The above video is a clip of an episode of TNA Impact that took place a couple weeks ago (the clip above is from their YouTube account) and is just about the most absurd thing I’ve ever seen in all my years of watching wrestling… and yeah, considering I’ve been watching this stuff for well over twelve years, that is saying a lot. Watch the clip first and then open the break to read my own thoughts.
Okay, so for weeks on end, the wrestler called Abyss (sort of a taller, slimmer Mankind with the same penchant for running into thumb tacks) has been harassed time and time again by Eric Bischoff’s goons in their efforts to remove Abyss’s mask… um, why exactly? I’m mean, that thing he’s wearing is barely a mask – it’s just a couple pieces of fake leather stapled together.
And when the fuck did Abyss turn into a total chicken anyway? I’ve been out of the loop in regards to TNA Impact – haven’t followed the show all that often and the episodes I’ve seen, I did not like – but the last time I checked, Abyss was a frickin’ monster. And now what happened? What did I miss? Should I care? Do I care? Oh wait, I can answer that last one. Never mind.
So apparently, as the clip shows, Abyss is in Hulk Hogan’s office, a complete wreck. Hogan shows up and gives Abyss his prized possession; Hogan’s own WWE Hall of Fame ring, which he claims possesses the power of the Hulkamaniacs, brutha! If you wear this ring, brutha, you will have the power to be the god of wrestling, brutha! WHACHA GONNA DO, BRUTHA?
Somewhere in New York, John “Bradshaw” Layfield is shedding a tear, right now.
So let me get this straight. Hulk Hogan – a guy who has been in the ring for six centuries now (and will be returning to the ring when Impact makes its Monday Night debut next week – SMELL THE RATINGS) and arguably the most recognizable wrestling personality in the business – gives his WWE Hall of Fame ring… his prized possession that has never left him despite his only having it for roughly five years now… to a TNA guy who went from being a Mankind/Kane hybrid rip-off character to this feeble fecal matter we see before us. And as soon as Abyss slips the ring on his finger… HE FEELS THE POWER, BRUTHA! HE FEELS THE POWER OF THE HULKAMANIACS! WHACHA GONNA DO, BRUTHA????!!!!
I’m rolling my eyes right now as to the absurdity of this ONE clip. Yeah, I favorited on my channel simply because it truly is an epic fail moment. Given the choice between WWE’s stagnant product and TNA’s ridiculous affairs… I think I’ll stick with the WWE stuff.
Because I don’t want to end up like Spoony.
Just a couple days ago, I saw his video log on his website where he sits through an entirety of TNA Impact, depicting the various stupidities that come across that show. His various comments, reactions, and spasms seem to confirm that Impact was slowing becoming WCW… circa 1999-2000… the time when that company flat out SUCKED. The period when, apparently, wrestling fans tuned into a show to see people TALKING and you’d have a couple matches that last ten seconds each.
This confounds me… confounds me as much as it did when I saw the replay to their first “live” show earlier this year. And in regards to THAT show, while I’ll give them credit for having an awesome main event (that was also the main event for their upcoming PPV the very same week… oops), the rest of the show was pure, unadulterated boredom that took me back to the WCW days when that company SUCKED and BLOWED all over the place. And when they decided to ditch the six-sided ring in favor of a traditional four-sided ring, I had to stop and think… what’s left for me in watching TNA? A rehash of a product that I didn’t particularly cared for ten years ago when the concept was “new” or something?
Yeah, you could argue that WWE’s shows are the same thing. Too much talking, not enough wrestling. And the wrestling itself isn’t all that great either these days. But at least there’s wrestling. Matches last longer than five seconds, the skits are remotely tolerable, and even the talking bits seem to have some passion and life infused into it. I mean, I saw a segment between Batista and John Cena – two guys that I don’t particularly care about – and I actually held off whatever random bit I was doing to actually watch these guys in action. These guys made me care about their feud more than Abyss running down to the ring to Hulk Hogan’s old WCW theme and beat up the bad guys.
WWE has at least something there that I can be interested in… TNA doesn’t even have that much.
I wasn’t around when WCW Nitro first debuted. I came in only a year or so later with faded interest and really got into it just a month after Steve Austin first won the WWF Title from Shawn Michaels at Wrestlemania XIV. I do know that Nitro was a really extravagant and revolutionary concept for its day when it first debuted – featuring marquee matches, always airing live, and other quirks that quickly made it a worthwhile show to watch… although it wasn’t until the arrival of the nWo that WCW really started hitting big, culminating the 82-week winning streak it would have over RAW.
Now times have changed. TNA Impact may be trying to send a message and divide an audience that is mostly complacent with WWE programming, with some even tiring of the bigger promotion’s toning-down of its product to fit a PG rating, but the fact is that TNA won’t be making any impact against WWE.
Not with the product they’re showing.
TNA doesn’t have a multi-million dollar budget to spend on frivolous things, TNA is a taped show, and TNA is lacking the proper tools to truly make an impression on a mostly WWE audience. They have the talent to put on a great show – skilled high-flyers and longtime veterans with name value – but lack the knowledge to use this talent properly. They lack the fresh ideas – something they used to have in abundance – to make their show a truly exceptional and notable product. All TNA is a cult status as No. 2 and that isn’t enough to take on WWE.
But we’ll see on Monday, won’t we?
If anything, it’d make for interesting conversation. Or another worthwhile rambling.
Later, kids.
dtm666 