for some time in desktops, so that’s an eventuality that I have to prepare for. There are also far fewer USB slots; a stark contrast to the Omen, which had USB slots up the ass. Obviously, performance is not on the same level (more on that in a bit) and it came with one hard drive, but there’s room for another if desired. I am hoping to add another one on there, if only to have something separate from the main C drive. Because that’s one of the things I like to have is a second internal drive that I could throw all my stuff on while the main C drive remained its own thing. It was actually the thing that sold me on the other one.
However, as far as some of the stuff I’m going for it here… VEGAS worked fine on it and rendering videos was as quick as the old tower. OBS seemed to work fine for recording footage, but tends to stutter or skip frames entirely, which made it somewhat unreliable for long-form recordings. Even on the Capture Card front, the recordings were not quite ideal. For what it’s worth, it runs games fairly well, but as far as recording HD footage or even the rare instance of streaming, I’d need something stronger.
In any event, things are slowly, but surely returning to some semblance of normalcy and here’s hoping we can get things back on track.