“Why? Why Tetris? I’m not kidding when I say everyone and their grandmother have played this game. How can you even review Tetris?”
I should probably note that I was going to hold this off until much later, but since this was the only grumble grumble that was remotely finished. I figured that I post this one. Hopefully, the next one will not be a Chris Bores-related diatribe, because he’s not the only person whose reviews I have issues with. In fact, there’s another one that involves a game that both he and some other guy (rhymes with wolfe) has done… but that’s another story.
So yeah, we’re looking at IG’s Tetris review.
Tetris is perhaps one of the most popular casual games ever made and we have Soviet Russia to thank for such a thing (and this isn’t a knock on its creator, Alexey Pajitnov, who really is Russian. The game was once called the Soviet Mind Game by Tengen.) What is there to complain about in Tetris? Well, Irate Gamer is going to guide us through this and I’m going to inquire about some stuff and ignore the pointless skits… all except two. You’ll know it when I see it.
IG covers the Tengen version of Tetris, which he refers to as the “Atari” version. Now this is technically accurate, since Tengen is a division of Atari Games, a company that produces mainly arcade titles, but it’s also wrong, because usually when you think Atari, you’re thinking of the company responsible for the Atari 2600 and whatnot… which is a different Atari from the one that operates Tengen. So some schmuck watching this for the first time is going to assume that Atari Corporation, who is then-currently supporting the Atari 7800 ProSystem, is also making games for Nintendo, their competitor. That’s just misleading.
IG comments that the Tengen version is harder to find, but came first. So no elaboration on why the Tengen version is harder to find or why the cartridge looks different from other Nintendo games? No? Tsk, tsk. I’m also disappointed that with all of your “research”, you’ve neglected to mention the Bullet-Proof Software-produced Tetris released only in Japan, which was actually the first NES/Famicom version of Tetris to be produced and can be found on any number of pirated aftermarket multicarts. You don’t even have to look through Wikipedia; here’s an excellent look at the history of Tetris. Take note because I’ll be referring to this page again soon.
I’m sorry but I had to comment on this one sad special effect inputting a Van Halen song into the list of music you could listen to in the game. Never knew Panama had its origins as a Russian folk tune.
The sad thing is that there was a ScrewAttack video featuring Unaware Steve (the supposed guy who hasn’t played a game since 1991 but acts like he hasn’t played a game since 1971) doing an overview of Tetris (the licensed version by Nintendo) and he did the exact same thing (photoshopping an additional track that isn’t in the game) – only instead of Van Halen, he uses the theme song from Knight Rider… IT WASN’T FUNNY THERE and IT ISN’T FUNNY HERE.
IG gives off a brief description of Tetris and how it plays… ugh, why am I even being told about how Tetris works? It’s Tetris. It’s probably one of the simplest video games to understand – yet difficult to master. There is not one person on the face of this planet who isn’t even remotely familiar with Tetris. It’s one of the most recognized video games ever created besides Pac-Man.
I suppose some would argue that it serves as a quick refresher, but the next segment doesn’t need to be. IG comments that it’s a good thing Tetris physics doesn’t happen in real life – this is followed by a scene where IG slips a game onto his shelf and all four shelves empty, earning him a Tetris (when you clear four lines). Of course, this is just wrong, because if he’s slipping ONE cartridge into ONE shelf, then only THAT shelf clears out. That and if the other three shelves were already full, they wouldn’t be there, now would they? With all of that said, though… okay, I’ll cave; I actually got a chuckle out of that, so we’re okay.
By the way, why are you button-mashing in Tetris? To watch the blocks spin? That’s not the proper way to play Tetris, son. You’re just playing Winter Games now.
IG is irate (um, I guess… you can’t really tell because he’s hardly believable) that filling up the bars on the right panel of the screen do nothing but take space. Well, I guess they have to fill it with something, do they? Why should I care if something happens when I fill the meter? You just keep playing.
IG “attempts” to go through the legal battles between Tengen and Nintendo over the console rights to Tetris, but I just skip all that and go to this page, which is the best look at the Tetris legal history that I could find. You want a history of Tetris? That’s the place to go… either that or the documentary on Tetris that was made some time ago. You can probably find it on YouTube somewhere.
Now he covers the Nintendo-produced Tetris… you know, the OFFICIAL NES version and nothing of note is said outside of some lame skit regarding Tetris addiction.
So you’re not going to keep going and find out what happens when you max out the numbers on the left panel? You cheap bastard.
Now I’m not going to comment on Tetris 2, because I don’t have the game… at least not on NES. I have the SNES version, but that’s it… and Dr. Mario? Outside of one montage that has already been parodied by that AkewsticRockR fellow, not much of note.
So that’s all I have to say about this one. Maybe the next one will be more interesting… maybe.
dtm666 