Remember the good ol’ days of Being The Elite, when Full Gear was a running gag referring to Hangman Page roaming about in his gear until someone asked him why the fuck was he in full gear? So he decided to go on the “Full Gear Challenge” to whip himself into shape or something? Those were the days.
What does that have to do with this Full Gear 2023 PPV? Probably nothing. I just needed an excuse to bring that particular image back because it evokes so many warm, fuzzy memories… and let me tell you something; warm, fuzzy feelings is precisely what I’m not feeling with this PPV… which explains why I skipped it… but here we are. Better late than never, I suppose. Or is it?
Let’s find out, shall we?
ROH World Champion Eddie Kingston defeated Jay Lethal to retain the title in a perfectly acceptable wrestling match that featured the return of Ortiz… who eventually fell off the face of the Earth shortly thereafter.
Claudio defeated Buddy Matthews in a perfectly acceptable wrestling match that would’ve been a fine main event for an episode of Saturday Morning Slam… nobody is going to get that… Anyway, people were at least into this one for a bit.
ROH World Tag Champions MJF and Samoa Joe (subbing for the injured Adam Cole) defeated the Gunns to retain the titles in a perfectly acceptable wrestling match that had a pretty predictable end resulting in a less than enthused reaction. Nice that they’re teasing the eventual match between MJF and Joe, which should be fun. By the way, that’s three perfectly acceptable wrestling matches in a row… which is not exactly inspiring by AEW standards, is it?
Sting, Darby Allin & Adam Copeland defeated TNT Champion Christian Cage, Luchasaurus & Nick Wayne in – wait for it – a perfectly acceptable trios match… with the world’s shittiest referee looking like a headless chicken trying to maintain some semblance of order and failing miserably. I’d ask why Rick Knox still has a job, but considering his connections and such, it’s not hard to see why.
AEW International Champion Orange Cassidy defeated Jon Moxley in the first genuinely great match on this card to retain the title. Both guys just went ahead and beat the crap out of each other and sometimes, that’s all you really need. It’s easy to forget how great Cassidy is because the slacker/pockets gimmick throws you off, but it’s also easy to forget that lots of great workers are often saddled with seemingly ridiculous gimmicks on paper, but so few of them break out of that mold to make it work. I knew Cassidy could bring the goods, but sometimes you need that reminder.
“Timeless” Toni Storm – basically pretending she’s a starlet of the black-and-white days of cinema – defeated AEW Women’s Champion Hikaru Shida to win the title for the third time via loaded ass attack… which seems somewhat convoluted for a finish, but is probably the only thing elevating this above “perfectly acceptable wrestling” benchmarks, so I’ll give this match those flowers since that’s the in thing these days for some reason. People seem to like the gimmick and I can admit being somewhat amused by it at times, but not enough that I’d want her to be the champion and as time went on, this thing felt a bit long in the bossums.
Oh, and in a backstage bit, AEW announces the Continental Classic – essentially their version of a G1 tournament, except instead of the winner getting a World title shot at a future big show, they get ANOTHER FUCKING CHAMPIONSHIP. Oh, and Eddie wants in on this tournament and is even willing to throw his belts into the pot as well – see, ’cause he’s not only the ROH World Champion, but also the reigning New Japan Strong champion… so this would lead to the creation of the short-lived Continental Crown that would see all three belts unified and defended under one piece of business before they were eventually un-unified months later. Excellent.
AEW World Tag Team Champions Ricky Starks & Big Bill defeated the Kings of the Black Throne (House Of Black guys), RUSH & Dralistico (Latino Market guys), and Fuck The Revival (Self-Proclaimed Top guys) in a ladder match to retain the titles… and well, it’s a ladder match. Guys do high spots. Guys fall down. Guys do crazy things and you hope none of them get hurt. Take it for what it is; a fun little ladder match with a bunch of fun little spots here and there. And if I said this before, I’ll say it again here; Big Bill had come a long way from his last run in WWE and I was happy to see with a new lease on life, so to speak. They need to do more with this guy.
Julia Hart defeated TBS Champion Kris Statlander and Skye Blue in a three-way match to win the title… and nobody seems to care. The match was fine – a (wait for it) perfectly acceptable 3-way if there ever was one – but not much more than that.
Tony Schiavone brings out Will Ospreay, who signs his AEW contract, but tells everyone he still has business in New Japan to finish up before he can formally be #AllElite… which begs the question; why not wait until you’ve finished up all your New Japan business before signing the contract. Oh well… Ospreay would eventually debut at Revolution and just become another guy on the AEW roster that they could be doing more with…
Swerve Strickland defeated Hangman Page in a Texas Death Match. How sad is it that the only really good matches on this show involve copious amounts of blood? There’s some drinking of the crimson liquid that grossed some people out but was approved by AEW higher ups because they book for the sickos. (I’m not saying out as a slight; Tony Khan admitted that much on the Twitters because he’s a Twit at this point.)
Kenny Omega and Chris Jericho defeated The Young Bucks to earn a future Tag Title match that may or may not have happened because Kenny would be off the road due to his diverticulitis (get well soon, Kenny.) Good match. Not great, but still good.
World Champion MJF defeated Jay White to retain the title in a perfectly acceptable wrestling match. Jay White would soon find himself with the Ass Boys and never reach the heights he achieved in New Japan and elsewhere. He’d get trio belts, but that’s about it. Meh…
No mention of the Devil despite the occasional teases.
So that was Full Gear 2023. The Death Match is probably the one big highlight of the show (or low light – depending on your point of view) and there were a couple other good things here or there, but ultimately, this show wasn’t anything special. Did largely nothing for me.
dtm666 