PPV Predictions – WWE Backlash 2006

I was gonna do one for ‘Mania, but instead I shot out Ramblemania. So let’s do one for Backlash instead. If you don’t know the deal, I’m not about to explain so browse back in the Blog for details. As usual, these days my comments are going to be short and sweet unless I feel a running commentary really is needed.

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DOA Movie Trailer

Originally posted on November 24th 2005:

Someone had managed to get a copy of the teaser trailer for the Dead or Alive movie, based on the series of fighting games featuring big-boobed women. All I can say is… WTF Indeed!

Just a few minutes ago, I caught a glimpse of the teaser for the movie again. Of course, now that I’ve shed my DOA virginity, I can comment on it a little more clearly… it’s still gonna suck and I don’t need any experience other than the game’s bouncing boobs to see that. Not that it doesn’t follow the game story or anything, but it just looks like a poor man’s Charlie’s Angels… with worse actors.

Another bit of info I recently realized as I researched this thing: Kevin Nash plays Bass Armstrong here, the pro-wrestler daddy to Tina, one of the bouncing-boobs in the game. If the two ever collide in the movie, Tina doesn’t have to worry because Nash will probably tear a quad trying to act.

If you don’t get the reference, it’s a wrestling thing.

So I’ve said it before: WTF indeed.

On a sidenote, apparently people are disappointed that Silent Hill is a subpar movie despite the kick-ass trailer. Welcome to the wonderful world of media hype.

Later, kids.

RAW (Apr. 17th, 2006) – I Don’t Even Know

So yeah, the recent episode of RAW has left me offended. No, it’s not due to the Photoshop pictures of McMahon in famous religious works of art (although to be honest, I don’t think they’re trying anymore). Nor is it the starting up of his own religion (which will last for a few weeks when people realize there won’t be a martyr involved to legitimize the whole thing – nice try, Vince, but if your bodybuilding fed and your football league went down the crapper, a new religion isn’t going to be any more successful.) So what offended me on RAW?

The cheap pyro-effects… because if God doesn’t give you a sign, you make one up. Unfortunately, the effects used were so un-God like. If you really wanted God-like effects, I would dare you to blow up the ring (not shoot a few bolts and have it collapse… I mean have it really EXPLODE!). But you won’t do that and for that… well, actually, that’d be really, really stupid. So good on the sane folks who opted not to do this.

Besides that piece of business… gee, I don’t know. That’s probably the only thing that was noteworthy about that last RAW. It’s not a terrible show or anything, but really nothing that memorable… which would make it a bad show, right?

Right?

Okay, I did my completely random rant of the morning.


 

MOVIE REVIEW – See No Evil (2006)

The first official release of World Wrestling Entertainment’s film division is a pretty basic horror/slasher movie called “See No Evil” starring Kane, one of their big men wrestlers known for having an intimidating presence, hard-hitting moves, and one of the most convoluted backstories in wrestling. And let’s not pull any punches here; while this movie is promoted as the greatest horror movie of all time (mostly by WWE), it goes without saying that after having seen this movie, I can confirm it as one of the greatest comedies of all time.

Oh wait…

“See No Evil” sees a bunch of juvenile delinquents sent to a hotel so they can clean up. Of course, a monstrous murderer (played by Kane) also happens to be living in this hotel and we all know where that goes. Without giving away too much of the movie plot, this film has all the semblance and structure of an early-1980s slasher flick with most of the clichés intact, but without any of the scares that those films accompany. And that’s sort of the main problem with “See No Evil”. It tries so many of the tricks implied by its predecessors in the genre that it comes off as predictable; veteran horror fans will easily recognize some of the gimmicks ahead of time and even those who have only seen a few flicks should tell what happens next. It’s too generic to be scary.

The movie’s gory, no doubt, but it’s only there for the effect. The dark atmosphere instilled in the movie gives off that feel of terror initially, but as you get towards the end, it somehow feels out of place and gets tiresome quickly. The death scenes don’t come off as gory and horrific as much as they do laughable, although some of them are pretty inventive.

And the acting in this movie is pretty bad too, as the main characters aren’t developed enough for us to care when they eventually do get axed. Some can’t even portray fear properly; they just scream and cry in a vain effort to emote. So when they die, it only adds to the comedy because you don’t care enough about them that you simply consider them the equivalent of Starfleet Redshirts to the monster Kane.

As for Kane, he simply portrayed his movie character the same way he portrays his wrestling character, only he uses axes and hooks instead of hellfire and brimstone. There’s no doubt in my mind that Kane can be a great fixture in the horror genre. He has the look and presence for it; he just needs better material (specifically a script that isn’t written by someone who writes wrestling shows) to work with.

Now, despite what may seem like a harsh review, I actually enjoyed the film. It’s one of those laughably bad movies that you can’t help but sit down and enjoy. My main gripe with the film, again, is that it’s simply an exercise in filming gory kills and doesn’t have any frightening or shock moments. I enjoyed it, but I enjoyed because it was easy for me to laugh off some of what was supposed to be scary moments in the movie. If that happens because it was supposed to be that way, the movie would have been rated higher. But it didn’t. It got laughs because it’s a B-movie and it doesn’t help that the director’s previous experiences was porn flicks and music videos; not exactly overcomplicated things to direct anyway. Nonetheless, I enjoyed it tremendously.

If you don’t mind a fun B-movie or funny horror film, I’d highly recommend “See No Evil.” If you are a true enthusiast of the genre, I’d wait until the DVD comes out before checking it out. Everyone else should probably go watch something else.

New Screwy Day

From insidepulse.com:

Survivor Series 2007 will take place in Montreal, marking the 10-year anniversary of the Bret Hart Screwjob, according to WrestlingObserver.com.

Frequent DTM Blog readers might recall a certain blog post from last week which went something like this:

Another point that has been brought to my attention: Today in wrestling history; ten years ago, Shawn Michaels beat Bret Hart in a 60-minute Iron Man match for his first WWF World Title. I’m bringing this up because a lot of other wrestling sites are doing it, but if you’re reading this post, do me a favor and don’t complain to WWE for driving the Montreal screwjob to the ground. And don’t tell them to move on, because you know they’ll milk it for all it’s worth when THAT tenth anniversary comes around.

Coincidence, folks? Hardly.

Why would Vince McMahon or anyone in WWE ignore quite possibly the most infamous event in wrestling history as much as everyone else tries hard to do so? While I never suggested they hold the show in my neighborhood, it doesn’t mean the thought hadn’t crossed my mind… I never really believed that they actually do it, but shows you how much I know. Then again, this isn’t the official word, so take this information with a grain of salt. Furthermore, I shouldn’t be bringing you wrestling news on a blog of all places.

Later.




DTM BLOG Classics #21 – Wrestlemania 22 Thoughts

WRESTLEMANIA 22: AN EXPERIMENT IN CROWD PSYCHOLOGY

This is a show that pretty much had everything going against it due to a subpar card and a high price tag.

Despite these drawbacks, Wrestlemania 22 was still an enjoyable PPV with a few good matches, but it’s not without its flaws. The opener was your tag-team title bout. Nothing special, but nothing inoffensive. Sad state of affairs when two giants can fend off against Afroboy and Steroid Man, but get beat by the male cheerleaders the next night. A sad state of affairs indeed.

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DTM BLOG Classics #20 – The Orignal Ramblemania Postings

So Wrestlemania is coming in a few weeks time, eh? I’d normally state my anticipation for this event, but this year’s different. Suddenly, the anticipation for this year’s sports-entertainment spectacular has gone down the shitter as more of the card is revealed. Unfortunately, the build-up for the primetime return of the Saturday Night’s Main Event show on NBC is far greater than that of what’s supposed to be their headline show.

Has the quality of the product truly gone down or is it just our standards for what a Wrestlemania should be gone up? That’s something I’ve often asked myself, but it’s quite irrelevant, because we’ve had some stinkers before. According to most people (or at least most people on the Internet), the most reviled happen to be IV, IX, and XI. Well, let’s see how bad these shows really are… in addition to the other 19.

(On a side note, I was actually surprised that for the Wrestlemania Rewind matches on last Monday’s RAW, they used the classic WWF logo instead of their butchered logo featured on the WWE Legends thing. Nice little bit… of course, it doesn’t mean the matches didn’t suck.)

So let’s begin this, shall we?

Continue reading “DTM BLOG Classics #20 – The Orignal Ramblemania Postings”

EXCLUSIVE: Wrestlemania 22 CANCELLED!

According to an anonymous source, WWE has cancelled Wrestlemania despite sold-out tickets and massive buyrates. To add more insult to injury, no refunds are offered. When inquired about why the 22nd iteration was canned at the last minute, wrestling czar Vince McMahon replied with, “YOU’RE FIRED!”

Further reports indicate a hitman was sighted in Chicago. He had already taken down former WWE official Tim White with a sharpshooter and is currently on the run. Sources say it might have been Bret Hart, who had been gunning for Shawn Michaels. Apparently, he read my post.

And if you believe all that, I have farmland in the Dagobah system. Sell ya cheap.

April Fools, would-be WWE.com viewers.

Ten Years Ago… The Fix Was In

Another point that has been brought to my attention: Today in wrestling history; ten years ago, Shawn Michaels beat Bret Hart in a 60-minute Iron Man match for his first WWF World Title. I’m bringing this up because a lot of other wrestling sites are doing it, but if you’re reading this post, do me a favor and don’t complain to WWE for driving the Montreal screwjob to the ground. And don’t tell them to move on, because you know they’ll milk it for all it’s worth when THAT tenth anniversary comes around.

I’ll see you in eighteen months.