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COMIC REVIEW – Marvel Zombies (2006)

I guess you can consider this a quick comic review, since I haven’t a format to put up a full review. In fact, it’s the first time in years that I’m reviewing a comic book in any form… much less five.

So the crossover series Marvel Zombies vs. Army Of Darkness is coming out soon and I thought I take the time to talk about the original five-part miniseries that was put out some time last year. For those who don’t know, Marvel Zombies is an alternate-universe miniseries in which all the superheroes are turned into flesh-eating zombies. The concept is pretty stupid, but it somehow works. The whole thing is set up so that the heroes are aware of their zombie status, but really can’t do anything about it. It’s certainly different from most zombie stories, where the zombies are depicted as mindless one-track idiots.

Marvel Zombie’s art is gruesome, as it should be. There’s a bit more gore in this story than most Marvel tales of this type and it’s almost appropriate considering what we’re dealing with. Some of the imagery is almost unsettling to a point, but it isn’t anything offensive if you know what you’re getting into. It’s not like anybody’s “little buddy” and spider-balls are hanging out in public.

All in all, this is a fairly entertaining miniseries that’s good for a laugh or two. If at all possible, track this one down (either the issues or a trade paperback if one’s available)

Recommended.

DTM BLOG Classics #29 – London RAW and Other Fine Tales

One of the better shows put out, this week’s RAW saw an hour-long bout between ol’ Shawn and “Useless” John Cena. I’ve enjoyed the match much more than their Mania encounter and was surprised that it would last as long as it did. See, this is the match they should have had at Mania with the right guy winning. The only thing that would have made the win sweeter if it was a title bout and if it featured someone other than John Useless, but you can’t have everything.

All in all, the show, while filled with useless time-wasters not named Cena, was better because of that one single match. Maybe if useless lugs like Orton were sent home more often, we’d have quality products such as this.

Some wrestling site posted a news post about Steve Austin admitting he doesn’t know who Paul London and Brian Kendrick are in an interview. Apparently, a major wrestler not knowing who the (former) tag champs are is news. So let’s recap this ground-breaking interview in traditional style (note Austin responses in Italics)

INTERVIEWER: So, Austin. What do you think of London and Kendrick?

AUSTIN: What?

INTERVIEWER: London and Kendrick.

AUSTIN: What?

INTERVIEWER: The tag-team champs in WWE.

AUSTIN: What?

INTERVIEWER: Never mind.

AUSTIN: What?

Finally, in a bit of unrelated news, long popular message board Rangerboard had recently placed a ban on porn fanfics. Meanwhile, Mystech Rangers (a mindfuck of a “story” if you want to call it that) is still on the boards. So it’s okay for poorly-written incoherent stories with tentacle sex to be posted, but straight up porn stories are inappropriate? Someone explain the logic behind that for me.

No wonder I never go to that place.

Classic Bite Commentary #63 – April 26th, 2007

Welcome to the Bite. Hope every one had a great Easter/Passover holiday a few weeks ago. Mine was fairly good albeit uneventful, but boy was that goat meat great or what? Okay, let’s get on with it. Not much to say this time around; just some pimping, some linking, and some updates on future web projects. Some extended-edition blog reposts might pop up here and there.

Continue reading “Classic Bite Commentary #63 – April 26th, 2007”

RAW (Apr. 23rd, 2007) – RAW Is Wrestling?

One of the better shows put out, RAW saw an hour-long bout between ol’ Shawn and “Useless” John Cena. I’ve enjoyed the match much more than their Mania encounter and was surprised that it would last as long as it did. See, this is the match they should have had at Mania with the right guy winning. The only thing that would have made the win sweeter if it was a title bout and if it featured someone other than John Useless, but you can’t have everything.

DTM BLOG Classics #28 – Even Europe Hates John Cena

So last Monday’s RAW was an okayish show… made possible by the Italian crowd who booed the fuck out of John Useless Cena. Good stuff.

The fashion show was useless, but they got an Italian guy hosting the festivities, so that’s okay.

Generic jobber posing as an Italian fan wins the Intercontinental title from Umaga. Thus rendering both the former titleholder and the title itself a joke. But hey, it’s not like Umaga and the title weren’t a joke already.

All in all – perfectly acceptable show. Can’t wait for the London show.

Oh, by the way, here’s a fairly interesting newsbit from rajah.com:

As WWE continues their European tour they ran into some shear disappointment in Germany. Yesterday’s attendance at the RAW/ECW house show event in Munich’s Olympiahalle was said to be more than disappointing. Tickets did not sell and people did not show! The Olympiahalle had a webcam online yesterday afternoon which showed this disappointment. It doesn’t appear WWE will be appearing in the southern region of Germany again.

WWE disappointed because people didn’t show up? Must have been that goose-stepping stint JBL did a couple years back. Or maybe even Germans don’t give a shit about John Cena.

Good news, though. John Cena is still loved by the American public for reasons beyond my comprehension. And people are warming up to Lashley too.

Lashley might have a chance after all… he could be the “nice” Black Lesnar (since he can’t get angry or even remotely fake it). But it’s time to abandon the dead weight called Cuck Fena.

DVD Review – History Of The WWE Championship (3-Disc Set)

Recently picked up the 3-Disc History set. For those who don’t know, this set contains a bunch of title matches stemming from the WWWF days to the WWF days to the current WWE days. Thankfully, we only get one John Cena match, which means plenty of room for true champions to show their stuff. I’m going to do you folks a favor and give you a quick little review of this thing;

THE GOOD
I dig the presentation on the DVD. There’s even a nice little montage showing off (almost) every (W)WWF/E title change up to the current day, which is a nice touch. Each of the three discs cover specific eras; the first disc cover everything up to the 80s, the second disc 1990s, and the third disc is everything up to today-ish. A good selection of championship matches, with some important stuff featured here.

THE BAD
If there is any real criticism to be had, it’s that there’s no footage of the earliest title change from Sammartino’s first win to anywhere before Billy Graham. Instead, you get a little text blurb describing the event. It’s entirely possible such footage is lost to the annals of time and that’s why they’re not included. Still, it’s something whose omission is felt immensely, even if it might not appeal to the more modern fan.

IS IT WORTH IT?
Overall, it’s a good collection of title matches and it was nice to be able to see Andre the Giant’s only world title win. If you haven’t picked this up, go ahead and do so. In any case, it’s way better than the crap calling itself sports entertainment that on TV these days.

24 and Quebec Terrorists

I found an interview online with one of the writers of the hit show 24. Of particular interest is this quote:

“We are absolutely evenly employing all the bad guys of all nations,” Cassar says. “Some told me, because I’m Canadian, they said, ‘Hey, why are you leaving us out? Why can’t we be the bad guys?’ I’m like, ‘Good idea. Quebec separatists could be the terrorists.’

Actually, if they went along with that, 24 would be my new favorite show.

If you want to read the whole thing, click here.

DVD Review – McMahon (2006 DVD)

In memory of Vince McMahon’s hair, I present a quick review of the McMahon DVD. This’ll be the first DVD review I’m doing (goodie) and also the first review that works under a different format than I usually do, so we’ll see how this works.

For some reason, people at World Wrestling Entertainment felt the need to compile a DVD retrospect on Vincent Kennedy McMahon. I don’t know why, but the DVD was made and I picked it up, just for a few laughs on how they would explain some of Vince’s mishaps.

THE GOOD: For the most part, the DVD is pretty extensive, as they talk about Vince’s uprising and the expansion of the WWF, as well as discussing a few “questionable” angles of recent years. Nothing flaky there, but then they bring up the WTBS deal with Ted Turner, spinning it as though they were getting great ratings to a point where Ted wanted to buy a piece of the company (many other written accounts tell a different – more accurate – story). There are just many things that are given a different spin here that it’s absolutely nuts (the XFL didn’t cost a lot to do, but lack of support from UPN forced the project to be canned… QUE?), but it makes for an entertaining romp. For those interested, the DVD includes Vince’s Slammy dance number in its entirety.

THE BAD: They skimp over the early-90s for some reason; it would have been nice to heard Vince’s thoughts on the WBF (his short-lived bodybuilding company) and the steroid scandals. The extras aren’t anything to write home about; just some more interviews and a select few of McMahon’s matches. None of them are great, although I did enjoy watching the first Austin/McMahon non-match from 98, as I hadn’t seen it the first time around. Other than that, nothing special.

OVERALL: If you want a good retrospect on the history of WWE, McMahon isn’t what you’re looking for. Revisionist history aside, this offers a good look behind the scenes as well as brief snippets of what goes on in Vince’s head. Worth a look if you’re remotely a fan of McMahons.

RATING: 6 / 10

DVD Review – Mortal Kombat (1995)

Picked up the Mortal Kombat DVD for ten bucks (to go along with the new Lexmark printer) and got to see it again. Apparently, that’s enough motivation for writing a quick review or something.

Released in 1995-ish, the original Mortal Kombat movie is based somewhat on the original Mortal Kombat video game. For those who don’t know the story, demon sorcerer Shang Tsung holds a tournament for Earth’s greatest warriors and winner challenges champion Goro, who has won nine previous tournaments in a row. A tenth victory would allow Tsung’s emperor to rule the Earth. Riveting stuff.

THE GOOD: Unlike the previous video game-to-movie adaptations which came before it, Mortal Kombat sticks pretty close to the source material. Yeah, some stuff is changed around, but it isn’t that big of a deal and it still makes for goof movie stuff. The fight scenes are well done; some characters even pull off their special moves from the games without making it look entirely ridiculous. The acting isn’t all that great, but it’s not downright horrible.

THE BAD: The techno soundtrack was probably a good thing back then, but watching it now, it seems so dated. Funny considering every movie these days have techno-this and techno-that as their soundtracks. Whatever.

OVERALL: Mortal Kombat is one of those rare video game movies that does the source material justice and for the most part, it still holds up today as a fairly entertaining flick. In a time where video games movie comprise of rush jobs and Uwe Boll trainwrecks (some of which I have seen… sadly enough), a rare good flick is something to celebrate. Check out the original MK movie (forget the sequel). The DVD ought to be pretty cheap at this point.

RAW (Apr. 9th, 2007) – Slightly Less RAW-Ful This Week.

Last night’s episode was okayish. Certainly an improvement over last week’s piece of dogshit episode. A couple of noteworthy points:

– Shane McMahon winning the ECW World title would have made my night if it had happened last night. Instead, they went the cheap route and gave a DQ and a beatdown instead to pimp a silly 3-on-1 title match. I still don’t care enough about Lashley (and there isn’t a whole lot of people who do either – despite the meager chants that are popping up here and there) and his overcoming two McMahons and a monkey penis isn’t going to change my mind. At least the match was mildly entertaining, although it was a given Shane did all the work.

– So the next main event for Backlash is a four-man title match booked by a Make A Wish kid. If a Make A Wish kid was general manager on every single episode of RAW, the show would be doing better ratings than it is now.

All in all, a slightly better show than last week. Nothing great, but can’t complain really.