And then there was the AEW Revolution show… which I was able to watch while at a friend’s house taking care of some stuff… yes, it’s another four hour show with the usual great wrestling and some spectacles of sort, but this is also comes across as a late-90s WCW PPV, where the undercard matches are great, but the main event is shit.
Hangman Page defeated MJF in the opening grudge match. I’m honestly surprised that MJF got beat rather cleanly here since I figured that they’d want to stretch this out further, but no, Hangman won and both went their own ways. It was MJF trying to avoid getting Buckshotted and eventually failing and if nothing else, it gave Hangman a bit more of that babyface shine from the crowd… so I guess all is forgiven after he burned Swerve’s House to a fucking crisp. These people truly are sickos.
This man is an arsonist! CHEER FOR HIM!
Who am I kidding? I was cheering for a guy who ran over limos with monster trucks and filled expensive corvettes with concrete… or, as Jim Ross once put it, “SEE-MEANT!”
Anyhoo… moving on…
Mercedes Mone defeated some woman named Momo (Oh fuck off, nerds. I have a hard time trying to recall which of these joshi are actually signed to AEW without adding the occasional “guest star” that TK has taken a liking to for a couple weeks to the mix) to retain her sixty-four championship titles, where we pretend to worship the ground she walks on because she’s a talented athlete who is a shit promo with even worse creative that was carried over from WWE. I’m sure Mercedes thinks this is brilliant women’s revolutionizing stuff, but to me, it’s just… whatever. The match itself is pretty much the same story anytime AEW has a championship match where the opponent is a no-name to all but the hardcores; sure, you’ll get a great match out of it, but the end result is never in doubt. Maybe that’s what triggered that one person who was interviewed to say that you know who’s going to win before it happens. Is that exposing the business or exposing the lousy creative? I don’t know, you decide. Hey, I’m sure Momo is a celebrated joshi overseas, but I know nothing about this woman and thus never believed that she had a chance of winning… also, that kick to Mone’s neck looked pretty nasty.
Swerve Strickland defeated Ricochet in a surprisingly non-bloody match with copious amounts of scissors not being used to earn himself a World title shot… oh, and Prince Nana gets his robe back, which Ricochet had stolen and used as a prop. The match was fine for the most part. I don’t mind Ricochet being this unlikable geek; it’s a good role for him. Swerve moving on to feud with Mox (again, kindly fuck off to those crying about my spoiling a main event to a PPV that took place last month) is probably the best thing to do with the guy. Hell, maybe AEW should take a hint and give this guy… actually, thinking about it… maybe not…
Continental Champion OKADA defeated Brody King to retain the title… again, here’s another match where you know you’re going to get a good match out of these two, but the champion is never in danger of losing the title, no matter how much you try to push Brody King as a monster heel. It doesn’t help when OKADA is in the same state of mind that Shinsuke Nakamura was during his early WWE stint – where he’s going to do just enough for a good enough showing, but not much more than that. I suppose I should be thankful that OKADA is feuding with anyone and kicking them in the balls.
Actually, on second thought, that would be something I’d like to see when we get that eventual Kenny vs. OKADA match, where OKADA kicks Kenny in the balls for the DQ finish… if only to see Dave Meltzer’s brain explode.
AEW Tag Champions The HURT BUSINESS SYNDICATE (Bobby Lashley & Shelton Benjamin) defeated the Outrunners to retain the titles. The Outrunners are an 80s throwback team that people seemed to like, but that doesn’t mean they needed a tag match that is hard-fought. Fortunately, this was anything but. Lashley and Benjamin continue to dominate in the tag battles and the world is better off for it.
Women’s Champion Timeless Toni Storm defeated Mariah May to retain the title in what is billed as a Hollywood ending, which apparently involves copious amounts of glass being broken (I wonder if Phil is crying a river.) For what it’s worth, it’s an amazing spectacle if nothing else. … But yeah, I’m just about ready to move on from this Storm/May feud and let them do… fuck knows…. or maybe they go back to the well again because that would also be the Hollywood ending. It’s not “THE END and we move on.” It’s “THE END and after the credits, we tease the sequel.”
Kenny Omega defeated International Champion Takeshita to win the title… well, glad to see Kenny win titles rather than do jobs. I do like that Kenny won with a roll-up rather than his usual finish; it’s a nice way to keep Takeshita strong as well as leaving the door open for a potential rematch down the road where a more conclusive finish can take place. The usual great showing from Kenny Omega that also showcased Takeshita at his best. Hope that he doesn’t get lost in the shuffle.
Will Ospreay defeated Kyle Fletcher in a bloody steel cage match… well, we already had the match with the broken glass and shit. Let’s toss in tacks and barbed wire while we’re at it… by the way, when can we go back to the exploding ring gimmick? I’m sure we can afford better explosions or something. There are some crazy moves that they pulled off here that somehow weren’t finishes, which prompted some folks to decry this as amateur hour while pointing to the “superior” Seth Rollins/CM Punk cage match that took place on RAW the following Monday – you know, the one where they hit each other with a billion of their finishers and kicked out of all of them. Oh yeah, that’s SO much better… again, this was more of a spectacle than a match. I’m not sure if I enjoyed this more or less than the Women’s Hollywood Taipei Death Match or whatever it was, but it’s a thing that exists for the sickos and that’s good enough for TK.
And then we have the main event… MOX defending his AEW World Title against COPE… after the three spectacle matches we’ve witnessed, going back to a slow, methodically-paced wrestling match for the main event with the “highest” stakes doesn’t exactly inspire confidence.
At one point, COPE spears MOX and goes for the pin, only for the ref to be pulled out by a mysterious assailant who reveals himself to be Mr. Father Of The Year himself, Christian Cage, who decides that NOW is the time to cash that title shot he won months ago, thereby making this a three-way… and so, of course, MOX chokes out Cage for the submission win, thus protecting COPE from, you know, having to take a fall and keep him fresh for another World title shot down the line if they want to go that route. MOX goes out to the crowd when he runs into Prince Nana, who keeps MOX in place long enough for SWERVE to dive off a high thing to end the show. Hey, you know what? People are looking forward to Swerve vs. Moxley for the next PPV, so you ended the show on a relatively high note… which is nice because that main event was anything but.
And to be fair, when you’re the main event and you have to follow the women’s equivalent of the Axl/Ian Rotten Taipei Deathmatch, another blowout Kenny Omega match, and a crazy Steel Cage match, ending the show on a slow, methodical wrestling match that dragged on for so long that they toss in a Christian cash-in and giving people hope that there might actually be a title change. I would even have taken Christian pinning COPE with his pinky while getting choked out by MOX to win the title if it meant putting an end to this tired Death Riders experiment. “OH NOES! Wheeler Yuta is out and whose side is he on, King?! Oh wait, he hit Copeland with a knee… well, that was underwhelming.” “Oh here comes Jay White… and he hit Cope with a knee… well, that was lame.” It feels like we did weeks of story where COPE is taking out Death Rider people until it’s just MOX on his own and then MOX goes ahead and wins it anyway. At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if MOX retains against Swerve at the next PPV and we end up dragging this whole thing out until Darby comes back from Everest and he can win the title… whenever, I guess. Who the fuck knows when Darby is coming back? Are we really gonna have MOX hold onto the title for years on end and continue to sloth with this Death Riders stuff?
ADDENDUM – THE DYNAMITE REMATCH
Two weeks after the PPV took place, MOX and COPE had a rematch for the title on Dynamite, but this time it was a street fight. I didn’t see the show, but I did see the one spot that this match was known for; that of Jon Moxley landing on a bat of nails and then having said bat of nails stuck on his very spine. Apparently, he somehow avoided serious injury, but I see that spot and I’m like, “What the fuck are you doing?” I usually like Mox, he usually has a good head on top of him, but this Death Rider stuff is bringing out the worst aspects.
Yeah, bad main event aside, this was your usual AEW Pay-Per-View output where they have a billion-star matches and little reason to care for most of it, except now they have main events that stink up the joint and continue this horrendous Death Riders gimmick. I’m sure there are some people hoping that Swerve ends up being the guy to de-belt MOX, but at this point, I’ll take anyone as AEW World Champion over Death Television MOX. Hell, I’ll even take THE COSTCO GUY as AEW World Champion if it means getting the belt
Next week, we go back to 2024 and check out the other AEW PPV I watched from that year… and honestly… eh, i don’t care anymore.
dtm666 