Category: Original Fiction

Stuff that I wrote and created myself. It’s been known to happen sometimes.

Longtime Trekkie Reacts To New Alien Movie Trailer: “Where Are All The Romulans?”

Longtime Trekkie Theodore L. Pinkus was interviewed by local media and expressed his excitement for the upcoming Alien: Romulus motion picture. The latest attempt by FOX to inject new life to the Alien franchise after several failed attempts was met with approval from the longtime Star Trek fan.

“You know, it was a well-done trailer,” Pinkus stated, “Looked really dark and scary. This might be the first Alien movie in a while that actually looks like it could be good.”

Pinkus did note one aspect of the trailer that got to him and he couldn’t quite put his finger on it until the last moment.

“Where are the Romulans?” he decried. “If you’re going to name your movie Alien: Romulus and you’re going to have it take place on Romulus, it only makes sense that there should be Romulans in this movie!”

“Instead, it’s just a bunch of humans. Boring.”

After a brief pause, the interviewer decided to – calmly and politely – explain to Pinkus that the Romulans are part of Star Trek, which has nothing to do with this movie. He also had to explain to Pinkus that Romulus was referring to the historical figure Romulus.

Pinkus stared at the interviewer blankly, trying to process what was just told to him. After what seemed like five minutes of uncomfortable silence, Pinkus finally mustered the energy to respond.

“Will there be Klingons, at least?”

Solder Gal To Sell Consoles… Let’s (Not) Talk About It

Solder Gal, the world’s most popular female rapper in the entire universe, is making a video game console.

Or rather, Solder Gal is just selling the consoles at her website, Solder SisTem. For approximately eleventy billion dollars, you can get a knock off game console preloaded with 200 built-in games, all of them emulated versions of actual video games that Solder Gal more than likely doesn’t have the rights to sell. On top of that, the console doesn’t even emulate the games featured properly, as some have low frame rates, run slowly, and some even glitch out the graphics.

Something like this deserves to wither away and die, but because it’s Solder Gal selling these stupid things, we’re going to have every single dumb fuck on the Internet talk about it. Whether it’s that cucumber-eating fatass at ReviewTechTitties, those two jackasses on the Cup Podcast, or every other article on that fucking NintendoLoveRoms news site who think some shitty fan art is a worthy news item, this shit is going to be circulating through the media rounds for the next five years and become a meme for stupid Youtube comments for years to come.

The moral of the story: don’t give this moron attention.