Been a while since I did predictions for a WWE pay-per-view, so why not? Anyway, tonight’s gimmick show has all the titles up for grabs in some for or another. Unfortunately, the sad attempt to make all the lower-tier titles relevant fails as none of the title matches are all that interesting, but who knows? I may very well be surprised.
Um, let’s start with the spares, shall we?
Note: Results came from Wikipedia… will cross reference with WWE.com later.
Generic Divas Match for the WWE Divas Championship
Maryse (c) vs. Mickie James
For some odd reason, I’m supposed to care about this match. Sure, it’s Mickie James and she’s the closest thing to a decent wrestler compared to the other Barbie dolls, but on the other hand, it’s the Divas title… an ungodly abomination that actually takes the WWE Diva back to the days of bra-and-panty matches, but without any of the fun and titlation that comes with it. Anyway, I’d say Maryse wins the match… only because Mickie deserves better.
Pick: Maryse
Winner: Mickie James
Tally: 0-1
Piss-Break Match for the WWE Women’s Championship
Michelle McCool (c) vs. Melina
Yeah, I’m really supposed to care about this match. McCool retains… just for kicks.
Pick: McCool
Winner: McCool
Tally: 1-1
Guess The Mystery Partner Match for the WWE Unified Tag Team Championship
Chris Jericho & A Mystery Partner Big Show (c) vs. Ted DiBiase & Cody Rhodes
No point in guessing a partner – Legacy wins the titles, Jericho beats up the mystery partner and we could care even less about such trivial matters such as unified tag titles that have very little to no focus. Remember when championships used to mean something?
Pick: DiBiase/Rhodes
Winner: Jericho/Mystery Partner (turns out to be Big Show)
Tally: 1-2
We Stopped Being Extreme Long Ago Match for the ECW Championship
Tommy Dreamer (c) vs. Christian (Cage)
I’d say go Tommy retains. If he were to lose the title in humiliating fashion, it won’t be to Christian Cage. Sorry, Christian.
Pick: Tommy Dreamer
Winner: Christian
Tally: 1-3
Six-Pack Featuring Guys We Don’t Care About Match for the WWE United States Championship
Kofi Kingston (c) vs. Big Show Primo vs. MVP vs. Carlito vs. Jack Swagger vs. The Miz
Please tell me this is a joke… it isn’t? Oh… I see. Um, Coffee Kingston retains…
Pick: Coffee Kingston
Winner: Coffee Kingston
Tally: 2-3
One-on-One Contest for the WWE Intercontinental Championship
Rey Mysterio (c) vs. Dolph Ziggler
Ziggler? Seriously? No, Rey retains… if anything, his IC title reign won’t be as much of a joke as his World title reign was… oh wait.
Pick: Rey-Rey
Winner: Rey-Rey
Tally: 3-3
One-on-One Contest for the World Heavyweight Championship
CM Punk (c) vs. Jeff Hardy
An interesting scenario – the straightedge champion defending his title against a guy with past drug issues. If there is any good will left in the world, CM Punk is going to walk away from this match as champion and Jeff Hardy is going to fade away for awhile… but even if that isn’t the case, we’ll at least get a great match out of these guys.
Pick: CM Punk
Winner: Jeff Hardy (I guess winners DO use drugs after all!)
Tally: 3-4
Triple-Threat Cure For Insomnia Match for the WWE Championship
Randy Orton (c) vs. John Cena vs. Triple H… again
Oh gee… a title match featuring HHH. Who will win? Here’s a hint: starts with an H, ends with an H.
Pick: HHH
Winner: Randy Orton… surprisingly.
Final Tally: 3-5
And that’s it… my picks were way off this time around… will have to do better next time.
dtm666 