The first episode of Donald Trump’s RAW… turned out to be its last.
Might as well get it out of the way. There was no way in hell anybody was expecting this Trump RAW experiment to last longer than a week, especially after the news of WWE stock prices going way the fuck down when the news broke, resulting in WWE having to backtrack and sent out a presser saying that the purchase is part of the storylines and not a real, honest-to-god purchase that had a real, honest-to-god negative effect on WWE stock value.
But yes… Donald Trump “bought” RAW in storyline last week and declared that his first episode of RAW as owner would be commercial free… for three whole hours. Sounds too good to be true, right?
Well…
Show opens with Donald Trump welcoming us to RAW and promising to give fans all the greatest matches in the world…for FREE. He’s refunding everyone who bought a ticket their money back… because he’s one of the “nice” asshole rich guys or something…
Of course, he says we’re going to get the greatest matches in the world and then John Cena comes out and says that he’s booked in a match against Big Show… so that’s a fucking lie. On top of that, he also says we’re getting Randy Orton vs. Triple H for the title… so that’s another fucking lie. Two matches booked for this thing and I’m expecting the worst.
Oh, by the way, Jim Ross and Todd Grisham with a bucket of KFC… we might not have commercials tonight, but fuck me if they’re not going overboard with that PRODUCT PLACEMENT. And it’s all over the fucking place.
And then we have the matches and they’re… something. A ho-hum six-man match, Cody Rhodes beating Primo in a short, ho-hum match… oh, and that HHH/Randy Orton title match that was teased, which turned out to be a Last Man Standing match (or maybe they announced it and I didn’t pay attention… does it really matter?) Yeah, both men are counted out. Fucking brilliant.
Meanwhile, we have Vince McMahon bits where Vince’s limo breaks down, Vince trying to get into Donald’s office and failing, and eventually, he makes his way to the ring while Donald Trump is announcing celebrity hosts going forward… oh yeah, let’s bring it a random celebrity who may or may want fuck all to do with wrestling each week to host the wrestling show; that isn’t going to be a fucking disaster at all… and after Trump declares his intent to keep giving away free shit – considering his definition of “commercial free” on display, I think Trump’s full of shit – Vince has had enough because… stupid reasons.
Vince cries foul at Trump making RAW a free show every week because doing so will cost Vince money… even though he doesn’t own RAW anymore… actually, more to the point, if Vince doesn’t own RAW anymore, how is it still part of the WWE family? How is Trump allowed to use WWE championships, logos, and production crew? Shouldn’t he have his own people behind this thing so that it’d be distinct from the usual WWE offerings? The more I think about this shit, the more it hurts my brain.
Finally, Vince offers to buy back RAW from Trump, with Trump shooting down each deal until he accepts to sell RAW to Vince for DOUBLE the sales price… and that’s it. All that… and THIS was the pay-off?
Fuck this show. I’m going to bed.
dtm666 