Whenever someone puts out a trailer for a new movie – particularly a new sequel, remake, reboot, redux, or whatever the case may be – there will be a number of websites and influencers who will put out these generic lists of x number of things you need to know about the upcoming movie. These things usually entail “What is this? When is this coming out? What it’s about?” and other basic bits and pieces.
Well, that’s all well and good, but it seems like every time I read or watch one of these lists of things that I absolutely, positively NEED TO KNOW about the movie in question, there is always one thing that I need to know about a movie that is never touched upon. One key thing that will sell me on a movie more than anything. One thing that I absolutely, positively, honest-to-goodness truly NEED TO KNOW in order to ascertain whether this is a movie that I’m going to pay attention for the next few months until release day or is it something that I can safely ignore and move on to something else.
And so, dear writers of these puff pieces that are clearly designed to sell you on this movie in the most softball manner possible in hopes of getting invited to a premiere or early screening… when you assholes can somehow manage to grow a pair, do me a favor and address the one thing that I really do need to know about this upcoming latest feature in a franchise that is long past its prime.
“Why?”
As in “Why does this exist?”
As in “Why does this NEED to exist?”
As in “Why does this HAVE to exist?”
As in “Why can’t you dipshits come up with something fresh and original?”
Now THAT’s a list of things I need to know about this movie.
Give me an article addressing these hard-hitting questions, possibly providing sufficiently adequate answers to these queries, and I may possibly consider subscribing to your social media accounts.
Until then, get off my space lawn.
dtm666 