Category: Kayfabe

Sea Devils Serial Gets New Re-Release Despite RTD’s Efforts

Source: https://www.doctorwhotv.co.uk/doctor-who-sea-devils-special-106375.htm

The classic Jon Pertwee-helmed 1972 Doctor Who serial, The Sea Devils, is getting a fresh new special edition edit coming to BBC’s exclusive online streamer gimmick, due in December. Not mentioned in the story is RTD’s attempts to get the special renamed “The Homo Aquas” since he considers the original “Sea Devil” name to be “racist” and actually considers the Doctor to be the villain since he was played by a white dude. The BBC, naturally, told him to fuck off and go back to his silly Christmas special.

The Sea Devils: Special Edition sees release on December 7th.

Hart And Nash Feud Over A Chair (And Other Kayfabes)

Bret Hart was apparently invited to Summerslam and was upset that WWE never offered him a seat, but HHH’s best buddy Kevin Nash was. But then out comes Kevin Nash to claim that he never even made it to Summerslam and thus was offered no seat. No word from Chris Hansen as to whether he asked either man to take a seat.

Word has it that Nick Khan is pushing for HHH to book the match between Hart and Nash to main event the Royal Rumble from the benevolent and progressive kingdom of Saudi Arabia, with the added perk of making it a Seat On A Pole match, with whoever being able to grab the seat wins the match and the seat. HHH, meanwhile, is hoping to book the match as a main event for whatever WWE PLE show he can pull out of his ass to counter whatever AEW PPV is coming up that needs to be countered.

In other news, TNA President Carlos Silva continues cutting interviews to remind people that he exist and he’s looking for the right number to sell TNA to WWE.

Some of these stories may or may not be true. None of them matter because at least Bill Goldberg didn’t end your career.

Tony Khan Uses Black Magic To Ban Joe Hendry From Ever Appearing In AEW

They say that if you say his name, Joe Hendry will appear.

Already making waves in his current home promotion of TNA Wrestling, the Scottish sensation and former Local Hero recently made waves by appearing on WWE’s NXT television show on Tuesday nights, much to the delight of the crowd. Not only that, but it seems that Hendry’s appearances have had effect on the ratings and overall television product.

Hearing about this and fearful that Joe Hendry’s magic might effect his own promotions, AEW president and ROH owner Tony Khan had administered some black magic hocus pocus to prevent Joe Hendry from ever appearing on AEW television for the foreseeable future. Not even saying his name would cause the former WCPW Champion to appear at either AEW or ROH events for the foreseeable future. While Khan considers Hendry to be a great wrestler, he’s nowhere near the greatness of his many big wrestling stars like Jumpin’ Jack Perry or the Warhorsemen. Hendry’s appearing in AEW could invoke some much needed energy and enthusiasm into the show, something Khan clearly doesn’t want to detracted from the main event angle of the Elite running roughshod in AEW ever since they attacked the AEW head… even though he’s back in the office.

Morale in the AEW locker room is said to be at an all-time low, but Tony Khan promise that they have all the talent they need right here… before announcing the signing of ten more free agents from some obscure Japanese wrestling promotion that nobody outside of the hardcoriest of hardcore fans could honestly give two fucks about.

Also in other news, Drew McIntyre played a game of Pong against a vacuum cleaner. He was on the verge of winning until that fucking asshole Phil came along and distracted Drew, allowing the vacuum clean to mount an incredible comeback for the win.

Female Captains Declare Themselves “Inspirations” In Uninspired Advertisement

The following post is a complete work of fiction and should not be taken seriously by anyone.

Captains Hardway and Michaels participated in a virtual advertisement to Federation channels declaring themselves to be inspirations to younger generations, not sex objects. The ad was largely seen as uninspired tripe, falling back on the usual preachings of antiquated feminist dogma that has long since been considered outdated in the 25th century.

“We need to inspire hope in the next generation,” Hardway explained in a brief statement to the Federation News Service. “We need to dispel this belief that captains such as ourselves are to be seen as sex objects to be desired.”

“Yeah!” Michaels hollered, “We inspire young women to be better! We need to show them that women can also be part of the world of starship captains!”

When asked why Michaels is wearing a different uniform from what is standard issue, she tried to explain that she was part of a special ops. When the reporter didn’t buy her answer, Michaels simply blurted out, “Er… Classified.”

The reporter raised an eyebrow. “You traveled through time, didn’t you?”

Michaels shifted nervously and raised her voice ever so slightly. “I don’t know what you mean. And quite frankly, I don’t like the way you’re looking at me, Mister.”

“Excuse me, Captain,” the reporter huffed, unphased by Michaels’ accusing tone. “But I consider myself non-binary and would prefer you address me as such. After all, aren’t you supposed to be an inspiration? Shouldn’t your actions be cause for inspiration, not your empty platitudes?”

“Um… er…” Michaels stammered before she tapped her communicator and shouted, “ENERGIZE!”

Before the reporter could say anything, Michaels was enveloped in a flash of light before vanishing for good. The reporter glanced at Captain Hardway, who shot back a shrug and slowly stood from her seat before heading for the exit posthaste. The reporter then checked their notes and shook their head. They knew they should have taken the day off.