Classic Bite Commentary #26 – March 25th, 2003

Yes, kids. After what seems like an eternity, I have finally updated this quaint little website. And yes, I have provided another quaint little commentary for you to read. It has been a long time since the last time I wrote this… almost a month, but that could only mean a longer, juicier commentary for you.

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Power Rangers Vs. Street Fighter – 2003 Parody Edition

A bit of backstory; the original SF vs PR was conceived as a “rush-job” fan-comic back in 1998 – originally thought it was 1997, but the comic had a date of 1998 and features some “plot” elements from Street Fighter Alpha 3, which was released in 1998. The artwork and storyline was kinda crap, but all things considered, it was an interesting concept to visit (certainly no stranger than having SF characters in a fighting game with fucking X-Men) and thus was revisited in 2003 in the form of a parody fanfic, which managed to translate the absurdity and lousiness of the original comic rather faithfully.

Surprisingly, I never bothered to repost the fic here. And so here we are. It’s not something I’m particularly pleased with, but some people seem to like it. So it did something right, at least. However, I wouldn’t mind doing a “proper” story with “proper” narrative and all that. We’ll see.

DISCLAIMER: The author of this piece would like to state that characters from Power Rangers are properties of Saban Brands, characters from Street Fighter are properties of Capcom, characters from Sonic are properties of Sega, and not that of the author.

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MOVIE REVIEW – Highlander: Endgame (2000)

Highlander: Endgame is the fourth Highlander film in the series and also serves as a continuation of the Highlander television series that concluded its run after six seasons. The film sees the film series’ Connor MacLeod (Christopher Lambert) and the television show’s Duncan MacLeod (Adrian Paul) teaming up to face off against a dangerous new Immortal enemy in Jacob Kell (Bruce Payne) in what the trailers showed to be a completely different film from what ultimately hit theatres… and then would take yet another different form when Endgame eventually hit home video.

Endgame is an interesting beast of sorts. You show trailers for a film featuring a villain capable of splitting in half and performance cheap-end special effects of sorts… none of that stuff made it to the “final” cut that hit theaters. And apparently, the film was poorly received to such a degree that they did a new edit for home video. The DVD version, which is what I’ve watched, even includes an earlier cut to see how things went from there to here. Clearly, the people behind the film wanted to make a version that would appease most people, if not the most ardent of Highlander fans.

The thing is that Endgame ALMOST works… and to be fair, there are some bits that I like about the film. Once again, the fight scenes are top-notch; probably some of the best seen on film and it also helps that Adrian Paul holds his own quite nicely – six years of swordfighting on television will do that to you. The flashback sequences highlighting the relationship between the MacLeod clansmen are refreshing pieces compared to the present day’s modern drab circumstances, which makes the duo’s final confrontation all the more depressing.

Endgame was meant to be the swan song for Christopher Lambert’s Connor MacLeod as he passes the cinematic katana (so to speak) to his television counterpart. And it’s a bit of a sad end – seeing his adopted daughter die in a bomb explosion (nice that they brought back the actress from the first film to reprise her role here for the explicit purpose of getting killed off – good job, guys!) and resigning himself in a metal box for years… so clearly there’s no Mario Van Peebles or General Katana in this guy’s future anytime soon… only to be forced out as the only survivor of said sanctuary… and honestly, when the end does come – I won’t say how but it’s not hard to figure out – the whole thing comes across as depressing. Whether that fits the character as a whole is a debate for another time, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it.

Other than that, the overall plot leaves much to be desired. There’s Duncan’s fawning over an immortal ex-wife, the villain’s (Kell) continued pursuit and psychological torture of the elder MacLeod over… something or other, the limited use of Duncan’s allies Methos and Joe Lawson (who, amazingly enough, do NOT get killed off – that’s progress, I suppose), and… man, I don’t know. There are ideas here and there that I can see almost working, but for some reason, it doesn’t click and makes me wonder if they really needed to make this movie in the first place. The dialogue here is pretty bad and not necessarily in a cheese sort of way. This is the sort of dialogue that feels like it was written by crack writers of a wrestling show who have no clue how to write dialogue.

Speaking of which, Endgame features a bit role played by WWE Superstar and multi-time champion Edge (or as those behind the scenes call him, THE EDGE – which is honestly a better name for him anyway). He’s fine in it and not quite in as big a role as some adverts would have you believe.

Highlander: Endgame is a sad, sad movie no matter how hard they try to revamp it. It is a sad end to the story of Connor MacLeod, it is a drab continuation of the Highlander television series and a generally poor passing of the torch story in terms of handing the movie reigns over to Duncan, and… honestly, it’s another example of how there probably should have been only one.

If there is only one positive that could be levied out of this, however, it’s that I like Adrian Paul’s Duncan enough to give the TV show a shot one of these days. And that would probably all the Highlander fix I’d need going forward because I shudder to think how bad the next film would be.

Classic Bite Commentary #25 – February 23rd, 2003

Hey kids. Tonight is the WWE’s pay-per-view live from Montreal. That’s right. There’s a WWE pay-per-view event in my backyard for the first time since Survivor Series 97. It isn’t the first televised event that I’m not attending. However, it IS the first time that such a scenario doesn’t bother me.

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Power Rangers Beginnings (2003 Edit For Fanfiction.Net)

Been a while since I did these repost things. I guess I better learn to start following up on scheduling issues, but that’s always been an issue with me, I suppose.

Power Rangers Beginnings, my first offering into the realm of fanfiction, was originally posted in 2001 on the old DTM Webstation site when it was laying around on Tripod. The story eventually got a slight edit in 2003 when it was posted on the Fanfiction.Net account, which is what this repost happens to be.

This thing is roughly ten years old and even with some minor edits and fixes, it hasn’t aged all that well. I’m trying to get a major revision worked on, but that’s going to be a while.

Disclaimer: The author would like to clarify that Power Rangers and its characters is owned by Saban Brands and not the author.

-o-

In a time of great strife, a legendary interdimensional being known as Zordon came to the city of Angel Grove to establish a vanguard in the never ending struggle against evil. With the aid of his trusted assistant, Alpha 5, the noble master sought out five extraordinary teenagers and gave them the power to transform into an unstoppable fighting force. In time of great need, the young heroes could now call upon colossal assault vehicles known as “Zords”. While the identity of the five remained a guarded secret, their courageous exploits soon became the stuff of legend, earning them the title… The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers… this is the beginning of their story and how they came to be…

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No More Wrestling Rants

“When’s the next Wrestling Rant, Dave?”

There is none.

If you want to read my thoughts on wrestling, just read the Bite. I don’t have the energy to keep up with two features at once, especially if the other feature is talking about this awful wrestling that’s on TV.

That McSon-In-Law versus Steiner match nearly broke me.

That was so bad.

I’m amazed how much damage a single Panda did to the direction of this company… but then again, whether they got the F out or not wouldn’t have made much of a difference because they were headed for shit, either.

I’d go for TNA… but do I really wanna pay ten bucks a week for more Vince Russo on my TV?

I’ll bare the WWE product because it’s better than the other one… but not by much.