Sacha Home Movies 2013-07-25 – I Just Want To Sleep In Peace

Taken back in July 2013, Sacha was trying to sleep in peace while I was trying to get her to pay attention to the camera. Sacha was a bit camera shy at times, but there were days when she’d be bouncing all over the place. And humping stuff. And peeing anywhere she could. Good times.

I’ll be posting these home movies every so often – stuff that may have been posted in the past, but there’s also some stuff that I’ve not seen in years. It’s not much, but I just wanted to show how much of a special dog Sacha was… and how much we miss her.

Dear Sacha…

Hey, Sacha.

How’re you doing today?

It’s been a few days since I last saw you…
A few days since you’ve left us…
Are you doing well?

Did you pee on the pearly gates?
Did you hump any clouds?
Did you find one cloud that is comfortable to lay in?

Most of all… are you feeling any better?

I want to believe that you are…
I want to believe that you’re in a better place…
I want to believe that your days of suffering has ended…

I want to believe that…
I want to believe that so that I sleep well at night…

But every day I wake up on this world…
Is another day knowing that you’re not around…

And that makes me sad…

Oh, Sacha…
How I miss you dearly.

Resistant

Family thought about getting another dog…
I’m not too keen on the idea…
Not because I don’t like having a dog around…
It’s been a little quiet around these parts…

But here’s the thing…
I don’t want another dog…
I want my dog back…
I want my friend back…

I miss her so much…

And to just replace her with another one?
So soon?
It wouldn’t be fair to the new kid…
Especially if I’m still missing the old one.

The pain is still there…
The grief is still there…
I can’t just set it aside…
I need a little more time…

A little more time…

More time…

Oh, Sacha…

How I miss you…

Dwelling…

It’s been 72 hours since my friend left this world…
And yet the hole in my heart still remains…
Others have seemingly gotten over the pain…
Seemingly moved on with their lives…
Seemingly putting up a front to hide their feelings…
So why can’t I do these thing?

Why does my heart still ache for my lost friend?
Why do tears still flow from my eyes days later?
Why do happy memories not ease my pain?
Why do I still cry over my missing friend?

I woke up this morning and saw the sun shine bright…
I step outside to feel the cool yet gentle breeze…
I go on with my day, making a note to take the dog for a walk…
Only to realize that there is no longer a dog to walk…
And then I am overwhelmed with grief…

Oh, Sacha…
Why did you have to go?
Why did you have to leave us so soon?
Why couldn’t you have stayed a little while longer?
Your gentle warmth and love is sorely missed…
And the world is all the worse without it…

I want to move on…
I really do…
But I don’t know how…
And I don’t know…
If I ever could…

Going Forward… And Failing Miserably

First off, I want to say thank you for all the kind words on Tuesday’s post on the Youtube channel’s community post as well as some of the e-mail messages that I’ve received. They’re all greatly appreciated and for what it’s worth, I’ve read each and every one of them to Sacha before she had gone. Poor thing could barely see, but she heard every word said. And she went out knowing that people cared about her. Not just the immediate family and friends, but complete strangers who only knew her from the first five seconds that open almost every video I’ve posted in the past decade or so.
Every day is a struggle for the rest of us. Every day that passes without her is a burden… but knowing she’s in a better place – probably pissing on the pearly gates or humping a couple clouds along the way – brings a slight smile on my face… before it dissolves into tears once more. Every passing thought of the times we shared together brightens my day… before every passing moment under the realization that those days are long gone… and so is she.
I miss her very much… in ways that can never be properly put to words.
So what happens now? Well, obviously, I’m going to be laying low for a little bit… I’m not exactly in the mood to be doing much of anything at the moment. I have been gathering up whatever videos and photos that I’ve collected on Sacha over the years and am planning on putting together a little tribute video of sorts to celebrate her life. Folks who frequent this blog or the Youtube channel know her as sort of a mascot for my little corner of the web and she will continue to have a presence around these parts. But I want to share with folks the kind of friend that Sacha truly is and what she really means to those who loved and cared for her.
Sacha might have gone elsewhere, but she will always be around.

A Somber Valentine

Valentine’s Day is usually a day of love and celebration.
A day where you show affection for your loved ones.
This year’s Valentine will be a somber one for me.
For it is the day that I mourn the loss of my friend…

A friend who was loved and treated well…
A friend who was there for when we needed her most…
A friend who was loyal and playful…
A friend who was loved until the very end…
A friend who presence is sorely missed.

I often hear that letting go is often the hardest part.
But I don’t believe that to be the case.
Knowing she’s in a better place brings some comfort.
But facing the void left in her place…
That’s the real hard part.

How I wish that my friend was still here…
Her warmth and love is needed most…
And can never be replaced.

This pain I feel is all too great…
This hole left behind too big to fill.

The days spent with her, always to be cherished…
The days ahead without her, not so much…

I will always embrace my short time with my friend…
I will never forget those moments – good or bad.
I will always remember my friend with great affection…
And I will always miss her dearly.

Goodbye, Sacha.
And thank you for being my friend.

Depressed Doggy… Also Depressed Me…

So a week has passed since I stayed at home. Spent more time with the dog indoors keeping me company, but only got to take her out for a walk once or twice this past week. Not necessarily in the mood for the great outdoors… honestly can’t blame her.

For my part, I’ve been doing alright. Other than a nagging cough that has been with me since the dawn of time – or so it seems – I’m weathering this whole thing fairly fine and I’ve been able to run a few errands here and there while taking care of the folks. I have to be honest, though; I dread stepping outside these days. Not just because of the pandemic, but also because the general atmosphere is a little worse for wear.

Being on an island that makes up for half of Quebec’s cases is bad enough to warrant certain crowd control methods to maintain physical distancing and some places have proven to do a good job of this. Other places, like the groceries and larger department stores selling essentials, still need work. For my part, I try to keep my distance. If I see a crowded lane, I avoid it completely and look for an opening, or wait for one to clear… I try to keep my distance and yet nobody else cares.

Montreal, as of this writing, is in a state of emergency. A great majority of public spaces are closed off until further notice. Places where I would go for a walk to clear my head and just get away from people are no longer accessible. I am barely holding it together and it scares me shitless… especially considering that nobody has bothered to explain which parts of Montreal I should avoid going to since this is a fairly sizable chunk of land.

All of a sudden… this one island, one city bullshit people were pushing a decade or so back…. nah, it was stupid back then even. Dumb fucks.

All you folks on the front lines – the health care workers, the store employees, and likewise – you have my utmost respect for dealing with this shit and putting on a brave face while doing it. I honestly couldn’t do what you do daily and if anything, you are much more courageous than I could ever hope to be.

Yeah, I think I’ve said enough now. I’m off to bed.