So last month, I posted a screen cap of former WWE/WCW/TNA creative person, alleged hated person, and hack writer Vince Russo flashing a piece of paper showing off his list of criteria for what he considers a wrestling mark. I mentioned that I would eventually post my answers and here we are… several weeks later.
Why did I take so long to follow up on this? I had better things to do in life.
But in any event, the moment only one person has been waiting for… how much of a mark am I according to Vince Russo’s list of criteria? The answers await after the break.
You have convinced yourself that professional wrestling is REAL.
Dude, it’s 2025. Nobody believes pro wrestling is real anymore. Get with the program, old man. 0 for 1.
Professional wrestling is THE MOST IMPORTANT THING in your entire life.
No, that would be my dog. 0 for 2.
By the way, I’m amazed that you show restraint in not needlessly capitalized ENTIRE LIFE in that last sentence. Good job, Vinny.
You own A LOT of black shirts with PIT STAINS.
I mostly wear grays or dark colors. Only have one or two black shirts at most and they’re all relatively clean. So that makes it 0 for 3.
You don’t just want to GO to a wrestling show, but you want to be a PART of it.
No, I’m more than content just GO to a wrestling show where I can just soak in the atmosphere and enjoy everyone else being a part of it. Except nowadays, I’m not sure I’d even want to GO considering the ticket prices these days. 0 for 4.
Four in and still nothing… I’ve got to find something that makes me a mark or else my whole life will have been a lie… or something.
You sing along with wrestlers’ theme songs at the top of your lungs.
Good God, no. I don’t sing, period. I don’t begrudge anyone else for doing so, however. If that’s their way of having fun, why not? 0 for 5.
Dave Meltzer is your GOD.
The same Dave Meltzer who’s always on Twitter bitching with trolls and naysayers online? THAT Dave Meltzer? Fuck, no. 0 for 6.
“WORK RATE” in FAKE Wrestling Matches is IMPORTANT to you.
Things making sense in basic storytelling and compelling characters giving you reason to care about the fake wrestling matches is important. I could give two less fucks about work rate. 0 for 7.
You HATE any form of Entertainment in your wrestling.
This one baffles me… what kind of “Entertainment” are you referring? Wrestling is a form of entertainment in and of itself. If the entertainment is entering you, then it is considered to be entertainment. If it is NOT entertaining you, then you can pass it off as a complete waste of time or whatever the case may be. Perhaps if you specified what kind of “Entertainment” you’re referring to, I may be better able to answer this question. As it is, the best I could say that if something entertains me, I like it fine. If something doesn’t entertain me, then it’s something I skip over or use for a bathroom break.
In other words, I like SOME entertainment in my wrestling… if wrestling is supposed to be entertainment, I would EXPECT to be entertained. 0 for 8.
What a stupid statement that was. Next.
You ORGASIM (sp) over Japanese Wrestling.
I don’t watch enough Japanese wrestling… by the way, you spelled “ORGASM” wrong. 0 for 9.
You are opposed to seeing Attractive Women in your wrestling.
Again, what exactly makes an “attractive woman” in your book? Because attractiveness is subjective. Some people prefer the model look, others prefer the plain look, others prefer women of a certain race or build… or maybe you prefer guys or non-binaries or whatever.
But, sure, I’ll play along. I like seeing attractive women in wrestling… when they’re used well… but that last one is something you’re not all that familiar with, are you, Vinny? 0 for 10.
You walk around the arena with a Championship Belt over your shoulder.
That would require me spending hundreds of dollars on a Championship Belt in the first place… which I have never done. The closest thing would be those toy belts you’d get at Walmart for 20-30 bucks, but those usually hang on the wall… or they used to. Besides, those things are heavy and I have a bad shoulder, anyway.
We’re 0 for 11… my wrestling markdom is in question, apparently.
You rent space Free of Charge in YOUR MOM’S BASEMENT.
Nope. I live in a house. Sorry. 0 for 12.
Although I would like to know how much space is Dave Meltzer renting free of charge in YOUR HEAD to dedicate an entire podcast to dissecting everything he says. Actually, a lot of these old-timer wrestling people have Dave Meltzer living rent free in their heads considering the amount of time they dedicated to his ramblings on a weekly basis.
Also, all this time you’re ripping other people’s creative and the best you can come up with is YOUR MOM’S BASEMENT. What are you, fucking retarded?
You are part of a “Tribe” that loves one Wrestling Brand and hates the other Wrestling Brand.
I like what I like regardless of what “Wrestling Brand” it’s on. 0 for 13.
You hate Vince Russo.
I don’t know Vince Russo, therefore I cannot hate him. I find a lot of the stuff he put on television to be horrifically dreadful and hasn’t aged all that well, but that’s not something that he has a monopoly over. And truth be told, he had a hand in some of the better stuff of the Attitude Era, which is when I really got into wrestling. On that alone, I can’t really hate the guy… just the stuff that isn’t very good, which sadly outweighs his few highlights.
0 for 14.
You are offended if anyone refers to you as a “MARK”.
Everyone’s a mark… whether it’s wrestling or some other thing. I’m a mark for a whole bunch of things. You’re a mark for 60s Batman. Who gives a shit? 0 for 15.
You HONESTLY believe Triple H or Tony Khan are “TRUE” Bookers Of The Year.
This is coming from someone who, at the end of every year, posts a list of “Winners & Losers” of that particular year. And sometimes, I’ll name one of those individuals as a winner for steering their ship towards an entertaining product. Does that count as believing them to be “TRUE” Bookers Of The Year… or am I just giving them flowers for putting out product that I like? Also… what if I consider whoever’s booking TNA this year to be Booker Of The Year because they’ve put on a consistently good show. Does that make me a mark or does it only count when I consider the two names mentioned to be that?
Yeah, I almost considered giving myself a mark for that last one, but… nah, sorry. Not happening. 0 for 16.
You cried when Cody Rhodes finished his “story” and beat Roman Reigns at “WrestleMania.”
I cried when Eddie Guerrero passed away. I cried when Brodie Lee passed away. I cried when Owen Hart fell to his death. I save my tears for actual tragedy. Cody finishing his story did not elicit a tearful reaction; more like a “thank fuck we finished this story so that we can move on to something else!”
And hey, people who frequent this blog know how much of a stink I made over this whole Cody finishing his story thing. When he finally got to do it, great, fantastic. Was I crying buckets like that ring announcer was when she was making the announcement? Of course not, but I’m not going to begrudge anyone over having emotional reactions on wrestling shows. Isn’t that the whole point of wrestling is to elicit a reaction? Do people not cry during emotional moments in movies? Do you consider them marks for doing so? Movies are just as fake, if not faker, than wrestling… don’t blame me, blame Mick Foley for coining that particular nugget via his second book, Foley Is Good (And The World Is Faker Than Wrestling?)
Did I have a reaction over the convoluted way to go to the end of this Cody story? Sure… if you wanna count that as a mark… let’s go for it and I can secure some semblance of wrestling markdom. That way, I can at least satisfy one of the definitions of being a mark and that’s being invested in the stories being told. I’ll take that one. 1 for 17.
Last, but not least…
You make EVERY EXCUSE IN THE BOOK when your Brand’s rating is down for the week.
How big is that book you’re referring to and how excuses did you pull out of that whenever someone brings up your own shitty ratings?
In all seriousness, though, if you watch a show and you enjoy it, who gives a shit about the ratings? If ratings are up, great. If ratings are down, whatever. There are shows with high ratings that are the absolute drizzling shits, but people watch them, so they must be doing something right.
Tell you what; let’s rephrase that last one to something more general… how about this.
You use your Brand’s Rating as a measuring stick to whether the show was good or not.
Yeah, that sounds about right…
Oh, and by the way, no on both counts, so… 1 for 18.
For what it’s worth, I did about one or two of these a day, if only to satisfy the need to write a little something every day. Some of these were easy while others baffled me by their wording. I’m sure some people would treated this like a true or false sort of thing, but I gave some of this stuff a bit of thought. After all, Vince Russo fancies himself someone who produces stuff for thinking people… and then turns out around to berate people who think too much about the wrestling product, including stuff he himself put together.
Or maybe the guy’s his own biggest mark. I don’t know.
Anyway, this was a fun little exercise. And hopefully, Vinny Ru is doing well in whatever he’s doing these days. I had fun here, but it’s off to doing other things.
dtm666 